by Max Barry

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«12. . .4,3064,3074,3084,3094,3104,3114,312. . .5,0515,052»

The weekend poetry contest is under way! Brocklandia is judgy... I mean judging.

Brocklandia wrote:Any style, any content. Bonus points for limericks and poems that mention the Bar or its customers. Automatic win if someone causes a plate of chocolate chip cookies to appear on my real-world doorstep. Automatic disqualification (aka second place) if those chocolate chips turn out to be laxatives. After last time, I learned to check first. *Scowls at the lot of you*

Nor burland wrote:Maybe I am, it's my strategy to get some popularity >_>

There are strategy's?

Nor burland

A traveller rolls into the bar, the look on his face is happy
Tho' his eyes are cast to the ground
Last time he was here he didn't buy a round
Bartender drinks for all, a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy

Zombie Penguins wrote:The weekend poetry contest is under way! Brocklandia is judgy... I mean judging.

Oh, Lake of fur where are you?
New jukebox songs now are due
When a Bar person does disappear
Often times they still are near
We saved enough peanuts for two

Here's another poem from up north:
I have cookies
Canadian cookies
Which are somehow better than normal cookies
And they can be yours
In exchange for third place
Please?
Poetry contest shows
Prose is for the weak
Eh

Eurovision Song Contest wrote:Now let's see why don't I trust you 🤔

More importantly, why would you want to? I'd take your trusting me as an utter failure on my part, since I've worked hard at being this untrustworthy. What, you think this level of laziness and corruption happens on its own?

Zombie Penguins wrote:Brocklandia is judgy... I mean judging.

I prefer "royally judgmental," thanks. Everyone should experience being royalty at least once in their lives ... Too bad mine is this.

Brocklandia wrote:More importantly, why would you want to? I'd take your trusting me as an utter failure on my part, since I've worked hard at being this untrustworthy. What, you think this level of laziness and corruption happens on its own?

I believe there's good in every person...nation whatever we identify as

Eurovision Song Contest wrote:I believe there's good in every person...nation whatever we identify as

Of course there's good in just about everyone, depending on how you cook 'em. Most people are delicious when barbecued. Or so Cheffy tells me.

Maple Hockey Canadia wrote:You believe in Mexicans?
I don't. I barely believe in Americans, let alone Mexicans, eh.

Sprays, cleans, and polishes RMB, whilst muttering a long expletive-ridden tirade of abuse in Spanish...

Drops a couple soluble laxatives in her drink.

Brocklandia wrote:Technically I don't believe in anyone...

Lands on your shoulder, bob bob bobbing up and down...

CҺEEp cҺEEp chiяяup!

Robin redbreast wrote:Lands on your shoulder, bob bob bobbing up and down...

CҺEEp cҺEEp chiяяup!

Quantum instability in an instant both pounce and don't pounce upon the sweet little birb...

*Mad cat screaming noises*

Quantum instability wrote:*Mad cat screaming noises*

wooƒ wo⁰ƒ wo0ƒ ᛒᴀʀк ʙᴀяк!!!

Labrador Retrievers wrote:wooƒ wo⁰ƒ wo0ƒ ᛒᴀʀк ʙᴀяк!!!

Chases after the labradors...
wooƒ wo⁰ƒ wo0ƒ ᛒᴀʀк ʙᴀяк!!!

*𐌌Oʀє dogs descend upon the general melee centred around Brocklandia*

Further maddened, the cats dig their claws into Brocklandia.

Tries to sink their teeth into Quantum instability, but they fade out of existence...

Absentmindedly polishes a glass vase, and doesn't get the medical box, because those cats and dogs certainly didn't exist, nor did they hurt Brocklandia - Am I right? - I mean the disneyesque bird on his shoulder was a clear indication of some mass hallucination...

Quickly stashes some boxes of coca leaves, 'Peruvian Marching Powder'™, compacted 'snow' bricks, 'glitter', 'sparkles', and other crystallised substances in the storeroom.

Quantum instability wrote:Further maddened, the cats dig their claws into Brocklandia.

Ooo, baby! Hurt me harder! You know, some people pay extra for this service.

Quantum instability and Eurovision Song Contest

Brocklandia wrote:Ooo, baby! Hurt me harder! You know, some people pay extra for this service.

Misser Brock? - Uh, maybe you should check the 'supplies' in the storeroom?

Consuela de la Morrela wrote:the disneyesque bird

Shhh! They'll sue. That's what happens when you have hundreds of lawyers on staff looking for something to do.

Consuela de la Morrela wrote:some mass hallucination...

Nah. I'm not Catholic. I'm just a garden-variety hallucination. Technically I don't have a garden either, but if you're gonna go through the trouble of hallucinating me, might as well also hallucinate up a garden too, right? Right?

Consuela de la Morrela wrote:Quickly stashes some boxes of coca leaves, 'Peruvian Marching Powder'™, compacted 'snow' bricks, 'glitter', 'sparkles', and other crystallised substances in the storeroom.

So that's where all the Bar's revenue has been disappearing to lately. TheOrc was blaming me, but apparently the real culprit has been revealed. I blame society.

Brocklandia wrote:Technically I don't believe in anyone, since those shocking truths were revealed about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, JT LeRoy ... The list goes on. I'm betting you don't exist either--except maybe as a machine trying to Turing Test me.

Waits in the storeroom, with The eostre hare.

German Shepherd wrote:*𐌌Oʀє dogs descend upon the general melee centred around Brocklandia*

Hey! Maintain social distancing until I see proof that you've all had your rabies shots and a recent flea treatment. I have enough fleas of my own already, dang it!

Robin redbreast wrote:Lands on your shoulder, bob bob bobbing up and down...
CҺEEp cҺEEp chiяяup!

Hey, Cheffy, are you still looking for ingredients for that stew you were making?

Jolly Old St Nicholas wrote:Waits in the storeroom, with The eostre hare.

We don't get holidays off here, so you two will have to do your jobs just like everyone else. Well, except me, of course. I delegated all of my tasks to Consuela de la Morrela.

«12. . .4,3064,3074,3084,3094,3104,3114,312. . .5,0515,052»

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