by Max Barry

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Coalition of Authoritarian Nations World Census

The Fattest Citizens in Coalition of Authoritarian Nations

World Census takers tracked the sale of Cheetos and Twinkies to ascertain which nations most enjoyed the "kind bud."

As a region, Coalition of Authoritarian Nations is ranked 566th in the world for Fattest Citizens.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Nomadic Peoples of Space Ork HordeIron Fist Consumerists“WAAAAGH”
2.The Armed Republic of PablabibiIron Fist Consumerists“Embrace your dear leader and bliss shall follow”
3.The Disputed Territories of QuietArmy1Inoffensive Centrist Democracy“This Space For Rent”
4.The Colony of The COAN Inter-Regional Space StationNew York Times Democracy“Strength Through Compliance”
5.The Sovereign Military Junta of Peoples Republic of JoyeaIron Fist Consumerists“We must protect the DEAR LEADER with desperate courage”
6.The Oppressed Peoples of WE Suck badlyIron Fist Consumerists“We suck”
7.The People's Republic of East OkhotskPsychotic Dictatorship“Workers of the world, Unite”