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Aki!! <3

Jumieges

Seems like not much is going on.

Whoa... the forum got migrated to some new software. Fancy.

AKI!!!

Welcome back!

We're still on good ol' IRC though :)

"Gallia- is ranked 12,574th in the world and 1st in Maredoratica for Highest Drug Use, scoring 111.4 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating."

weet lyfe~

"Gallia- is ranked 7,682nd in the world and 1st in Maredoratica for Most Secular, with 60.59 Atheism Rate."

fedoras per capita highest in region!

"Gallia- is ranked 147,335th in the world and 17th in Maredoratica for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 30.94 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full. "

Excellent. Soon Gallapore will be Misery City.

Salom. Labbay!

Welcome to the region, Tazbekistan! :D

Jumieges and Tazbekistan

Thank Ruccola for the tasty welcome.

Ruccola

How do I join?

How can I make this experience more fun for myself and everyone else here?

Sorry for the double post. Are you still using the forums and wiki?

Tazbekistan wrote:Sorry for the double post. Are you still using the forums and wiki?

No problem, we are still here! If you want, some of us are on the IRC chat. That's usually the best way to keep in touch!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/3nzo2qg745j7wf5/b800.jpg?raw=1
https://www.dropbox.com/s/bgsxs484pm2883q/b80.png?raw=1
https://www.dropbox.com/s/vq9xgqo7ph635i0/b8.png?raw=1

it still kills me every time lmao

https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wSZ28OKFZ5k/UswTYyBwwfI/AAAAAAAALps/IFu3YxQfYmM/s1600/Pigeon+01.jpg

omigosh it cuuuute ^~^

The flying rat is well-known for being an exceptionally fearsome mammalian bird.

"(...) Major Malmquist dived for cover behind an armoured car as a pigeon flew overhead, dropping an ICM bomblet about ten meters onto asphalt. It exploded with a flash and crack, throwing out some steel and rock fragments that ruined the otherwise flawless paintjobs of a pair of nearby tanks. (...)"

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=283947&p=19060193&hilit=malden+pigeon#p19060193

The most peculiar things happened to me the other day.

I would like to wish you a very happy New Years Eve. 🥂 May your feast be merry and bright. We'll see each other again in 2018.

It's Friday.

That means it's time to reveal that Galla invented the F40PH in Official Mare Lore.

Gallia- wrote:That means it's time to reveal that Galla invented the F40PH in Official Mare Lore.

Which Galtrak line is your favourite?

NS indicated my factbook contained a naughty word. So I had to take out the word s-h-i-t. Still, I rather like the mashup. How about you?

The Republic of Tazbekistan
ТАЗБЕКИСТАН


National flag

Anthem: Tazbekiston Respublikasining Davlat Madhiyasi



Capital: Iskfana

Official language: Tazbek

Inter-ethnic language: Russian

Government: Unitary presidential constitutional republic

Leader: president Karzak

Population: 31.850.000

Currency: Tazbek strubl

Drives on the: left

Calling code: +000

Internet TLD: .tz

National animal: ibex

The Republic of Tazbekistan (Tazbek: To'zbekiston; Russian: Тазбекистан) is a small, inefficient nation, renowned for its ban on automobiles. The hard-nosed, hard-working, population of 31,85 million Tazbeks are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off patrons with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably few civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever is available on the black market. It's a small, landlocked republic in central Asia, famous as the birthplace of whooping cough. Tazbekistan also produces 83% of the world's beetroot.

Contents
· Etymology
· Geography
· History
· Politics
· Military
· Economy
· Religion
· Culture
· Sports
· References


ETYMOLOGY

The name finds its origin in the Persian language. It is a combination of Tajbeg (Large Crown) and -istan (home of, place of, country).[1] Local Tazbek people use the name To'zbekiston. In other regional languages, it is written as تاجبیګ (Pashto), تاج بيگ (Persian), Тазбекистан (Russian) or Tazbekistan (English).


GEOGRAPHY

Tazbekistan is a desolate, wind-swept nation, freezing in the winter and scorching in the summer. Vast areas have been poisoned by 40 years of Soviet nuclear testing. The capital city of Iskfana, also nicknamed "Pissfana", is a largely unplanned sprawl marked by the crossed swords of a vast victory arch and the streets lined with images of the beloved leader, president Karzak. The city itself is that uniquely Tazbek combination: unfinished and yet already decaying.

Other major cities include: Besh-Kara (North), Boboditsk, Bratska, Demedovoy, Englovoska, Gusnyevsk, Kurovska, Makusarov, Satsursk, Tashbotny, Timoshkin.

Natural landmarks include: Lake Besh-Kara (north, lots of oil here), Lake Porhovnoy (southwest), Lake Iskfana (southeast). Fauna includes: Mighty Ibex, Wolves.


HISTORY

Although Turkic tribes probably occupied what is now Tazbekistan in the 5th century, the first recorded reference to the country came in AD721 when the Prince of Tazbekia, Canod I, declared himself lord of an empire taking in not only his own country, but Persia, China and much of Russia. It was an ambitious claim from a ruler who had just turned 12 years old and his expansionist reign lasted barely a few weeks.

The Middle Ages saw Tazkebistan invaded by numerous armies, including the Mongols, Tatars, Turks, Huns, Mughals, and even a surprisingly militant band of Russian nuns, before Tazbekistan’s first king and patron saint Hazmat I, set about unifying his country by killing off as many of its citizens as he could. Those not murdered or imprisoned were forced into teaching. The empire converted to Christianity with the arrival of the missionary St Vitus in AD863 but reverted to paganism as soon as he left the following year. During the Dark Ages Tazbekistan enjoyed a short period as a Muslim country, but the Koran’s strict teachings against drinking, violence and extra-marital sex never caught on with the local population.

Tazbekistan experienced a brief flowering of Renaissance culture, with some historians putting the actual period down to about three weeks towards the end of 1503. But there is certainly evidence of a renewed interest in art and culture beyond this time and during the 1520s one of Europe’s most enlightened universities was built in the country’s north at Besh-Kara, which offered courses in ancient Greek and Latin as well as wrestling scholarships.

In 1541 a peasant army attempted to turn on the landowners but the uprising was suppressed and the leader Gyidor Dvokic burned alive on a red-hot iron spike, giving rise to the modern Tazbek witticism "my rectum feels as if a great heat is being applied". During this time the country consisted of numerous semi-independent principalities and city-states preoccupied with internal quarrels. In 1570 an attempt was made to bring these separate regions together but no-one could agree on a place to hold the meeting and the country was eventually plunged into the Twenty Years War, a conflict that actually ran for only six months.

The 17th century saw Tazbekistan divided into various fiefdoms, each under the control of a despotic ruler who would ruthlessly crush the slightest sign of unrest; this was considered one of the country’s most enlightened periods.



Szlonko Busjbusj (1891–1962)
is considered the father of
modern Tazbekistan

Through the fires of Revolution against the USSR, Armenia and Azerbaijan, Tazbekistan was born. You don’t have to travel far in Tazkebistan to come across the name Szlonko Busjbusj (1891–1962). Known as the Father of Modern Tazkebistan, or more affectionately as ‘Bu-Bu’, this pioneering statesman has roads, bridges, statues, rivers and even a communicable disease named after him. And it’s little wonder considering his numerous achievements as Prime Minister for several terms during the tumultuous 1930s. During that period Busjbusj managed to:

  • de-regulate the country’s tractor industry

  • shorten the alphabet by 33 letters

  • re-introduce the wheel

  • reduce the maximum working weekend from 18 to 16 hours

  • tie Tazkebistan’s currency (the strubl) to the Latvian lit

  • amend the Constitution to include a Bill of Rights guaranteeing all citizens the right to bear a grudge

But for all these extraordinary reforms ‘Bu-Bu’ is perhaps best remembered for his visionary economic guidance during the 1932 Great Depression. These were dark days for the world and Tazkebistan; hyper-inflation forced people to walk around with wheelbarrows full of money simply in order to make basic grocery purchases. In a move that out-foxed the global financial community, Szlonko Busjbusj dealt with the problem by declaring wheelbarrows legal tender.

Even after retirement, Busjbusj continued to work tirelessly to unify the many opposing factions in Tazbek politics. He convened, and briefly led, a coalition called the United Party of Tyrants, Despots and Dictators. Unfortunately, as he grew old, his eyesight deteriorated badly – as did his adherence to human rights. Finally, in 1962 this ‘blurred visionary’ (as he was described in a UN War Crimes subpoena) died of natural causes – he was assassinated.


POLITICS


President Yigal Karzak of Tazbekistan

The Republic of Tazbekistan is the perfect of a kakistocracy: the government is run by the worst, least qualified, or most unscrupulous citizens. The word comes from the Greek words kakistos (κάκιστος; worst) and kratos (κράτος; rule), with a literal meaning of government by the worst people. Despite its Greek roots, the word was first used in English, but has been adapted into other languages. The word was coined in the 17th century, in Paul Gosnold's A sermon Preached at the Publique Fast the ninth day of Aug. 1644 at St. Maries.

President Yigal Karzak rules over the newly oil-rich, corrupt Tazbekistan. Foreigners refer to him as 'The Prez'. He seized control of Tazbekistan 20 years ago and has never let go. Think Putin, plus 70 lbs, and minus the hair. The Prez is proud, smart... and monstrous. With a particular liking for monarchy and British television such as Last Of The Summer Wine. The president conducts diplomacy in the form of men-only drinking contests, and holds meetings with ambassadors while butchering chunks of a recently slaughtered quadruped.

Jamatt Katz, President Karzak's nephew, is second-in-charge and Karzak's "representative on Earth". A high-ranking member of the government. Frequently meets with embassy staff as Karzak's representative.

Fergana Karzak is the daughter of President Karzak and the most important woman in Tazbekistan. She holds plenty of positions and doesn't seem to be good at any of them, especially singing and managing the Tazbek national football team. She is also the Tazbek Ambassador to UNESCO, a model, a pop star, a patron of numerous charities, a Member of Parliament, and Tazbekistan's major producer of wine.

Svecko Topic, an Interior Ministry official


MILITARY

The National Armed Forces of Tazbekistan is the principal force responsible for the defence of Tazbekistan's national borders as well as recently incorporating internal security measures into its roles. It is a conscript force, with men serving two years of compulsory military service. The current standing force is composed of 71,800 personnel, with a semi-conscripted reserve force of 92,109 personnel. Tazbekistan's annual military budget is $103 million, which accounts for 3.1% of GDP.

Currently, the National Armed Forces are composed of four branches: the Tazbekistan Ground Forces, the Tazbekistan Air Force, the Tazbekistan Naval Forces and the Tazbekistan National Guard. The government neither confirms nor denies the existence of a Secret Police.


ECONOMY

Tazbekistan has a GDP (PPP) of $331.8 billion and a GDP per capita of $10,417. It is primarily a resource-based economy with significant proven reserves of crude oil and natural gas. Tazbekistan's largest company in terms of revenue and assets is the state-owned oil and gas giant Tazneft. Oil and gas exports account for 40% of total exports and around the same amount in terms of total revenue.

Tazbekistan also has a considerable mining industry with principal mineral exports including uranium, bauxite, iron ore and manganese. There are also significant reserves of gold, silver and other precious minerals. Mining accounts for around 30% of total exports and 27% of total annual revenues.

Agriculture is another significant contributor to the economy, with Tazbekistan producing substantial amounts of grains, fruit and cereals. Cotton is one of Tazbekistan's largest agricultural exports, accounting for 20% of total global production.

Tazbekistan is an up and coming tourist destination. The recently established Ryanair flights from Stansted have made it a haven for stag weekends. A typical trip involves firing AK’s into the desert, a scrotum-tightening trip in the back of a MiG-21 and an STD to take home to the girlfriend after a night on the tiles.

Organisations

  • Tazneft Oil

  • Iskfana Airport


RELIGION

Tazbeks are a deeply religious people and most belong to a church, or are supported by one. The most dominant religion is Tazbek Orthodox, a local form of worship very similar to Catholicism (except that Catholics long ago dismissed the concept of the world being flat). Tazbek Orthodox congregations may also smoke in church. This religion dates back thousands of years and local believers will proudly tell you that one of the two robbers crucified next to Christ was in fact from Tazbekistan.

St Hazmat was born in 1507 to a family of wealthy Tazbek landowners. At the age of just four, he amazed church elders by drinking an entire vat of communion wine. It was a religious feat he was to repeat many times later in life. From his mother, Hazmat inherited a quiet manner and pious devotion to God. From his father he inherited gout. Hazmat’s first period of devotion began when, as a 10-year-old, he was sent to help his family run their farm but refused to take part, saying it was God’s will that he remain inside to pray and meditate. Such was his devotion to this task that the young man would only come out for meals and public holidays. During these periods he would often fast for up to three hours at a time, dedicating his discomfort to the Lord.

Hazmat was a man of many contradictions. When his father’s house burnt down, he remarked that he did not mind as material belongings meant nothing to him. Yet a few weeks later he almost clubbed a man to death for stealing his lute in what theologians believe must have been a fit of religious fervour.

A great friend of the poor, Hazmat took particular interest in young single women and could often be seen visiting their homes at all hours of the day and night, armed only with a Bible and a bottle of sacramental red. Here he would preach the Gospel and offer to lay hands on those who kneeled before him.

Such was St Hazmat devotion to the Lord that, at the age of 21, he announced that he’d been called to give up all movement. As part of this devotion, he would sit by the fire in quiet contemplation for months on end, taking no nourishment save three meals a day plus snacks. At other times he would disappear for long periods without explanation, returning from his devotions with slurred speech and unsteady gait – a sign, he claimed, that the Holy Spirit was dwelling within.

At the age of 56 and weighing over 100kg he was arrested by Muslim militiamen who demanded he denounces his faith or be killed. Hazmat refused, saying calmly that the Lord would protect him. At this point, he was tied to a tree, whipped, shot with arrows and beheaded. His last words were ‘copra sanctum’ (‘holy sh*t’).

St Hazmat was beatified by Pope Paul in 1617, canonized by Pope Gregory XV in 1623 and featured posthumously on an episode of Tazbekistan’s ‘This is YourLife’ in 1982.
Relics of his underpants can be found at the Chapel of St Hazmat in Iskfana.


CULTURE


Geographic layout of Tazbekistan

Most people get to Tazbekistan either by air and by accident. A nation this isolated, in an environment this hostile, is an intense, isolated and unforgettable experience. This results in great passions, feuds and intrigues. It’s a tough society. Tazbekistan is not a country wives, husbands or children tend to rush to (unless they like cheap carpets, ex-Soviet plumbing and Human Rights abuses).

The Tazbeks all speak Russian — even when dedicating a memorial to Tazbek victims of the Gulag. Tazbek is the official language of the country (e.g. all the official documents are written in it). Russian is the common language i.e. the one that most people speak in public. In quite a lot of countries, the common language is not the same as the official one. For example, the common language of the Roman Empire was Greek, not Latin. Latin was the official language, but not the common one. Russian is an East Slavic language and an official language in Russia, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan and many minor or unrecognised territories. Russian belongs to the family of Indo-European languages and is one of the four living members of the East Slavic languages, written examples of Old East Slavonic are attested from the 10th century and beyond.

The Tazbek ‘trikolor’ is unique for the fact it only has two colours.


SPORTS

Like so many nations, Tazbekistan is football mad. Sadly, their national team has had little in the way of international success, especially since the introduction of random drug-testing. Tazbekistan’s highest-profile player would, without doubt, be Fyordar Czerveza (or ‘Cze’ as he is affectionately known) and everywhere you will see his name on T-shirts and posters. To the dismay of most local fans, Cze no longer plays at a professional level due to a serious injury; he was banned for head-butting a Croatian referee during an international friendly in 1996.

Iskfana Stadium (the Iskfarena) was built in 1985 in anticipation of Tazbekistan being successful with its plans to host the 1994 World Cup. Sadly their bid failed and much of the ground has since fallen into disrepair. Designed to hold 80,000 spectators it is now used largely for rock concerts and public hangings.


REFERENCES
1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tajbeg_Palace


(OOC. Created and maintained by Orioni 2.)
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