by Max Barry

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by The 𝕋𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕗𝕚𝕖𝕕 Dystopia of Bedetopia. . 42 reads.

Looking back on the Hashrian-Humanian War

OOC: For a first RP, this wasn't bad at all. It was a nice experience where I have learned a few things. This dispatch is basically me reviewing the events and trying to fix the mistakes I've made.


The βetaship, Bedebao's quarters.

Bedebao has summoned the Steak Squad to discuss what happened.

Bedebao: As you very well know, Bedetopian forces have been deployed in the land of Hashr to fight a democratic coalition, and were eradicated by Republic state of humania and Skyhooked. Pain, please continue.
Pain: It was a foregone conclusion. Only 30 000 soldiers were deployed, with only 3 types. Bedebao's goal was not to win the war, but to entertain himself. However, this conflict is giving us room for improvement. Many mistakes were made, but hilarious and epic actions too. Look at the screen.

[The space drop]

Pain: I think we should give them actual vehicles next time, so they have more firepower and mobility, even if we're sending them to an unavoidable doom.

OOC: I actually didn't deploy ANY vehicles, not even planes. That's insane, but that's why I'm a Psychotic Dictator. I had to play along for the convoy and artillery recon scenes.
I will need to create actual vehicles in my military factbook before attemping another RP war.


Rape: Even better, you could give them a drill and have them move deep underground. It might be slightly slower, but it will be much harder for the enemy to ambush us, while we can get behind them easily. Thermal scanners will make it easy to see the enemy forces above.
Bedebao: That is very clever. Let me note that somewhere... "drill vehicle".

[Kendorian tanks]

Pleasure: Even though you didn't want to waste too many resources on that conflict, I think we should've sent some Fuchsias to stop the tank projectiles.
Destruction: Not enough. We should have psychic AND physical shields at our disposal. Padding the Red armors only works for the residual blasts, they need something that will protect them fully against direct explosive hits.
Bedebao: Shields. Got it.

[Convoy attack and secondary squad wipes]

Destruction: We need Anti-Air vehicles for cases like this. The Reds can't reliably take down every plane they come across.
Troll: I've been silent this far, but what about EMP bombs? We can stop the convoy, surround it in a protective field and detonate an EMP to take down the enemy's aerial units.
Rape: This wouldn't have happened if we were underground.
Pain: Rape, this isn't a game of hide and seek, this is WAR. We need to be prepared for every situation.
Bedebao: Stop it, you two. Both the Anti-Air and the EMP are good ideas, we could even have an Anti-Air that shoots EMP missiles!

[Entrapment by Huamnians]

Destruction: I've got nothing to reproach here, that kamikaze push was exactly how we should've dealt with this situation.
Rape: We would not have had to go this far if there were some Whites ready to backstab the Humanians.
Bedebao: You've got to admit that it was hilarious to watch though. They were literal flying bombs after rocket jumping. I'll still keep your advice in mind.
Troll: Hold on, what if we had used something that could disable the enemy's ambushing soldiers to give us an opening? A sound cannon, for example.
Bedebao: If we can make our soldiers immune to that, it would a terrific move. Good idea.

[The Humanian magnetic bomb]

Pleasure: Fuchsias should be able to generate a counter field, but we don't know when they should, that bomb was unexpected.
Troll: Just have them carry around a magnetic generator to counter any enemy fields. We'll just need to give them more power sources to keep it on.

[Airbase breach]

Pain: I still can't believe you had them go naked.
Bedebao: Was there any other way out? They could explode at any moment.

[Skyhookedian Minutemen attacks]

Pleasure: This bastard got ahold of our serum and suits. We need to redesign our stuff so that they can't be looted by enemies.
Bedebao: First, the serum. How can we change it so that it only works on our units?
Pleasure: Add some toxins in it, and inject the antidote in our soldiers only.
Bedebao: Fine by me. And the suits?
Pleasure: We should install a neural link so that if the user dies, the suit self-destructs by overloading.
Bedebao: Ha ha ha ha... I love becoming dangerously genre savvy. Your idea is excellent, we'll be invincible at this rate.

[The trapped surrender]

Bedebao: The climax, but also the most important part.

OOC: Hey, Humania, you're still reading this, right? I would appreciate if you did not invent military sectors for my army. Although I had completely forgotten about creating them, so thanks for reminding me. I also appreciate that you've included women soldiers, since I treat my slaves equally.


Destruction: At least you didn't give them all the remaining suits by blowing them up.
Pleasure: The trap worked, but it wasn't as effective as I've imagined.
Pain: Maybe that's because they saw the SCARY BLACK SMOKE coming, and put on their gas masks (with air bottles)?
Bedebao: Pleasure, we'll have to do something about this in the lab. The gaseous Nichiyoobi must be transparent and odorless, completely invisible to the enemy.
Pleasure: Naturally. They also managed to save some of the infected with the serum or through operating. We need to make Nichiyoobi more lethal and harder to remove.
Troll: I heard your little parasite didn't like lasers, do you think you could give it heat resistance?
Bedebao: You could even go for reflective skin... Then the only way to cure it would be with our antidote, which wouldn't be given to the Greens.
Rape: Like always, Whites could've backstabbed the survivors to stop them from curing their soldiers. Our suits have an integrated safe breathing environment.

Pain: And that's the end of the film. I think we've learned a lot from this.
Bedebao: Never make the same mistake twice by learning from them. That's a philosophy I'm particularly fond of.
Destruction: I will start working on the shields right away.
Troll: I'll team up with Rape and Pain to create new vehicles.
Pleasure: And I'm going to my lab to evolve Nichiyoobi. Do you want to come right now, Bedebao?
Bedebao: Not yet. The war is still going on and the news are interesting. It seems like Humania just lost someone important, that's revenge for us I guess.