A Kitty Story
Claw stopped licking his paw and pricked his ears. He slowly lowered his paw and shook his head, as the scrawny silhouette of Tawny slouched from behind the knocked-over trash can.
"Idiot." exclaimed Claw with a sigh, and casually resumed licking his left paw. "When will you learn not to disturb my peace?"
"Sorry, boss." muttered Tawny. "I have good news, though, so maybe it will cheer you up?" He giggled.
But Claw was unenthused and cast a sideways glance to the shivering frame of Tawny. "What is it?"
"The crows say that a new seafood restaurant is opening down by the river, on Emerald Street. My informants saw some humans unloading crates of fresh fish on the same street. This can't be a coincidence, now, can it?" Tawny's eyes glinted with expectation as he looked at Claw, waiting for an answer.
"So, uhm... I thought you m-might wanna ch-check it out." Tawny stammered. "It seems like a fancy place."
Claw remained motionless for a moment, and then, like an arrow launched from a bow, he sprung from the top of the trash lid where he had been perching and flung himself over Tawny. His paws firmly gripped Tawny's slender neck.
"Fancy place?" Claw hissed. "You're wasting my time, little kitten. Fancy place? You've been wandering about the whole day, and is that the news you bring?"
"But the crows..." Tawny had to try hard to push air through his throat, squeezed tight by Claw's paws. Claw tightened his grip.
"Crows, indeed. Good grief! If you had been a good cat, those crows would be in your stomach right now." Claw let go of Tawny's neck, as the emaciated feline scrambled to his feet and coughed. "I'm sorry, boss." he managed to say. "I haven't heard anything else. No news from Fluffy, I'm afraid."
"Don't you ever say her name again!" Claw hissed. Tawny looked down.
Claw jumped back on his throne and slightly raised his paw - but quickly realized that he didn't feel like licking it again. So he slowly put it down.
"Have you idiots managed to reconnoiter Orchard Road?"
"No, boss. We - we didn't have time."
"Indeed, you were too busy running after mice in the subway, right?"
"Me? No, sir! Who, who told you this? Is it that Fuzztail, again? That friggin' snitch! If I catch hi-"
"Enough!" Claw roared, like a small lion. Indeed, his imposing posture and overbearing manners were sometimes more reminiscent of a lion than of a cat. "I should have gone there myself. If you entrust a task to idiots, that's what happens." He paused for a moment. "Where is Curly? Wasn't she with you on the expedition?"
"We...I... I mean we started scouting the area together, but then, uhm, I don't rememb-"
"Did you lose her?" Claw yelled.
"Lose is a s-strong word, boss." Tawny trembled. "But you know Curly, I mean she is a free spirit, she probably decided to go her own way and will be back soon."
"Probably?" Claw rolled his eyes.
"I could go and search for her if you want me to, boss."
Claw cast a contemptuous look at Tawny. "No, I'll do it myself. You stay here and watch over the dump." he said.
As Tawny shivered at the foot of a trash can, Claw briskly trotted into the dark, misty night.
Absolutely shocked at some of the huge discrepancies in nation statistics between this region and the world, especially considering this is one of the bigger regions out there. A perfect example is my Death Rate stat, where I am top 78% in the world, but top 37% in this region!
Maybe not so shocking considering almost all the nations in here registered as left-leaning in political alignment.
Do a Shwe style to get your quirk.
Make your nation so bloody strange that anything you say about it is nonsensical & really "what."
For example, did you know that if you hit certain types of porcelain hard enough in Shwe, it unravels into the fabric of the multiverse? Generally these types of porcelain (or, well, the only source of it) are part of sapient beings, so please do not stab the sapient multiversal fabric! He'll get kind of distressed, of course, & then tear a hole open in the fabric of the multiverse to summon violent scenes, except you're the victim.
Anyway, the last Forest "Post your Account" prompt was 25 days ago. Perhaps when it reaches 30 days, or May 18, someone could post another... though, I won't be able to participate in it with my usual length. I've got a local playwright project that I'm hoping to submit something into.
See what I mean? The Shwe randomness is the perfect way for quirkiness!
For example, did you know that, instead of the usual pure & innocent magical girls often seen in fantasy environments, you'll more often see magical dogs in the Shwe world? Though originally created in parody of this archetype, magical dogs have become widespread through their world, & are arguably one of the most popular forms of pets!
The whimsical, impulsive imagination doesn't stop there, though!
Did you know that Shwe's world is being used as a purgatory because their creator deity's avatar got bored? Right now, there are two singer kids, a small lad with a halberd, & a selfish jerk who might be psychopathic (very cautiously said since we have an actual doctor here) all in the same Devil's house, because said Devil had to deal with getting random kids too from his overlord, the Demon Sovereign, who sometimes received children as a sacrifice.
Naturally, he just gave them away to his subordinates, who are impulsive, hedonistic demons.
We... don't talk about most of the kids. It's a story better left unsaid. Mostly because I'm going to sleep pretty soon.
Now you may think to yourself: where does Shwe get these stupid ideas from? Well ya see, that's because Shwe is being written by a very impulsive lad who has the unhealthy habit of adding characters & concepts literally by glancing at them or listening to their music video like once or twice. Then, combine that with a weeb aesthetic, Cirque du Soleil, procrastination on Imgur, & a love for horror, & you get a hot, steaming mess of Shwe that requires hours of extensive study to even begin comprehending one thread.
Ho Gods send help I'm hyperactive now.
No, apparently. I think only politically relevant sites are restricted (NS is not :P)
NS stats can be easily gamed, and it happens that most here game towards high environmental beauty, low death rate, among other stats–with some expectations. The world has many nations with default stats, which brings down the average. There are also many who go the other way, too...
There are so many fcuknig Tasmanian immigrants in my country Goddamn. I mean, they have the paperwork, but I CAN TELL!! I CAN TELL BY THE NOSES!! I met a man with a funny nose once, definitely Tasmanian! I will tell you his story...
he cheated on his taxes and we had him eviscerated by the rodentia. It was only during post-mortem where we discovered his evil secret! His family all the way to the sixth-removed cousin!! They weren't true bloodlines from the Great Ball of Magma. You would expect at least one parent (the father of course) to be a trurple purple realblood citizen! But nope, it was all a lie! As great leader I took this gargoyle into my dreams, into my heart. He was just another of my constituents before he started haunting me. I wanted to help him in the way I help my own people! It was only after I gained such Earthly Knowledge, that I realised my Spiritual Knowledge was guiding me!
It seems, quite unfortunately, that as Leader of this Great Ball, I must temporarily ban Tasmanians from my realm, for the public good! Those already living here will be housed in the quarters left by old chocolate-factory workers. Nobody has bought our chocolate since the embargo, and those Tasmanians are known for their clean behavior. I expect them to keep the dwellings in GOOD ORDER until we can repopulate them with local Magma constituents bound to the vote of the Suspicious Talking Snake. Apparently these ingrates vote for MINOR PARTIES!! What logic compels them, I cannot know.
Warn your tourists not to come here until further notice ESPECIALLY TASMANIANS. Until further contact, good will and good dreams!
-Suspicious Talking Snake
The first rule of Forest RMB is Like all the posts, but never reply.
The second rule of Forest RMB is Always get political about everything.
Actually, it's from Fight Club, the person who said that quote was never named in the novel or movie, but the writers of the script for the movie had to give him a name so it was Jack, based off of a thing in the movie, in the credits he is called Narrator, as the movie up until the end is actually a flashback, it's a pitch black comedy. I am Jack's complete lack of surprise, or emotion. The character is still unnamed.
I think my head would explode attempting to figure out how to make that happen. It’s a great idea and I’d really like to know what the answer would be, however I don’t have the time to calculate the greenness for 172,000 nations. Now the average of Forest I can figure out. Let me just get a handy-dandy Excel spreadsheet.