by Max Barry

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The Fattest Citizens in Heart

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Returned Nation of Big FardFather Knows Best State“The tides rise once more...”
2.The Republic of HeartCapitalist Paradise“Kill them with kindness”
3.The Democratic States of Josephtan3New York Times Democracy“Freedom of Expression, Democracy, Unity, and Compromise”
4.The Commonwealth of Takkaviita CCLXXNew York Times Democracy“Fireplace cloak”
5.The Principality of The Third RavenInoffensive Centrist Democracy“Hummanty is at risk we must FIGHT”
6.The Republic of Ace StraightInoffensive Centrist Democracy“Do you believe in your cause?”
7.The Allied States of DrufeMoralistic Democracy“But you aren't even listening so why should I?”
8.The Union State of Helgoland and HolsteinCorrupt Dictatorship“Freedom in life, Honor in death”
9.The Colony of TovinviaFather Knows Best State“Be great as turateria”
10.The Government Agency of Heart Dispatch OfficeLiberal Democratic Socialists“Once Divided, Now United.”
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