by Max Barry

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Homelands RMB

WA Delegate (non-executive): The Black Moon of Viscondy (elected )

Founder: The Dank Republic of Pokemanland

Last WA Update:

Board Activity History Admin Rank

Most World Assembly Endorsements: 1,334th Nudest: 1,376th Most Nations: 1,528th+7
Most Inclusive: 1,584th Most Rebellious Youth: 1,940th Most Compassionate Citizens: 2,141st Largest Publishing Industry: 2,141st Most Cultured: 2,198th Largest Information Technology Sector: 2,288th Nicest Citizens: 2,343rd
World Factbook Entry

Welcome nation, to the region of Homelands!
If you plan to stay, we hope you enjoy your stay! If you are visiting, make sure to enjoy yourself while you're here!
Homelands is a home to things like Zombies, whatever a Viscondy is, Pink sea urchins, Giant purple spiders and Pokemans! Homelands is a region that isn't biased in favour of one ideology or another, so anyone left or right can serve in government.
Homelands is a great place to stay because we have an awesome community who loves to have fun!
We are a member of SCUT. More info can be found in the dispatch pinned below. SCUT discord:

Embassies: Holy Byzantine Eurasian Confederacy, Groland, East of West, The Homeland, The Bar on the corner of every region, Pacific Alliance, The Illuminati, Donald Trump Land, New World Union, Eladen, 0000, Nintendo, Ancient Lands, Dominican Republic, Crodown, Arcem, and 297 others.Bus Stop, Brasil, The Glorious Nations of Iwaku, The Communist Bloc, Capricornarius, Minoa, The United Islands of the Atlantic, Laotis, The Thunder Territory, The Great Region, Sudan, Hollow Point, The Great Experiment, Hellenic Civilization, Dauiland, Superiorem Merionem Region, The Free Nations Region, New World Alliance, The Embassy, Esamir, Maryland, Arconian Empire, International Debating Area, North Turkestan, The Straw Hat Pirates, The Great Wonderland, Gay Equality, Dune, Warhammer 40000, The Doctor Who Universe, United States of America, Independent Powers of the New Earth, Future Earth, The Honorary Allied Nation States, Genuan Rebirth, Eastern Roman Empire, Turkic Union, My Little Pony Equestria, The Confederacy Of Kishkhat, The Dank Meme Alliance, Galts Gulch, Singapore, Galactic Imperium, Haiku, The heights of Chantilly, Undertale, Nesapo, Anteria, The United Caribbean Island Alliance, The Pacific Republic, Illinois, Solar Alliance, Sikh Empire, Florida, The Duix Conglomerate, LCRUA, The Edge Union, Carnival of Souls, St Abbaddon, Hippy Haven, The Empire, Heavens Nethers, Ozzy, APSIA, Deepfall, The Mystical Council, The Graveyard, Regionless, Night Rise, Matheo, Solid Kingdom, The International Coalition, The Erviadus Galaxy, The Great NS Expedition Headquarters, Union of Proletarian States, Markion, The Atheist Empire, Sunalaya, Right to Life, Trade Federation, United Empire of Islam, Free Market Federation, Autism Spectrum, The Federative, The Republic Nations, The Meme Must Go On, World, Libertas Nova, The Sense of Right Alliance, A Hole To Hide In, Australialia, Federation of Planets Headquarters, The Average Confederacy, Hapes Consortium, Elvarya, Icarus, The Holy Reich of Bunicken, The Commonwealth Times, Scandinavia, Kylden, Velenovia, The Republican Story Vault, True Left Movement, Nauru, United Poland Union, Ultimaverse, The Peaceful Coffee Shop In Chicago, Asiana, The Empire of Friendship, Repubblica Italiana, Kesmor of Draconos, The League of Socialist States, Celtic warrior, Pigsty Steppes, End 500, Suffolk, Regional Highway, New Apoloin, Pisces Centauri, Mapperdonia, The Satellite of Love, Mahtomedi, Duwang, Northumbria, Eientei Gensokyo, Vandoosa, Ogeirg Valley, The Great Universe, Terran Blood, fluffy squishfish, Future Milky Way, CHEESESFTW, The Stellae, Union of Nationalists, Commonwealth States, Chinese Republic, Remnants of Hyrule, Steam Islands, The Commonwealth of Royals, Greenland Region, Sakartvelo, Elemental Nations, The Popptart Empire, NationStates World Regions, Pandoran States, The Ocean, One big Island, North Carolina, Pawnsilvania, Steve, Galactic Federation of Nations, RGBN, Organized States of Kappa, South Asia, The Free Republican States, Krillin, Maldives, Ozymandium, International Republican Union, North Dakota, China, The Affiliation of Allied States, Russia, Z0mb13 sanctuary, AEGIS Alliance, Mar A Lago Club, The Warden World, The Legion of STS Nations, Underworld, Where anyone can be anything, Democratic States of the United Republic, Avadam Inn, South Pacific, Federation of Greater German Republics, The Star Wars Galaxy, Societatem, The Farm, The Arab League Congress, Democratic States Alliance, The United Federation of Capitalists, Diamond Citadel, Trinidad and Tobago, United Imperial Union, DBA, Imperium Figarium, Taiwan, The Indian Subcontinent, The New Mappers Union, POLATION, Reality, The Transgender Region, The Savage Garden, Happy Utopia, Horacemann, Star Wars, Babylon 5, Galactic Republic, The Alliance of The Golden Phoenix, Algrenery, Nir, Grand Land of Direct Democracy, Star Frontiers, Joint Operations Space Command, Ivory Tower, The Persian Empire, Kingdoms of Abisa, The Glamorgan Vale, Republic of Russia, Automationverse, Aetherius, Krumpelberg, Association of Liberal Democratic States, Palmyra Tudmur, The Imperial Dominion, The Three Kings, Limbo, Union of Saxon Justice, IDA Parliament, The Bates Motel, Isla Variatas, Pluviostan, Orthanc at Isengard, Indian Sub Continent, NationStates Central Bank, Yuno, Order of the Southern North, Trevelyan, The Geometric Equanimity TGE, Worldly Debate Region, Astural, Andarios, The Exalted Lands, the realm of insanity, United HeyZayian Galaxy, Question Mark, Free Nations League, Sex, The Gordo Alliance of Got Beef, The Turtle Isles, Democritus, The Sands, Parkland, The Land of Extremes, International sovereignty pact, The International Polling Zone, The Lands Of Guacamole, Socialist Middle East, Redwall Abbey, Yarnia, Organization of United Sovereign States, Loamhedge, India, Freedom and Justice Alliance, The United Nations of Justopia II, The Great Chili, The Central Atlantis, Moneylania, The SOP, NS April Fools Day Jokes, Exoplanet One, Silverhold, Canterbury, Villa, Public Telegrams, Gypsy Lands, United Nations of Earthlings, The Casa Grande Alliance, Elparia, The Radiant, Alliance of Puppet Nations, The New Kingdom, Pagan Rose, Shrayan Bose, The World of Pilazzio, The NationStates Police Department, RHINIA, Novo Brasil, Where Anyone Can Be Anything V2, Knights Unite, Nova Roman Empire, Federation of Sortalasia, New Trexesel, Eastmarch Hold, The Remnant of Alkmon, The Central Steppes, Commonwealth of Furries, SECFanatics, Lardyland, Grand Alliance of Free Nations, Canborat, Wakanda Republic, Royal Assembly of the Third PCWZ Empire, The Mathornian Commonwealth, Abydos, Breakfast for Champions, The Mank Deem Alliance, and The Real United Micronations.

Construction of embassies with The Dead Meme Alliance has commenced. Completion expected .

Construction of embassies with I want to figure out something has commenced. Completion expected .

Tags: Anime, Democratic, Magical, Medium, Multi-Species, Regional Government, Role Player, Serious, Snarky, Video Game, and World Assembly.

Homelands contains 11 nations, the 1,528th most in the world.

Today's World Census Report

The Highest Poor Incomes in Homelands

The World Census studied the spending power of the poorest 10% of citizens in each nation.

As a region, Homelands is ranked 3,988th in the world for Highest Poor Incomes.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The United States of Kliment OhridskiCivil Rights Lovefest“Site za Kliment Ohridski”
2.The Dank Republic of PokemanlandInoffensive Centrist Democracy“Harness the power of the litcoin”
3.The Undead Zed Head of Z0mb13Left-Leaning College State“We came to turn the night to our playground.”
4.The Stellar Samurai Warriors of Tsutsui ClanInoffensive Centrist Democracy“Imperial Andarian Ambassator!”
5.The Black Moon of ViscondyNew York Times Democracy“Nobody gonna walk on water when it falls like acid rain”
6.The Republic of KriofraneInoffensive Centrist Democracy“We Will Endure”
7.The Republic of AbottianaDemocratic Socialists“You can't always get what you want”
8.The United States of AguchiaInoffensive Centrist Democracy“Advance in science, believe in Aguchigu”
9.The Dictatorship of HeavelonicPsychotic Dictatorship“You Can't Stop Progress”
10.The Republic of Ozzy Loves Muwatali MonroeCapitalist Paradise“Blood is the most glorious shade of blue.”

Last poll: “Only people with an IQ over 401 will understand this”

Regional Happenings


Homelands Regional Message Board

The April 2018 issue of The Commonwealth Times is here!

The month of April has seen some changes in and out of SCUT. Many things have been happening that are setting the stage for an interesting summer.

Here are some headlines from within The Commonwealth

Due to some turmoil in and out of NS, congressional elections have been pushed back to May. We'll be holding executive elections in June. Citizens interested in the offices can check the point tracker to see if they are eligible for candidacy.

As we covered last month, La Navasse posted a WASC Draft that targets SCUT. It was getting ripped to shreds in the forums and La Navasse finally threw in the towel on April 15. He referenced resubmitting the proposal again the following week, but that did not happen. Whether he resubmits it again or not has yet to be seen.

On April 8, 2018, the Commonwealth Congress voted to make "bob"ism our official religion. What does this mean? Well - nothing really. It's technically on the books but it's pretty much a joke. It's our own religious version of that UK census poll where everyone said they were Kekistani.

This has already made headlines everywhere but here's a rundown of what happened. The former leader of the UCR (Union of Confederate Regions) - Langor empire - was having inappropriate relations with minors. That's about as far into detail as we'll go. What they did was absolutely disgusting and unforgivable. The two things that need to be delivered to them are justice and professional help. This was also a stab in the back to us. The UCR was once our ally, and they did something this horrible. It's unforgivable. Langor got what he deserved. If the new UCR is any better, we may consider working with them, but many in the Congress believe that fully abandoning that part of the NS political sphere is in our best interest.

Our long-time enemy, The Iron Order was beginning to collapse from within (thanks to the efforts of our covert operatives). Similar situations happened in other regions and the new region of Farkasfalka was created to merge the fascists into one stronghold. There have been no hostile actions aimed towards us, yet, but once they start, we will end them.

SCUT is now at war with Force. This all started when Renegalle came onto our server, angry about SCUT being too authoritarian. He demanded that we conform to his idea of what we should be, but when we told him he had no say, since he left. Then he declared us an "enemy of the state" simply for not capitulating to him. Following that, he declared a cold war, and then suddenly invaded Homelands. Following that unprovoked attack, the CDF responded and began to target Force. Our other assets are currently undertaking operations in this conflict as well. Our only logical explanation for why this war started is that Renegalle was intending for the Force exit to cripple us, but when that didn't happen, he got upset and is still bent on seeing us fall.

The CDF has scaled back their momentum and conducted 8 missions since April 1st. The mission breakdown is as follows:
5 Detags, 2 Tag Raids, and 1 Defense (100% Mission Success Rate)

A list of regions and their mission is as follows
Die Mutterland - Detag - 04/01 - Success
The Haven of Calebia - Detag - 04/03 - Success
The Mappers Union - Detag - 04/16 - Success
Christmas - Detag - 04/17 - Success
Darrusia Continent - Detag - 04/20 - Success
Homelands - Defense - 04/22 - Success
Marist Federated States - Tag Raid - 04/23 - Success
Marist Federated States - Tag Raid - 04/30 - Success

This scale-back is due to our current conflict with Force and most operations being classified.

For this month's "Beyond The Commonwealth" Section, we feature some citizen interviews as well as a new twist to the interviews, with Viking Militia of the Holy Reich of Bunicken interviewing Morriband. If this proves to be an interesting concept, we'll start to have more outsiders interview our citizens and/or officers each month.

Commonwealth Times Editior
What are your thoughts on the Force conflict?

I feel as though the war with Force is getting a bit out of hand. Renegalle is too stubborn to back down any time soon, but we (SCUT) would look bad by surrendering. This conflict could easily go on for months until people eventually either get bored or forget why this is happening in the first place.
I feel since all the regions are secure, not much will happen.
I personally think the Force-SCUT conflict is hypocritical on Renegalle's part and completely stupid. First of all, his reason (not officially) was that we tried to preach the Church of "Bob" on his server, which had its own branch "Bob"ism. Due to us denouncing him for denouncing us as unfaithful and fake, he declared war on us. It's also likely that Renegalle declared war on us due to Force's exit from SCUT not impacting us much. Secondly, he claims that we have to stop our tyranny and that Morriband is a dictator, implying that being a dictatorship is bad, while he's an e m p e r o r. Plus, he's commented on how democratic we were in the past, even defending us from attacks. Third, his idea of the war is literally releasing a single intelligence file that basically impacted us in no way. When we try to actually act on his war declaration, however, he says we're raiding innocents, even though: 1. They're part of a interregional military alliance, and 2. There's literally no other way for us to do anything ATM. The war, in my opinion, is a completely frivolous, idiotic, and really shows his petty side.

Commonwealth Times Editior
How do you think the CDF is doing?

That being said, the CDF is doing a great job between the attacks on Force's allies and defending our own member regions.
Pretty good, we did a nice raid and some detags.
Right now, I think the CDF is flourishing under the command of New Legland. It had an enormous boost in activity when he took power, doing 1 or 2 detags a day (literally infinitely more than our old CDF), and while there's been a drop in activity, it's performed much better than in the past. Their recent conquest on Marist Federated States was especially good, don't even know how they got into a passworded region.

Commonwealth Times Editior
How high of a priority should peace be?

Peace could be helpful at this time, although both sides could fight for a long time without losing much, so it shouldn't be a major priority.
I feel pretty high, it's better than war.
Peace to me, personally, is a high priority. The war with Force is (as previously mentioned) completely just Renegalle acting on a whim, and using hypocritical, nonfactual claims that he has personally refuted in the past. I would like to call upon the people of Force to stand up to him. This war brings no benefits for either side, and you're doing nothing but sullying your international reputation.

Commonwealth Times Editior
What are your thoughts on La Navasse's defeat in the WASC?

La Navasse came very close to reaching quorum in the SC and is more than likely to propose his Liberate Arcem draft again. I don't, however, believe it would go into effect after reaching the WA, and if it did, the proposal would be repealed within a week.
He deserved it, that resolution was full of lies. I'm glad it failed.
My thoughts? Good riddance. La Navasse was, in my opinion, a representation of the worst parts of the WA. Yes, some of his proposals had merit, but nearing the end, they got terrible. Many of his liberations were completely based off of grudges, and some, (like Liberate Arcem) were based off of outdated information, partial truths, or even blatant lies. His support he got from "insiders" (who, by the way, saw nothing of the inner workings of SCUT), even refuted the fact that they had ever supported his claims, even saying that they tried to stop him. His entire WA career was just him riding a wave of Anti-Fascism, trying to push innocent regions under the water along with guilty ones for personal gain.

Commonwealth Times Editior
Do you think that this will change offensive liberations?

I personally doubt this will grant a major change to the way we or the WA do things in terms of liberating regions, but it could give SCUT more exposure to new regions seeking a purpose or protection from raiders.
No, I think that they will continue as normal until the mods step in or something.
No. I think offensive liberations were already starting to take off, and while La Navasse was one of the pioneers, he was just one of the many WA nations who tried to exploit the uneducated masses for personal gain.

Viking Militia
Why did you start SCUT?

I started SCUT because I was noticing how divided and polarized NS was. SCUT started off as a test to see if people could bridge their ideological divides for a greater cause.
Viking Militia
What is the biggest challenge to keeping SCUT alive and relevant?

I would say it is having to deal with the people who still are stuck in the over-binary mindset that has dominated NS for a long time. As I've said (and ranted about) numerous times, we've been called libertarian/authoritarian/fascist/communist/nazis/dictatorial/liberal/etc. Basically when people don't like us, they lump us in with their ideological opposite to justify hostilities. It happens all the time and every time someone does it, they end up looking bad for it.
Viking Militia
Who has been the biggest help in your SCUT adventure?

I can't really narrow down any single person. Everyone who has been involved in SCUT has contributed to our success in some way or another - whether it's someone like Viscondy who has been at the senior level since the beginning, or whether it's any of the newcomers who join the CDF or any of our other agencies and help contribute to our efforts. Everyone has done - and still does - their part.
Viking Militia
If you want readers to take away one thing from SCUT, what is it?

My message to readers about SCUT is this: Think what you want of us, but make sure it's an informed decision. We've come together to prove to this increasingly hostile and polarized "community" that is NS that people can still unite in spite of their differences. If you want to have a part in that, great. If not, that's fine too.

Due to the hectic nature of this past month, our RP didn't get too much attention. While we did make some progression in the storyline, we will only feature the list of characters and a brief summary of the story thusfar.
"Unit 72" Main Characters

Medic Elizabeth "Butcher" Coron
29 years old
Caucasian descent
Originating in Kyssers, the quiet Elizabeth grew up in an middle class environment and had very few friends. She showed signs of psychopathy after hitting puberty. Researching the medical arts, she became a successful resident surgeon and was nearing the end of here residency when her parents were captured by terrorists in a vacation trip, held for medical services. Enlisting the Commonwealth Defense Forces as a medic, she, after begging her superiors to do so, entered the war against the terrorists. She proved to be especially adept at guerrilla combat, and gained a reputation as the "Combat" Medic. In one particularly intense meeting with the terrorists rumored to have held her parents, she sneaked into the enemy camp after cooking. After finding out her parents were already killed from a young soldier, she went on to kill the entire camp population under the guise of the night, with the victims being slaughtered in an unconventional fashion. They were primarily killed with what looked to be the cuts of a butcher's knife, even having their body parts separated in a similar fashion to a cow. This was the first appearance of "The Butcher". Multiple more occasions like this occurred, each one having the signature butcher-like killing fashion. After special ops recruited her for her significant medical abilities, she was found out due to traces of the blood, skin, and fat of humans, and recruited into Unit 72.

CQB Specialist Remington “Vile” Thatcher
Caucasian Descent
30 years old
Born in The Peoples Republic for Safe Living, which at the time was part of the Swampian Commonwealth, Remington was born into a poor family. Living in the Swamp, Remington was required to learn how to defend himself at a very young age. Remington’s father, Jimenez
Thatcher, was quite fond of shotguns, and taught Remington the tricks of the trade. At age 16, Remington illegally joined the Swampian Military. Whilst in boot camp Remington showed skill in Close Quarters Combat, especially with Shotguns. Remington Entered the Vile Swampian Expeditionary force as a Private First-Class, but quickly rose through the ranks to Tech Sergeant within his first year of service. By the time Vile Swamp and the Post-Tryconian Alliance was aligned with SCUT, Remington had been in the Swampian Commonwealth’s Special forces for 2 years. When the Post-Tryconian Alliance(Now the United Nations of the Vile Swamp) joined the SCUT and the Tryconian Defense force merged with the CDF, Remington was submitted to join Unit-72, the SCUT’s most elite special forces unit. Remington has never been called to action since from Remington’s only inter-regional war experience comes from the Seven-Hours war. Remington’s special skills include the ability to load a shotgun with four shells at a time, and extreme knowledge in Pistol Cartridges and their trajectory. Remington gets his nickname from boot camp, where he never showered due to him having not showered in the swamp.

Sova “Val” Valisaiy
21 years old
Mixed Ethnicity
As a veteran of the Imperial Army Special Service, Val was quite interested when he heard about an offer for Unit 72, given personally to him by his former commander. Honorably discharged following an incident on the planet Ibil Vro, he had stayed away from further combat service, but saw this as an opportunity to represent his people in the galactic scale. Specializing in marksmanship and a keen field technician, Sova has been commended several times over for his quick and efficient work on the battlefield. Although Felchah had already been politically involved with SCUT, its military influence had been little -- donating only a small piece of its massive armada to the cause. With the enacting of Unit 72, however, Hegemon Crane saw a chance to grow his ties and make SCUT’s view on the Hegemony a good one.

John Doe
24 yrs old
White descent
Originating in Tigslarlowducken, John was, and still is, a well-respected professional poker player. In his spare time, he enjoys shooting clay pigeons in the nation's many lush forests. He was eventually recruited my the military, and his immediate aptitude caused him to rapidly rise through the ranks and was soon being sent all over the globe on highly sensitive assignments, most commonly missions assigned by the CDF. The files concerning his assimilation into Unit 72 are classified. John is also certified in field surgery.

Joseph "pyro" Zasinski
Race: full bred zombie
Age: 19
The unwanted son of a crematorium owner. When his mother died in childbirth his father locked him away in a room near the cremation units. He was fed only enough to survive. His best friends were a teddy bear and a gas mask. Today he is known for his gas mask sewn to his face and his affinity for burning everything to the ground. No-one knows what goes on behind that mask, some say he is delusional and is seeing everything as rainbows and unicorns, others say he knows what he's doing and just enjoys hearing the screams of his victims. He is an intergalactic mercenary for hire. He is currently employed as a member of the secret assassin organization located in z0mb13. While he was on a misson he overheard that there was a unit looking for people. He strapped his flamethrower to his back and set off on his way to join Unit 72.

Unit 72 has linked up in an orbital command space station just above Exoplanet One. Having been briefed on their mission, they board their shuttle and begin investigating the disappearance of a civilian trade vessel near hostile space.

"If you have ever taken the slightest inquiry into the SCUT's Constitution, you would see that their government was created on the sole base of democracy." -Renegalle, in direct contradiction to what he has recently been saying about us.

KYSsers writes:
Canterbury will be holding its WAD election soon!

Thanks for the memo! For those who don't know, he's both the WAD for Canterbury and SCUT's MoDA.

The City-State of Bastion writes:
An official statement on the UCR Scandal:
We were once aligned with the UCR. However, in light of this recent scandal, we are officially severing any and all ties to them. What Langor did was absolutely inappropriate and unacceptable. Rivalries, ideologies, and competitions aside, nobody should do what Langor did or have to be subjected to people like him who did what he did. I will not go into great detail here, out of respect for the delicacy of the situation. We will do our part in ensuring NationStates doesn't see anyone like this ever again. I am urging everyone to upvote and share this dispatch.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

The Commonwealth Times: For The People, By the People

The Commonwealth Times is the official news bulletin for the Supreme Commonwealth of United Territories

Read dispatch


Please Understand wrote:Helloooo

Hello from a very inactive region.

Z0mb13 wrote:Hello from a very inactive region.

Coincidentally I've been thinking of doing a merge of some sort but Rol and Lake wouldn't be happy about that.

Hello Homelands! We’re announcing the publication of the fifth monthly issue of the Elparia Herald!

Sports, the story of our Constitution hot off the presses, poetry, and more!

Roleplay News

After an organizational remake and general restructuring bringing a halt to regular play months ago, the Elparian Club Football League has returned, much to the joy of sports fans in the region.
The season opener back on April 9th between Arirean Paisley FC taking on a strong Cavian side, Oscar Palace, was the only match played before another time-out was called on the season, which would continue until April 23rd.
That day saw four matches on the ECFL’s second opening day, with both Rophisilian teams taking to the pitch. Rigeta and Tooshishville sank to 2-3 and 0-3 to Kingston and Carnsby respectively. A close match between W&SU versus The City FC ended in a tight 3-4 scoreline, scoring the match winner in stoppage time. April 24th saw ECFL and Cavian heavyweight Oscar Palace thrash five past Rebellion FC in a 5-1 victory. April 25th also saw more clubs face-off for their first matches of the season, as the Volitopian squad FC Cosa remarkably scored 6 in a one-sided match against Hartsburg. Volgaskaya earned their first win with a win against Ottawa. Holocronian champions Mandalorian completed a 2-1 victory against W&SU without use of the Force.
Carnsby and Korusberg’s match on April 26th saw the first use of a penalty shootout in the ECFL, whose rules state that after 90 minutes regulation time, if the score is even, 30 minutes of extra time will be played. After that will be a set of five penalty kicks per team. If a team gains an unbeatable advantage, they win. If the penalties are inconclusive, another round of penalties will be taken. After a hard-fought 2-2 draw in extra time, both sides converted a full set of kicks to make the score 5-5. However, Korusberg missed their final penalty in the second set to make the total score 10-9 on penalties in a match where football was the real winner.
The following day, a Rophisilian club, Tooshishville, picked up their first win, in a 3-1 win over Rebellion. FC Cosa lost 2-1 to Breslau, and Oscar Palace defeated FC Rigeta in a close 1-0 match.
The last matches to be played before the May break ended on April 29th, with Seracohw rising to see off Rebellion 4-2. The latter side have failed to gain a single point in four matches. Mochiville picked up a surprise victory on penalties against fellow Cavian side Oscar Palace, which saw Palace lose their first ECFL match in the regular season. Carnsby continued their good run of form with a convincing 3-0 win at Mandalorian.
ECFL matches are set to continue after the new Elparian Olympics, or EISO are complete. The fixture list sees Cosa at Tooshishville, Ottawa at Oscar Palace, Paisley at the City, and W&SU at Volgoskaya.
The current standings are surprising to few. Oscar Palace, about which we have issued a special report just below, have played four and won three for a total of nine points to top the table. They are joined by Paisley and Mandalorian. Korusberg is on eight points and Kingston on seven. Looking at the bottom of the table, five sides are still winless in the league. These sides are Rebellion, Ottawa, W&SU, Hartsburg, and Oktoberskaya.
It is still all to play for in the ECFL as the race to the top continues to rage on. The regular season ends June 21st, at which point the playoffs begin.

We’ve had all manner of sports in Elparia, football, the other football, and even made up sports, but not until early May has there been a truly international gathering of all the greatest sports men and women of the world from each and every sport. Just two weeks ago, the EISO (Elparian International Summer Olympics) Committee was formed by New Ducklands with the intention of creating our world’s first olympic games. Signups were quickly passed around, and athletes from 23 nations were registered into 79 different sports, from football to horse racing.
Just shy of a week before the opening ceremony, EISO announced that the port city of Qhor in Fahran would be hosting the first Elparian Olympics thanks to its warm weather and readily available room for development of olympic facilities.
They also announced the pruning of bowling from the list, given its lack of “olympic-level qualities”, according to the Committee. Wakeboarding, along with a few other sports, were under consideration for removal, but only bowling fans walked away dissatisfied.
The first day of the olympic games began on the 11th of May, with Corusconian athletes leading the pack with all their 4 gold, 2 silver, and 2 bronze medals from multiple cycling events. To see all other national medal winners for that day, click here. And to see the full and updated rankings visit the Linkwebsite.
Most nations were looking forward to today’s round of olympic events with Kayaking and Canoeing next in line, but the government of New Russia the 3 denounced the games after only winning one bronze in Men’s Badminton on the first day, citing “cheating and biased judging” of competitors from communist nations, as well as alleged doping and bribery by the Corusconian athletes.
The Elparian summer olympic games are scheduled to continue every day until the 21st of May, with 64 more sport categories to watch and over two hundred medals to win.

Trekan Patrols fly over a Chuukangan coastal city
The longest war in Elparian history has continued again this month with more international involvement than ever before on on the front (for those who need a recap, please read more here and here). Imperialist Trekan and Corusconian air forces have since been launching regular bombing runs of Chuukango's coastal installations from naval ships in Chuukangan waters, clearing out most of the frontline defenses of the fascist regime, whose government has moved its center of operations closer inland, abandoning most of the beachheads and fortifying their internal cities and river valleys. Despite success in constant bombing of open beaches, the Trekan armed forces authorized the use of chemical weapons “to be used on strictly combatants not civilians”, citing growing casualties in the air force due to development of newer anti aircraft guns. No land invasion has actually occurred since bombing runs commenced early April, but the fascist Chuukangan government is under mounting pressure from internal groups.
Chief among these is the Rose Front, an association of rebel groups looking to restore the socialist Communally Federated States of Chuukango that had existed before the election of dictator Éric Broudeur. They are believed to harbor the majority of the old government and military defectors from the fascist regime, and have since engaged in sabotaging multiple rail lines and even a forward operating base.
Meanwhile, on the Ersatz-class Conrusconian ship Worcester, Admirals and Generals from Imperialist Treka, Corusconia and its protectorate New Trimainia, Holocron of Revan, Fahran, the Chuukangan Rose Front, and Volitopia (who although not officially in the war has publicly denounced and embargoed the fascist regime and is offering tactical support to the allies) met and discussed battle plans. It was on those decks that an assassination attempt on renowned Revanian general Augusta Ureda was carried out and nearly succeeded, had it not been for New Trimainian medical technologies. The first Rose Front emissary sent had his family captured back at home, and was threatened with the torture and execution of his family if he did not kill every general aboard the ship. After the first incident was found out, he was promptly turned to swiss cheese by Corusicanian Admiral of the Kriegsmarine Erika Sädler’s submachine gun. Some time later and skipping over the many personal dramas aboard the ship, President Éric Broudeur of the Fascist Confederation of Chuukango himself arrived aboard the ship for negotiations, and after hours of shouting matches between the generals the President was finally forced to sign an official document of surrender before being handed over the the Rose Front. Despite the surrender and capture of Broudeur, parts of Chuukango remain under fascist rule, refusing the surrender as illegitimate. The ship has since docked in Treka and been given to the Imperial navy as a gift from the Kriegsmarine.
In international news of the conflict, on April 9th, the nation of Arirean declared support for Imperialist Treka against Chuukango. This action was immediately followed by mass riots in the capital of Alnwick and major cities, including Brillo. Protesters armed with AK-47s and other weapons fired on police, looting stores and destroying buildings and prompting the establishment of curfew and authorization of the use of violent force against protestors. Embassies in Arirean were temporarily closed, and since the riots have cooled, the Brillo Museum of Modern Art has had to renovate its East Wing exhibits, having lost 2 million pounds sterling to multiple molotovs. It is unclear how the violent rioters were able to obtain such weaponry, although Chuukangan funding of the Arirean fascist organization The Black Hand is suspect.
A week later, once the riots had subsided to manageable levels the Arirean Ministry of Defense renewed its contract with the HeLO company. The capacity of their “anti-aircraft vehicles, ATGM's, tank destroyers, and much more” is to be Linkgreatly expanded amidst growing worldwide tensions. Despite military buildup, foreign affairs Minister Spencer Brown maintains that “Arirean will only seek to provide humanitarian aid to Trekan combatants and provide safe passage if necessary”.

[Footnote: The reported events which happened on the Ersatz-Worcester were obtained from a private RP discord server run by Imperialist Treka for the occasion, and although he has allowed us to report on some of the events, he has asked that the Herald does not publish the invite]

Map thumbnail at time of publication
Elparia’s regional map has seen multiple changes over the course of its history. However the first week of April for the Royal New Ducklands Geological and Cartographical Society (our map provider at the time) was marked by growing public discontent about its work. The supposed final version of the map had not been released for weeks, despite earlier claims of near-completion. And what the GCS had given Elparian nations to work with was far from adequate - the interface required to access the public files was difficult to work with and the maps were either too blurry or impossible to zoom into.
“All in favor”, Imperialist Treka proclaimed, “of making [our nation Elparia’s] mapper say aye”. Distaste at lack of improvement, constant changes, and shifting excuses had finally reached its boiling point.
After just a few days, the new map was finally released on April 13th on the Linkregional website under the Arirean Royal Cartography Service (a puppet of New Ducklands). Initial skepticism at this being simply yet another iteration of ever-changing, never improving maps faded away a few weeks later.
ARCS quickly established a streamlined process for filing land claims and settling territorial disputes, as well as fully downloadable versions of each map in all their glory. The Cartography Service’s team of historians were also able to finally place agreed-upon names for each continent and major body of water, as well as arranging for individual nations on the map to be able to request and receive higher-resolution maps of their individual nations; which they can then independently mark and have featured at the bottom of the website page. Arirean and Imperialist Treka have already done so, but requests from Aquias, Chuukango, and Volitopia for their national maps have not yet been given their files.
After a hefty cash injection from investors glad to see uniform cartography at last (and bleeding the now defunct GCS of all funds), the geological team of ARCS was able to successfully partner with local mining and drilling corporations to provide a full map of Elparia’s largest mineral and otherwise abiotic natural resources.
Trekan observers have since noted with considerable interest the previously untapped densities of oil in the Trekan Sea, particularly in the area that is fully under the control of Holocron of Revan. All options are still on the table for Revanian and Trekan investors, but possibilities of lowered tariffs or mutual governance have recently gone out of the spotlight, given the crash in oil prices following the discovery of abnormally large oil and natural gas reservoirs across the world.
Military analysts, however, are less worried about the cheapening of fuel but more so about the newly uncovered deposits of Uranium, Plutonium, and similar nuclear-ready elements that could be sold for drastically cheaper prices to terrorists and militaristic governments on the international black market.
Meanwhile, the Arirean Royal Cartography Service has since been experimenting with newer mapping systems and testing their capabilities. The organization has made known collaboration with multiple satellite companies for a pilot project to map out the full 3D glory of our globe terrain and has successfully uploaded a formatted view of the rotating globe (scroll all the way down on the Linkwebsite homepage). However the Service emphasizes that proper rendering of the terrain will take large amounts of time and resources - so no promises yet.

Oscar Palace F.C. Logo
Oscar Palace is a club that every pure-bred Cavian and many overseas sports fans recognize and embrace.
Founded in 1911 as an amateur club, the side joined Cavian Division One in 1917, winning its first title in 1920. They haven’t looked back since. With 18 cups and 33 leagues in the trophy cabinet, as well as continental and international honours, the side, which any loyal supporter will tell you, has royal DNA.
The club turned professional in 1915 with help of the crown’s Porciis in the form of a Royal Charter. The club gained its current home ground, Royalty Stadium, through this agreement.
In the present day, the club is just as prominent and, well, rich, as its early 20th-century self. The club last won The Cavian State's Super League in the 2014-15 season, and currently sits first in the table with 98 points, five ahead of fierce cross-town rivals Mochiville Football. They have two matches to play and just one point in their coming fixtures will likely be enough to lift the trophy for a 34th time.
Kit man and life-long supporter Dean Scotts explains the passion behind the club. “Now, my grandfather was actually club captain in 1927,” says the 56-year-old. “and that season he led the club to their fourth league title. As a legendary goalkeeper he’s still remembered by those who saw him play, and although he’s definitely not a true club legend, I think that without him this club’s history would have been different.” Dean’s grandfather retired in 1945 after nineteen years with the club, sadly passing away in 2016.
“Obviously, this meant that my father was and is a lifelong Palace supporter. And that meant that I was to be one as well. That’s led me to where I am today. I feel really grateful to have a job with this club that’s such a part of my life, and, in a way, it’s also maybe how I’ve commemorated my grandfather as well.”
Any Cavian, Palace supporter or not, knows this man- Roger Williams. With 75 appearances for his country, at just the age of 26, Williams has notched 56 goals for the national side. Come international matchday, club supporters throw aside their differences and support Williams, already considered by many as a national hero.
“When I got the call from [Oscar Palace manager] Jonathan Ranton that he wanted to offer me a contract, I was ecstatic.” recalls Williams. “At the time I think I was… 16? I was in the youth academy of Brenton Town(a club in the third tier of Cavian football) and I had been released. I thought it was over for my career in football. But Oscar Palace of all clubs! They had just won the title that year, in the 08/09 season. When I signed in 2010 we had just won the Animalian Club Cup- meaning we were best in the world! A big deal…”
The next year, 2011, was Williams’s break out season. Scoring 18 goals in all competitions(including the winner in the Silver Club Cup final), Oscar Palace won their first and so far only treble. “That was my first year, and it was our best year.” comments Williams. “Hopefully that’s not my best. I think we can strive for and achieve more.”
Oscar Palace is truly a club steeped in history, with true connections with many people. It really has become a large part of Oscar City metro life, becoming a club that many around the world know- and love.

Gameplay News

Elparia has had a long and storied history with its Constitutions, dating back all the way to its birth as a merger region between Rossferry and The Delegation of Gallifrey. During merger negotiations, the topic of merging the constitution to the approval of both sides was brought up, and New Ducklands volunteered for the job, and thus created the first Constitution shortly after the merger.
It was a mess, and after several major governmental inconsistencies showed its flaws, Ducklands spearheaded a bill to rewrite the Constitution (read the full story here). Some progress was being made, but then all governmental activities halted because of The Coup. The project was abandoned for months, and Elparia was left without a single set of laws to follow. Sometime in February, New Ducklands created a Constitution in the hopes that it would revive the populace’s desire to reform, but Ducky failed to advertise his motions, and thus got little recognition besides having his work pinned under the WFE.
Despite this, because it was not ratified or reviewed by more than a couple of nations, it continued to be a “skeleton document”, whose general ideas were referenced in forming the government structure, but all specifics, like citizenship, legality of certain actions, and the like, continued to be made on the fly. Constitutional reform continued to be pushed back on the priorities of the regional government for months. However, some steps to legal restructuring were being taken. On March 20th, following a post-coup trial, the Elparian Penal Code developed by Chuukango in early January, got an update.
Then the Second Coup came, and about a week later, new Prime Minister Concordaia and several other government officials resigned (read the full story here). The government was able to restabilize, and Volitopia was named Prime Minister by the cabinet as a replacement.
Days after he got the appointment, the Prime Minister announced a Constitutional Convention, for all interested Elparians to submit Constitutions by the 29th and then hold a referendum. It failed. Two weeks and a cabinet meeting later, Volitopia announced the 12-Day Constitution Plan, which was intended to identify exactly who would be writing a Constitution, and get one chosen by the end of April 16th. Once again, tackling a month-long issue in two weeks failed without extreme pressure to draft constitutions being made on the submitees. Aquias, Holocron of Revan, Fahran, and Rophilus had all stepped forward to draft Constitutions, and since the first two already had them done by the deadline, the region waited for about a month for the other submissions.
However on May 9th, Head Judiciary Chuukango, “took 40 minutes and finished a Constitution”, and began to push for a referendum. Reminders about the original Constitutional Plan were given to him, and a cabinet meeting was assembled. Cabinet voting was still in progress with 3 in favor of immediate referendum, 1 against, 2 under consideration, and 1 non-appearance, when Minister of Foreign Affairs Holocron of Revan, by accident or instruction published the Constitutional Referendum Poll. 18 hours later, Minister of Polls Rophilus took the poll down, citing the lack of government majority and sudden action. Of course, an argument began between Rophilus and Chuukango, the latter calling the removal “a spit in the eye of progress”, and calling for the Poll’s Minister’s resignation or impeachment. One day later, the referendum reopened, and although the debate continued, the poll was not taken down. The first Constitutional Referendum has since passed, and after half a year of struggle and apathy, Elparia has a new, complete, and democratic Constitution.

Elparia is a region born out of merger of two regions, and April has added yet another migration of a region’s population into our own; that of the UNITED SOVIET UNION OF COMMUNISM (USUC). This region was born out of Rossferry, one of the original merger regions of Elparia. Years before Elparia was a thing, the USUC’s members were accused of puppeteering and voter fraud in Rossferrian elections, which led to the Rossferry-USUC split. Since then relations with this breakaway region and Rossferry have ping-ponged from friendship to war and everything in between. Pretty much the same thing happened with Elparia and the USUC, as in early December, embassy relations were officially opened (read the full story here), and by February “war” was declared by the USUC because the Elparian courts had ejected several puppet spies (read the full story here). As you may guess, and according to one USUC official, the “war was just a complete meme” - with nothing but bait for a week and no action for months afterwards.
So in early April, New Russia the 3 agreed with New Ducklands to consider merging into Elparia, because after all, the constant alterations of war and peace in the USUC was, in Ducky’s words, “useless”. NR3 wanted several things from the merger, including clearing the ban list of previous USUC spies, equal opportunities participate in RPs and the political system for him and his communist friends, and generally being recognized and integrated into Elparian society. Elparia’s government, in return, asked that they no longer cause such disturbances of the peace or break the region’s laws, and besides that, they were free to do what they wished, including start a communist party, which they had emphasized during the merger but have not yet announced its official creation.
Both governments agreed to the settlement, and on April 15th, New Russia the 3 finally moved to Elparia, and the rest of his region followed. Their population has since been fully integrated into the region, and an rivalry so old it lost all meaning has ended this April.

Seal of Lily
Since the Second Elparian Coup ran its course, Elparia has been a member of the Lily R/D group. Despite having no military involvement with the organization or any raids at all, Elparia has remained a part of Lily, a decision which may affect foreign relations with other regions.
On the 5th of April, Please Understand of Pagan Rose said he was closing embassies with Elparia based on Elparia’s Lily membership, while Elparian government officials pointed out that in earlier posts he had mentioned he was closing because of our region’s size relative to theirs. As Fahran said, “this sounds like more of an excuse in light of comments by their regional officials”.
Their embassy has since remained open, by request from other Pagan Rose officials. Although no severing of diplomatic ties has occurred with other regions for the actual purpose of being a Lily member, it has sometimes been noted by foreign governments in a negative manner, but never put forward as a main reason for their displeasure.
Considering our region’s inactivity within military matters, some Elparians have asked; what’s the point of being in Lily? Their activity as a R/D organization has and is bound to bring about controversy with foreign governments, and as Elparia has neither used nor needed its services, why remain a part of Lily? Besides “scaring away foreign relations”, being a part of a raider organization can have effects on recruitment numbers, as often times new players fall into a mindset of raiding on NS being intrinsically bad.
However, as Aquias and others have pointed out, Lily does both raids and defends, and doesn’t pressure its members to serve or obey a certain ideological code. There are far worse regions to be affiliated with, such as fascists, large regions who are corrupt or abuse their power on the foreign affairs stage, and many others. Point is, as raider organizations are, Lily is far from being noted among the worst.
If you are not within the minority of nations enlisted in our military (that once again, with or without Lily, has done no raiding), Elparia’s military membership, “does not affect you”, said Aquias, who signed Elparia onto Lily.
Lily does not force its members to raid or do anything at all (source: Elparia is still a part of the organization), and foreign concerns over Lily have not been of great importance within diplomatic relations. And if Elparians choose to get in the R/D sphere of NS, Lily can provide good teammates and protection from aggression. The organization has been growing in achievement among the R/D circles of NS, reaching 848 hits from the 5th to the 14th of April and gaining a total of over 1000 tagged embassies (dubbed Operation Supernova).
Although being a part of Lily comes at a price, that price for Elparia has not driven us to leave, and should our citizens choose to get involved in raiding, they would have a valuable ally.


Reported By Volitopia
Even among constitutional reform and bombings in Elparia, readers of the Herald will be pleased to know that our region has continued to keep its creative side alive. On Friday the 13th, some creative region members were trading elaborate descriptions of capture and death in historical periods torn by civil strife, and The Cavian State’s writing about an assassination of New Ducklands definitely topped the charts.

1968. A turbulent year in Cavian history. The Cavians has a lot to worry about, what with their protectorate the Cricetinians getting ideas about forming a free government.
Thus, the Tribunal for Public Safety(TPS) was founded. Not so much a tribunal as tribunals were concerned(better described as a kangaroo court, or even better, a secret police) it is safe to say the TPS is a permanent blemish on Cavian freedom, democracy, and equality.
As far as Ducky was concerned, it wasn’t his day to die. No, no, far from it, actually.
He had just finished walking out the door of an Oscar City coffee shop, when, just a kilometer away, a TPS Officer had just finished his report on the recent bombing that took eighteen Cavian lives in a crowded subway station six days before.
The real culprit was still at large, meaning Ducky was completely innocent, but this particular Officer had spent just three months in the force, and the public was screaming for justice so- needless to say, there was no time for double-checking.
“There.” said TPS Surveillance Lieutenant Jacob Whitestone blankly. “He’s right there. Just exited the Coffee Grind Brew House. I’m sure of it,” the officer said blandly as his supervisor nearby picked up the telephone.
“Hello?” he spoke. “Dispatch station? We got a guy on Fifth and Waterway. Send out two... no, three squad cars. Plainclothes. Don’t want more attention than we’ve got now from those blooming civil rights hippies...”
Then, twenty seconds later, the TPS Centre garage doors folded outward to make way for three normal looking cars. One sedan, one SUV, and one van. They drove hurriedly towards Fifth and Waterway, screeching at the intersection.
They found their target. Ducky adjusted his jacket and stepped off the sidewalk...
Before he knew it, two officers had put a sack over his head, roughly throwing him into the back of the sleek, black van. The screen of pedestrians had hidden their illicit activities far from suspecting eyes.
It was another quick drive back to the station, where Ducky was hastily seated before three men clad in dark suits.
A single light hung from the ceiling of the damp, manky room they had convened in. Then, the man sitting in the center began to speak.
“Sir, do you know why you’re here?”
Ducky turned his head away meekly, and the man let out a short grunt.
“I’m going to ask you again- why do you think you’re here?” His tone was not so drab this time- there was a strain of impertinence.
Again silence. Then like a whip cracking- the man struck Ducky across the face, recoiling in a mixture of pain, terror, and sheer, livid rage.
“DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE HERE?!” he yelled.
“I- I don’t know...” he replied quickly.
“Take him away, I knew he wouldn’t sing. And- you listen here...” The pair of men turned Ducky back toward the door. “For a terrorist, you’re far too soft.” he sneered.
Another man entered the room, handing him a series of papers labeled ‘Execution Order’. He scrawled his signature across it and slid them across the table. “Make it quick.” he muttered.
The two men marched Ducky down a flight of stairs. There, they removed his blindfold. At that moment, he saw a line of five men all sporting rifles.
“No... NO! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!!!” he yelled. It was no use. They were far from any New Duckian ambassador, far from any embassy or safe house...
The men loaded the cartridges into the rifles. “Remember, one shot and it’s over.” the executioner said, in an almost sympathetic voice.
“Any last words?” he called out gruffly to Ducky, tying him to a bullet-ridden wooden pole.
“This can’t be happening...”

The body slouched against the ropes. All five men achieved their target.
The body was disposed of carefully in a government incinerator. He was never heard from again.

Followers of our publications will remember last issue when we showcased the productions of Antillica’s play, Princess Antonia. If you haven’t read the previous episodes yet, we recommend you do so, or you’ll miss out on some great storytelling. However, it is with great dismay we have to inform our readers that Antillica has not yet produced any further episodes after their season one finale and Q/A (see spoiler down below). Hopefully the playwright of Elparia will continue their stories soon!

Some intriguing pieces of romantic poetry have also been made this April as well, courtesy of two 9th century Fahrani poets.

We hope you enjoyed reading Elparia’s choice stories and poetry!



New Ireland the 5th wrote:Derptingtonn

Capital A random collection of mudhuts
Leader Sohn Jmith
Faith A big black brick
Currency Kid
Animal minority

not gonna lie, this made my day

New Ireland the 5th wrote:"The frighteningly efficient special economy, worth 694 trillion Kids a year,"

*It gets better the more of Derptingtonn's stats you read

Fahran wrote:I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Sneakily sharpens knives.

Hail Wisconsin!
Rampaging Turtleducks wrote:All hail my homeland, a stinky piece of cheddar

Elparian Documentaries
Imperialist Treka wrote:(read in British accent) "the wild Chuukangus stalks its prey, waiting for the perfect moment, they hunt alone as they are solitary animals, the Chuukangus knows that if it doesn't catch the young Too Too, it will die"
"The chuukangus pounces, little does he know that isn't actually a young Too Too but actually a young Neo Geo, he chases after it but the tremendous speed produced by the Neo geo helps him get away, the chuukangus is in grave danger, he hasn't eaten in 3 weeks, it's almost sun down, he's tired, thirsty and starving, the nocturnal Treka may have a chance at capturing this chuukangus"
"the Chuukangus lays in the high grass, a hiss comes out from out of nowhere, it's a fahran, a small but fierce animal, it is hunting the nearby insect known as a New Russia which is sucking the blood from a chuukangus, suddenly the chuukangus awakens, the fahran runs off and a small rustling in the grass is heard, it's only a Corusconia, feeding from the trees with its long neck, only time will decide the fate of this young chuukangus"
(4 AM) "the wild chuukangus wakes up, he survived the night but he needs food fast, he's gets up, drowsy and walks over to the drinking hole, but he stops before he reaches it and ducks down in the grass, he sees it, a small wild Volitopia, the chuukangus runs in to make the kill, the chase lasts 20 seconds before the chuukangus grabs the Volitopia by the neck, killing it. The air is silent, the only noise that can be heard is the occasional cawing from a flightless bird called a Rophilus. The chuukangus has done it, he will survive."

Such Elparia has been, such Elparia is now, and such Elparia will remain to be until the server shutdown of NS
Crotin wrote:I just realized I've been in this region for a couple months now and I still don't know what is going on around here.

Read dispatch

Please read and leave an upvote if you enjoyed it!

Please forgive me for intruding upon your RMB space, however I have a message for you. I will keep it short.
Japan, a sweet little large and important region, has been raided by The Black Hawks.
If I broke any region rules by posting this, my apologies and I will delete the post immediately. However, if you wish to save them, please approve the proposal Liberate Japan (if you are not a WA nation, you can still help. I'll tell you how if you're interested)
Thank you for your time.
-Princess River of Something Whatsitsname

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