by Max Barry

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by The United Provinces of Skartok. . 15 reads.

Skartokian Census -- How to RP a Skartokian


So you want to RP a Skartokian. Can't imagine why you would, but far be it for me to judge.

One day, I might actually write an introduction, but I'm just itching to get into the other material.


Skartokians are usually addressed by two names: a first name and a last name. Imagine that. Middle names are common as well, but are seldom, if ever, used outside of official paperwork. In semirare cases, a Skartokian may have two names that they use as their title of address. For instance, the senator from Pickett's Crossing's full name is Charles Meriwether Chester Holt, but is only referred to as "Charles Meriwether," or "Chuck" to his friends. Nonetheless, Skartokians with a second first name often take that name from an esteemed individual, either in the national service or in their family. Charles Meriwether Holt takes "Meriwether" from the famous Skartokian admiral, Meriwether Francis. It is rare for parents to name their children after themselves, but it is both allowed and encouraged for parents to name their children after the children's grandparents.

The following names are taken from the 2010 Skartokian Census:

1) William
2) Thomas
3) Charles
4) George
5) David
6) Henry
7) Hugh
8) Arthur
9) Joseph
10) Edward
11) James
12) Richard
13) Ernest
14) Grover
15) Chester

1) Elizabeth
2) Alice
3) Grace
4) Josephine
5) Lauren
6) Florence
7) Jane
8) Catherine
9) Lydia
10) Emily
11) Charlotte
12) Amanda
13) Esther
14) Evelyn
15) Victoria

1) Smith
2) Jones
3) Johnson
4) Williams
5) Evans
6) Wright
7) Morgan
8) Bennett
9) Ellis
10) Anderson
11) Mitchell
12) Murray
13) Perkins
14) Adams
15) Ward

That said, let these names be a guide, not a law. Generally speaking, safe first names are old-timey sounding English names. If you're in a pinch, check census records from the 1800s and early 1900s. For last names, the same rules apply. However, unless a Skartokian is an immigrant or closely related to an immigrant, you will almost never find a Skartokian with a surname that has a prefix, such as:
"Mc" as in "McDonald"
"Mac" as in "MacDonald"
"O" as in "O'Riley"
"von" as in "von Beethoven"
"van" as in "van Dyke"

Likewise, the same goes for native born Skartokians. It is very unlikely for them to have a non-English-sounding surname and again, use the census records if you need a place to start.


Skartokians generally fall in the 5-foot to 6-foot range, but as with any statistical generalization, there is always room for outliers. Most Skartokians are also reasonably proportioned and are neither overly thin or fat, although many of the older upper-class citizens do tend to pack on a few extra pounds due to their rather sedentary nature.

Brown and blue eyes are typically standard and a few cases of green eyes do exist. Since colored contacts are almost unheard of in Skartok, eye colors outside of the constraints of human pigmentation are impossible.

Hair colors fall between blond and brown with the occasional patches of red. Chemical dyes are, again, almost unheard of.

Coming from a notoriously rainy climate, Skartokians are pale. Very pale. Whiter than sour cream. African and Middle Eastern immigrants, who have a sizeable population in Skartok, have darkened the traditionally monochrome palette and people of mixed-race would not be uncommon.

In matters of dress, both Skartokian men and women are perpetually stuck in the 1910s. Put in a more modern setting, they would still remain very conservative and try to avoid showing off excess skin, while retaining a professional appearance.

Overall, Skartokians do not try to outwardly express themselves, preferring to avoid any excessive or obtrusive variations on one's natural appearance.


Contrary to how the goings-on of the nation are portrayed, Skartok is set in the present day (At my time of writing, 2015)*. Skartokians are aware that there is a land more advanced than theirs outside of their homeland, but most prefer to remain with their countrymen and their shared faith.

*Writer's note: Since this is an opportune time, I'll explain this here: the reason I choose to RP Skartok as a historical nation in the modern world is twofold. Firstly, I just really enjoy historical settings. I'd wear period clothing every day, if I could. Secondly, I use Skartok as a backdrop to comment on a number of social or political issues in our world today and I find that the "culture shock" between a very traditional society and a very progressive society to be somewhat amusing.



Any discussion of matters that might be deemed vulgar is a social faux pas.