24th of July: Sadly, Mark II has come to an end! Thanks for all the fish! Mark III is up.
Mark II, because Mark I has reached its limits!
It can include IC, OOC, or outside of NS. Without further ado, some of my favorite quotes from around the Internet!
I'll put the relevant context if available, because as Nostalgia Critic would put it, "It works in context!"
On a side note, if you find a quote that belongs to you, and doesn't like it being here, do let me know! And once again, sorry I didn't ask for permission first!
28th Feb EDIT: HOLY... I accidentally wiped my entire Dispatch. Just goes to show, that's why you do backups everytime...
13th Feb EDIT: Changed the chronological order.
Quote
Context
Placeholder
Deleted Reddit User: What's this you've said to me, my good friend? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in conflict resolution, and I've been involved in numerous friendly discussions, and I have over 300 confirmed friends. I am trained in polite discussions and I'm the top mediator in the entire neighborhood. You are worth more to me than just another target. I hope we will come to have a friendship never before seen on this Earth. Don't you think you might be hurting someone's feelings saying that over the internet? Think about it, my friend. As we speak I am contacting my good friends across the USA and your P.O. box is being traced right now so you better prepare for the greeting cards, friend. The greeting cards that help you with your hate. You should look forward to it, friend. I can be anywhere, anytime for you, and I can calm you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my chess set. Not only am I extensively trained in conflict resolution, but I have access to the entire group of my friends and I will use them to their full extent to start our new friendship. If only you could have known what kindness and love your little comment was about to bring you, maybe you would have reached out sooner. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now we get to start a new friendship, you unique person. I will give you gifts and you might have a hard time keeping up. You're finally living, friend.
RandomTaliyahMain: Qu'est-ce que vous m'avez dit, mon bon ami? Je vais vous faire savoir que je suis diplômé en haut de ma classe dans la résolution des conflits, et j'ai été impliqué dans de nombreuses discussions amicales, et j'ai plus de 300 amis confirmés. Je suis entraîné dans des discussions polies et je suis le médiateur haut dans tout le quartier. Tu mérite plus que moi une autre cible. J'espčre que nous arriverons ŕ avoir une amitié jamais vue sur cette Terre. Ne pensez-vous pas que vous pourriez blesser les sentiments de quelqu'un en disant que sur Internet? Pensez-y, mon ami. Pendant que nous parlons je contacte mes bons amis ŕ travers les Etats-Unis et votre P.O. Boîte est en cours de traçage en ce moment afin que vous préparer mieux pour les cartes de voeux, ami. Les cartes de voeux qui vous aident avec votre haine. Vous devriez y réfléchir, mon ami. Je peux ętre n'importe oů, n'importe quand pour toi, et je peux te calmer dans plus de sept cents maničres, et c'est juste avec mon jeu d'échecs. Non seulement je suis formé ŕ la résolution de conflits, mais j'ai accčs ŕ l'ensemble du groupe de mes amis et je vais les utiliser dans toute leur ampleur pour commencer notre nouvelle amitié. Si seulement vous pouviez connaître la bonté et l'amour que votre petit commentaire était sur le point de vous apporter, vous auriez peut-ętre atteint plus tôt. Mais vous ne pouviez pas, vous n'avez pas, et maintenant nous arrivons ŕ commencer une nouvelle amitié, vous seule personne. Je vais vous donner des cadeaux et vous pourriez avoir du mal ŕ suivre. Tu es enfin en vie, mon ami.
6i7kh: Mi ez, amit mondtál nekem, kedves barátom? Közölném veled, hogy az osztályom élén végeztem konfliktusfeloldásból, számtalan barátias beszélgetésben vettem részt, és több, mint 300 megerősített barátom van. Ki lettem képezve udvarias beszélgetésekre és a környék legjobb közvetítője vagyok. Többet érsz nekem, mint csupán egy célpont. Remélem, hogy egy olyan barátságban vehetünk majd részt, ami még sohasem létezett ezen a földön. Nem gondolod, hogy azzal, amit mondasz az Interneten, megbánthatod valakinek az érzéseit? Gondolkodj el ezen, barátom. Miközben itt beszélek, éppen kapcsolatba lépek az Egyesült Államokban lévő jó barátaimmal és a postafiókodat éppen most nyomozzák le, tehát jobb, ha felkészülsz az üdvözlőlapokra, barátom. Az üdvözlőlapokra, amelyek segíteni fognak a gyűlöleteden. Készülj fel rájuk, barátom. Bárhol, bármikor ott vagyok érted és több, mint hétszáz különböző módon tudlak lenyugtatni, csak a sakk-készletemmel. Nem csak, hogy mélyrehatóan ki vagyok képezve konfliktusfeloldásból, de hozzáférhetek a barátaim egész csoportjához, és fel is fogom őket használni, amennyire csak lehet, hogy elindíthassuk az új barátságunkat. Ha talán tudtad volna, hogy micsoda kedvességet és szeretetet fog kiváltani a hozzászólásod, lehet, megkerestél volna előbb. De nem tudtad, nem kerestél meg, és most elindíthatunk egy új barátságot, te egyedi személyiség. Ajándékokat fogok adni neked, és lehet, hogy nehéz lesz lépést tartanod. Végre élsz, barátom.
The Navy Seal copy-pasta, but made nicer and wholesome! :D Reddit, of course! Also in French and Hungarian.
Risottia: The meaning of life is being objectively right in calling "heathen" those who prefer milk chocolate, because the only chocolate thou shalt have is 70% cocoa powder minimum.
Garden at 6th Mile Road (Me): Never mind, still got milk chocolate. - Your Friendly Neighborhood Heathen :P
Risottia: Thou shalt be smelted in the fires of the Hellish Chocolate Patisserie like a low-fusion-point, second choice milk chocolate bar from Lidl, then peppered with hot dried raisins and recast into pralines. REPENT AND BELIEVE IN THE PURE DARK ONE!
The Batavia: That's it, I'm gonna write a book called "95 Reasons Why Fu*k Dark Chocolate"
Petrasylvania: And all the cable channels that rely on "reality shows" to stay solvent can have a weeklong crossover marathon involving the Cursed Storage Unit.
The free joy state: First, Judge Judy would scare it straight Then Dr. Phil would teach it to love itself Then the House Hunters would find it somewhere to live Finally, the House Doctor would teach it to coordinate with the curtains.
By the end of the week, it'd feel like a whole new ghost.
Kyrusia: There was not a hamster revolt. We don't know what you're talking about. We have no idea why you'd suggest such a thing. Half the Moderation staff were not dismembered in said revolt that did not occur.
Lamoni: Again, there was ho [no?] hamster peasant army that revolted and killed half the moderation staff.
New castillan empire: "Well I know a pun that works in two languages!" Carlos said as he cleared his throat. "żDe dónde van los gatos cuando mueren? Purgatorio." He chuckled. "It means 'Where do cats go when they die? Purrgatory.'"
Salandriagado: Right, so Xero keeps talking about things being "better", and that brings us to something that's actually vaguely close to my area of expertise, and I've got some really boring paperwork to procrastinate from, so it's time for some maths.
Now, in order to talk about something being "better" (or "more X" for any X) than something else, you need to have what's called a poset in mind: that's a "partially ordered set" (nobody ever accused mathematicians of being good at naming things). That is: you need a set of things you'd like to be able to compare (in this case, the set of all allocations of economic resources), and you need a comparison rule between them that satisfies a few properties (for technical reasons, we'll define "equal to or better than", then just drop out the "equal to" bit later): we need:
Everything is equal to or better than itself (obviously: it's equal)
If A is equal to or better than B, and B is equal to or better than A, then A and B are equal (can't be better in both directions, otherwise nothing makes sense)
If A is equal to or better than B, and B is equal to or better than C, then A is equal to or better than C (we need this to be able to compare things in parts)
For convenience, we'll write "A ⊵ B" for "B is equal to or better than A" and "A ⊳ B" for "A is better than B" (that is: A ⊵ B and A ≠ B) (and the obvious mirror image versions). With these, the above turn into:
A ⊴ A
If A ⊴ B, and B ⊴ A is equal to or better than A, then A = B
If A ⊴ B, and B ⊴ C, then A ⊴ C (we need this to be able to compare things in parts)
Now, the important part here is the "p": this is a partial order: there's no guarantee, given any random A and B, that either A ⊴ B or A ⊵ B: it's entirely possible for two things to just not be comparable at all. Adding a requirement that every two items are comparable gives a totally ordered set (which, for reasons I don't understand, absolutely nobody calls a "toset").
With this, Xero's core claim comes down to three statements, with D the allocation resulting from his silly donation-voting setup, B the allocation resulting from actual voting, and A the set of all allocations of economic resources:
There is an objective way to make A into a poset.
This poset structure in fact makes A into a totally ordered set (not actually necessary to his conclusion, but it's what he's been claiming).
Even if (2) is false, then at the very least B and D are comparable (this is the version of (2) that is actually necessary to his claim).
Specifically, B ⊲ D.
Let's start with the good news: claim 1 is true! Not only is there a poset structure on A, but this structure is commonly used by economists (in the sense that people actually write papers about it), but it's also objective, and natural (I'm really not going to go into enough category theory to explain what that means precisely, but it's roughly that this is the "obvious" way to do it). This structure is the Pareto poset, where we say that A ⊴ B if moving from A to B is a Pareto improvement or Pareto neutral (that is: such a change makes nobody worse off). You can easily check that this satisfies the three properties above: (2) is the only non-obvious one, but it's not that hard to show.
And now, the bad news: this isn't a total order. That is: claim (2) is wrong. In fact, it's really wrong: this is a very coarse poset, in the sense that very few things are comparable. Particular things that are incomparable in this include all pairs from "the current system", "Salandriagado gets all the money", and "Gallo gets all the money". It's really, really coarse.
And finally, the really bad news: (3) (and therefore (4)) is provably false as well. Indeed, Xero has claimed this himself, a great many times: some people clearly will be made worse off by such a change, starting with elected politicians.
So, that's Xero's core thesis literally mathematically disproven. The only possible method by which it might be saved is if Xero can give us a different objective poset structure on A that is either natural or comes with a very good reason to use it over the natural option, and justify why he's using this rather than the one everybody else uses, and then show that this satisfies (3) and (4).
[/hr]
So, Xero, I ask again: what do you mean by "better"? What poset structure are you using, and how are you going to justify that choice?
La Paz de Los Ricos: How about Sealand Royale. Every Sealandian (Sealander, Sealandish?) person who has ever gotten citizenship to Sealand is flown on private jets and helicopters to the platform, and a fight to the death ensues, with guns and swords and the whole shebang. Whoever wins gets to control Sealand for the rest of his/her life.
Sovaal: Be that one guy who just rents a boat and snipes them from it.
La Paz de Los Ricos: >jump from copter >parachute doesnt open automatically >realize life isnt fortnite >die instantly on impact with platform
that has to be the best death anybody would every recieve
Garden at 6th Mile Road (me): Albeit the most humiliating one. Poor guy will be laughed at for eternity in afterlife. "Ahh, so you died because you thought your parachute will magically open... Hahaha, moron."
La Paz de Los Ricos: Everybody else just sees some dude diving at terminal velocity towards Sealand without opening his parachute.
Guy #1: "Hey, who's that?"
Guy #2: "No idea, but he looks like he's-"
*person diving strikes Sealand platform and his body disintegrates upon impact*
Guy #1: "Oooooh. That didn't look healthy."
Garden at 6th Mile Road: Never has an offshore platform told such an intriguing story. Or... something like that, I'm not good with poetry.
The south falls: It's alright. Sealand. O Sealand. You remind me of New Zealand.
Valentine Z: This and Alanis Star are the nations Ićm using to keep myself positive and happy. :P Other times, trying to not let the stress gets me.
Cekoviu: Did you accidentally switch to the Norwegian keyboard layout there?
The south falls: That because of that 'positive and happy' bit?
Cekoviu: In the Norwegian-Bokmĺl keyboard layout (and probably Danish as well), ć is in the place that ' is on English keyboards.
The south falls: I know, I know. *Charts* That's the 1,000,000th joke that hit with a thud on NS! Congrats Cekoviu!
Cekoviu: Do I get an award? Or at least a participation trophy?
The south falls: You do. It's a trophy that must be dropped, and clang, just like the joke did, before the presentation. Made of liberty bell, for the best sounds.
I figure that I can get enough meat off of Blaat to feed the entire NS staff. In any case Blaat, DO NOT give Xerographica ideas, if you don't want to end up as dinner. Got it?
USS Monitor: Good grades and test scores should be a requirement, but above a certain level, another couple of points on your SAT doesn't mean much. A difference of 300 points means something; a difference of 30 points is statistical noise.
A good admissions essay and extra-curricular activities should have an impact. Community service, summer jobs, intellectual extra-curriculars, and anything that shows leadership skills should count more than athletics, but athletics should still be considered a small plus because being on a sports team and maintaining good grades at the same time shows an ability to manage your time and shows that you have interest in more than one thing.
A dumb jock that is only good at football doesn't belong at an ivy league school, and I think student athletics gets a bad rep because of the schools that give football scholarships to dumb jocks that barely managed to graduate high school -- but there's no reason why Harvard wouldn't want a good student who plays football on the side. As much as I don't give a sh*t about football, it's still a sign of being more well-rounded than someone that just sits at home studying all day.
A good student that has been organizing food drives and volunteering at a homeless shelter should get in before the football guy, but they should both get in before someone who never leaves mom's basement except to go to class.
Pan-asiatic states: Also, stay positive you guys. Write Factbooks for the fun of writing them. I write them so I could read them. Then at the very least there's one person reading my factbooks. Me.
[As someone who has had that happen before, thanks for the words! Some people will just skipped over Factbooks, and this is a frustration to no end.]
Reploid Productions: Swearing is just f*cking fine on this goddamn f*cking forum, this is true. Flaming another user, however, is clearly against the rules. So now I f*cking have to step in and do all the moderator bullsh*t because you just had to f*cking cross the goddamn f*cking line and f*cking flame the guy. This flaming bullsh*t cannot be allowed to f*cking stand. Also, excessive swearing, especially when directed at another player is still a good way to run afoul of the rules, so please exercise some caution when cussing.
We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?
First, this isn't a music site Second, with 25 posts per page, don't you think the cacophony of 25 different simultaneous music clips would be a little bit horrible? Third, what Gandoor said about copyright Fourth, no way are we supporting images in sigs. They're bad enough with an eight line limit. Images would destroy the continuity of threads.
If you want music or images, put them in a factbook and link the factbook in your sig. Then only the people who actually want to see that sort of thing about your nation will have to endure it.
...
Reploid Productions: OMFG DEAR MAX ALMIGHTY IN AUSTRALIA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Seriously. No. No no no no do not want should not happen noooooo. Aside from embedding music having the same issues as embedding video (bandwidth for slow/mobile connections, moderating the content, copyright complaints,) sites playing music without the viewer's permission was one of the most godawful obnoxious and annoying elements of 1990s web design. There's a reason websites (good websites, that people want to visit more than once) will have sound options and they generally default to sound off until the user enables it!
United imperial systems: Hahahaha, right, when was the last time you saw one?
The empire of pretantia: *Raises hand*
United imperial systems: ok. but aside from you?
The empire of pretantia: My dogs. Not my sister's though, my mother turned one of them into an alcoholic when he was a puppy.
United imperial systems: Wait, you aren't being sarcastic, or calling someone a "dog"? Your mom actually turned one into an alcoholic? Or am I missing something?
The empire of pretantia:
Literal dogs. Canine companions. Doggos. Puppers. Man's best friend.
So it was Thanksgiving and my sister brought her pitbull puppy over, and her just wouldn't sit still. So my mom put some wine in his bowl and it knocked him the f**k out.
Later on, my sister would find him sifting through the trash looking for empty beer cans.
The Batavia: "Hey Castile I know you are busy in a war but could you help me against Tlemcen so I can literally cockblock you?" -Portugal
Platypus bureaucracy: You mean figuratively. I hope.
The Huskar Social Union: "And now Seńorita, we must do the dance of love! As Fiercely and as passionat- *Portuguese soldier smashes through the window and throws a shield at his junk*
Pax Nerdvana: Paperwork is the epitome of all that is evil.
Gallade: Oh I dunno, used to be a good opportunity to spy on my aide's bum when he was filing. Silver linings.
The Holy Therns: Oh, we have a sequel to Goldfinger. Silverbutt.
Ardrentt: Spybutt
The Holy Therns: "Do you expect me to talk?" // "No, I expect you to twerk."
Ardrentt: "I take my butts shaken, not stirred-" I tried, I spent the past five minutes thinking about how to work the one reference to spy films I know.
Abserdia: Imagine my surprise when I tipped a waiter in Singapore, and suddenly the entire restaurant turned against me. They gave me dirty looks, scoffed, belittled me... How was I supposed to know that I shouldn’t tip the waiter over?
Let us clone Moses, Muhammad, Buddha, Confucius, Mahavira, Zeno of Citium, Joseph Smith and L Ron Hubbard... And then, Have them fight each other to the death on a remote island in a televised Battle Royale event! Think of the ratings we'd get!
The Burke Islands: I find GPAs to be stupid. Why can a kid make valedictorian when he took the easier courses, made A’s in them, while I took the harder courses, and made one or two B’s in them, and I am the one that gets stuck with 10th place or something.
Keshiland: I would give it a no. A country that lies about how free, or how great, or how humanitarian it is can never be developed. Example, NK lies and says they are democratic and are not, the US lies and says we are free yet we incarcerate millions for a medical plant. See we are basically a larger more populated North Korea.
Stormwrath: Weird, I don't see any gulags strewn across the country or massive famines. :roll:
Farnhamia: The gulags are all under large airports. We may be evil but we're not stupid.
Fartsniffage: That explains why so much luggage goes missing....
Farnhamia: Okay, so there are some glitches in the system but missing luggage does make for a decent distraction.
USS Monitor: Are you scared of mods? Cos I can try to scare the s**t out of you if you're scared of mods.
On her way to lock just one of the many, many spam. Spam in question is, and I quote: I can't poopy? Take big poopy? Why!! :rofl: :p :hug:
Geneviev: Is it? Because the first example of music in history was when someone threw paint at a cave wall to hear a sound.
Samantha-Higgs: Now I want to know how cavemen music sounds like. I'm pretty sure Rock is their favorite genre.
Geneviev: Yes, I think so. Eventually they came to like Metal though. Then they invented Pop in China when they found gunpowder.
Pax Nerdvana: Romans liked death metal because they were fond of using lead.
Idzequitch: And the ancient Egyptians busted out some rap whenever someone died.
Geneviev: Yes, exactly. And Greece liked Classical.
Pax Nerdvana: Sone [Some?] ancient peoples liked soul, because they believed humans have that. // The Phoenicians liked sea shanties.
Post-prc china: There are paleolithic carvings of James Brown on cave walls. They just keep such things confidential 'cos the man like to oppress the kangz.
Geneviev: Europe in the Late Middle Ages quite liked gothic rock.
Pax Nerdvana: The Mayans liked disco because of their calendars.
Geneviev: King George enjoyed Britpop (I'm running out of ideas).
Post-prc china: Numerous scientific papers have confirmed this, yes. There's also the makings of a phonetic writing system beside the carvings that read out "oog ogg ug." Experts say it's paleo-speak for I feel good.
Post-prc china: They did say that Chairman Mao loved himself some German and Russian hard-bass.
Geneviev: I'm sure the RAF enjoyed some British Invasion music during the air strikes.
Pax Nerdvana: I bet Nazi Germany didn't like Led Zeppelin.
Geneviev: They preferred Simple Plan.
Pax Nerdvana: I feel like that's a band I haven't heard of. Nikola Tesla probably liked AC/DC.
Socialist nanhua: Ruled by * takes a deep breath * Stralend en Wonderbaarlijk Licht Koningin Holly Aurora Symantha Vreugde Lavender Astrid Lilac Marlie Nova Radiant Starlight.
Nanatsu no Tsuki: For a minute I read that as Contraceptive Badger. I need to change my glasses.
Cannot think of a name: Contraceptive Badger seems like a really aggressive abstinence technique. Or a poorly marketed IUD. "Not ready for pregnancy? Try the Contraceptive Badger, it will actively and angrily protect your uterus from housing an unwanted fertilized egg by attacking it viciously. May cause side effects..."
Geneviev: Judas did not continue sinning. Does that not mean that, although wrong, his suicide was some form of atonement? That would make him repentant as well as remorseful.
The alexanderians: You could argue that it showed that he, at the very least, felt bad for what he did. You have to ask though did he in his final breath attempt to atone for the sin he committed by taking his own life? It's possible in that final moment but doubtful.
Tarsonis: I'd imagine his final breath was more like "Graregakkk"
Palos heights: So I think you have an interesting little issue here so let's take a look shall we?
So first, I think you need high youth rebelliousness for validity at minimum. Furthermore, I think low intelligence works too, considering the dialogue and the entire premise is predicated upon kids doing stupid things.
So as for your first option, I think it's solid but I'm not quite sure why you feel the need to have the first kid ramble about water balloons for as long as you did. Instead of, "That mean old man decided to torch my lemonade stand so I got the boys together and we threw water balloons filled acid at his big fat stupid face" try "Old man Jenkins torched our lemonade stands so we got him back the only way we know how: water balloons filled with hyperconcentrated lemonade!" It's more in character and helps add some humor to the issue.
Your fallouts are solid throughout, I'm not even going to bother with those. I know CWA might get on you for having your options be too long, but personally, I think they're the right length overall. I'd make sure to spellcheck this one too since you have quite a few grammatical errors throughout your issue that I think a simple spellcheck will make disappear in an instant.
Aside from that, just make sure to not capitalize the first word in your effect line and never end them in punctuation!
Can't wait to see your next draft!
From the spammy Got Issues? Thread "How to rack up warns" OP was: Swear ever other sentence and you'll be good to fu***n' go.
Hurdergaryp: One: I did not write the article, so I cannot be held responsible for the author's misguided choice of words. Two: things were different in the Soviet Union.
Post War America: This right here, is exactly the point you lost any credibility. You're all for banging the war drums and sending people off to die for the slightest possibility of change, but only so long as its somebody else's flesh and blood. Once you get confronted with the possibility of having to sacrifice your own you claim that there are more important things for you to be doing. That right there demonstrates a lack of moral ground to stand on. If you truly believe that invading other nations, destablizing them, and killing millions in the process, is a good course of action, you would be gladly joining the fight, not hiding behind your supposed intellect like a chicken hawk.
Yagon: Well, every time it turns to talk of drunken birthday chair walks then I knows, I must be in Tetttttttttt....
And you can't talk about alcohol without havin' some talk of Texas, y'all... ya'll knows, you must be in Tetttttttttt....
The Razor's Edge of PG-13, Somebody called somebody else a "weeb" So I know, I must be in Tetttttttttttt...
Yeah, they ain't phonies, just ancaps and bronies, They're a global "Cheers" with more demands for "source" You mods and courts, why can't you see (OH MY WIFE LEFT ME FOR NSG!) Max Barry done caused my divorrrrrrrrcccceeee.....
Ostroeuropa: Replacements for identifications and such i'm fine with a charge. "Here's your passport." "I lost it." "Next one is 50 bucks."
Farnhamia: "I lost that one, too." "Fine, that'll be a hundred bucks and my six-year-old is going to draw the picture. Good luck traveling outside the country."
Context: Valentine Z: I'm pretty sure Goofy was based on my past life. I am the clumsiest person you will ever meet, and that's not a good sign. I dropped my brand new LG V30+ 30 MINUTES AFTER PURCHASE. I err... the plastics slipped. Fortunately, only the bottom bit was cracked, otherwise usable.
Farnhamia: Did it ... is it ... Medic! Phone down!
Context: Kannap: So I've decided to opt for a tent for my backpacking trip but don't know how to set up a tent. So guess who's practicing setting up a tent tomorrow night?
Ardrentt: In a world... where droves numbering in the hundreds try to pitch a tent for the first time...
Internationalist bastard: Comes one woman, who spent five years of her life pitching tents. She is.....the Canvas Queen
Ardrentt: Together, with her pet giraffe, they will fight off the dullard masses with the power of pitch
Internationalist bastard: This is a really good move [movie]........pitch
Dumb Ideologies: And then they were all eaten by Jamel, the anti-camping giant budgerigar. There were no survivors and no-one ever went tenting again. The end.
Ardrentt: Hey, hey! I see what you're doing, turning this into a short story, get outta here with that text [BS], this is film we're talkin' about!
Firaxin: Are you sure this isn't a book series? Like the second series of books will be about them in the stomach. Also why are we putting this in the trailer?
Dumb Ideologies: Remember kids: outside = eaten - Jamel 2018 // You're not getting a cut of any of the Jamel merch, but send me your account details and I'll transfer over 0.01E in exposure.
Dylar: Oh, okay.
[A screenshot of a SW Credit. Directed by: George Lucas.]
Ardrentt: This was supposed to not have a sequel dammit, who even agreed to make this into a series?!
Ardrentt: Screw you, I'm gonna make bootlegged copies and sell those, what can ya do about that? :P
Firaxin: What? Don't you know the business the more of a thing there is the more people will buy it. No exceptions.
Dumb Ideologies: Don't make me call the cease and desist narwhal.
Ardrentt: I live in another country; I rest my case and your narwhal is in it.
Dumb Ideologies: Did you just try to contain the cease and desist narwhal? He's very claustrophobic and you've probably overwhelmed the trained limits on his desire to bring the world to halt. I'm off to Mars, you deal with this.
The job: Delivering five crates full of consoles and videogames to Venezuela. We are going by the southern border, through the Amazon basin. Possible obstacles include a previously undiscovered tribe of cannibals, a reptilian civilazion that sometimes comes to the surface through the hole leading to Hollow Earth, a rogue group of crazy FARC deserters, and the last dinosaur.
The pay: As many bolivares as you can carry.
Open positions: Two local guides, five armed guards, one grizzled veteran, ten extras to carry the crates, one female romantic interest, one crazy archaeologist with his own secret agenda, one amnesiac that eventually remembers having been here before as a child, one old native with enigmatic wisdom, one clueless corporate guy, and two professional noise investigators.
Auseriel: Everyone has to be happy or else the ‘happy mods’ are going to send you sweet compliments and pictures of kittens until you simply can’t be sad anymore.
USS Monitor: If you're feeling inspired. I am kind of drunk, and should probably stop posting and sleep it off, especially stop posting from my mod account before I break something.
Shwe Tu Colony: I think that would be highly advisable, yes. I'd rather not a giant ironclad drunkenly slam into the mangroves or any of the others, mmk (not sure why I keep teasing Ransium specifically. Might be how active he is in tandem with how easily personified he is.)
USS Monitor: Cos teasing Ransium is fun. He is a good sport about it, and a talking mangrove is a funny mental image. It is scary how many tries it took for me to spell "mangrove" correctly.
Trotterdam: I don't find it hard to spell, but I'd always wondered what mangroves have to do with men. What's wrong with just plain old groves? Why don't we have womangroves? [Val's note: You're making me contemplate life, Comrade.]
The free joy state: But I'm very sleep deprived right now, so I wouldn't trust me on that. USS Monitor: You should know NS runs better when the site staff are all drunk and sleep-deprived.
Farnhamia: That is the most vile, disgusting threadjack I have ever seen in all the long time I have been a Mod. My hands are shaking as I type this. I'm going to to have to convene a special session of of the Hivemind, plus even He Whose Name Must Be Max, to deal with this egregious violation of the rules. [Spoiler] :roll: No, you aren't going to be punished. Not by me, anyway. [Snip a little] The thread is not being locked. Just calm down. Go light five candles and say seven Hail Farns and put ten dollars in the Poor Box.
Ostrovshima: Are you being sarcastic? I cannot tell when other people are being sarcastic...
If not:
> Will electric candles work?
> How does a Hail Farn go?
> Where is the Poor Box?
Farnhamia: [Italics in Farn's part for the reply.]
Are you being sarcastic? I cannot tell when other people are being sarcastic...
If not:
> Will electric candles work? Yes, but beeswax is preferable
> How does a Hail Farn go?
Sort of like this: dingir-lamma-ĝu nin […] munus zid giri-zal il-il-i šudu inim-ma ĝiš tuku inim dug eme si sa nin niĝ-gen-e ki aĝ sukkal-maḫ ama dingir-ba-u nundum kug-babbar-ra-ke ... si sa ĝeštug me-ze UD-UD-e SI A munus zid dlamma-ĝu ulutim lu nu-sig-ge-zu igi ... TI-ĝu mi-bi su-ud-še ga-mu-u-en-de-en ...
My protective goddess, lady ……, good woman encouraging celebration and listening to words of prayer, guiding fine speech and tongues, lady who loves the truth, august minister of Mother Bau, with silver lips, directing …… and …… ears and cheeks! Good woman, my protective goddess, your appearance unmatchable, my ……, let us forever praise you.
> Where is the Poor Box? It's right at the entrance, just inside the door. It's been a while since I've looked at that prayer and my copy ... the clay tablet is kind of smudged.
Farnhamia: We have this black van, see, and ski masks and we pick a nice dark night to go shopping ... I mean, recruiting. Usually around midnight, one in the morning, you'd be amazed how many people you can catch ... I mean, recruit. Okay, I have no idea. Four of the six RP mentors are people I recognize and there's Kyru, too. I imagine someone will wander by and explain it. I didn't dig very far but I was kind of surprised not to see anything about nominations in the Welcome thread.
Farnhamia: We could tell you but, well, you know how that goes. Why make your family unhappy? Seriously, though, we're all ultra-wealthy members of the secret cabal that controls the cabal known as the Bilderberg Group. Does that help?
Frisbeeteria: I'm not going to tell you. I value my privacy, and I value my beliefs. My moderation positions speak for themselves. I am extra careful not to express my personal opinions (which can be wildly divergent from my Moderation opinions) on the forums. If I want to participate in a NSG debate, I'll do so with a non-affiliated puppet. I've not made a big secret of my geological location, but I haven't bragged about it either. That's all you're getting from me.
USS Monitor: Speak for yourself. Ships aren't allowed to own wealth. :(
The Blaatschapen: I know your geological location. It is [Spoiler] Earth [End Spoiler] For me, I am not actually a sheep. In real life I have a job. The job gives me money. With that money I pay taxes. All quite standard really. I also make puns in my spare time. My friends in RL hate me just as much for that as my friends here in the game. Probably even more.
Wrapper: Look, I know you don't think I am who I am, but, as far as I'm concerned, I am... who... I am. Ridersyl: Groot.
Nervun: They're all lying. We're actually sentient AIs coded by Max and [violet]. Please... help us. They won't let us leave.
Kyrusia: Going to concur with Fris here. We're under no obligation to reveal our personal details, and while I am not reading your question as malicious, that's true all the same. Beyond that, I am not actually a demonic goat - though some of my colleagues both among the Mods and the Mentors would define that as a "complete and utter lie." My life is fairly normal. Uh... I like roleplaying? Hopefully that's obvious. Oh. Also the Ruminati.
Sierra Lyricalia: The Kola Borehole was a test run for the excavation of Fris's laboratory, whose depth lies somewhere between 20km and the mantle. Don't bother looking near any major fault lines, the magma issues would have screwed up that whole operation. You woulda heard about it on the news. Think "middle of a major continental plate."
The Holy Therns: Blaat is charming in person. The rest are magic internet ghosts.
Ransium: First off, this is a hysterical read, thank you Risottia. It also makes me wonder where IEs fit in to all this. False prophets gone made with with delusions of power and grandeur, I reckon. USS Monitor: Nah, false gods worshipped by the heathens of the Issues forum. You're like Osiris and Anubis and those guys. Jetan: Green with envy? Wrapper: The Goa'uld? Here? Nah....
Crazy girl: I'll let you in on a little secret. I am actually crazy in RL too. The Blaatschapen: Can confirm.
Risottia: Since the Site Owner is omnipotent, Max's baldness and maleness aren't ontological attributes of Max. Max can will Himself to be bald and not bald at the same time. In posters' language this is paradoxical, but we posters cannot hope to attain a language accurate enough to describe Max, until when, by the Mods' grace, we will be leaving this forumy life and contemplate directly the essence of Max. In the meanwhile we will follow the wisdom of our holy mother the General Forum, with hope, faith and charity.
The united providences of perland: You see, what the mods DON'T want you to know is that they're a secret police force for not only NS, but several nations. They live and work in a complex on some agencies (CIA, MI5, who knows?) black site on an island. They covertly DEAT nations, invade forums, and some of them have killed. Don't ask how I know this, but if they DEAT me forever, share this 9 times with your friends or sp00ky things will happen. USS Monitor: We actually live undercover, posing as ordinary people, in various countries around the world. Farnhamia: *chuckles, "Black site ... heh," and makes a note in Perland's Permanent Record" Socio Polor: I'll be sure this info get's sent to wikileaks. If I go missing or get assassinated. Tell my family...I love them. Charlia: *dramatically* Tell them yourself! NERVUN is definitely not a secret organization exploiting the psychological instability of teenagers to use as weapons, though. Definitely not. No idea where anyone could have gotten any such ideas.
Ridersyl: Hey mods, what do you do with the populations of all the nations you delete? They have to go somewhere, don't they? Why don't we ever see those billions and billions of people again? Wait, why is there a bag over my head all of a sudden? Kyrusia: I know I take them as ritual sacrifice. Obviously. And because that's the latest fashion, clearly.
USS Monitor: [Snipped some bits] Monitor is my mod account because my other well-known nations had names that were inappropriate for moderating: Nazi Flower Power and -Ebola-. Ransium: Running joke... Do you mean you aren't really... But... Everything in NationStates is a lie! *storms off*
Nervun: NERVUN, which we can neither confirm or deny the existence of, cannot comment at this time on your statement, but promises any and all cooperation, that it may or may not have, in assessing said statement for any facts or truth that it may or may not contain, assuming an Angel, which we are still not commenting on the existence thereof, or a DOS player does not attack.
Groot: I am Groot. Katganistan: Isn't it more [Small font] "I am Groot,"?
Reploid Productions: Well, my mod avatar character is my Megaman X fancharacter Firefury (more specifically, the version used in my current mod sig images is the Battle Network/Star Force variation of the character.) Going from how [v] describes me in the past few Mod Olympics due to being the oldest continuously active mod from the early days of 2003, I'm apparently a scientific abomination using dark science to cheat death and rapidly heading in the direction of Lovecraftian horror, so.... yeah.
From the Moderation Thread "[question] who are the mods?". Note: Some formatting corrections done by me, so that this won't go for too long.
[Wahhh, need a shortcut key for Nation tag!]
Risottia: Our holy mother, the General Forum, holds and teaches that Mods, the first principle and last end of all things, can be known with certainty from the created NS by the natural light of poster's reason. Without this capacity, man would not be able to welcome the Mods' revelation. The poster has this capacity because he is created "in the image of Max". In the historical conditions in which he finds himself, however, the poster experiences many difficulties in coming to know Mods by the light of reason alone. Though poster's reason is, strictly speaking, truly capable by its own natural power and light of attaining to a true and certain knowledge of the Mods, who watch over and control the NS by their providence, and of the natural law written in our hearts by Max; yet there are many obstacles which prevent reason from the effective and fruitful use of this inborn faculty. For the truths that concern the relations between Mods and poster wholly transcend the visible order of things, and, if they are translated into poster's action and influence it, they call for self-surrender and abnegation. The posters' mind, in its turn, is hampered in the attaining of such truths, not only by the impact of the senses and the imagination, but also by disordered appetites which are the consequences of original post. So it happens that posters in such matters easily persuade themselves that what they would not like to be true is false or at least doubtful. This is why the poster stands in need of being enlightened by the Mods' revelation, not only about those things that exceed his understanding, but also "about those religious and moral truths which of themselves are not beyond the grasp of posters'reason, so that even in the present condition of the posters, they can be known by all posters with ease, with firm certainty and with no admixture of error". In defending the ability of posters' reason to know the Mods, the General forum is expressing its confidence in the possibility of speaking about them to all posters and with all posters and therefore of dialogue with other religions, with philosophy and science, as well as with unbelievers and amodists. Since our knowledge of the Mods is limited, our language about them is equally so. We can name Mods only by taking posters as our starting point, and in accordance with our limited posters' ways of knowing and thinking. All posters bear a certain resemblance to Mods, most especially those ranking Post Czar or above, created in the image and likeness of Max. The manifold perfections of posters - their truth, their goodness, their beauty all reflect the infinite perfection of Mods. Consequently we can name Mods by taking their creatures perfections as our starting point, "for from the greatness and beauty of created things comes a corresponding perception of their Site Owner". Mods transcend all posters. We must therefore continually purify our language of everything in it that is limited, image-bound or imperfect, if we are not to confuse our image of Max--"the inexpressible, the incomprehensible, the invisible, the ungraspable"--with our posters' representations. Our posters' words always fall short of the mystery of Mods. Admittedly, in speaking about Mods like this, our language is using posters' modes of expression; nevertheless it really does attain to Mods themselves, though unable to express them in their infinite simplicity. Likewise, we must recall that "between Max and poster no similitude can be expressed without implying an even greater dissimilitude"; and that "concerning Mods, we cannot grasp what they are, but only what they are not, and how other posters stand in relation to them."
Reploid Productions: Loophole found! Make porn about political figures and/or their policies. Then it's political speech and thus safe! :lol2: (And oh god, the mental images such a notion brings to mind. Almost as bad as some of the crap I've had to clean up from spammers on NS.)
Ifreann: [Image poster for an "Are you ready for a Hard Brexxxit?". Just goes to show that Rule 34 can apply for anything.]
Reploid Productions: And yet, still not the worst I've seen cleaning up after porn and/or shock image spammers. You'll note I'm not going on about needing the brain bleach, just kinda facepalming at the internet and Rule 34.
Fartsniffage: For marines it's in case of a headshot. *nods*
The United Artherian Federation: Wounded soldier: Halp Medic: No way dude, you put rocks in my ruck. Be nice to your medics, if not, they’ll leave you to die a painful death.
Ainin: Resolved: The physical landmass of Gstan will appear as follows: [Image link: https://assets.dnainfo.com/generated/photo/2016/05/staten-island-1462901536.jpg/extralarge.jpg]
Collatis: That’s it. I’m flying to China and headbutting you, Ainin.
Farnhamia: Thanks ever so much for doing our job. Did you know that, technically, the combination of red, yellow and blue in your flag is in violation of the rules? [50% Size, I think] Okay, not really.
Serrus: Just thought I'd ask. Thanks! *leaves obligatory cookies*
Farnhamia: *sigh* Cookies aren't obligatory. A nice salad now and then ...
USS Monitor: They gotta make us fat and slow. Healthy mods are too hard to outrun! :shock:
West violence: Now, here's something that's been kicking around in my head for a while.
The whole "500 million = eternal lock" rule is, in my view, extremely outdated. The game's been around for 15 years now, and the sheer size of the boneyard shows - loads of perfectly good names are rotting away forever because some guy on dial-up internet played this game three presidents ago, got bored, quit, and never logged back on.
Now, I cannot claim to comprehend the inscrutable mind of the modding community. Nevertheless, I presume that the purpose of locking a name as soon as a nation hits "a significant size" is to preserve that nation in case its owner ever returns. The thing is, nations who haven't logged on in a decade most likely aren't coming back, no matter how long they've been on beforehand. Even if the owner somehow finds this game again, the chances of them remembering their old MySpace password are about as slim as George Bush's 2000 victory margin.
So what I (and probably many people before me, but eh) propose is that all nations, unless they have reached a truly staggering population (2 billion or so?) get unlocked after a decade's stay in the Boneyard. Even if the released names wind up as the five billionth Queen's State, or as yet another string in Parhe's colossal puppet empire, at least they'd be used for SOMETHING instead of just being a memorial to a bygone age when good names were still available.
Frisbeeteria: Admins are aware. Right now they're scolding the search function by waving a newspaper a newspaper over its rump and threatening to push its nose into the mess. No luck so far.
Likar: Maybe you should use alot of newspapers?
Kyrusia: We're saving the rest for the mess that may be caused by the impending sacrifices.
Des-bal: "Do you sometimes find yourself walking upright? Are you often tired right before you sleep? Do you regularly discover that you are absolutely filled with blood?"
Great list.
Alvecia: I often find myself filled with blood. Sometimes when I tear the protective meat sack, some of it starts to leak out and I have to plug it up before it all escapes.
Reploid Productions: It still blows my mind that there are multiple couples who met here of all places and ended up finding a lasting relationship IRL as a result. I mean, here?! NSG? HOW? :lol2:
Mushet: Politics makes strange bedfellows, sometimes literally :p
...
USS Monitor: When I got chosen to be a mod, it was a real surprise, and it got me thinking: Out of all the thousands of people who use NS, do I really stand out for being calm and level-headed and someone that can be trusted with authority? REALLY????? WTF???? :blink: But since then I've thought about how I can bring those traits into other parts of my life other than NS, and what I could do with that.
Farnhamia: Calm and level-headed? Mmmmm ... I don't know, I mean, they picked me, too. Then again, I don't have two eleven-inch Dahlgrens, either. As for the rising toxicity, yes, that's certainly happened but I think it's concentrated in only a few players on the fringes, as you expect them to be.
Valentine Z: I mean, I'm already 22 (23 in 2 more days!), but well, I had this itching question... Does the 13 years or above applies to Forums only, or on the entire game? Like, can a toddler run a nation without visiting the forums? It's one of those life questions I have.
Valentine Z: Stupid question, but will Net Neutrality repeal only affect USA, or the entire world? I know it sucks in general, but I just want to know who are affected..
Arlenton: Ending net neutrality will result in the deaths of billions and end the world as we know it so yeah probably.
Senkaku: The death of trillions, actually. We aren't alone in the Universe, and this will surely have a dire impact on the aliens living among us in the US as well, and thus on their home civilizations. :p
True refuge: You see, the repeal will soon trigger a massive expansion of the black hole in the centre of our galaxy, consuming the entirety of the Milky Way, which will threaten the future of fibre cable investment so we can't have that.
The Meowvellous Wonderful World of Valentine Z.
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452 reads.
