by Max Barry

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by The Wishful of The Mike Roctafinserland. . 242 reads.

Where I have been (Part 1 of 3) April-June•ish

This document is released to give insight on my life, excluding nationstates I apologize for my absence and offensive words in the article below. Please respect I am emotional and will take anger and criticism with diligent force -verbally- stay away from turning me to hulk. I love you all; the North Pacific, my online family. You have shown support throughout my membership. I remind you all you are no friend but my brother, and sister. Let us prosper.”
-Ronan Smyth, (disclaimer)

~I am no longer dead, now alive, now not blind~

It began a normal day... breezy winds and rain. Lots of rain. I stared out the window and focused on the sound of pitter and patter banging against the glass window. I broke the continuous silence in my room. I hopped to from my apartment bed. The large 1,500 sq foot Space was one of the largest in the building. Seattle was pact with surprises.
Ronan -now single man- worried he lacked certain due homework. “F*ck.” He muttered to no one in particular. He luckily had the day. But I have plans... Who am I kidding No way in hell I don’t. The man thought. He laughed aloud and slowly remembered he was lonely -again. “And Alex... she couldn’t... she couldn’t break up somewhere else, maybe not in frickin public. He slammed his fist on a cool, wooden, surface. A small stool next to the red couch where he sat.
The man entering the age of 22 this next June, had fragile and faraway eyes pointing directly into... nothingness. He had unkept hair, but his/my personal hygiene was of huge concern. After bathing -twice- the man took to the streets of the Western metropolis. It was beauty. School wouldn’t bother Ronan today. He was going to stroll around the city and with no family members in close proximity he had no one to be with, enjoy with, live with.
It bothered him the fact he was so on the edge of depression, since his breakup with Alex he seemed disconnected. All was wrong, so why not take some alcohol. Ronan visited a pub as he liked to call bars. It was -unlike family- close to him. In a few more moths Ronan would have earned a bachelors in political science. Another award... to celebrate with no one. He drowned himself and lost his soul in the provided drink. He was aware of the alcoholic cautions, this was only his second glass. He took it to suppress and oppress emotions. All was different in his life. It was to imagine 3 years ago leaving high school with Alex on a trip to Bangkok and after that Rio. Hard to imagine being a senior. -near graduation- and entering Washington Universoty on a scholarship with all the most supportive friends in the workd. Fast forward, and everything was gone. Until Kayla.

At this point I remind I have been broken up for over two months. I hadn’t planned or desires any relationship or anything for that matter. No, suicide wasn’t a thought. I met Kayla in the same bar two Saturdays ago. I surprisingly with these things called friends. I walked over and introduced my self on a dare -not knowing because I may have been drunk- I liked her. We smoothly conversed, talking through personal and current events. We dug through a few more glasses. We said our goodbyes and I ended with a hug.
Later that week she invited me to a ski trip. On the pass -Washington people who have gone on the mountains would know what I mean. We had an amazing time and -in the same lodge- fell asleep watching a movie together.

I thought I was in a dream. When I visited Alex, visiting family I pleaded to know whether or not she was ok. It wouldn’t be fine to just get into relationship after another. Being passive isn’t a good thing. Alex was perfect, but not, Kayla was perfect but not. Love only gets more complicated.

The Trip
I am German, my grandfather lives in Germany. End of story... not! In Berlin I met him, one of my favoritistist persons in the earth wrole. BesT GRaMAR EVeR!!! I believed the urgent call was in preparation for his birthday, and while I planned to visit in July after my graduation I had to respond. The details were vague, but vague was my middle name. It was crystal clear, he was going to die. My grandfather was 86. He has lived a reasonably long life. Through the Second World War, and East Germany, he seemed a superhero to me as a young kid. When I was noticed of his deceasement I wouldn’t leave my hotel room. Alex broke my heart. My grandpa stepped on it. When I had overstayed my welcome I went back to New York broken. However when I reached my campus I suppressed my emotions as I had did prior to meeting Kayla and after Alex. As my semester slowly ended things were bleakly becoming better. I had kept a steady stream of good grades, honoring my scholarship and more importantly Grandpa. My mother and father visited me in my apartment to celebrate my great grades, hiding the fact they were just there to comfort me.
I sat down after celebration and wrote on a paper about stuff. Ideas for a NS factbook.

This isn’t a detailed presentation, nor is it meant to be. I love you all and a special thanks to Atheenos, Toshavo, Confederation of Independent Colonies, Tanabon, Puczovska, The Sanada Clan, The North Pacific,Lupus imperium, Lungha, Aerilia, Aleria and Tiristan, Lotion Empire, Gospel Power, Hong Kong Empire, Lorigia, Ultimate byzantine, Western Vapia, Deerfenland, Itallitopia, and everyone else. As mentioned in previous posts, messages, telegrams, u appreciate your assistance and outstanding contributions. I want to regard Puczovska for making this community more united, more possible. We are all apart of a machine, a union. And though times are hurting a fraction of us. All of us are deeply affected. Aside from my breakup and now dead grandfather I am in an enlightened state. I promise to continue posting regularly in the soon-to-be following days. Thank you for reading, like if you want, or don’t.

~Ronan Smyth