by Max Barry

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by The SLUthing of Ratateague. . 65 reads.

Issue Contest Submission:

Title: "Daylight, I only meant to slave a while"

Description: Summer is here again and, like clockwork, restless citizens have called you to an off-hours town meeting to voice their dissatisfaction with hours of operation.

[option] A pipe clenched in his teeth, @@RANDOMNAME@@ approaches the podium. "I'm chief importer/exporter of Vandelay Industries, and our business hours coincides with the rest of the town's. Problem is, come summertime, we've got all this extra light and everything is closed early!" Puffing pensively, he ponders for a moment. "I propose divvying up the work day more, so that we might take time to enjoy all this sunshine to the fullest. And to supplement it, we could extend public services. Just think of it: walks through the park, family picnics, siestas... He glances at his watch and grumbles, "And like that, my lunch break is gone," striding off in a trail of smoke.

[effect] Commuters are returning to work rosy-cheeked, likely from too much sun or schnapps.

[stats] Cause of death: Accidents +%, Cause of death: Sunburn +%, Tax +%, Administration ++%, Public Transport +%, Industry: Beverage Sales +, Industry: Retail +, Culture ++, Environmental Beauty -, Cheerfulness +, Public Transport +, Recreational Drug Use +, Youth Rebelliousness +

[option] "Serenity, no! Listen and you can hear the dream police, coming for us in our beds," protests @@RANDOMNAME@@. "My work keeps sticking me with shifts at ungodly hours already! It affects my health and I end up spending afternoons in bed playing catch-up. An extravagant break would chip away at my much-needed beauty rest. Who will be there to tuck in my children when I'm away? And what will I do in the winter - get up and commute in the pitch freezing black? What we should do, is eliminate all graveyard shifts, the way nature intended."

[effect] Tourists yawn as @@CAPlTAL@@ has turned into a sleepy town without nightlife.

[stats] Cause of death: Old Age ++%, Tax -%, Law & Order -%, Public Transportation -%, Eco-friendly ++, Economic Freedom --, Economy -, Employment --, Health ++, Ignorance -, Industry: Beverage Sales -, Industry: Gambling -, Industry: Retail -, Law Enforcement --, Lifespan ++, Primitiveness +, Public Transportation -, Recreational Drug Use -, Safety From Crime -, Tourism --, Youth Rebelliousness -

[option] The renowned survivalist @@RANDOMNAME@@ jogs on stage and snatches the microphone. "The world is too fast-paced to understand what these fuddy-duddies are whining about. Because where I come from, the sun never sets." The audience murmurs doubtfully. "-or rises. Shaddup," he spits. "Anyway, after roughing it with wild weather and beasties, a lifesaving trick I adopted was scheduling my sleep into several short naps throughout each day. It's kept me alive and kicking, and it's what this country needs to maximize its activity and achieve its true potential. I wanna work docks and patrol all night, and party during the day!"

[effect] @@CAPlTAL@@ is notoriously attributed as "The City That Never Sleeps," but wishes it did.

[stats] Cause of death: Accidents ++%, Cause of death: Work +%, Defense Forces +, Eco-Friendly -, Economic Freedom ++, Economy +, Employment ++, Health --, Ignorance +, Industry: Gambling +, Industry: Mining +, Industry: Trout Fishing +, Lifespan -, Recreational Drug Use ++, Safety ---, Sector: Manufacturing +, Weaponization +

The SLUthing of Ratateague