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Some of you guys probably remember when I brought up my relationship, just here to say that we broke up. We were arguing a lot more than usual and our moral values conflicted so I thought it best to break off. Even though I'm the one who broke it off it doesn't mean I don't love her. In fact yesterday I was crying my way into school and had to go to the counselors for a little while. One of my friends offered me drugs and alcohol, I politely decline him but it was sweet in it's own way. That was two days ago we broke off and now I'm just left feeling a hole in my heart. Me and my friend describe the emotion as "don't". Meaning I don't really feel like anything, I don't want to get up, I don't want to sleep. I don't want to work, I don't want to relax, it just feels like life lost all it's color. Think of it like this, my life for the past five months has been defined by my time with her and now that she's gone a significant portion of my day to day life is gone. I habitually check my phone regularly for new texts, that never arrive and I play video games late at night wishing I still had someone to talk to. I can't help but feel regret for my decision especially when I think about all of the good things. But, I know things wouldn't have worked out at the end of the day.

Besides, I should be more worried for her. She suffers from pretty bad depression and is suicidal. It's not like there was ever a "best" time to break up because she's always like this, and she's never willing to improve her life situation, she's the kind of person who won't take the thoughtful advice of somebody else and then wonder "Why does my life suck!". I know it seems like I'm beating up on her, but I do still love her and I just want to make everything better. But it got to a point where I can't help her anymore and I've tried contacting counselors to help her but to no real avail. It gets exhausting y'know?

I love y'all, I know I'm not one of the OG members but right from the get-go I've felt welcome here and like I have a little sanctuary floating in the internet that will always be here for me.