by Max Barry

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Region: the South Pacific

Todays dispatch in response to Beepee's labeling of Le Front de Liberation du Midand as "Naughty"



comic credit LinkExistential Comics

“Away in a Manger”
Away in a manger,
No crib for his bed,
The little Lord Jesus
Laid down his sweet head;
The stars in the heavens
Looked down where he lay,
The little Lord Jesus
Asleep on the hay.

— What these lyrics really mean: Bethlehem’s lack of affordable housing creates homeless children, including impoverished infants.

“All I Want for Christmas is You”
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There’s just one thing I need.
I don’t care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree.

— What these lyrics really mean: The proletariat is starting to revolt and is rejecting boorish materialism.

“Do You Hear What I Hear?”
Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king,
Do you know what I know
In your palace warm, mighty king,
Do you know what I know
A child, a child shivers in the cold
Let us bring him silver and gold
Let us bring him silver and gold.

— What these lyrics really mean: Capitalism demands that we turn over our wealth to the ruling class.

“Frosty the Snowman”
Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose,
And two eyes made out of coal.

— What these lyrics really mean: Frosty desperately needs a single-payer health care system since he can’t afford a normal nose and eyes. Big tobacco has also turned him into a helpless drug addict (the crack pipe is unspecified).

“God Rest ‘Ye Merry Gentlemen”
God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay;
Remember Christ, our savior,
Was born on Christmas day.

— What these lyrics really mean: There’s no mention of women “resting.” Only gentlemen get to loaf around the house. Women are required to do all the work around the holidays and even work overtime. Gender discrimination is rampant.

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn’t see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that I was tucked
Up in my bedroom fast asleep.

— What these lyrics really mean: Lack of community services and proper government oversight creates a voyeuristic child destined for adulthood perversion.

“I’ll be home for Christmas”
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams.

— What these lyrics really mean: Poor public transportation systems and lack of infrastructure creates heartache around the holidays caused by separation of family members.

“Jingle Bells”
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.

— What these lyrics really mean: The evils of capitalism lead to a terrible situation — a lone horse pulling a heavy sled in freezing temperatures — in other words, animal abuse.

“Little Drummer Boy”
Mary nodded
The ox and lamb kept time
I played my drum for him
I played my best for him
Pa rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum
Rum pum pum pum
Then he smiled at me
Pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

— What these lyrics really mean: Child labor practices are encouraged during the holidays. Stressed-out child musician receives no compensation, other than a smile.

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph,
Play in any reindeer games….
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say.
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?

— What these lyrics really mean: Within free-market economies, minorities face institutionalized mass discrimination and are often exploited for their unique talents and characteristics.

“Santa Baby”
Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
I’ve been an awful good girl….
Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue….
Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that’s
Not a lot.
I’ve been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

— What these lyrics really mean: Here’s selfish consumerism at its absolute worst. A young girl is taught to covet a sable coat, a yacht, and blue convertible. Moreover, she demands he bring all the gifts down the chimney, not tomorrow, but tonight!

“Santa Claus is Coming to Town”
He sees you when you’re sleeping,
He knows when you’re awake.
He knows if you’ve been bad or good,
So be good for goodness sake!

— What these lyrics really mean: Constitutional protections and individual civil liberties have been annihilated under capitalism.

“The 12 Days of Christmas”
On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

— What these lyrics really mean: “On the 13th day of Christmas, my true love’s credit cards were all maxed out and she declared bankruptcy.”

“White Christmas”
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know.

— What these lyrics really mean: Racism, plain and simple.

Caracasus wrote:I am loving this! If I may add one?

Good King Wenceslas

One does not have to read Oscar Wilde's The Soul of Man under Socialism when the inherant hypocrisy of charity is laid so very bare here. Where was the Good King when his own tax collectors impoverished this poor man to pay for foreign wars? We can only hope that the poor of this terrible tyrant's kingdom take note from the French when it comes to dealing with aristocracy.

Domais wrote:I will go pin them in The Center for real info

The Center for Real Info pinned your dispatch "A Marxist Interpretation of Christmas Carols" in The Center for real info.

Treadwellia wrote:Tubbius enjoyed Marxist literary theory in the literary criticism classes in college. Mmph MMPH MMPH.

Blood Wine wrote:Please refrain from posting propaganda on our RMB Le Front de Liberation du Midand

Dilberta wrote:I can see that you’re pretty anti-capitalist.

Haven and Sanctuary wrote:Go back to TSP, Volawarond.

Yodoshi wrote:Middie, oh Middie, *sighs* why don't you say the inherent truth...the proletariat are revolting. *holds nose*

Slithen wrote:Lmao.

Estantia wrote:Wow

Osterreich und Ungarn wrote:Christmas has been ruined for me

Territorio di Nessuno wrote:Disputed Territories eh?...

Alekseandrea wrote:Well. I hate to say it, but using a religious feast to promote communism isn’t the best course of action. Using something borne out of the “opium of the masses” that was hijacked by crass commercialism to promote is hardly the best way to spread revolution.

Obviously, only civil discussions between learned men of intelligence (obviously liberal arts majors, if they could get a job they might become part of the bourgeousie, can’t have that) can inspire the resolve needed to lead the unwashed masses their comrades into a new age of commieness for all.

Palistopia wrote:Capitalism is a good system, only us we abuse it and use it wrong. It is more efficient than the state, but instead of helping with the resources it is creating a population of consumerists and materialistic who spends money on useless things. We produce more than we need and we waste a lot forgetting that the resources are finite. Capitalism isnt evil or bad, we are lucky that we achieved it as we are still alive thanks to it, it is working, but it depends on our action if we want to use it to change the world in a better place or to be ignorant and consume , destroying our world and the finite amount of resources. We need to rationalize the use of things and not let us to be controlled by impulses promoted by corporations. In theory a free market supposed to help people, you do a good service and receive money, you profit, the consumer profits, even the environment. But sadly it isnt the case in the present. Government is a big mistake, a relique of the past, thieves who are controlled by people with money, untrustworthy and especially corrupted and inefficent. The best way is to use the free market and help change the world. Building a company, making money and then donate to the private charity and teach other about this issues.

Anacin wrote:Ok a tried to make it a comment but it keep editing it, but on the other hand I'm a meme

Uan aa Boa wrote:The Fairy Tale of New York
"The boys of the NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay
and the bells were ringing our for Christmas Day."

The brutal enforcers of the capitalist state believe that an annual supply of token singing and celebration will distract the masses from the true nature of their subjugation. They are mistaken.

Volaworand wrote:wow... my puppet's little dispatch is currently the most read global dispatch of the day... O.o

Aigania wrote:O_O Existential Comics in Nation States!
^v^ Cool!

Little St Nick wrote:Lol! This needs quoted here!

Dellnia wrote:I have found the holy grail of dispatches

Dellnia pinned your dispatch "A Marxist Interpretation of Christmas Carols" in Atrothia.

Tropico Lemoyne wrote:Marxism?

No thanks

New Waldensia wrote:Oof. Downvote this Commie junk

Honeydewistania pinned your dispatch "A Marxist Interpretation of Christmas Carols" in Christmas.

The New Republic of Manchukuo pinned your dispatch "A Marxist Interpretation of Christmas Carols" in Reichskommissariat.

Darkesia wrote:Ahhhhhahahahahahaha! I love this! Especially on Karaoke Friday.

Democratic Empire of Romania pinned your dispatch "A Marxist Interpretation of Christmas Carols" in The New Mappers Union.

Midand wrote:oh no it's spreading

Galactic Knight pinned your dispatch "A Marxist Interpretation of Christmas Carols" in Finns.

Libertas Omnium Maximus wrote:Merry Early Christmas!

Liberlitatia pinned your dispatch "A Marxist Interpretation of Christmas Carols" in Dauiland.

Kahanistan wrote:Christmas for Commies.

Middle Eve Des Ristatown pinned your dispatch "A Marxist Interpretation of Christmas Carols" in The Star Wars Geeks.

Attention nations of the South Pacific!

Don't forget to vote for our Le Front de Liberation du Midand flag design by copying and uploading this Christmas Flag as your very own!

Shavara wrote:Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmarx!

Free sovereign Soviet socialist republic wrote:-pings- New Union of Sovereign Soviet Republics

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