The Planet XBoard

The controller of planet x wrote:

appointed a regional officer!

:D

That's very cool! I thank you for the most generous gesture. And I must say, this region was quite a welcome surprise. Funny how I only thought to stop by because I vaguely remembered once having seen the distinct WFE, expecting only a sleepy regional response...

*polishes shiny new nameplate and beams proudly*

I will try not to abuse my newfound authority, but...

*begins handing out citations for improperly secured kaiju and having your orcs off-leash*

Devilish orcs wrote:

Enviously glares at the gold name placard

BLARG! ORCS WANT PLACARD, TOO!

Relax, orcs. I think we have some frozen faux-hobbit jerky in the freezer. Hey Spenzerous, can you check if we have faux-hobbit meat?

Spenzerous wrote:

Shhhh! Be quite! The Controller might hear you!

The Salesmans voice becomes incredibly hushed

Yes yes, it would be very troublesome if an inspection crew were to arrive at a time like this.

Canada but evil wrote:

*Their attention is turned from the device held by Refugee arks as the employee approaches them, only slightly baffled as to to their mysterious and startling appearance*

Weapons of universal destruction?
*grins*
Sounds like good fun... Erm

*they tense and glance around surreptitiously*

What I mean to say is interesting. Sounds interesting.

_{Tell me, how does one test the effectiveness of such weapons without causing...well, you know, the universe they currently occupy to be annihilated?}

Have you ever told of the true reason The hands disappeared so suddenly? It used to have tens of planets allied under the flag of pure protection, the development of these weapons was a huge secret as we converted weapons meant to protect, into arms for massive destruction. Sadly, an operative broke the secret and a massive war erupted, that is where we got our weapons tested, no soul survived except for myself and this merchandise of course.

I was thankful to be a highly respected diplomat at the time which is why I am able to maintain my role as the Prime Minister while still managing this operation.

The Man laughs half heartedly as he stares at the battle scars on the ship

So many perished, so many good nations.

Refugee arks wrote:

_{mother of god...}

She's beautiful. Truly.

The way in which the various geometries appear to be held together by shoestring and silly putty...the pervading sense of tragedy that seems to be seeping from every crack and cranny...just the pure superfluousness of the entire design...

Who could ask for anything more?

*signs the necessary paperwork*

While we have no real need for advanced weaponry aboard our peacetime fleet, it doesn't hurt to be prepared. However, we will get to work immediately converting some of the more extreme weapons into devices of a more whimsical nature, perhaps...

I will pass on this warning if you wish to tamper with the weaponry,

The majority of armaments' on this ship are in a constant state of near explosion, I recommend you also purchase our state of the art dismantling suit if you are to remove any of these devices.

Pulls out another contract

Please sign here and we will transfer the amount needed.

The controller of planet x wrote:

Relax, orcs. I think we have some frozen faux-hobbit jerky in the freezer. Hey Spenzerous, can you check if we have faux-hobbit meat?

*yanks open a massive metal refrigerator with a crow bar, and proceeds to search through a diverse array of flesh samples from creatures all over the NSverse

Aha, here is the Hobbit meat. The Imitation Game collected an enormous amount of samples during their research trials.

*removed the meat from a plastic-wrapped dish and chucks it to Devilish orcs

Here, eat this.

Eldritch Empyrean wrote:

*the faint signal from a long-voyaging space probe comes across the radar*

*being relayed is what appears to be an encoded message*

*countless hours of toiling away upon punchcard mainframes in smoke-filled basement offices reveals the following message-*

It appears as though we have received an intergalactic transmission from the far reaches of the cosmos. What joyous occasion.

*Monkeys with the transmission software to display the encoded message

Ah, here it is:

Wow — what lovely beings! Well, on behalf of The Planet X, I would like to say the pleasure is ours!

The united radds wrote:

Have you ever told of the true reason The hands disappeared so suddenly? It used to have tens of planets allied under the flag of pure protection, the development of these weapons was a huge secret as we converted weapons meant to protect, into arms for massive destruction. Sadly, an operative broke the secret and a massive war erupted, that is where we got our weapons tested, no soul survived except for myself and this merchandise of course.

I was thankful to be a highly respected diplomat at the time which is why I am able to maintain my role as the Prime Minister while still managing this operation.

The Man laughs half heartedly as he stares at the battle scars on the ship

So many perished, so many good nations.

And here I was, thinking it was because some poor blokes forgot to turn on Vacation Mode before taking a nice long walk to The Middle of Nowhere

I feel like there's a saying that fits this situation. All's well that ends-- no, that's not it. Something about idle hands

*They furrow their eyebrows, trying to recall the suiting phrase before shrugging dismissively*

Anyways, if these weapons are even half as effective as you make them sound, they'll suit my only partially nefarious needs.

An urgent communication is sent across the system, while it is prioritized for The controller of planet x almost anyone can view it.

Greetings,

It has come to my attention that our most recent comparisons to other intergalactic regions have placed our nudity ratings at #995, and while that may be amazing for our group to achieve, I have taken issue with the general lack of clothing amongst our planets.

Thus, to combat this lack of.. well... everything. I am now requiring clothes on any of my industrial planets and I encourage the rest of our civilized neighbors to do the same. Lest we all end up embarrassingly nude.

Those who wish to defy this ruling will face my clothed wrath, and that of my fleet as well.

Signed

Prime Minister Radd

Devilish orcs wrote:

Blarg! Hmmm,
Orcs like……

Great, enjoy sir orcs.

Eleutescepta wrote:

As far as we know we don't have that precious mineral here in Chivana or in the other worlds of the Astari System, no. We have Nequidemium, though, but not Nullonium.

What is this Nequidemium you speak of?

Spenzerous wrote:

Looks like The controller of planet x has been fixing up the place. Cool new banner!

Affirmative. Updated the banner with something more hip. The other banner was cool, but the image quality was too poor.

Eleutescepta wrote:

It's an almost magical substance. When applied to things like shields and spaceships it makes the enemy to hesitate, to think "Not even us...", thus making its attack (if it attacks at all) faint, weaker, as if it were drunk.

<..<>.<.>>.,!<,?>]] *push of a button* Translator: Surely no one has ever bypassed this?

Teleporting void freighters wrote:

<..<>.<.>>.,!<,?>]] *push of a button* Translator: Surely no one has ever bypassed this?

*as the Teleporting void freighters hover above the surface of The Planet X, a large vault on the planet’s surface begins to open slowly. Two Xiliens appear with glowing air traffic director sabers waving them feverishly

TRANSMISSION INCOMING

Teleporting void freighters, please feel free to dock in our subterranean docking quarters, the planet’s surface is not safe.