by Max Barry

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by The Vermindom of Szczuropolis. . 63 reads.

Creeds and beliefs in Szczuropolis

40% Amalgamated Cheesetianity and Cheeselam
18% Polycaseistic
11% Goudaism
10% Quarkers
3% Cheddaroastrian
3% Halloumithraists
3% Stilton bluddhist
2% Quesocoatl faith
10% Lactose Intolerant

The most widespread creeds in Szczuropolis are ones that stem from the belief in a Good Recipe, found in the Good Book - the set of principles that make cheese a temporal and eternal reward. The creeds that follow the Book comprise nearly two thirds of Szczuropolinesian population. Amalgamated cheesetianity and cheeselam tends to favour milder cheeses, while the Quarkers favour the harder and purer ones. Goudaist recipes are very orthodox, having been preserved throughout centuries.

Polycaseistic creeds, on the other hand, believe in a different cheese for each and any occasion; samples and sacred recipes are held on display in the splendid Pancaseon, located in the ancient Forum Formatum on the Ratican Hill in Rock Fort Old Quarter.

Chedarroastrians and the enigmatic creed of Halloumithraism hold that in every cheese Good and Evil wage a ceaseless battle, personified by Ahurat and Ahrirat. To feed oneself with the Cheese of Good and eschew the Cheese of Evil is to achieve enlightenment.

Bluddhists believe in a mystic voyage of refinement; each next cheese is a bit more round, a bit better blended, and a bit tastier; to free oneself from want of cheese is to achieve oneness with cheese.

Quesocoatl, the Feathered Rodent, is the buttermilk-thirsty primal deity of the indigenous Szczuropolinesians, experiencing a modern revival of ancestral milk-curdling practices, such as naturally ageing the cheese according to a complex calendar.

Between all the creeds mentioned, moon worship - that of the "Giant Wheel of Cheese in the Sky" and the legendary birthplace of verminity - remains nearly universal in Szczuropolis.

The Vermindom of Szczuropolis