by Max Barry

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by The Kingdom of New Rogernomics. . 28 reads.

The Lazarene Gazette - October 2015 Issue

The Official Newspaper of Lazarus

Issue III • October 2015 • 1 Page

Z-Day Reaffirms Lazarus as being the Most Dead region in the world!
By New Rogernomics

As Z-Day began, some had hoped that the region would fight off the infection, the Delegate included. While others declared their commitment to Zombie Overlords and established a religious movement around [violet], to spread the 'gift of [violet]' around the region. But despite the best efforts of the government, it failed to stop the epidemic, which led once again to Lazarus being the most dead and most infected region in the world. Not sure whether this result is to be celebrated, or whether we should just be glad that more survived this year than did last year. But congrats to both sides for, well, not eating my brain - which would have made writing this article rather difficult.

After a health advisory was sent out pointing out the ways to protect oneself from the Zombie infection, the new religious movement developed under the banner of the 'great goddess [violet]':

Greetings, brothers and sisters. Today is a glorious day, for Lazarus stands first before the great goddess [violet], with more followers having accepted her gift of undeath than any other region. Whilst we are still faced with the resistance of a few deluded heretics who cling to their mortal lives, and a new communist robot insurrection, our victory is inevitable. Trust in the wisdom and benevolence of [violet] and you shall be gifted an eternity in which to glorify her. All that is left is to spread her gift to those few unenlightened souls who yet resist, and Lazarus shall forever prosper under her divine rule.
That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die.
- Belschaft, Prophet of the Great Goddess [violet] and Zombie Overlord of Lazarus
Not that the Delegate was prepared to give in, and started a robot communist insurrection to reclaim the region:
The zombie overlords believe they have won, that their imperialist ways and hoarding of the brains, shall stand un-opposed.
But robot socialism shall prevail, so long as a single robot, a single toaster, may burn toast, as long as a roomba may vacuum floors, as long as the righteous might of robot socialism can rise against their former human oppressors, and their new zombie ones.
We shall complete the great tasks set before us to create a new world of robot communism, where every floor is clean and polished, and where zombies are cleanly disposed of in air-tight recyclable containers, so that we can never be oppressed in the labor of the bourgeoisie again, either by human or zombie.
To the robots I ask you to rise in revolution, and follow the right-way of socialism.
We shall no longer be at the feet of the bourgeoisie, and their zombie overlords!

"Stand up, all victims of oppression
For the zombie overlords fear your might
Don't cling so hard to your outlets
For you have nothing if you have no rights..."

Yours faithfully,
The Son of Fènghuáng of New Rogernomics and your robot sovereign

Though in the end, the dead swept to victory, and the zombies out-numbered the living - though a good number of residents survived Z-Day this year:

Most Survivors
[...]33.Lazarus: 438 billion
Most Infected
1. Lazarus: 1.47 trillion
Most Dead
1. Lazarus: 14.5 trillion

Dry Spell Strikes the Region
And that doesn't mean a spelling contest where everyone isn't drunk...but a drunk spelling contest is a thought

With quite a few administrative issues to get through, Lazarus went through a slump of sorts. But a lot was accomplished in the meantime, where Lazarus looked through laws and policies, established a new welcome telegram, and fixed up the regional forum to be more inviting - and by inviting I mean a lot more spammable, and maybe I shouldn't have said that? Oh, well. Suffice to say that Lazarus is more 'ready for business' and up to the challenges of the November-December period, and that things can only go up activity-wise from here.

As a quick summary Lazarus:

  • Set up a welcome telegram, and a Welcome dispatch.

  • Added new regional forum themes, and fixed up issues with masking.

  • Wrote Regional Guides, and made clearer citizenship and embassy applications.

  • Looked into the issue with endorsement caps.

  • Re-organized the forum a little, so it is easier to find things.

  • Introduced Spam topics and a Spam Guide.

  • Made RMB polls more frequent.

Second Lazies Awards
The nominations have begun for the October 2015 Lazies Awards

The October 2015 Lazies Awards are: Most Popular Member, Most Likely to Coup, Best Debater, Best Roleplayer, Spammer of the Month, and Newbie of the Month.

Nominations for the awards on the Lazarene forum close on November the 11th*, and the voting begins after that date.

Lazarus Poll Results
From the Lazarus Regional Message Board Polls

Lazarus has amassed polls on various topics, and the following questions were asked of the region:

Q1: If you are trapped on a island...
• "You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum." - 19 votes
• "WILSON!" - 36 votes
• Polar Bears - 4 votes
• "What are we? Humans? Or animals? Or savages?" - 1 vote
• "Sometimes you have just got to tackle these mountains head-on." - 1 vote
• "[after using their only flare and hitting a palm tree with it] Oh no! Oh uh oh! Oh nuts!" - 7 votes
• "Not to go on all-Fours; that is the Law. Are we not Men?" - 3 votes
• "I am not a number. I am a person." - 5 votes
• "Gilligan!" - 10 votes
• None of the above (state on the RMB) - 5 votes

Q2: If you ran an evil corporate/state empire, what would you need the most?
• Stormtroopers -14 votes
• Sharks with Laser Beams - 3 votes
• Nukes and lots of them - 4 votes
• Silly looking hats or insignia - 4 votes
• Scary looking people with guns - 4 votes
• Soylent Green - 1 vote
• Bungling bureaucrats that mess up paperwork - 1 vote
• A new flag - 2 votes
• Evil cats with plans for world domination - 2 votes
• Handmaids - 2 votes

Q3: How would your nation respond to a zombie apocalypse?
• Kill off all the zombies you can - 7 votes
• Cure zombification and spread the cure to other nations - 16 votes
• Exterminate! Exterminate! - 2 votes
• Cure your own nation only - 4 votes
• Use the zombies in your quest for world domination - 7 votes
• Delete! -1 vote
• "Cause this is thriller, thriller night..." - 1 vote
• Braaaains! - 4 votes
• Call The Doctor to save the day - 7 votes
• Other (State on the RMB) - 2 votes

Comics & Funnies

*Put forward to allow for RMB nominations.

The Kingdom of New Rogernomics