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The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot off the demonic presses!

Issue XXV: I'm Not Like Everybody Else;


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

May 28th, 2017
Issue XXV. LinkI'm Not Like Everybody Else

Index
I. Interview with August
II. Spotlight News
- The NewsStand
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Antifa v Anarchism
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Fall of THE TRUMP PATRIOTS OF AMERICA

Interview with August
Interviewed by, The Stalker

1. Welcome August, you know it feels like we’re have this interview in the wrong month. August, September, January, just how many month nations do you have? What is your origin story?

Thank you for having me! I agree, and August cannot come fast enough. I never liked the cold, and January is not mine, even if it is sitting in my jump point.

Origins? I started here a little over seven years ago, and anyone paying attention to feeder politics in early 2010 probably remembers all the turmoil in TNP. That is my first memory in the game, getting kicked out of the North Pacific repeatedly by Durk. Talk about a first impression! After that, I was in a few UCRs, and eventually founded my own, Ridgefield. It grew quickly, but I had to leave abruptly for a couple years due to real life. I returned to the game a couple times over the next five years, mostly lurking Gameplay and never doing anything significant. During one of those times, the nation release program began, and I picked up my current main nation. Finally, in January of last year, I came back after a couple years out (cue Hotel California in the background). Remembering how much fun region-building was, I decided to pick it up again, and put together the blueprints for several regions and an alliance to connect them.

2. Mighty leader of The Augustin Alliance, made up of four regions Conch Kingdom, Cape of Good Hope, Lands End, and Ridgefield, all of which you are the founder of. Tell us, how does that work? What is the day in a life of running this alliance?

A lot of running around and putting out fires backstage, so that everything looks presentable when the curtain opens!

Serious answer: The key has been staggering the launches and planning everything in advance. Following the launch of each region, we allowed some time for it to become self-sustaining before moving onto the next, and using the momentum from the previous region to support the next region's growth. It becomes a domino effect, where one community's development leads into the next and the efficiency increases on every cycle. Meanwhile, experienced officials (like Helaw, Tulov, Caffeine Addicts, and many others) make sure everything keeps moving internally.

The days are incredibly hectic, even without factoring in my absurd real life schedule. Since most of the setup work is done by now, a lot of my job involves dealing with other regions and people, answering piles of messages, commanding the JTF, and making sure the governments of the individual regions are running smoothly. Something is always going on--one region's delegate disappeared suddenly without a trace, we are currently involved in three separate occupations, there are always articles and dispatches that need writing, and I am working on something huge and exciting that will be announced soon. In short, I am booked, but I love it!

3. Your alliance made a big stir during the April Fools day event taking first place, how did that victory feel? What was your strategy? I want detailed notes.

Ah, the nuclear war. For us, it was a chance to show off, and we had a tremendous amount of fun with it! I knew we were not the biggest group out there, but we were probably unmatched in coordination. Not only that, we have people from around the globe living in our regions, so I figured we had a great chance at winning and generating a little publicity.

Going against my better judgment here, because I know someone will use this against us if there is another war event, but this was our strategy. Everything was organized on Discord. Allies, ambassadors, and spies alike came in to watch, but we kept nothing secret. The top priority was to defend all Alliance nations at all costs, while racking up points by striking at small factions. Shield-builders would watch the incoming tab and shoot down any threats instantly. Others would build thousands of warheads and dump them on defenseless nations, making sure to maximize their efficiency for points. Meanwhile, our unique position as R/D independents, several early peace treaties with major R/D factions, and our status as relative unknowns protected us from the most intense barrages.

All this kept us hovering in the top five, occasionally hitting #1, until we got together with the UDS and planned to take down TWP. That was the turning point, and catapulted us into the top spot permanently. Shortly thereafter, we hit Exodus jointly with the UDS, and that sealed the deal. The Black Hawks came fairly close, but I think the deciding factor was the huge number of people we had online even at four in the morning. Exhausting? Certainly, but we gained a lot of activity and new people out of the ordeal, so I think it was worth it.

(Now, there are a few key strategies I withheld, but some things you need to get from the source!)

4. You’re also Director of the Joint Task Force, the Augustin Alliance military and Diplomatic Corps, had some playful large scale operations fairly recently, tell us about that, and who is your next target?? What is the alignment of the JTF? Raider, independent, Imperialistic, something crazy? What I’m asking is, are you the light in the darkness, or are you the darkness?

The JTF is independent, and has been described by some as the only true independents on the field today. We raid and defend with near-equal regularity, and are happy to work with almost all active gameplay organizations. Just last week, a group of JTF soldiers was caught on video helping an old lady cross the street. Not a minute later, they turned around and started kicking a bunch of puppies. Of course, they mugged the guy recording it and stole his camera, but they published the video anyway and donated the profits to charity, the maniacs.

In recent weeks, we have been making our share of noise, executing the first two JTF-led operations back-to-back and supporting several other organizations on the side. We took St Abbaddon first, which was a high-profile occupation mostly involving small or new organizations like ourselves. That led to a liberation and a massive pile-off against defenders and the NPO. When that finished, we got back on our feet by hitting everyone's favorite region, DankMemes. The founder was revived just hours before we had planned to clear out the entire region, which ended the operation. All this gave us valuable experience and some great relationships with other organizations, and you can expect much more of the same for the rest of the year!

(Next target? All I can say is that if your region has "meme" or "kek" anywhere in the name, better sleep with one eye open.)

5. Now the tuff questions, which of your four regions is your favorite!? None of this I can’t choose or they’re equal nonsense. What is the real goal of the Augustin Alliance? Is it to conquer NationStates? Cause just between you and me that’s my goal.

My favorite? That really is difficult. The whole point of the Alliance is to offer people a choice between completely unique regions, while maintaining a high standard of quality for each, and the whole time allowing access to a wider group of people with varied interests through Discord and embassy-connected RMBs. Each of the four has a different focus and theme, but the single, unified community itself is the most amazing thing about the AA.

If I absolutely had to pick a favorite region, I would say Ridgefield. It is the oldest, the first one I ever made, and I spent years trying to get it back after a region-squatter snatched it. These days it is the smallest, but only because recruiting has not begun in earnest. I think its structure (meritocratic and quality-focused, with mandatory WA membership) is the most interesting and unique of them all. Now, I will sit back and wait for five hundred non-Ridgefield-residents to come bite my head off for this.

6. If you sold me, *cough* I mean made a Faustian bargain with the Devil for your soul, what would you ask for?

The password to your region.

...Uh oh, did I break it?

OK, I would ask for more ambitious players interested in leading AA regions!

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

Need more News? Visit The NewsStand!

The NewsStand is your one-stop non-stop news shop, bringing you the latest and best publications from around NationStates. Here you can find your favorites fast, or leisurely look for new titles. And all for the one-off price of an up-vote.

“We’re actively seeking new and established titles to add to The NewsStand. To deliver the service effectively, we're aiming to be a top 20 dispatch. Currently slot 20 is held by the offer of a free potato. Being voted more popular than a potato will clearly be challenging for us, but we believe our ruthless ‘Wild-Thing-eats-Potato’ corporate attitude will get us there.”
~All Wild Things
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Fredd,
An international wheeler dealer like yourself has probably made some enemies. Who’s on you list?

Interested

Interested,
I’ve made a bunch. But they don’t stay on my list very long, if you know what I mean. Former occupants of my enemy list include
Easter Bunny (trespassing-multiple times, took him out with a land mine)
Santa Claus (see Easter Bunny)
Elvis (I stepped on his blue suede shoes and he tried to hit me, so self-defense)
Jimmy Hoffa (boredom)
Tooth Fairy (tried to remove my teeth with pliers, so I disemboweled him/her)

Some people still on my list (not-dead-yet)
The Pope (If he doesn’t pay off his gambling debts soon)
Stalker (boredom)
Beeker (This would actually be a public service)
Most of the population of France (I just don’t like the French)

Fredd
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Antifa- an annoyed pile of gibberish I felt compelled to churn out.
Article by, Zen beatitudes

Before we run into an outcry of hurt feelings let me say outright that this is written in response to my RL encounters with people who identify themselves as 'Antifa', which is to say Antifascist. This has nothing to do with the NS movement of the same who have been doing their thing for ages.
For myself I work in the Public Transport sector and am active in the trade union movement representing almost 300 drivers as their elected delegate. I am more an Erisian anarchist inasmuch as I would call myself anything. What follows are simply my feelings at the time of writing and not representative of me at the time of reading for I am a verb.

Firstly, I take umbrage at the entwining of my precious black flag with the red. This represents a fundamental ignorance of what the far left has consistently done to anarchists historically whenever the chance arose. The opposition to fascism is not sufficient grounds to forgive our enemies, and by enemies I refer to anyone actively advocating a system of government or the greater manifestation of control as The State. To me the forms of communism that have held ascendancy globally are as repulsive as those of the far right, perhaps more so for the disingenuous declarations that are touted to gain ascension. These are not systems that seek to destroy capital or renew its base value in any equitable fashion, but to appropriate it for themselves. Honestly I see the far right and left as creatures cut from the same cloth, one of iron fisted state control. I am not opposed to fascism more than any other form of government. It is the traditional conflict between totalitarian regimes and communist groups more than anything that prompts this waving of flags; it is not an anarchist issue.

The fighting of sexism, racism and all the other social injustices that these people feel they are opposing is a definitive non sequitur. That they can stand against what they perceive as injustice yet support the form of social organisation that creates and encourages the injustice demonstrates an aborted thought process. It puts me in mind of the Dead Kennedy's song Nazi Punks F*ck Off and the line 'In a real Third Reich you'd be the first to go'. The idea that this sort of protest, however truncated in reasoning would be tolerated in a world ruled by communism is worse than wishful thinking. While I certainly agree that communism as has been practised thus far is not the theoretically pure version that some authors would have us envision as paradise on earth, it is the reality we must judge it by. Anarchism on the other hand has proven in its historical practice to be exactly what it calls itself on paper and this is yet another reason I am angered by the diminishing of our cause and the tying of it to that of tyranny.

The targeting 'Fascism' in the current climate and using the current president of the US as some sort of emblem of this is just painful. That one particular face of the machine that runs your lives is better or worse than another is frankly ridiculous and the fact that so many have fallen for this oldest of ruses is a pathetic indictment of both cognition and awareness. Verily the cause if lost when those that should be promulgating genuine rebellion happily jump into vetted and approved channels without realising they have done so. While they 'fight' fascism they are conversely tacitly supporting democracy and relegating themselves to the vanguard of the system that they should be opposing. In America, capitalism is equated with democracy and thus we have supposed anti-capitalist, anti-statist people fighting for the preservation of capital in its current statist framework. This makes my brain hurt and I've tried to share this perspective with some of those who have prompted this outpouring, and the consistent response is 'Democracy is better than Fascism'. I find it baffling that one form of control can be preferred over another simply because people have been indoctrinated to think of free market capitalism as benign when in fact it is by far the more insidious of the two. This is an utter failure in critical thinking as well as thinking generally.

This acceptance of the state disproves entirely the Anarchistic claim the black flag tries to represent in the antifa union. Whatever your particular bent of anarchism, the demolition of the state structure is a central feature, in fact it is THE feature of your belief. To leave even a minimal framework of government leaves one in the adolescent stoner van of rebellious Libertarianism, forever doomed to lack the conviction to stride genuinely free of the comforting confines of parental control. The fact that so many people throw up the tired argument of 'How else would it work' is one of the greatest indicators to me of how lost and malleable we have become generally. A lack of imagination is a prime indicator of slavery, and just because someone can't imagine a way forward does not mean that one does not exist. The inability to remove possibility from the limitations of our own perspective leaves us in bondage, enslaved to the lies of supposed certainty in a universe where there is no such thing. We must be contrary with ourselves more than anything, for our consciousness is nothing but the bad handwriting on the name tag pinned upon the robot that you think you control.

And that we have veered to this particular juncture tells me it's time to wrap it up lest we lose sight of the original aim here. In summation let me say that defining oneself by individual issues is to short change yourself in the most grievous of manners for it leaves you wide open to manipulation. Judge all things based on your internal compass equally and forget not that the world is wide and contains more sins than you can imagine. To protest one thing is to lessen the import of others and limits what you as a human being are able to create in this world.
Always remember the actual place is not the map of that place and it's only ignorance if you leave it that way.

From your mind arises the universe.
~wetwork

Artwork of the Damned
"Angel Meme"
Meme by, Unknown

Fall of THE TRUMP PATRIOTS OF AMERICA
Article by, The Stalker

Early May THE TRUMP PATRIOTS OF AMERICA (TTPoA) began a spamming war with Hell. Like many regions Hell was spammed by the former embassy collecting region of TTPoA for weeks.

Upon rejecting the 4th or 5th request to Hell, The Stalker set up a new thread in technical with an idea for a feature that once a nation was banned from a region they couldn’t request embassies anymore. An idea well received and liked by many, to everyone’s surprise Violet actually added it to the game!

TTPoA however did not like it, and proceeded to create a bunch of inappropriate nations and regions to further spam Hell. Which were quickly deleted by the mods. Having the feature added and inappropriate regions deleted, The Stalker thought that would be the end of it. A week went by before TTPoA began to spam Hell once again. The Mad King knew he couldn’t just ignore repeated attacks on Hell and began a campaign among TTPoA’s embassy regions to encourage them to close embassies with TTPoA. Within a day 20 embassies began to close, 10 more aborting construction with them.

In a rage the leaders of TTPoA, who may have just been one person, mass created and spammed Hell will lude and vulgar region embassy requests. So bad that the mods tired of his repeated harassment puppet swept him leaving TTPoA founderless.

The Stalker then began to reach out to like minded individuals to encourage someone to hit TTPoA for their insults of Hell, only to find The West Pacific Armed Forces (TWPAF) were already planning to take the region.

Later that night TTPoA was taken with ease by TWPAF, with support from Kawaii Armed Forces, Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, and South Pacific Special Forces. Appointing a puppet nation of The Stalker’s to help dole out the justice.

Maybe two days later, TTPoA was swiftly refounded.

So falls THE TRUMP PATRIOTS OF AMERICA.

We hope you've enjoyed our twenty-fifth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

Read factbook


(Up arrows welcome)

Hope you guys enjoy!

The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot off the demonic presses!
Issue XXVI: Heathens;


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

August 8th, 2017
Issue XXVI. LinkHeathens

Index
I. Rise of the Seven Sins
II. Spotlight News
-Manson's Friendship Challenge
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Bewitched after Dark
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Interview with Cynical Alcoholics

Rise of the Seven Sins
Article by, The Stalker

The dragon stood on the shore of the sea. And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on its horns, and on each head a blasphemous name. The beast I saw resembled a leopard, but had feet like those of a bear and a mouth like that of a lion. The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority.

The Department of the Seven Sins
Coming three years now, the Mad King has ruled the Kingdom of Hell. Building a new vision and forging a strong united kingdom from the ashes.

One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the beast. People worshiped the dragon because he had given authority to the beast, and they also worshiped the beast and asked, “Who is like the beast? Who can wage war against it?”

The Department of Lust, Hell’s Bells

The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise its authority for forty-two months. It opened its mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven.

The Department of Wrath

The Kingdom of Hell is very pleased to announce the establishment of the Department of Wrath, Hell’s first military branch.

It was given power to wage war against God’s holy people and to conquer them.

Led by the Vice President of Wrath Altmoras the department has seen early success working on joint missions with the Grey Wardens and other defenders.

5 Liberations

99 Defenses

region=cog_nation
region=central_guam
region=neutral_ocean
region=kataru_kur_gal
region=innbrooke
region=tatanka
region=deziat
region=police_force
region=xemenoa
region=slavican_alliance_of_nations
region=southern_asia
region=camellia
region=the_see
region=isles_of_the_damned
region=skrubland
region=the_nothingness
region=crudelandia
region=palatine
region=erskineville
region=croydon
region=new_united_nations_of_the_gator_empire
region=windhelm
template-overall=none/region=monarch_militia
region=chat_de_tortue_louve
region=the_axis_alliance_of_nations
region=cat
region=havenwood
region=area_of_awesomeness
region=canopy_kingdom
region=grand_council_of_fascism_2
region=dungeons_and_dragons
region=the_allied_nations_federation
region=bronydom
region=coalition_of_free_nations_and_states
region=rune_republic
region=baffin_bay
region=weishaupt
region=the_grand_region_of_intelligencila
region=homosexualitatis_suapte
region=united_nations_of_the_pacific_ocean
region=the_union_of_independent_countries
region=adefion
region=golmaal
region=strontium_union
region=apteryx
region=eastern_european_commonwealth
region=the_gcd
region=novum_lunaris_republicae
region=vomindok
region=foghorn
region=the_greater_fostani_empire
region=scotland_and_northern_ireland
region=the_international_republic_of_freedom
region=glue_empire
region=ngingalulengani_kivaalinian_confederacy
region=botlane
region=empire_of_man
region=malibu_islands
region=calth
region=triangletopia
region=mundo_alpha
region=pc_world
region=the_expanded_sol_system
region=comrades_motherland
region=ecommunists
region=tjena
region=mediterranean_coastal_states
region=alaskitch
region=the_british_empire
region=the_senate_and_people_of_rome
region=right_wing_love_squads
region=the_ezraltonian_region_of_world_affairs
region=petron_collective
region=the_collection_of_village_pubs
region=evropa
region=united_entities_of_equality
region=kis_archangel
region=baffin_bay
region=cats_rule_and_dogs_drool
region=role_player_coalition
region=tropical_islands_of_palau
region=menterra_ii
region=nova_terra_potestatis
region=bc_savannah
region=neogehenna
region=republic_of_pangaea
region=the_monarchist_entente
region=united_socialist_states_of_lore
region=the_heropean_empire
region=arcanica
region=baffin_bay
region=united_federation_of_planetz
region=divine_acrosia
region=nova_americanus
region=the_coalition_of_socialist_states
region=union_of_the_greater_alaxandrian_islands
region=populi_terrae
region=teletropogist
region=conspiracy

Participating Troops
Altmoras
Dravkian
The Baphomet
Mrev the Dead Goblin

The Department of Greed
Underworld has tripled its regional population and is now larger than Hell itself in residents and World Assembly membership. Henceforth making Underworld the body of our Kingdom and Hell the head.

The Department of Greed’s expansion brought the first ever presidential elections in Underworld.

Eothania, aka Asmodeus, now leads Underworld as its President and WA Delegate. To run Underworld for his 66 day term and alongside his chosen cabinet.

Underworld also welcomed it’s new Overlord Daisy Johnson. A long time resident of Underworld and the third Overlord to take up the role after the previous Overlord The baphomet retired. The Overlord helps co-rule Underworld alongside the elected President.

And it was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast.

The Department of Pride

Kyraina has been crowned the Prince of Hell. A devoted loyal Hellion who has and will continue to serve alongside the Mad King to ensure the security of Hell, help run the Department of the Seven Sins, and expand the Kingdom of Hell.

Then I saw a second beast, coming out of the earth. It had two horns like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon. It exercised all the authority of the first beast on its behalf, and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast, whose fatal wound had been healed.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

Manson's Friendship Challenge

Hey NS! It's me, your favorite online rockstar!

I've been in the shadows developing this challenge for a while, and I thought today would be the day to share it with the rest of the world.

Have you just joined NS, and you're having trouble making friends? Or, are you a veteran player, that wants to meet new people? Now you can! Participate in this simple challenge and start new friendships today!

Backstory: When I was new to NS, I felt alone and scared. My friend who had introduced me to the game grew inactive, I was all by myself. Later, my friend grew active again and he moved into the region known as Avadam Inn. I followed him there and his inactivity grew again, and he ceased to exist eventually. I became good friends with all of the people in the region, and later, I became dedicated to the region. They are a big branch of my NS family, I will never forget them. As a couple of years passed, I came to where I am today, still quite alone. I met a quite a few of my friends by putting random letters in the world search bar. I met one of my best friends, The Stalker, this way. We talked for a while, and then I decided to move a nation into his region, Hell. Even small things like this, shaped me into who I am. I still look for new friends this way, and I encourage you to do as I do.

Our Purpose: To unite and make NS friendlier! Everyone needs a friend!

Dispatch
Forum Thread

Ways You Can Help: Pin this dispatch in your region, or you can put #MansonsFriendshipChallenge in your WFE or on your RMB.

How To Make Friends The Manson Way
1. Go to the world.
2. Click on the blank search box in the top right corner.
3. Type in three to four random letters, and hit search.
4. Click on the first nation that pops up.
5. Send them a telegram saying hi, and how you wish to talk more and even maybe become good friends.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, and violence on my TV?
Sincerely,
Prude

Prude,
When there’s sex, nudity and violence on TV, I usually slather my genitals in IcyHot, put on my head to toes latex suit and attach a car battery to my nipples using jumper cables. Hope that helps.

Fredd
---------

Fredd,
Everybody says you're REALLY old. How old are you?
Curious

Curious,
I'm so old that...
- I remember when that big ditch in Arizona was known as The Medium Sized Canyon
- I ran a taco truck for the workers building the pyramids
- when Noah didn't want to bring some of the animals, I brought them on my boat. So, yes, I'm responsible for skunks, cockroaches, scorpions and banana slugs.

Fredd
---------

Dear Fredd,
What are some of your favourite fetishes? And what are your kinkiest fetishes? Is it true you possessed Adolf Hitler just so you could make him eat poo?
On a related note, are you the same entity as or related to Freddy Krueger? I like how Freddy doesn't JUST slice-n-dice deserving teenagers with his razor glove, he f's with their minds first, like the time he made gaping mouths appear on the arms of a injecting drug-addicted teen.

Your #1 fan,
--Buer

Buer,
Where to begin? As someone who’s done it all and seen it all, I tend to get a little bored with the regular stuff. See my answer to ‘Prude” for my usual Friday nite. Lately I’ve been experimenting with a combination of Komodo Dragons, spiked gag-balls and death-metal yodelling. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Your question about Adolf is close to correct. But, you need to capitalize Poo. Haven’t seen the little ‘hunny’ monger lately, have you?

Kruegs, while a fishing buddy of mine, is a different person than me. Always liked his style. I think the mind-fvcks he deals out are due that cocktail he smears on his blades.

Fredd
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Bewitched after Dark
Article by, Ingskalla

My brief excursion to the "Spirit of America" and incipient foundation for the Anglo-American colonies was mutually informative and entertaining. The local populace of New England were accommodating, gregarious, and most of my interactions with them were pleasant enough overall. After checking into our hotel, my family and I uberd over to explore Central Commons downtown Boston and Granary Burying Ground near southern end of Boston's Freedom Trail. Being in the profession and applied science of Thanatology and general interest in historical cemeteries, I saw the burial grounds of founding fathers and signatories of the Declaration of Independence. John Hancock and Paul Revere's gravesites included in my trail exploration. In visiting Salem on the second day evening, my father, sister, a family friend, and I went on the tour of historical Salem. Which was appropriately enough hosted by a self-purported Wiccan sorcerer and professional photographer. Now when our warlock chauffeur-guide, fashioning a prominent stalk of Vandyke chin stubble and a trenchcoat, possessed an adroit volume of knowledge on the background Salem Witch trials. I founded myself nodding in concordance when when he castigated the cogent ilks of theocracy of the era and proceeded onto on a brief but impassioned diatribe about the precarious ramifications of merging matters of governance and local zealous superstition. However as it was necessary to lighten the tone, Jeff interspersed the morose content with original witticisms, zingers, and comedy of an esoteric taste which many of the tourists and I were humored by.

He spoke upon at large regarding the zealous wave of hysteria that disseminated throughout colonial Massachusetts, the allegations poised against Bridget Bishop and a few of the eighteen total victim obituary execution stories, and we visited Salem’s Gallows Hill. At The Burying Point, Jeff exclaimed how "fitting" the gravestones of the falsely accused and executed young women are angled toward Judge John Hathorne, “The Witch Hanging Judge”. Later on, we visited Howard Street Cemetery near one of New England's oldest penitentiaries. In 1692, accused warlock Giles Corey was pressed to death by large stones. After days of excruciating agony and noble protest, Corey succumbed and cursed Sheriff George Corwin and the entirety of Salem from his fleeting breath with the harrowing final words of “Damn you! I curse you and Salem!”. In consequence of the very public and grotesque nature of Corey’s protest, many Salem inhabitants at the time began to question the witch trials.

Our tour group, omitting us Skandies, comprised of several young couples and their ill-disciplined brats, a few random normies, two Ivy League co-eds prattling on about the fallacious relation of Harry Potter to the contemporary resurgence of witchcraft, and a brooding thug with presumably his thotty squeeze. Salem proper, noting the charming Colonial New England architecture and dilapidated roadways, hosts a surfeit of Wiccan themed gift shops and psychic/New Age reading centers. I was surprised to discover that Salem’s tourism industry, which is a considerable sector of their local economy ($100 million), apparently attracts more than a million visitors from across the U.S. and abroad annually. Around All Hallow's Eve, more than 500,000 visitors and members of the white-magicians/Neo-Pagan demographic travel to Salem to partake in handfasting cerenomies for their Samhain celebration. This holiday is among the most important sabbat for the Druid-Wiccan scene, an occasion to honor ancestors and the harvest.

Beyond that, I sampled the culinary pride pf New England and it’s signature seafood dishes at restaurants, went on a yacht tour off of Boston Harbor, scored some brewskis at a Irish-American tavern “Mr. Doodly”, and explored Faneuil Hall and a couple shopping promenades in downtown Boston. In what can accurately be coined as a legit occult experience, I would encourage others interested in modern sorcery and early colonial American history to travel to the this bewitched city of Essex county.

Artwork of the Damned
"No Clue"
MS Paint by, -Anton Szandor LaVey-

Interview with Cynical Alcoholics
Interviewed by, -Anton Szandor LaVey- AKA The baphomet

1. Hello Cynical! Nice of you to join us today. What is the story? When and how, did you find Hell?

Cynical Alcoholics (Cy): Haha, you're going to have to give me a minute on that one.

Baphomet (B): Lol, wasn't it around 2005?

Cy: I found Hell shortly after I found NS, which was a f*cking long time ago, earlier, I believe 2003 possibly.

B: 2004?

Cy: I need to look it up, need to go read the history. I know stalker has it down somewhere, anyway, the proper answer is a Long Ass Time.

B: July 2003 Hell Elders Big Jim P and Cynical Alcoholics arrive in Hell.

Cy: There you go. I thiiink I was never really a part of any other region. Other than the one you were created in, the pacific or whatever it was. But to be honest I have no idea how or why. It was nearly 15 years ago, and if there's anything that characterizes my experience with nationstates, it's apathy. As my history with NS has essentially been logging in on and off long enough to prevent my account from being permanently deleted.

2. Did you enjoy reigning as Hell's delegate from 2007-2009? Was it difficult?

Cy: Uh...yes. Sure. I enjoyed it insomuch that it was relatively quiet, and not much happened. Which again, is characteristic of my entirely unremarkable history with NS.

No, it was not difficult to occasionally log in and make sure no one was attempting to raid us. Until that one time when maybe someone did. I think. It was a decade ago.

3. Can you remember anything about the late Hell ancients, Miss, One Bad Asp, or any others?

Cy: I'm pretty sure Miss was pretty chill. I think OBA was a nazi or a white supremacist though. Maybe. Or perhaps the other way around. Either way, one was cool, one was a Nazi. Probably.

Like, a literal nazi. Not a fascist style ruler of the region. Just for clarification.

4. You and Big Jim P arrived in the same month, how would you describe your relationship?

Cy: I'm pretty sure one time we may have both posted on the regional message board in a sequential order. A whirlwind romance if I've ever had one.

5. Haha! Did anything change when The Stalker first joined Hell in 2007 with his nation, Evil Personz?

Cy: Sure, why not.

I never said this would be a good interview.

6. Well, you caught me there! Could you please describe your current role in Hell? (How active are you? Do you continue to help out? Etc.)

Cy: Opsec comes first. Can't discuss matters of the deepest, most inner circles of hell. We let that Dante guy in and he sung like a canary in a coal mine.

7. Ah! I understand completely! Are you a part of any other regions besides Hell?

Cy: No, I am not. In fact, in my near 15 years on NS, I have never made a single alt.

8. Really?! Would you ever like to change that?

Cy: The only other region I have ever spent any time in is Lazarus, after resurrecting myself some indeterminate number of times.

No, not really. That would require a fair amount of effort, which would betray my true nature.

9. How long to you plan to stay on NS?

Cy: Indefinitely, I suppose. Never thought about it being a thing to stay on or off of. It just is.

10. Well, this is the end of the interview! How would you rate my journalistic skills? From 1 tormented soul to 10 tormented souls.

Cy: 10 tormented souls, for after each question, I added one more soul to the Tormentor. We've got a good Tormentor in Hell, you know. You can't just find these things lying around any more. The tech is long gone. Anyway. It's been a pleasure. Pardon me now while I ignore all of my issues for another few months.

We hope you've enjoyed our Twenty-Sixth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

Read factbook


NS Forum: viewtopic.php?f=12&t=331170&p=32294414#p32294414

Enjoy!

Hail NY! The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot off the demonic presses!

Issue XXVII: Six Feet for the Devil (Operation Bite-Mark)


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

November 13th, 2017
Issue XXVII. LinkSix Feet for the Devil

Index
I. Operation Bite-Mark
II. Spotlight News
-NS World Fair
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. President of Underworld
V. Artwork of the Damned
-Pumped up Stats
VI. New Sheriff In Town

Nuke Day, Operation Bite-Mark, and How the Devil Ate their Brains
Article by, The Stalker

It all began on the eve of the Mad King’s third year anniversary of ruling Hell, August 29th, the mods had decided to celebrate this by marking the date as the start of the annual Nuke Day game.

Once again the The Horsemen of the Apocalypse would ride. Hell, Underworld, Glass Gallows, Middle Earth, Hippy Haven, and all bringers of the apocalypse reunited for round two.

While the first N day had been a mad spree of nonstop attacking everyone resulting in high strike count, but ultimately leading the Horsemen being demolished by everyone in return. Round two allowed for a more planned and calculated approach, making allies and out maneuvering our enemies allowing us to maintain 10th place for the bulk of the event, sitting up there with factions 3 to 10 times our size.

There the Mad King and the Horsemen of the Apocalypse sat, a twisted King Author narrative played out sitting around the round table deciding who next to nuke. Then towards the end of the event Paul Revere burst in the door screaming the nukes are coming!

The United Free Alliance faction based out of the region The Free Nations Region had been watching. The supposedly defender region saw the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the only successful high ranking founderless region based faction and thought here’s a good target to destroy. So they infiltrated Hell’s discord and plotted their strike.

The Mad King pleaded his case, think of the demon babies he screamed as nukes laid waste countless sinful demonic souls. Nuking the dreams of the founderless communities who worked so hard on one of the few events they’re on a fair footing for. Causing the Horsemen to fall from 10th to 12th place, taking almost half our score.

The Mad King knew he couldn’t let this slide. I mean who nukes the King of Hell and gets away with it? So he thought of a plot, and he thought of it fast.

Thus Operation Bite-Mark was born.

A highly trained covert team of Zombie Ninjas began moving nations into The Free Nations Region throughout the following months. Lead by the Mad King The Stalker, the team included; Daisy Johnson, New Paristan, Freddland, Aibohphobia, The iron helm, Mrev the Dead Goblin, Donkervader, SherpDaWerp, Vogel Tori, Eothania, -Anton Szandor LaVey-, and Irishplace.

The Stalker and his 12th zombie apostles set forth on their mission to get brain eating revenge against those who had nuked the Horsemen. At the start of the event The Free Nations Region had roughly 330 nations in the region, with approximately 15-20% of those nations moved in by Operation Bite-Mark. The amount of puppets per team member varied greatly, with the Stalker having over 25+, Daisy Johnson had roughly a dozen, and the rest ranging from half a dozen to just one or two.

The attack plan was to hit them hard and hit them fast soon as the event begun, and it went flawlessly. At the start of the event Operation Bite-Mark went to work, targeting large inactive nations to do the most damage and avoid detection from active players. Working thought was they’d start ejecting nations as they caught them hording other nations, but that with enough nations embracing the horde and carefully using just a few puppets at a time throughout the event we could cripple any chance of survival.

However it soon became clear no one with border controls was on for the first few hours of the event. With Zombie hordes so easily researchable, and it taking over an hour to research the cure. Operation Bite-Mark quickly turned into a slaughter. We focused on taking down anyone researching the cure, their leadership, and anyone active. An hour or two in the mission was already a success, but we kept at it devouring and consuming their brains into the night. Most players logging on to find themselves zombified. Revenge never tasted so good.

Meanwhile in Hell, this year was the first year Hell ever survived, coming in 21st place for most survivors and no infect, with 731 billion survivors and no deaths.

Never underestimate the King of Hell, darling.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

NS World Fair VI

This year’s NS World Fair has begun preparations! Scheduled to run from December 15th through December 21st, will be accepting bids for regional host now till November 20th.

Hell will once again be in attendance, to corrupt the masses and further our goals of conquering NationStates through a demonic cult shadow government that runs Gameplay.
LinkLast year’s booth
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Fredd,
How often do you get comments for Hells Bells?

Dytarma

Dharma,
Almost never (if they know what’s good for them).

Fredd
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Fredd,
How did you start out with this column?

Dytarma

Guarana,
Persistent little bugger, aren’t you? I was tricked into it. I thought I was signing a contract with Stalker for a cool set of Ginsu knives, but I didn’t read the fine print. Turns out I have to write this column for all eternity. And the knives were dull after a week. Rotten bastard.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

The iron helm elected Second President of Underworld!
Compiled by, The Stalker

Congratulations to The Iron Helm, former Speaker of Underworld, on being elected the second President of Underworld!

Voting Results
The Iron Helm: 5
Comfortes: 0
Bloodmoses: 1
(Voting open only to WA Underworlders.)

Campaign Speech

My people, sons and daughters of Underworld,

The President is the heart of our land, our traditions are its body, and the people, its blood. I believe that one day we shall rule NS my friends. Our armies shall thunder across the endless lands and it shall tremble beneath them, as in the beginning the very earth shook beneath the wings of our dark master as he fell from the heavens to our realm. He was Underworld, just as I am Underworld and you are Underworld. His face is my face, and your face. His strength, our strength, for his purpose runs through our veins. Our former President Eothania, labored diligently to build Underworld into a monument of greatness that now watches over us. When it was complete, so to was his time to rule complete, yet even as our President departed from the seat of power, I who served him best, stood ready. And a new day dawned for Underworld. In time, each President must heed the call of our great master and depart these lands to serve a greater purpose, for the day his reign comes to an end so continues the eternal vigilance of his successors. The Helm stands now, as it always has, ready to serve and to defend. As speaker of the people, I have watched our realm grow, and I have seen the future of our kind; stand with me now, and I shall be your sword and shield. This I vow to you my friends, while I serve our hallowed land, so shall the long dark of Underworld endure!

Acceptance Speech

My People,
Sons and daughters of the endless darkness, we have seen the ending of another era in our region, the passing of the torch to another generation. It is with great dignity, solemn resolve, and unending gratefulness that by your will, I assume the mantle of leadership. I vow that this day shall begin a new era for Underworld, and together we will rise to greatness unknown in our history. I cannot accomplish this goal alone, it will require you, you the strength in my arm and the holders of my dreams. Together we shall make Underworld great, united, and undivided. Thank you my people, and may the long dark of Underworld Endure!

Artwork of the Damned
"Pumped up Stats - Dasa Rodiland"
Parody of LinkPumped up Kicks by, Dasa rodiland

All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my gun
All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my armies.

Max Barry works a long day, He’s commin to me, with a big update, I can’t wait for mor stats, they’re gonna happen, sometime in the future

All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my gun
All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my armies.
[x2]

Moderator’s gotta quick hand, he’s loaded with bans, so inevitably hitting all the innocents, gotta watch out, gotta watch out.

All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my gun
All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my armies.
[x3]

*Instrumental*

*whistling*

All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my gun
All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my armies.
*bows*

New Sheriff In Town, Beginning Legacy Of Eothania aka Asmodeus
Article by, Eothania

Where do I begin? Hmmm, let’s start with when I first joined Underworld, well second time. Felt like years ago but really it was about 4 months or so. The first time I joined Underworld was a bit over a year ago but had complications in life so I stopped playing on NS. Anyway, joining Underworld was the best decision I made on NS over my many years of playing. First time I introduced myself on the Discord, I felt like I belonged. Everyone was great, easy to get along with and active. So after introducing myself and getting comfortable with the community as well as talking with Stalker, a big opportunity rose. The first ever presidential elections in Underworld. I thought to myself, it’s a opportunity to really connect with everyone and help make a difference. So I ran as a candidate and soon after was picked to be president of a great region. It was a big responsibility and a lot of work but I managed to get through it. The bonus of it was besides also being WA Delegate, I got to meet more great people in the community. Had a great team to work with during the beginning phase of my presidency. Sadly after a month, my team started to become inactive and I was left with just one official, Iron Helm and Stalker. Despite doing a lot by myself in the sense, it wasn’t bad. I got to understand what it really takes to be a leader and work for a better cause. During my last phase of being president, we got a new Overlord, Daisy. She helped me keep Underworld going in the right path. I couldn’t have done what I did without the great people supporting me in Underworld. So now after serving a little over two months as President and WA Delegate, I agreed to enter the inferno of Hell. It is currently now where I reside and will continue to until the end. Now that I’m in Hell, I shall do what I’ve done in Underworld and keep us going in a positive path for growth.

You can’t wait for opportunity to knock on your door, break down the door and make opportunity work for yourself. Life is full of chances, life is full of pain and even though the struggles may be overwhelming, you learn from it and you become something better for yourself and for others.

- Asmodeus

We hope you've enjoyed our twenty-seventh issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

Read factbook

Hope you guys enjoy!

Hail New York! The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot off the demonic presses! Issue XXVIII. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

December 26th, 2017
Issue XXVIII. LinkYou're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Index
I. Play of the Game for the Win
II. Spotlight News
-Robot Santa Visits Hell!
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Hell Christmas Carols Vol. 2
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. IN THE AGE OF FUTURAMA

Play of the Game for the Win
Article by, The Stalker

(Image provided by Blood Wine, a meme he’s really proud of)

With the return of the Gameplay Awards run by an unknown host, this year people began to ask who is this host? Last year’s voting allowed for both public and private voting, and the end results came across as sketchy with a number of categories winners differing from the public results.

Some were concerned with the host’s ability to tell puppets and route out multi voters, while others concerned they might be cherry picking the winners, asked they reveal themselves to create some accountability or to restrict voting to public voting only to ensure accurate results. Despite the number of gameplayers requesting the host reveal themselves or do public voting, the host largely ignored these concerns pushing ahead with keeping private votes and not revealing themselves either. Leading to a boycott of the Gameplay Awards 2017, and the start of a number of spinoff awards.

First came Cormac’s Miniluv Awards, a promising transparent alternative awards that would later be cancelled for personal reasons. Followed by a few other attempts, including a joke awards by The Southern Onion.

Enter the Play of the Game awards, hosted by the unlikely duo of The Roman Empire and The Order of the Grey Wardens. With public voting, transparency, and accountability, Hell’s Bells endorses Play of the Game as the official Gameplay Awards of NationStates, so saith the beloved Devil of NationStates and eater of souls. We encourage our readership to participate in the Play of the Game awards! Voting ends the 27th!

Golden Gameplayer Award: Cormac, Zaolat, Roavin, Todd McCloud, Plagentine, Onder, Jakker, Krulltopia, Yuno
Influential Gameplayer of the Year: Roavin, Zaolat, Yuno, Festavo
Raider of the Year: Plagentine, Zaolat, Ever Wandering Souls, August
Defender of the Year: Vincent Drake, Zaolat, Roavin, Frattastan
Rising Gameplayer of the Year: Liliarchy, Zaolat, Marilyn Manson Freaks, Escade, August, Roavin
Rising Raider of the Year: Liliarchy, Zaolat, Hired Contractor, Jay
Rising Defender of the Year: Merlin, Zaolat, Vincent Drake, Altmoras
Non-Aligned Organization of the Year: Lily, Harem of Awesome, Bloopsej, Augustin Alliance, Legio Pacificus
Raider Organization of the Year: The Roman Empire, The Black Hawks, The Red Fleet
Defender Organization of the Year: The Order of the Grey Wardens, The Rejected Realms Army
Startup Organization of the Year: Lily, The Roman Empire
Invasive Operation of the Year: Japan, Ankh Mauta, Operation Eclipse, Africa, Illuminati
Defensive Operation of the Year: Japan, St Abbaddon
Gameplay Thread of the Year: The Roman Empire, Lazarus mega thread
Gameplay News Outlet of the Year: NWB, The NewsStand, EBC Radio, The Rejected Times
Most Controversial Event of the Year: Condemn Canterlot, NSWF, Lazarus, Brunhilde Scandal, CAIN, Gest/TI,
Biggest Event of the Year: Search for GP Awards, Sedge & CG retiring, Nuke Day 2, Brunhilde Scandal, Ivo's retirement, Operation Eclipse, Talico existing, Zaolat existing

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

Robot Santa Visits Hell!

It’s the violent-est season of the year, and Kringlebot has come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear!
Sugarplummy visions will be dancing in your head, when I cane you from the comfort of my sled!

Hell takes up Futurama theme for December!

Let's see who's been naughty, and who's been naughty.
Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money: very naughty.
Shopkeeper's not paying their protection money: exactly as naughty.

Ho, ho, ho! It's time to get jolly on your naughty asses!
You DARE bribe Santa?! I'm gonna shove coal so far up your stocking, you'll be coughing up diamonds!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,

Can you explain this whole Santa Claus thing to me?
(1) Santa rewards "good" little boys and girls? Whose definition of good? Frankly, I find the prospect of little boys sitting on an old fart's lap to beg for presents more than a little creepy.
(2) Santa brings coal to naughty little boys and girls? Is that not a little redundant for those of us in Hell?
(3) Are Santa and the Nazarene BFF or not? SC is usually portrayed as the patron saint of Greed, and JC is...not. Usually when the two appear together, they're depicted fighting (from South Park to fundamentalist Christian churches). Which is fake news and which is not? How can I tell?
(4) Why is Santa's workshop able to crank out the latest electronics for the rich kids, while the poor kids get nothing? Is it good to be rich and naughty to be poor?
(5) If Santa were going to visit all the Christian children on Earth in one night, he would have to travel so fast that he, the sled, and the reindeer would instantly burt into flames, hmmmmm?
(6) Since when do reindeer fly, anyway?
(7) Why is Robot Santa trying to kill me? Is that just Robot Satan in drag?
(8) Since Santa enslaves all the elves at the North Pole to work in his sweatshop, why don't the Little People boycott Christmas?
(9) Do Bumbles really bounce?
(10) What are your favourite Christmas songs that do not mention SC or JC?

Your BFF,
--Buer

Buer,
Too many effing questions. I'm way to far into the brandy/eggnog for this crap.
1) That borderline pedophile Santa just uses a dartboard.
2) Everybody gets a present. Good or bad. Like you said, coal is a present to us murderous bastards.
3) Southpark got it right. Mortal enemies.
4) Slave labor. In the offseason he rents out the elves to tinpot dictators. Then he buys knock offs from china.
5) See #4. Sends out the elves. The little sots screw up most of the requests. That's why you got a toy train instead of the transformers you wanted back when you were little.
6) JATO bottles can make ANYTHING fly.
7) I put out a contract on you (too many effing questions while I'm trying to get drunk). And yes.
8) They have regular insurrections and revolts. Google 1842 elf riots for a good example.
9) If you drop 'em from high enough.
10) Highway to Hell. And eff you if you don't think that's a christmas song.

Fredd
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Dear Fredd,

How does Hell celebrate the new year? Got any new year's resolutions? I like to celebrate by drinking too much eggnog and resolving to do it again next year.

Sincerely,
Resolutions Joe

Joe,
Good question(s). Tormenting damned souls is a popular pastime year round but it takes on special significance around the holiday season. Fresh souls who, until recently enjoyed life, get special tortures during the joyful season. Boiling in eggnog. Roasting (along with chestnuts) over a yule log. Twigs of holly under the fingernails. Presents from Satan Claus (usually mouthfuls of boiling sh!t).

My last resolution was in 1542 when i resolved to give up making @#*$&#ing resolutions. But eggnog is good. My recipe is 10 parts brandy to 1 part eggnog.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Hell Christmas Carols Vol. 2
Parodies by, The Stalker

Twelve Days of Christmas in Hell
On the Twelfth day of Christmas the Devil sent to me,
Twelve Demons dancing,
Eleven false prophets preaching,
Ten angels falling,
Nine Circles of Hell blazing,
Eight Evil Thoughts twisting,
Seven Deadly Sins enticing,
Six hydra heads hissing,
Five Golden Pentagrams,
Four riding Horsemen,
Three barking Cerberus heads,
Two Minotaurs,
And a Mad King in a lake of fire!

The Stalker is Coming to Town
You better watch out, and i'd like it if you cry
Better not be surprised when I drink your tears, I'm telling you why
The Stalker is coming to town!

He's following your every move, And taking your picture twice;
He's gonna find out if your single or if he's gonna have to stab someone nice.
The Stalker is coming to town!

The Stalker sees you when you're sleeping, He follows you when you're awake, He knows if you've taken a shower or not, he's just obsessed for goodness sake!

You better watch out! You better not run,
You better not try to escape my love, I'm telling you why,
The Stalker is coming to town!

The Stalker smells you when you're sleeping, He collects your hair when you're away, He knows if you've been out on a date, and will stab them because he knows he's the one.

You know i'm watching out, and I got some drugged candy canes for you to try,
You better love me or i'll murder you, I'm telling you why
The Stalker is coming to town!

Satanic Christmas
I'm dreaming of a Satanic Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where Cerberus’s teeth glisten and demons listen
To hear tortured souls scream while it snows

I'm dreaming of a Satanic Christmas
With every demon deal I make
May your days be numbered and doomed
And may all your Christmases be evil

I'm dreaming of a Satanic Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where Medusa’s eyes glisten and demons listen
To hear lost souls weeping while it snows

I'm dreaming of a Satanic Christmas
With every Hell’s Bells I write
May your days be scary and full of fright
And may all your Christmases be Satanic

Hell’s Bells
Dashing through the lake of fire
In a demon-horse open sleigh
O'er the lost souls we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on Krampus ring
Making the fires bright
What fun it is to murder and sing
A slaying song tonight

[Chorus]
Hell’s Bells, Hell’s Bells
Corrupts you all the way
Oh what fun it is to kill
With a four horsemen apocalypse on the way, hey
Hell’s Bells, Hell’s Bells
Consume souls all the way
Oh what fun it is to sell your soul
In a Devil worshiping cult today!

A day or forever ago
I sold my soul to him
And too soon, the fiery bright
Was all within my sight
The first horsemen was cruel and crazed
Misfortune seemed my lot
He got into a murderous rampage
And then we all got shot

[Chorus]

A day or forever ago
This story I’m forced to tell
I went out on the burning lake
And on my back I fell
A demon was riding by
In a demonic-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie
Then quickly ran over me

[Chorus]

Now the ground is red
Go it while you're still alive
Murder the innocent tonight
And sing this slaying song
Just get a virgin tied up
With sixty-six as your speed
Hitch them to an open sleigh
And crack their skull, so you can eat their brains

[Chorus]
Hell’s Bells, Hell’s Bells
Corrupts you all the way
Oh what fun it is to kill
With a four horsemen apocalypse on the way, hey
Hell’s Bells, Hell’s Bells
Consume souls all the way
Oh what fun it is to sell your soul
In a Devil worshiping cult today!

Artwork of the Damned
"The Tree" (scene from the story of Apollo and Daphne.)
14x11 Acrylic & Oil by, The Stalker

IN THE AGE OF FUTURAMA
Article by, Buer the demon AKA Dr George

Since Hell has chosen Futurama as its Christmas theme of 2017, let me put on my prognostication glasses and hazard some guesses about what things may look like in 1,000 years. There will undoubtedly be things that no one has really anticipated, like the internet or Google or smart phones. Here are some more probable guesses, in my humble opinion.

SCENARIO 1: Things continue on a relatively linear course from here. Despite the growing popularity of greener technologies from the 21st century forward, global warming continues unabated, with droughts, super storms, rising sea levels, new plagues from tropical regions ravage humankind, and the rest, until the collapse of human civilization in the middle of the 23rd century and the extinction of humankind (and 99% of Earth’s genome) in the mid-25th century. Without excess carbon being pumped into the atmosphere, Earth is beginning to cool down to a point where extremophile bacteria and simple plants and animals from around vents at the bottom of the oceans are beginning to repopulate the sea. With algae and multicellular organisms having already evolved, evolution kicks into high gear much more quickly than in the beginning, so the seas will be repopulated in a relatively short time and land might start to be colonized in another 10,000,000 years or so.

SCENARIO 2: Exxon-Mobile-Chevron-Texaco and the other big hydrocarbon companies (perhaps with government prodding) shift their business models into green energy production and carbon capture. Even so, humanity loses several major coastal cities, including NY City, New Orleans, Tampa, Miami, Barcelona, Sydney, Nice, Cape Town, Rio, and more. Still, we dodge the bullet of catastrophic overheating and although civilization has slowed down for centuries and a large number of animal and plant species have gone extinct, life endures. Although there is considerably less land area on the planet, we have begun colonizing the shallow seas with both floating cities and submerged cities. After an extended hiatus, permanent, self-supporting colonies have been established on the Moon and Mars; while life there is still hard and challenging, the future looks bright.

SCENARIO 3: Between technological advances and an overwhelmingly green culture, the worst of global warming has been averted, natural habitat has been preserved and expanded, and some formerly extinct animals, including the woolly mammoth and the passenger pigeon, freely roam Earth once more. Technology advances furiously along, yielding practical, efficient fusion reactors before 2150, giving humankind virtually unlimited power at home and opening up practical space travel. With continuous acceleration from fusion drives, travel at relativistic speeds has become possible; hence, the nearest star systems are only decades away, putting them in reach of a single person’s lifespan, particularly since nanotech has revolutionized healthcare, making a human lifespan of 120 fairly standard, with the tantalizing possibility of finally understanding aging as a disease and being able to drastically slow, stop, or even reverse it. The entire solar system is colonized with mining in the asteroid belt yielding enormous resources for the ever-expanding human footprint. A sufficiently Earth-like planet has been found in the Goldilocks zone of Alpha Centauri-A and plans for terraforming it are nearly complete. Many millions of fusion-powered drones are exploring the galaxy; as they do not need to slow down to explore a given solar system, they continue going very, very quickly and our knowledge of the cosmic neighborhood is growing exponentially. One probe sent a single picture of what appeared to be artificial structures of a planet in a nearby star system before the probe mysteriously went off-line.

SCENARIO 4: Global terrorism provokes wars between nations across the globe: China vs. India, Iran vs. Saudi Arabia, The Russian Federation vs. the EU, Nigeria vs. Egypt, Argentina vs. Brazil, etc. Quite by accident in a military lab in the USA, which officially is neutral in the great wars, scientists make the breakthrough for warp drive, with undreamed of faster-than-light speeds enabling humans to travel the diameter of the solar system in a day, with even greater speeds theoretically possible. Because hydrogen bombs have destroyed many of the world’s great cities and dramatically increased background radiation, the remaining humans largely abandon Earth, which slowly reverts to a natural state. Scientists are speculating that some of the surviving great apes will eventually follow the course of human evolution in a general sense. The few remaining humans live in cities shielded from the radiation, while old growth forests cover most of the planet.

SCENARIO 5: Trump calls off the 2020 elections and declares himself leader for life; following a meek struggle, America largely assents. Jews, immigrants, LGBTQ persons, the very poor, journalists, prominent feminists and intellectuals, and many others are portrayed as “the enemies of the people,” rounded up, killed on the spot or sent to concentration camps or simply disappear. This time, humanity ends in 2025 instead of the mid-25th century. The planet is so irradiated by the wars that all multicellular life forms are killed and only a few extremophile bacteria remain. By the time the radiation has died down sufficiently for life to attempt to recolonize the planet, the Sun has begun its exit from the main sequence, is burning helium, and expanding into a red giant, first expanding beyond the orbit of Mercury, then even Venus. Massive solar flares regularly strike the surface of the earth, which has already been sterilized for millennia. The solar flares blast away the remnants of an atmosphere, the remnants of the oceans, and eventually, the crust and mantle of the earth, leaving a Mercury-like planetary core as the innermost planet.

We hope you've enjoyed our twenty-eighth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

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Hope you guys enjoy! Happy Holidays!

Hail NY! The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot off the demonic presses!! Issue XXIX. Feel It Still


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

March 25th, 2018
Issue XXIX. LinkFeel It Still

Index
I. Interview with Cormactopia Prime
II. Spotlight News
-Citadel of Ricks: Get Schwifty
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Druidic Lore and Celtic Christianity
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Tales of the Infernal: The Hitcher

Interview with Cormactopia Prime
Interviewed by, The Stalker

1. Welcome Cormac, tell us what is the origin story of one of gameplay’s greatest savants? You’ve been a defender, a raider, a GCR delegate, and everything in between, where did you get your start?

Well, I started in a n00bish imperialist region most people probably won't remember, called Exshaw. Its Founder was Durkadurkiranistan II, whom many people know simply as Durk and whom older Feederites know as John Ashcroft Land or JAL. I had no idea at the time the reputation he had for couping The North Pacific, but I suppose in hindsight given my own history it's appropriate that I started out in a region he founded. Exshaw thrived for a little while in 2012 while script recruitment was legal on an experimental basis, but when it was made illegal again, Exshaw pretty much crumbled. I briefly tried founding my own region, Asgard, but it only lasted a few months. I landed in the United Defenders League, The North Pacific, and Osiris, ended up focusing mostly on Osiris, and the rest is pretty much history from there.

2. Describe your defender days for us, what was your favorite moment as a defender? Have a favorite mission you did? Would you ever return to being a defender?

My defender days were pretty great. I probably should have stuck with defending, but hindsight is 20/20, as they say. As odd as it sounds, my favorite moments from defending were probably the detagging operations we used to run when I was in the UDL. Most people didn't much care for detagging, and there were times I got tired of it too, but I had a lot of fun detagging with Ravania during minor updates. He had a unique way of making what otherwise seemed like a chore fun and competitive. As far as favorite operations, it's been so long now I'm not sure I could pin down a specific operation as my favorite. Anytime we successfully liberated a region was exciting and exhilarating. I probably wouldn't go back to defending in terms of making it my alignment again, but I wouldn't be averse to helping out with defending operations or anything.

3. Now you’ve also been a raider, tells us about that, what was your favorite moment as a raider? Have a favorite raid you did? Do you currently consider yourself a raider?

My favorite moment as a raider would still have to be Asgard's raid of Christmas back in July 2012. It was Asgard's first successful raid and the first time I was point, and the ensuing battle over Liberate Christmas was a lot of political fun too. Most raids during my time with The Brotherhood of Malice were a good time too. Really the best raids were the ones that I got to do mostly with my friends, I never much cared for the bigger raids involving a lot of regions, because there were invariably people on those raids I didn't like. I've never gotten along particularly well with most raider and imperialist regions. To answer your last question, no, I don't consider myself raider, nor defender. I would say I consider myself neutral, but that's boring, and independence has a whole connotation I don't like. I consider myself Cormac. I'm an alignment of one, really. Like with defending though, I'm not averse to raiding. I do oppose griefing though.

4. You are the Editor-in-Chief of the hard-hitting award winning and sometime conversational Miniluv Messenger, what made you start this newspaper? Have a favorite piece you’ve written? Is Big Brother still watching Gameplay?

It started mostly as a joke after the #miniluv IRC channel was exposed and everyone insisted it was some kind of gameplay conspiracy with me at the center, when in actuality at the time it was just a chat group with my close NS friends. Over time The Miniluv Messenger became more of a legitimate newspaper, and became famous (or infamous, depending on who you ask) for exposés like the article that exposed Operation Brave Toaster in the South Pacific. It was also probably the main source of resistance propaganda during Stujenske's 2015 coup of Lazarus. My favorite piece will probably always be the one I just mentioned, Operation Brave Toaster: Exposed. The impact it had on TSP really can't be overstated, even years later. For better or worse, TSP is in large part the way it is today because of that article and the impact it had on independent hegemony in TSP. Undermining Belschaft opened the door for Glen-Rhodes and others to push TSP in a more defender direction. I'm not sure that outcome thrills me, but it was still better than the alternative that Belschaft & Co. were pursuing at the time.

Big Brother is always watching gameplay. ;) I'm sure The Miniluv Messenger will be back at some point!

5. You’ve spent a lot of time in the various GCRs, including having been Pharaoh of Osiris three times. Describe your time there, what was your favorite moment as Pharaoh? Looking back would you have done anything different? Would you ever pursue becoming a GCR delegate again?

My favorite moment as Pharaoh ironically happened before I was ever Delegate. It was the end of Gatesville's month-long coup of Osiris. Even though the end of that coup was reached through diplomacy rather than military liberation, it was still very satisfying to see that coup end after spending months as a first-time Delegate fighting a coup. There hadn't been a coup of that level of seriousness since Empire's coup of The East Pacific in 2008, so very few people still active in the game really had any idea what they were doing when it came to fighting a GCR coup. There were many times I didn't think the coup would end, so when it did I was relieved Gatesville hadn't kept Osiris, and it was a major accomplishment for me. It was also the last Sinker coup to be defeated. Every Sinker coup since has been successful, which I think illustrates how dire the situation was for us during that coup.

Things I would have done different: Almost everything after that. I regret stepping down as Pharaoh in September 2013 and supporting Astarial's dissolution of the Kemetic Republic of Osiris, which eventually lead to the Osiris Fraternal Order in December 2013, and then to another coup in April 2016. All of that really paved the way for the less active situation that exists in Osiris right now, as well as normalizing subversion and coups to the point that raiders (which I also extend to include imperialists and raider-aligned independents) now control four Feeders and Sinkers through autocratic or oligarchical regimes. I don't think you would have Wolfist Lazarus, for example, if there hadn't first been the Osiris Fraternal Order. So I very much regret all of that, the impact it had on Osiris, and the impact it had on gameplay. I hope eventually these trends will be reversed, and I would like to see that start in Osiris. By their own free will, of course -- I'm not talking about using force. If I've learned anything it's that you can't coup your way to a better region. It just doesn't work out like that.

Would I pursue becoming a GCR Delegate again? Probably not, but you never know with me. I would really like an opportunity at some point to have a normal tenure as Delegate of a GCR just to prove I can actually do that. :P But my days as a GCR Delegate are probably behind me, and that's maybe for the best.

6. If you sold your soul to me, I mean to the Devil, what would you ask for?

An unlimited bank account. You probably thought I would say something NS-related but I mean, really, money. Because obviously.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

Citadel of Ricks: LinkGet Schwifty

The Citadel of Ricks opens its doors, homeland of Rick and Morty fans from all dimensions! *Bluurp* Where you can discuss the show, and even join the Council of Ricks and help run the Citadel!

The place for all your Pocket Mortys action, battle and trade your Mortys with fellow NationStates Ricks! (What is Pocket Mortys?)

The Council of Ricks
The Rick: The Rickest Rick
Second Rick: Rickoria
Rick of Development: The Newly Rebuilt Citadel Of Ricks
Original Rick: Rick Sanchez
Rick of Interdimensional Affairs: TheImperialSociety

Check out the Rickstitution!

President of the Citadel elections are now underway with three Rick candidates running, Rick Sanchez, TheImperialSociety, and Rick f-238.


I want my McNugget dipping sauce Szechuan sauce, Morty!
That's what's gon-it's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty!
Season nine more seasons, Morty! Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce!

LinkLET'S GET RIGGITY RIGGITY WRECKED SON!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Fredd,
Do you celebrate St Patrick's Day in Hell?

Wondering

Wonderbra,
Yep. And just like everywhere else, we use it for an excuse to get drunk.

Fredd
---------

Fredd,
Ok. How about Easter? Surely you don't celebrate Easter in Hell.

Wondering

Wonderbread,
Yep. Easter, too. It's a big deal here. We start the day with the traditional exploding egg and "chocolate" (actually dog crap) demon hunt. Just before lunch, we have the traditional Easter Tequila drinking contest. And for the grand finale, at dusk we have the traditional Eastside vs Westside Knife and Nunchaku Fight. Good times. I love holidays.

Fredd
---------

Dear Fredd,
All of your advise sucks. What's wrong with you?

Disgusted

Dear Disgusting,
My advise sucks because all of the questions are from idiots. Garbage in, garbage out.

Fredd
---------

Fredd,
Bull. You have gotten legit questions. But your answers sound like they were written by a drunk, halfwitted, depraved homeless person.

Disgusted

Disgusting,
Not true. I have a home.

Fredd
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Druidic Lore and Celtic Christianity
Article by, Ingskalla

Celtic culture on the island of of Britain was pervasive before the Saxon invasion around the 6th Century, it was the Romans that subjugated the Brythonic peoples, the Saxons did not invade these Celtic lands until after the Celtic people had been significantly enfeebled by centuries of incessant discordance, conflict, assimilation, and occupation by the Romans The Celtic Solstice traditions are where druids would cut the mistletoe that grew on the proffered oak tree and presented it as an annual blessing. On the solstices of each year the Oak King, representing the light, and the Holly King, representing the dark, would fight, with the Oak King emerging victorious at the winter solstice, enabling the return of the light. The Gaelic tribes of Hibernia (Latin for Ireland) created an entire language known as Ogham which is based on the Sacred Celtic Trees and bear semblance to the Futhark Runes of the North Germanic peoples.

The winter solstice tradition dated to the Proto-Germanic Funnel Beaker of north-central Europe and Bell Beaker Proto Celtic R1b people as evidenced by the underground cairn in Newgrange, Ireland, erected approximately 3200 BC, illuminated on December 21st during the dawning of the Winter Solstice. Regarding Christmas and the relation to the Italic Saturnalia Pagan festival, there is diminutive pertinence to the Picts of the Scottish Highlands or the Gaels of Hibernia who were never occupied by the Romans so their traditions were not adulterated. Celtic Christianity incorporated elements of the old Irish Pagan traditions such as the Triple Goddess/Crone being associated with Saint Bridget and a surfeit of other connections, this was necessary in order to Convert the various Celtic Kings and Princes by providing them with a familiar link to the old spiritual customs, hosted from these Royal houses that the Celts took reverence from so it was important in prosthelytizing to the new Semitic religion of the Levantine desert.

The Irish Monks were renowned throughout Continental Europe where Iona in Scotland and the Monasteries of Ireland were a main hub of higher learning and the Emerald Isle was known as the land of Saints and Scholars where Monarchs, Nobility, and Princes from across Christian Europe received their education at the hands of these exceedingly scholastic Monks. Alas, much of this was put to a cessation when Norwegian Viking raiders beginning around the eight Century and and continuing until the 11th Century when the stranglehold of the Norsemen were finally fractured by Brian Boru of Dál Cais of Munster in Ireland. By this phrase however, much desecration been done with Iona having been largely abandoned and tens of thousands of ascetic holymen slain by the pagan occupiers. Over the course of the ensuing decades, Norwegian settlers that hadn’t sailed to Iceland with their bounty of female thralls or back to the fatherland inevitably assimilated into mainstream Irish society and bewed married ito Celtic nobility, eventually converting to Insular Christianity. It is interesting to remark from analyzing the genetic makeup of contemporary Icelanders, about 18% of males (remaining genetic composition deriving from West Norway) and comparisons of Icelandic mitochondrial DNA in females closely matches Gaelic populations in the British Isles. Several geographical locations in Iceland including Vestmannaeyjar (Westmann Islands), Írafellsbunga (Mountain of the Irish) in Norðurland vestra, and the town of Akranes has stark Hibernian historical influence.

Artwork of the Damned
"Self Portrait"
Collage / minor Origami 26x20 by, The Stalker

The Hitcher...
Tales of the Infernal by, The iron helm
(Retelling of The Hitch-Hiker by The Twilight Zone)

Gather around, you denizens of the dark. Step into the shadows, into places where mortals fear and even the damned dare not venture. These are stories from the other side, the weird, the impossible, the horrifying. All of them different, but in the end, they are all... TALES OF THE INFERNAL...

I'm in an auto camp on Route 66 just west of Gallup, New Mexico.
If I tell it, perhaps it'll help me -- keep me from going - going crazy. I gotta tell this quickly. I'm not crazy now - I feel perfectly well, except that I'm running a slight temperature I think.
My name is Ronald Adams. I'm thirty-six years of age, married, tall, with dark close cropped hair. I’m a Teamster for the Consolidated Freight Company, an I’m driving a 1956 Mack Model R Tractor with the license plate 6Y175189, hauling a load of ball bearings, I’ve got the bills of lading to prove it. I was born in Brooklyn. All this I know. I know that I'm at this moment perfectly sane, that it's not me who's gone mad -- but something else, something utterly beyond my control.
I've got to speak quickly. At any minute the link may break. This may be the last thing I ever tell on earth - the last night I ever see the stars.

Six days ago I left the Brooklyn terminal, bound for California. As I usually do, I called my wife Amanda on the phone to let her know how long I’ll be away and where I’m heading to. “Goodbye Ron, Please be safe on the road, you know how worried I get about you.” She said. “I wish they would just keep you local, I hate there long runs you have to make.
“Oh come on now honey, I’ll be just fine.”
“Oh, I know, dear. I - I'm sorry. But I - I do hate to see you go so far, I can’t help it.” I laughed. “The run is a good one, with these miles I’ll have a swell paycheck coming, I just can’t turn down a good paying trip like this.” I said. She sighed slowly on the other end. “I know, but - you'll be careful, won't you? Promise me you'll be extra careful. Don't fall asleep or drive fast or pick up any strangers on the road. Now I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, I’d been driving a truck since I’d got home from the war, and going this far out was never a worry for me. “Gosh, you'd think I was still seventeen, to hear you talk.” She nevertheless persisted. Promise to wire me as soon as you get to Los Angeles?”
“Of course I will. Look, don’t you worry. There isn't anything going to happen. It's just eight days of perfectly simple driving on smooth, decent, civilized roads with a hot dog or a hamburger stand every ten miles. Everything is going to just fine dear, I love you.”

I remember climbing up into to cab of the red R model after doing my usual pre trip inspection. I was in fine spirits as the engine roared to life and I slowly rolled out of the freight yard in the wee hours. The drive ahead of me, even the loneliness, seemed like a lark.

But I reckoned without him.

Crossing Brooklyn Bridge that morning in the rain, I don’t know exactly what happened, maybe I began to nod off and didn’t notice or maybe another driver just got too close, but I recall swerving as a new model Buick cut in front of me. I swore aloud and worked the sticks quickly, dropping 4 gears quickly as I pulled into the far right lane closest to the side of the bridge. The car sped off as I regained control of the rig, and gradually I began building up speed again. I laughed nervously to myself at my close call. If only Amanda had seen that! It was then, in the early morning mist, that I saw a man - leaning against the cables. He seemed to be waiting for a lift. There were spots of fresh rain on his shoulders. He was carrying a cheap overnight bag in one hand. He was thin, nondescript, with a cap pulled down over his eyes.
I would have forgotten him completely except that just an hour later, while crossing the Pulaski Skyway over the Jersey Flats, I saw him again. At least, he looked like the same person. He was standing now with one thumb pointing west. I couldn't figure out how he'd got there, but I thought probably another truck had picked him up, beaten me to the Skyway, and let him off. I didn't stop for him. Then, late that night -- I saw him again.
It was on the new Pennsylvania Turnpike between Harrisburg and Pittsburgh. It's two hundred and sixty-five miles long with a very high speed limit. I was just slowing down for a curve before one of the tunnels - when I saw him - standing under an arc light by the side of the road. I could see him quite distinctly - the bag, the cap - even the spots of fresh rain spattered over his shoulders. He "Hallooed" at me this time.
“Hellooo! Hellooo!” I rolled by him, watching out the window, wondering if I’d indeed seen him before, then I cleared the curve and I stepped on the hammer like a shot.

It's lonely country through the Alleghenies, and I had no intention of stopping. Besides, the coincidences, or whatever it was, gave me the willies. I stopped at the next filling station to fuel up and take a break. The middle aged attendee came ambling out of the office wearing a pair of old dirty coveralls and an unlit cobb pipe clenched in his teeth. He smiled broadly.
“Evening driver.” His thick and friendly accent put me at ease. “Good evening , do me a favor and fill 'er up will you please?”
“Certainly, sir. Check your oil?”
Knowing I’d checked over the engine before leaving I simply said. “No, thanks.”
“Nice night, isn't it?” He mused dreamily as he stared up at the night sky. “Yes It sure is.” I said. I added quickly. “It hasn't been raining here recently, has it?”
He smiled again merrily as the fuel pump ticked off. “No sir, not a drop of rain all week.” Figuring I’d press him a bit further I said. “Oh? Oh, I - I suppose that hasn't done your business any harm?”
He glanced at the pump and answered in his happy offhand way. “Oh, people drive through here all kinds of weather. Mostly business, you know, trucks and the like. There aren't many pleasure cars out on the turnpike this season of the year.”
I swallowed hard, almost afraid to ask the question. “I suppose not. What, ah - er - ah - What about hitchhikers?
“Hitchhikers? Here?” He chuckled. “What's the matter? Don't you ever see any?” He shook his head, “Not much. If we did, it'd be a sight for sore eyes.” “Why?” I asked as the pump clunked to a stop and the alarm bell clanged.
The attendant shrugged as he hung up the hose once more and screwed the cap back on the truck’s passenger side tank. “Oh, a guy'd be a fool who started out to hitch rides on this road. Look at it.” I glanced out at the lonely dark stretch of road. “Then - you've never seen anybody?” “No. Maybe they get the lift before the turnpike starts. I mean, you know, just before the tollhouse. But then it'd be a mighty long ride. Most cars wouldn't want to pick up a guy for that long a ride. And, you know, this is pretty lonesome country here, mountains and woods. You ain't seen anybody like that, have you?” I laughed aloud trying not to show my unease. “Oh, no. Oh, no, not - not at all. I was just-- Ah, uh, a technical question.” He smiled again. “Oh, I see. Well, that'll be just twenty five forty-nine, with the tax.”

The thing gradually passed through my mind as sheer coincidence. I had a good night's sleep in Pittsburgh. I didn't think about the man all next day until -- till just outside of Zanesville, Ohio. I saw him again.

It was a bright sunshiny afternoon. The peaceful Ohio fields, brown with the autumn stubble, lay dreaming in the golden light and I was driving slowly, drinking it in, when - the road suddenly ended in a detour. In front of the barrier, HE was standing....

Let me explain about his appearance before I go on, there was nothing sinister about him. He was as drab as a mud fence, nor was his attitude menacing. He merely stood there - waiting, almost drooping a little, the cheap overnight bag in his hand. He looked as though he'd been waiting there for hours. And he looked up. He hailed me. He started to walk forward.
Hellooo! Hellooo! I began to feel a horrible feeling of dread and confusion overtake me as I sat there. “No, not just now, sorry!” I yelled. He called out to me. “Goin' to California?!”
“No, no, not today! The other way! Going to New York! Sorry!” I put the rig into gear and turned down the detour, shifting as quickly as I could. After I got back on the road again, I felt like a fool. Yet the thought of picking him up, of having him sit beside me, was somehow unbearable. At the same time I felt - more than ever - unspeakably alone. Hour after hour went by. The fields, the towns, ticked off one by one. The light changed. I knew now that I was going to see him again. And though I dreaded the sight, I caught myself searching the side of the road, waiting for him to appear. I was beginning to hate the truck as I drove on, mile after mile, hour after hour. If I could've found a place to stop, to rest a little... I was in the Ozark Mountains of Missouri now. The few resort places there were closed. Only an occasional log cabin, seemingly deserted. That's all that broke the monotony of the wild, wooded landscape. I knew I'd see him again. Maybe at the next turn of the road. The thought of it, the pure dread of it all began to overwhelm me. He was following me, why I didn’t know, but I knew that when I saw him next -- I would run him down.

But I didn't see him again. I didn't see him until late next afternoon. I'd stopped at a sleepy little junction just across the border into Oklahoma to let a train pass by ... when he appeared across the tracks - leaning against a telephone pole. It was a perfectly airless, dry day. The red clay of Oklahoma was baking under the southwestern sun ... yet there were spots of fresh rain on his shoulders. I couldn't stand that. Without thinking, blindly, I slammed the truck into gear and lurched across the tracks towards him, engine roaring and black exhaust blasting from the stack. I swear before God, didn't even look up at me. He was staring at the ground. I stepped on the throttle hard, veering the wheel sharply toward him. I could hear the train in the distance now, but I didn't care. Then, it happened, something went wrong with the truck, it stalled right there on the tracks.
The train was coming closer. I could hear its bell ringing and the cry of its whistle. Still he stood there. Now I knew that he was beckoning -- beckoning me to my death!
Well ... I frustrated him that time. I frantically worked the choke and the starter worked at last. I managed to back up. When the train passed, he was gone. I was all alone in the hot, dry afternoon.

After that, I knew I had to do something. I didn't know who this man was - or what he wanted of me. I only knew that from now on -- I mustn't let myself alone on the road for one minute. My prayers were answered as up ahead I saw the figure of a person, it wasn’t him as I’d feared, it was a woman, slender and auburn haired, she had her thumb extended for a ride.
I slowed to a stop and open the passenger door, I called to her over the rumble of the big diesel engine. “Uh, hello there! Like a ride?” She smiled and stooped to gather up her suitcase. “Well, what do you think? She laughed. “How far are you goin'?
Not knowing what else to say I managed. “Uh, where do you wanna go?”
“Amarillo, Texas.” She said as she climbed in and slammed the door closed. “I’ll drive you there. I blurted out. Her eyes were sparkling and her smile got bigger. “Gee, that’s wonderful of you mister.”
We began picking up speed as I worked my way through the truck’s gears. She glanced over at me and asked “Uh, you mind if I take off my shoes? My feet are killin' me.” “Go right ahead.” I smiled. “Ohhhh. Gee, what a break this is, let me tell you. It’s tough sometimes in these great open spaces to get anyone coming, let alone anyone to stop for you.”
“Yeah, I should think it would be.” I said. Though I'll bet you get a good pick up in a fast car, if you did, you could get places faster than, say, another person in another car, couldn't you? She looked at me quizzically “I don't follow you mister.”
I licked my lips, trying to stay calm. “Well, take me for instance. Suppose I'm - I'm driving across the country, say, at a nice steady clip, about fifty-five miles an hour. Couldn't - couldn't a girl like you, just standing beside the road waiting for a lift, beat me to town, or any town, provided she got picked up every time in a car doing from sixty-five to seventy miles an hour?” She furrowed her brow and laughed. “I don't know. What difference does it make?” “Oh, no difference.” I managed to say. “It's just a crazy idea I had sitting here.” She smiled at me. “ just imagine spending your time thinkin' of things like that.” “What would you do instead?” I asked. “What would I do? If I was a good-lookin' guy like yourself? Why, I'd just enjoy myself, every minute of the time. I'd sit back and - and relax. And if I saw a good-lookin' girl along the side of the road-- Hey! Look out!” She shrieked as i cranked the wheel to the right and the truck veered to the side of the road then back onto the pavement. “Did you see him, too?” I implored. “See who?” She said concern and fear creeping into her face. “That man, standing beside the barbed-wire fence.” “What? I didn't see - anybody. It was nothin' but a bunch of cows and - and the wire fence. What'd you think you were doin'? Tryin' to run into the barbed-wire fence?” She cried out.
I was beyond control now. I began to rant uncontrollably. “There was a man there, I tell you! A thin, gray man with an overnight bag in his hand.” I slowed down, and deliberately said. And I was trying to run him down.” “You mean - kill him?” She screamed?” She began fumbling with the door. “How does this door work?! I - I'm gettin' outta here!” I stopped the truck and tried to console her, realizing what I’d done. “Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't-- I - I don't know what came over me. Please, don't go!” She snatched her suitcase and jumped out before I could do anything.
She ran from me ... as though - I were a monster.
A few minutes later, I saw another truck pick her up.
I knew then that I was - utterly alone.

I was in the heart of the great Texas prairies. There wasn't a car on the road after the truck went by. Tried to figure out what to do, how to get a hold of myself.
If I could find a place to rest or even if I could sleep right here in the truck for a few hours along the side of the road ...
I was getting my overcoat out of my luggage to use as a pillow, when - I saw him coming toward me - emerging from the herd of moving cattle.
Frantically I started up the truck and sped away as fast as I could.
Maybe I should have spoken to him then. Fought it out, then and there, for now he began to be everywhere. Wherever I stopped, even for a moment - for fuel, for oil, for a drink of pop, a cup of coffee, sandwich - he was there!
I saw him standing outside the auto camp in Amarillo that night when I dared to slow down. He was sitting near the drinking fountain of a little camping spot just inside the border of New Mexico. He was waiting for me outside the Navajo reservation where I stopped to check my tires. I saw him in Albuquerque when I bought twenty gallons of diesel. I was afraid to stop now. I began to drive faster and faster. I was in a lunar landscape now -- the great, arid mesa country of New Mexico. I drove through it with the indifference of a fly crawling over the face of the moon.
Now he didn't even wait for me to stop! Unless I drove at eighty-five miles an hour over those endless roads, he waited for me at every other mile. I'd see his figure, shadowless, flitting before me, still in its same attitude, over the cold, lifeless ground -- flitting over dried up rivers, over broken stones cast up by old glacial upheavals -- flitting in that pure, cloudless air.
I was beside myself when I finally reached Gallup, New Mexico, this morning. There's an auto camp here -- cold, almost deserted, this time of year.

I went inside and asked if there was a telephone. I had the feeling that if only I could speak to someone familiar, someone I loved, I could pull myself together. I slipped in the coins and waited for the operator, when she finally came over the speaker. “Your call, please?”
“Long distance.” I managed to croak. She responded politely. “Long distance? Certainly.” “I'd like - I'd like to put in a call to my home to Brooklyn, New York. I'm Ronald Adams. Um, the number is Beechwood two-oh-eight-two-eight.”
I said.
“Certainly sir. I'll try to get it for you.” I'd read somewhere that love could banish demons, and right now the only person I loved in the world that might be able to help me was half a continent away. It was in the middle of the morning. I knew Amanda would be home. I pictured her, tall and blonde haired, in her crisp house-dress, going about her tasks. It'd be enough, I thought, just to hear the even calmness of her voice. I was daydreaming about just being with her again when the voice of the operator came over the line. “Ready with Brooklyn. Go ahead, please.”
“Hel-Hello, Honey it’s me.” I gasped

A voice I’d never heard before came back. “Mrs. Adams' residence.” “Hello? Hello, Amanda?” “This is Mrs. Adams' residence. Who is it you wish to speak to, please?” Astonished and annoyed, I insisted. “Wha--? Who's this?”
“This is Mrs. Whinney sir, I’ve already told you.” “Mrs. Whinney? I - I don't know any Mrs. Whinney. Is this Beechwood two-oh-eight-two-eight?” “Yes.” She said. “W-w-where's Amanda Adams? Where's Mrs. Adams?” “Mrs. Adams is not at home. She's still in the hospital. Who is this calling, please? Is it a member of the family?” Mortal terror gripped me as never before. “What's she in the hospital for? Is she alright?!” The woman continued. “She's been prostrated for five days. Nervous breakdown you know, Its all taken place since the death of her husband, Ronald.

I can’t describe exactly how I felt at that moment, whether it was fear or anger or concern for my wife that was behind it all. “What's this? What number is this?” I asked. My mouth bone dry, body trembling. “This is Beechwood two-oh-eight-two-eight. It's all been very sudden. He was killed just six days ago - in an automobile accident on the Brooklyn Bridge.”

And so - so I'm sitting here in this deserted auto camp in - Gallup, New Mexico.
I'm trying to think.
Trying to get hold of myself.
Otherwise, I - I'm going to go crazy.
Outside, it's night.
The vast, soulless night of New Mexico. A million stars are in the sky. Ahead of me stretch a thousand miles of empty mesa -- mountains, prairies, desert. Somewhere among them, he's waiting for me. Somewhere I shall know - who he is - and who I am.

We hope you've enjoyed our twenty-ninth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

Read factbook


Hope you guys enjoy!

The last man batalion

Freedom is not a right. Liberty is not a given. This city needs an iron fist to restore order. There shall be no resistance. No matter who stands in our way.
(If you understand the reference props to you)
Just moved here from a far lamer "New York" Region. Saw that its pretty anarchic here and thought I'd settle in nicely.

It's rather docile here.

The last man batalion

Layarteb wrote:It's rather docile here.

sorry the whole"demonic state of hell was misleading"

Hail NY! The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot off the demonic presses!! Issue XXX. Lazarus

Featuring an interview with Imkiville, check it out!


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

May 28th, 2018
Issue XXX. LinkLazarus

Index
I. Imkiville Interview
II. Spotlight News
-The Avengers
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. An Imaginary Take on Lazarus
V. Artwork of the Damned
- The Gods: A TSP Musical
VI. Lazarus Flag Designs

Imkiville Interview
Interviewed by, The Stalker

1. Welcome Imkiville, well known resident of the Game Created Regions, where did you get your start, what is the origin story of Imkiville?

Ahoy there, thanks for having me!

My very first nation was Imkitopia, founded in the South Pacific, around two years ago. Originally I was interested in nothing more than making my imaginary little island nation so I could take part in the roleplay and make graphics for it but as I got more involved in the game I wanted to be a part of the regional community around me and make my own voice heard. As time went on and I met more folk from other regions I wanted to branch out and see more of these other communities as well which led to me making several puppet nations, including Imkiville, to check out these other places and meet more people. I currently have an Imki puppet in every GCR (all with matching flags!). I think Imkiville was created for the UCR, the Kingdom of Alexandria, to begin with before winding up in Lazarus and remaining there since. I've mostly become known around the GCR's for my graphics, having done various work for most of them over time, but I have also been known for my involvement in the South Pacific’s constitutional crisis in 2016 when I was Hileville’s vice delegate, reviving the South Pacific Special Forces in 2017 and most recently for becoming notorious for ruining this year’s NationStates World Fair by simply being there. Chaos seemingly follows me, I manage to find mischief everywhere, but really I just enjoy socialising, having a good time and drawing cool things.

2. Some are calling you the savior of Lazarus, tell us, how did you do it? How did you get into the position to free Lazarus from the wolves? What was your relationship with Lone Wolves Untied? Why did you do it?

Saviour is far too generous a name for me, I'm no saviour, I definitely don't feel like one. I was in Lazarus anyway when Funkadelia ‘seized’ the region. Already on friendly terms with Funk, Lamb, Wolf and Co. I offered to help them with graphics (legitimate or not, you gotta look good!) and since I wasn't doing much else at the time decided to tag along for the rest of the ride. I never intended to ‘free’ Lazarus from the start, my motives were far less noble.. I thought it would be fun and I enjoy a laugh. I'm not a member of LWU (although I was very briefly, l struggled to make updates and resigned after failing to join them for anything.) but I'd done other graphics work and enjoyed hanging out with them so thought, why not?

I helped out with the Undead revamp and was asked if I wanted to do more, started endotarting to boost my endorsements and became a regional officer for them. Funk and Lamb worked hard to make their vision for Lazarus work and I half assedly contributed when I could but my heart wasn't really in it. After the Dominion rebrand I again helped with graphics and continued supporting as an RO but I was beginning to think it was rather futile and I believe the feeling was becoming mutual even among the internal group. I woke up one day to the Wolfist theme next and was told it was just a joke to rile people up which was fine with me, I was becoming a bit bored anyway, so I again went along with it but then it became serious again, with attempts to have Wolfism be taken as the legitimate government of Lazarus and I finally felt the joke had gone too far and decided it was time to do something about it. By this time Wolf had just taken the delegacy after Lamb had resigned but I had more or less already made up my mind to have a little fun of my own.

Ejecting Wolf at minor update I took the delegacy, quickly overturned all the prior placed bans and giving the place an anarchist/warzone theme, partly as a social experiment, partly to symbolise the end of all that had come before but mostly because I thought it was funny as hell. For a week I ran the region as a warzone, undoing all bans after 24 hours and keeping most in the dark about my true intentions. While most freaked out about the anarchy I worked with several great folks behind the scenes and the peacekeepers and council of natives was worked out. I won't kiss and tell but those folks were a great help, they know who they are and I couldn't have done it without them! See, in the end, despite all my shenanigans, I want the same thing everyone else does. A stable, independent Lazarus that can support and run itself. I hope for the best from the con-con underway at the moment and that Lazarus doesn't have to see any more anarchy any time soon.

3. As someone who resides in all the Game Created Regions, which region do you consider your homeland? Do you have a favorite region?

I don't really have a homeland any more. For a long time it was TSP but I haven't quite felt at home there for a while now. I have become rather fond of Lazarus which was why I could no longer sit back and let it be a total joke and I guess I do think of it as home now but I love hanging out with most of the GCRs. It's really is so tricky to pick a favourite! The other sinkers have both been great to me and I've enjoyed hanging out with both Osiris and Balder but think as I have been particularly loving my time there lately I'll have to say the West Pacific is my top favourite at the moment.

4. You are now hosting a Constitutional Convention in Lazarus, tell us about that. What are your hopes for the Con-Con? Who are being allowed to participate? How long will the Convention go for?

My hope with the con-con is that Lazarus will get a chance to rebuild itself, so it can be run how the natives want to run it themselves. I have tried to stay mostly hands off with this process, instead leaving it to my fellows on the council of natives, trusted long term natives; Harmoneia, New Rogernomics, Loftegen, Amerion, Aumelodia and Altmoras, to organise and run the con-con but I have been keeping a watchful eye over proceedings. The hopeful end of con-con is looking to be the start of June currently although things are subject to change so a hard deadline is hard to give. Nobody wants Lazarus in its current state of nothingness for long but at the same time, we do not want to rush anything. Rome wasn't built in a day… I hope the con-con results in a strong constitution for Laz that will last longer than its predecessors.

5. What do you see for Lazarus’s future? Do you plan to continue to play a role in Lazarus after the convention?

I wouldn't want to hazard a guess at Lazarus’ future, I hope the con-con will generate a government that can stand the test of time and blossom into a vibrant and thriving community but who really knows how these things will turn out in the long run. Lazarus is the only GCR I've been actually active in beyond socialising and graphics in for a while now and I have a personal interest in seeing how things turn out considering I set them in motion so I'll definitely be hanging around. I have offered hosting for forums should it be required and agreed to be the custodian of the delegacy for as long as necessary but beyond that, how much of a role I play in the new government is still to be seen. I’m not particularly a political person, I've always said I'm an artist first, and I hope future Lazarus doesn't need me, but if the region wish me to stay and do more, I will. I'll also be keeping an eye out incase things don't turn out so well and I have to dust off the good old Warzone Lazarus flag, it was pretty fun being Anarqueen~.

6. If you sold me, Cough I mean if you sold your soul to the devil, what would you ask for?

Forgiveness for taking so damn long to answer your interview questions? >.> Haha, I'm not really sure, I'm a simple gal with simple pleasures. I'm not sure there's anything much I want in NationStates at the moment other than to be able to keep doing what I love! Offline I have always wanted my very own unicorn… I'm not sure my grubby little soul is worth much though. ;P

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

The Avengers

There came a day unlike any other, when earth's mightiest heroes were united against a common threat!
On that day the Avengers were born! To fight the foes no single hero could withstand!

Avengers Assemble!

The homeland of Marvel fans, and the place to discuss marvel whether it be the comics or movies! The Avengers are the Heroes of NationStates, a free formed organization. Every official Avenger is an independent Hero able to create and lead Avengers activities, lead their own Avenger subdivision, and defend NationStates from evil.

If we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damn sure we’ll avenge it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,

What's this whole Xian thing with resurrection? What IS resurrection? If one dies and is REALLY dead and there is no undying soul, etc., then the resurrected you is not YOU in any meaningful sense, n'est-ce pas? Have you ever been resurrected? started your own religion? gotten sober? ummmm, gone to Vacation Bible School?

Your #1 Fan,

Buer

Boor,
Damn. So many questions before I've had my first mason jar of scotch. Let's see.
I never bought into the resurrection thing. Once your dead, your dead. And despite souls being the main currency here in Hell, that concept seemed a little sketch to me too. While not ever having been TECHNICALLY resurrected myself, I have been dead drunk, dead tired and dead to the world, and come back from that. I have started my own religion, but was shut down by pressure from the IRS, the DEA and the ATF. I try to avoid sobriety as much as possible. I tried it once and it was so hideous I vowed to never go back there again. Believe it or not, a buddy of mine took me to vacation bible school once when i was about 7 or 8. Some ghastly southern baptist thing. They had a contest where you had to come up with something from the bible one after another without repeating anything that was said before. They would have been pissed if they knew that an atheist came in 2nd or 3rd out of 50. Know thine enemy.

Fredd
---------

Dear Fred,
Do you like memes?
How about the DMA?
Sincerely,
Nuclear Wastelands

Wasted Nuke,
Yeah, I like memes. Crying Jordan is one of my faves. As far as the DMA goes, everytime I'm in Dallas, I go visit the DMA. Their Art of the Americas collection is very good and quite extensive.

Fredd
---------

Hi Fredd,
Wandering,
How does one pick up hot demon succubi in hell?

Wander,
They're not very heavy. I can usually pick up one in each arm. Remember the oven mitt. They can be toasty.

Fredd
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

An Imaginary Take on Lazarus
Article by, Your Imaginary Friend

Lazarus has a complicated history. Governments have been couped and reestablished, built up only to be left behind by the next wielder of power. This long-term instability has led to very interesting community dynamics.

I joined Lazarus in late 2017, bored with my former RP region and intrigued by news of some coup/rebellion happening in the region. I applied for citizenship in The Undead Union under Funk. Many others had joined the region during the coup, looking for excitement like me or perhaps hoping to gain easy power, and members of the former government (Celestial Union) also added to the clamor with their cries to restore the old order. I jubilantly immersed myself in this flurry of activity, but in the following months Lazarus grew inactive. Those who had come for the lols returned to their own communities and power-grabbers realized Funk was not going to just hand them the delegacy. Many dedicated Lazarenes who had previously made up the region's community had spoken out during Funk's establishment of The Undead Dominion but were now forced out of Laz and had given up on returning to their homeland. This tear in the region's core community led Lazarus into stagnation.

Of course, there were still some people actively participating in the new Lazarus. These were generally either people new to the region who were looking for something to do, natives who didn't openly oppose the new regime, and Funkadelia and his close supporters. One might expect a new community to have grown in the place of the old, as these three groups connected with each other over time. This did happen to some degree, but to a very small degree.

Funkadelia and his government, since they had angered so many natives, tended to view every new person as an infiltrator or subversive for the Celestial Union. New people trying to get involved (like me) were immediately under suspicion of trying to gain political influence and steal control of the region from Funk, so he and his friends were wary in allotting responsibilities to those they did not know personally. This, while probably an intelligent discrimination on their part, led to fewer people becoming involved in Lazarene politics and thus really developing a regional community. Also many of the natives who were (at least on the surface) okay with The Undead Union were either not interested in regional politics or just didn't want to get kicked out. These did not often care to get involved in TUD or its resulting government and community.

Imki's rise to power brought drastic changes to this muddly situation. Suddenly all the drama queens and power-grabbers from the last power shift were back, along with an array of loyalists to Lazarus' various former governments who were looking to reinstate their groups. What Lazarene community had accumulated under The Undead Dominion and Khanate scattered at this point among newly created factions, or disappeared completely with the regimes they had supported.

I'm not going to discuss the community dynamics during Warzone Lazarus week very much. Suffice to say it was chaos: groups deciding issues they had no power to influence and arguing over past mistakes that had long been paid for.

However, Lazarus now is very interesting. The mad confusion has ceased substantially, although Laz is still a point of interest judging by the number of entirely unaffiliated visitors to our discord. Obviously the region has not entirely settled its social stratas and community, but the patterns appearing are rather intriguing to me. At the moment, government organizational decisions are made by a group of councilors. From what I have gathered, all of these individuals have been influential members of Lazarus before and most are also involved in other game-created regions' governments. I expect having this experienced core of leadership that is respected by other powerful regions and has a wide scope of vision on the NS world will help the new Lazarene government to be established securely and appropriately.

As an observer of their procedures thus far, I am impressed by the council's cautious, but I think reasonable, approach towards constitution building. Instead of immediately deciding on a constitution, time is being given to make sure all thoughts can be given and considered. The discussion is not open to all, but even former members of The Undead Dominion or Khanate who wish to continue their involvement in Lazarus have been included (like me :P). I hope this more expansive policy will result in a more diverse community and not be a safety hazard!

Artwork of the Damned
"The Gods: A TSP Musical"
Musical by, Auphelia

Act One

One stormy night TSP, thunder booms, making Aumeltopia cry in fear ("The Storm"). To comfort her, her mother, Land Without Shrimp tells her the story of Si-topia, a citizen who falls in love with a government official, Midand, while they both lean against the trunk of a large tree whose leaves protect them from the storm. In this story, four gods (Auphelia, Mother of the Earth; Erinor, Father of the Ocean; Escade, Goddess of Love; and Tilipria, God of Death) rule the Southern Pacific where poor peasants worship them and rich government officials scoff at their legends ("The Gods and The Men"). The peasants live on one side of the Southern Pacific, and the government officials live on the other side. One day, Erinor unleashes a terrible storm upon the island, which in turn causes a disastrous flood, wiping out many villages and killing many villages. However, Auphelia has mercy and saves the life of a little orphan named Si-topia by placing her in a tree above the flood's waves ("Mother Loves You"). She is found and adopted by the peasants Quiescent and The navian islands ("This Little Girl").

Years afterwards, a grown-up Si-topia prays to the gods to let her know her purpose, and to let her be like the powerful government officials that occasionally pass near her village ("Waiting For The Future"). Hearing her plea, the gods laugh at her, Auphelia explaining to the other gods how much she has already given the girl ("Too Much is Not Enough"). However, Escade says that she will give the girl the power of love, proclaiming it to be the most powerful of the elements. Offended, Erinor and Auphelia leave in anger, grumbling to each other, while Tilipria proposes a bet to Escade to prove which is stronger: love or death. They get Auphelia and Erinor to come back and the gods devise a plan to see who will win, with Auphelia and Erinor as judges and facilitators of the bet. Each god will be allowed to give Si-topia one gift in this competition, to be used however they see fit. Erinor arranges for the ship of Midand, a young government official, to crash during a storm so that Si-topia may meet him and heal him ("It Begins"). Despite the objections of the other peasants including her own parents, Si-topia helps the rich man recover ("Healing"). Si-topia falls in love with the stranger and as she cares for the unconscious man, she imagines he loves her too. When Tilipria comes to take Midand's life, Si-topia cries out and blocks the arm of Tilipria, offering her life in exchange for Midand's so that he will not die ("I Will Be Yours"). Tilipria is angry that Escade has won this first round but, hinting he will return – sooner or later, as her life now belongs to him ("You Will Be Mine"). The gods meet, with Auphelia and Erinor both deciding to award a point to Escade. Tilipria storms off and soon Erinor and Escade leave as well, chatting, as Auphelia begins to sing, wondering why her children have to be so divided ("The Gods and The Men, Reprise").

Tired of his daughter always fawning over the unconscious Government Official man, The Navian Islands travels to the other side of the Southern Pacific to seek Midand's family. When he returns, he brings with him the story of Midand's people: many generations ago, an Aristocrat from Hell named The Stalker colonised the Pacific. Although The Stalker had a wife, he had affairs with several natives, one of which bore him a son, named Tim Stark. When Tim grew up, war broke out between the peasants and the Hell colonisers. The peasants won the war with Tim's help, but before leaving the Pacific, The Stalker curses Tim and his descendants saying their Pacifican blood will always run with the salt of the sea, and as long as it does they will forever be banished from Hell. To this day the curse causes grief to the Pacific Government Officials, who are almost all distantly related to Tim ("The Poor Rich"). The Government takes Midand back to his home, while he is still unconscious. Si-topia is tearfully separated from Midand and tells her parents that she will go after Midand to marry him. Her parents refuse, and after several escape attempts they lock her in a tower, insistent that she will soon come to her senses. Inconsolable, Si-topia refuses to let anything get in her way, and if she cannot be with Midand then she will gladly embrace death, repaying the debt she owes ("Moonlight Promise"). Tilipria arrives at the bottom of the tower and reaches for her as she jumps from a distance that should kill her, but Auphelia, nearby, shoots a palm tree from the earth and catches Si-topia, gently resting herself on the ground. Unaware of the gods, Si-topia realises she is free and quickly leaves before her parents find that she had escaped ("On The Run"). When Tilipria angrily confronts Auphelia and demands to know why she used her gift on this, she explains that if Si-topia were to have died then no one would have won, as she would have died for love. Tilipria grumbles, but reluctantly realises she is right and agrees not to tell the gods what Auphelia did. They disappear into the night as Si-topia leaves to find the capitol, where the Government resides and she will be able to find Midand.

During her travels, she encounters the goddess Auphelia who tells her not to fear as the Earth will give her everything she needs on her journey to Midand, as long as she is prudent and knows where to look ("Land of Plenty"). Si-topia travels across the Pacific ("Journey For Love"). A montage of her trials along the difficult journey to the capital, until she eventually make it through the gates of the city and finds Midand's house ("Journey For Love, Reprise"). Midand, still ill and unable to walk, does not remember her but believes her after she describes the scar on his chest. As they stay together, Escade gives them the gift of love, using her turn ("A Gift of Love"). Over the next few days Midand and Si-topia fall in love. Midand ignores the gossiping of the government officials ("Scandalous") over the unlikely relationship of a government official and a poor peasant. Midand loves how Si-topia is so different from the rich girls in his life, but Si-topia begins to wonder if he only loves her because she is a new and shiny object to him, and if he will cast her aside for the next big thing ("Spark").

Several months later, there is a large government ball held in the capitol building, with all of the government officials attending ("The Ball"). During the ball Midand and Si-topia have a good time, laughing and dancing, but suddenly a new girl comes in, Land Without Shrimp ("New Girl"). Midand and Si-topia continue to dance, but Si-topia notices his gaze begin to waver ("It's Happening"). At the end of the ball, for the final dance, LWS walks up to Midand and asks for his hand. Agreeing, Midand leaves Si-topia behind and goes to be with LWS, leaving Si-topia alone and humiliated ("It Happened"). She flees from the ball, mortified, and looks what she has become: a rich girl who has forgotten where she came from ("Who Am I?"). She weeps bitterly on the steps of the capitol, wishing she could go back and let Midand die back in her village, not having to know this heartbreak. Tilipria reappears and reminds Si-topia of her promise to exchange her life for Midand's – but says she can revoke the bargain if she kills Midand ("You Will Be Mine, Reprise"). The God of Death gives Si-topia a dagger that will harvest Midand's soul with a touch ("A Gift of Death"). Si-topia, crazy with bitterness and hate, enters Midand's room with the dagger, plunging it into his heart and killing him. Even as she does the deed she feels bitter remorse and cries over his dead body, her salty tears falling onto him. Taking pity on her, Erinor uses her tears to heal Midand, bringing him back to life ("A Gift of Water"). Midand, seeing the knife but not remembering he was killed, has Si-topia arrested for attempted murder.

In her prison cell in the centre of the Pacific, Si-topia reflects on what has brought her here, and wonders how her life came to be like this, going down the road it has. Her door opens and standing in the doorway is Midand, who has come to say goodbye. Si-topia has been found guilty and is set to hang for her crimes. He tells her that he is sorry, and he never meant to hurt her ("Apology"). Then he leads her to the execution field. On the field a crowd jeers at her, anticipating her hanging. Four figures stand to the side, silent. One is in robes of green, one in blue, one in red, and one in black. No one seems to notice them but Si-topia, who laments for her lost life ("Lamentation of a Girl"). As the noose is fitted around her throat she realises the figures on the sidelines are the gods, and cries out for them to save her. As the stool is kicked out from under he the figure in green raises her hands, and the rope snaps, letting Si-topia fall onto the ground. It is too late however, and she is quickly dying, confirmed by the figure in black, Tilipria. The figure in green, Auphelia, begins to sing and slowly Si-topia goes still, turning into a tree to end her suffering ("A Gift of Earth"). The other gods watch on in silence as the Earth Goddess works her magic, and Si-topia grows into a large tree, her trunk strong and her branches healthy. The gods stay for a moment and sing to her, blessing her and expressing remorse at how they treated her life like it didn't matter, before leaving the scene with the crowd. The stage goes dark, and a storm begins. The lights go up again and the storm breaks, revealing Land Without Shrimp and Aumeltopia where they were at the beginning of the story. The storm is over, and so is the story. LSW stands up to leave and Aumeltopia stands as well, but LSW tells her daughter to stay. Aumeltopia asks why, and LSW reveals that Aumeltopia is actually the daughter of Si-topia, having been born from the tree several months after it was created. When Aumeltopia asks why it matters, Tilipria appears, and LSW walks off, leaving the girl with the god. The God of Death tells Aumeltopia that her mother never kept her promise, not having killed Midand and not dying herself as she is a tree, and explains that now Aumeltopia will have to pay the price. Aumeltopia tries to run but the God just laughs and throws out his hand, killing the girl instantly as she falls into a tangle of roots by the trunk of the tree. He too leaves, and the stage goes dark, the little girl cradled in the roots of her mother.

Lazarus Flag Designs
Flags by, Imkiville, Ikania, and The Church of Satan

Imkiville Flags'

Fire phoenix symbol I originally made for anarchy week but thought it was a little too... I dunno, good? To set the tone so made the anarchy one to use instead. :P Harm and the other councillors liked it so it got thrown up in the interim.

Ikania Flags'

Here's the design most people seemed to like over anything. I took inspiration from our traditional Phoenix iconography, a hint of Japanese influence and decided to embrace green as our color.

I also made this one, several months back. It would be more fitting for a return to our previous Chinese-Oriental theme, although the Greek style outlines of the flag leave room for creativity, in my opinion.

And lastly, I made this years back, long before any of the current things were happening, as an option for a possibly Japanese-themed Lazarus, or Japazarus. I think there may be too many negative associations with the red stripes and the rising sun to be used as an official regional flag, but I always liked it.

The Church of Satan Flags'

First of all, every flag I design is loaded with symbolism. The first theme that was suggested was a Mayan theme. This is the first flag I designed for the new Lazarus government. In Mayan culture the color red is symbolic of rebirth. At the same time the black is symbolic of death. Not only are both of these descriptive of the purpose for which Lazarus was created but they are also representative of the fact that our government was born from the ashes of the inactive government Lazarus has had over the last year since the initial coup. In this instance the Mayan calendar is meant to be symbolic of a long and stable government that will hopefully last as long as that of our allies over in The Rejected Realms. The Mayan borders going in a cross-pattern just make the whole design work.

With this flag the theme is “freedom from oppression.” I wasn’t quite prepared to go back to the phoenix symbolism just yet since it’s been used for so many Lazarene governments before us. As a result I decided to take a Native American approach for this design. In Native American culture the eagle symbolizes freedom. Yellow symbolizes intellect and determination. Blue symbolizes wisdom and determination. Finally, the green symbolizes endurance, as I'm sure we all hope it will endure. The broken arrow symbolizes peace. The overall design is admittedly simple.

A Celtic theme garnered a lot of popularity in discussion. Now initially I’d made this flag with a blue background however popular criticism saw a preference for white. It does look nice though I personally like the blue background better. This still works! In Celtic culture white represents, among other things, potential. The potential I know this next government will have to create a bright future for the region. The trinity knot, also called the triquetra, according to the Celts is representative of (among many things) the three domains: earth, sky and sea. The green represents the healing and growth Lazarus will experience over the next year. The gold just looks nice.

This particular flag was made by McChimp with a Celtic theme in mind so I can’t speak to the symbolism for it aside from the trinity knot.

This flag was made with an east asian theme in mind. The initial suggestions when this theme came up in discussion were the jade background and the dragon. Having the dragon encased in a circle was specifically asked to be excluded so I thought it’d look nice within the taoist Ba Gua. In Chinese culture the dragon represents power, strength and luck. It was met with moderate support.

The phoenix theme however remains popular among Lazarenes so I was left with no choice but to design this flag. This one was a collaboration between New Rogernomics, Wintermoot and myself. For the first design I’d made it with a black background and the phoenix was encased within the circle. Wintermoot suggested that the phoenix be bursting gloriously out of the circle. After experimenting with numerous colors for the background a light grey led us to the steely blue background it has now. New Rogernomics did an excellent job of cleaning up the circular border and the phoenix. Now I was unaware when I made the first version of the flag but that phoenix apparently comes from My Little Pony. How in the world is that a pony!? Before that knowledge was revealed this flag was undoubtedly considered by all to be our best proposed flag. Once that knowledge came to the surface a lot of people flocked away from it for fear that it would attract bronies but I maintain that it is our best flag and would still vote for it above all others as our regional flag. It was a lot of fun working with New Rogernomics and Wintermoot on this flag.

We hope you've enjoyed our thirtieth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

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Hope you guys enjoy!

Spangled

Hey

Spangled wrote:Hey

Welcome to NY!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Years indeed New York!!!

Hail NY! Since we get the occasional embassy request, I thought it would be best to compile the regional embassy policy that's on the books. I've also pinned it to the WFE for future reference.

Law #11: Embassy Policy Revised


Embassies can be established with New York in any of the following conditions:

  1. On request with regions that have diplomatic relations with the region of New York.

  2. On request by the founder, WA Delegate, Head of Assembly, Foreign Minister, or majority Assembly vote.*

  3. On request by any region that fulfils the following requirements:

    • Is at least 3 months old

    • Has at least 15 nations

    • Has messages on the RMB newer than 30 days

    • Has no more than 30 embassies total

(Enacted: Link23 February 2012; Author: Devil; LinkRegional Law Archive)


* On 03 June 2016, New York joined the Kingdom of Hell, by the willful decree of it's residents and remaining elected government (including the consent of the founder Gell-Mannhattan). Thereafter, the region of New York has been equally ruled by the triumvirate (of LinkPandæmonium) known as the Council of New York, consisting of Devil as the King of Hell, and Layarteb and Nova-Lox as Demon Princes of New York. The Council of New York's rule acknowledges the LinkNY Constitution and Linkregional laws, but also ultimately supersedes the existing law of the land (thereby assuming the powers of the State Assembly, Executive Officers, Ministries and Government Offices) until further notice. On 30 March 2017 the region's borders were opened to the public.

Read dispatch

I hope my fellow demonic Council of New York members are doing well.

NBC Radio 2

It's February so that means its Black History month in the US and Canada. I challenge you to celebrate of black history, accomplishments and culture all year round.

"Remember, I Said Tomorrow" by Swamp Dogg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QPlZo9OZj8

NBC Radio 4

"Ballad of the Sad Young Men" by Roberta Flack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vjR2K6208Q

NBC News

In honour of International Women's Day tomorrow, 08 March 2019, let's celebrate the contributions of (Jewish) women in the field of science:

https://www.heyalma.com/5-female-jewish-scientists-you-should-have-learned-about-in-school/

I hope you can think of other notable and important women to add to this list too (e.g., Emmy Noether, albeit a mathematician), and who are not solely Jewish (like myself). Let's advance humanity by creating a balanced and an equitable world!

https://www.internationalwomensday.com

#WomensDay #BalanceforBetter #IWD2019

Radio Rosa

Hola from the sixth borough! To me, this jazz composition by Benny Golson exudes New York. Maybe its because it was included in Benny Golson's New York Scene 1957 debut album or because I associate it with my rampages of vehicular homicide in Liberty City, Grand Theft Auto IV's pastiche of New York, whilst listening to the JNR jazz radio station. In either case, here's Dizzy Gillespie playing "Whisper Not" from Birks' Works.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcyEwOt3knI

Congratulations to our Founder Gell-Mannhattan for being no. 3 most stationary or longest regional residency in the world, with my fellow Demon Prince Layarteb at no. 5. These two are a couple of loyal New Yorkers!

Ooozah!

Hail New York!

N-Day 4 begins in 1 days. Last time we took 2nd place, time for the Horsemen of the Apocalypse to ride again!

LinkAnd I heard as it were the noise of thunder, One of the four beasts saying come and see and I saw, and behold...

The Count Down: page=news

It's time for round four my friends, The Horsemen of the Apocalypse ride once again.

Hell, Underworld, Glass Gallows, Middle Earth, Hippy Haven, Citadel of Ricks, The Order of the Grey Wardens, Lily, and bringers of the apocalypse reunite for round four.

For those not around last time and for those of us in need of a refresher please read over the NS News dispatch here; page=dispatch/id=874170

Simple Version.
1. Join faction to start building production
2. Spend Production on missiles or shields
3. Use missile to strike foes for points, use shields to stop incoming missiles
4. Read ^ dispatch, V read the Plan.
5. Be on the Discord! >>> LinkHERE! <<<

The Plan
Like last time we work from the shadows again. We don't start fights or hit randomly, we won't draw blood, we will slaughter them all at once. We will focus on small or inactive groups. We will avoid taking strikes and create truces.

Best way to avoid becoming a repeated target will be to keep our defense strong, if they can't land a strike on us, and we don't attack them, they will move on. While we'll focus on earning points.

I wanna encourage folks to have a 40% offense, 60% defense slant on production. Particularly at the start of the game and while people are more active. At the start we will see a lot of attacks coming in from everywhere, so have your defenses ready. Remember it is better to stop the first attack to discourage future attacks, strikes only get easier later on.

All of this will be organized through our discord.

Altmoras is the Lord of War, leader of the Horsemen, follow his orders.

FAQ
How many nations to use?

Short answer, as many as you can manage, and in relationship to the time you plan to put in.

Everyone should use at least one nation, if you plan to put in the time and effort use a few more. Remember you build resource/"production" only when the nation is in the Faction. Allowing you to buy shields and missiles, more nations means more you can build up, have one nation just for defense, one for missiles, etc.

However more nations also means more targets for our foes to target! So you gotta pull the weight of the nations you use. Lots of inactive targets is bad, what we want is the right amount of active folks making best use of the max production they can handle.

Does this affect my nations stats??

No! There are no long term repercussions.

Horsemen Scores of prior N-Days
N-Day I: We made it into 30th for top strike, our offense was on point. However we didn't have nearly enough defense, we also attacked indiscriminately, started fights, and got mass attacked by everyone in return.
Member Regions: Hell, Underworld, Glass Gallows, Middle Earth, Hippy Haven, and bringers of the apocalypse.

N-Day II: We made it into 12th place with 12,606 strikes, and only taking 5,827 hits.
Member Regions: Hell, Underworld, Glass Gallows, Middle Earth, Hippy Haven, and bringers of the apocalypse.

N-Day III: We rocked the house taking 2nd place thanks to the tireless work of Altmoras, with 67,539 strikes, and only taking a mere 39 hits.
Member Regions: Hell, Underworld, Glass Gallows, Middle Earth, Hippy Haven, Citadel of Ricks, and bringers of the apocalypse.

N-Day IV: We won. We came in 1st. 332,564 strikes and not a single hit landed on us. We are the Kings of the Apocalypse!! Great work to all involved, special thanks to organizer and leader of the Horsemen Altmoras!
Member Regions: Hell, Underworld, Glass Gallows, Middle Earth, Hippy Haven, and bringers of the apocalypse.Hell, Underworld, Glass Gallows, Middle Earth, Hippy Haven, Citadel of Ricks, The Order of the Grey Wardens, Lily, and bringers of the apocalypse.

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
And I looked and behold, a pale horse
And his name that sat on him was Death
And Hell followed with him.

Read factbook

We won.

That's right, we came in 1st. 332,564 strikes and not a single hit landed on us. We are the Kings of the Apocalypse!!

Great work to all involved, special thanks to organizer and leader of the Horsemen Altmoras!

The Stalker wrote:We won.

That's right, we came in 1st. 332,564 strikes and not a single hit landed on us. We are the Kings of the Apocalypse!!

Great work to all involved, special thanks to organizer and leader of the Horsemen Altmoras!

Wish I hadn't missed it!!! Too busy with work!

Just flying thru on our way south. Had a long, long flight, so we hope you're open for visitors.

~pitches tent, lites campfire~

Come on over and share our bounty while we wait for a few friends to join us.

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