by Max Barry

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Germany World Census

The Fattest Citizens in Germany

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

As a region, Germany is ranked 3,229th in the world for Fattest Citizens.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Allzermalmer of AllzermalmerCapitalizt“X”
2.The Colony of The Mandate of the Legation CitiesAnarchy“Magnificence of Empire”
3.The Knights of Teutonic OrderIron Fist Consumerists“Ordo domus SanctŠ MariŠ Theutonicorum Hierosolymitanoru”
4.The Squinted Eyes of Goblin ManCompulsory Consumerist State“... he looks more than half like a goblin.”
5.The Borderlands of KnasterbartCivil Rights Lovefest“Brandy for everyone”
6.The 21st Century Schizoid Mania of Adolf TwitlerIron Fist Consumerists“Ich denke, Twitter hilft einem Klumpen Dreck, wie ich”
7.The Federal Republic of Vudicia IICorporate Bordello“Capitalism is tolerable, communism is not.”
8.The Democratic Republic of Greater Germanian ImperiumInoffensive Centrist Democracy“The Second RŰich shall live forever!”
9.The Freistaat of Hanzestadt DanzigFather Knows Best State“Nec temere, nec timide”
10.The Military Community of KaiserslauternMoralistic Democracy“K-Town”