by Max Barry

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Region: 10000 Islands

The Issue
Sixty-nine communist missionaries representing communism were kidnapped and burned at the stake in a small nation bordering Lilliputia. The infamous radical Violetist sect Ultra-Violet has claimed responsibility for this heinous act. Concerned religious leaders and diplomats have contacted your office to clarify the nation’s stance on overseas proselytism.

“I do not blame these misguided heathens, Dictator Alexander the Deceased. I blame you!” bellows communism’s outraged leader Ayla Smiley, shouting down the phone until your ear hurts. “Our brave missionaries travel to the darkest, most dangerous areas of the globe to bring the loving light of communism to the unbelievers. We cannot expect these poor souls to share our traditional values, but we should be able to rely on a little protection from our armed forces, no? Perhaps a helicopter gunship or two could have averted this tragedy.”
*bass-boosted soviet propaganda music intensifies*