by Max Barry

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by The United Provinces of Skartok. . 8 reads.

Skartokian Proverbs and Folk Tales


"One is not two."

Simple as it sounds, the expression is often used to reply to a suggestion to substitute something, usually if the substitution would cause a loss in quality.

"Just because you feed your cows a piece of cake doesn't mean that your chickens are no longer hungry."

Although it's unknown why someone would feed a cow cake, this is used when people are negotiating and most often, in reference to appeasement.

"Do not live by the clock. Death keeps no appointments."


"Being wise is difficult."

Rumored to have been uttered by a monk in the 1300s when he was commissioned to create a book of proverbs.

"The man who says much speaks little."


"A chair missing a leg is not a chair."

Incomplete cannot pass for complete.

"Like expecting milk from a snake"
To have unreasonable expectations
"Expecting for Jim to pay you back is like expecting milk from a snake"

"To have an apple in the outhouse"
To have a trick up one's sleeve

"He who speaks little appears less an idiot than he who speaks much."

"Eat for today, sow for tomorrow, learn for a lifetime."

"Violence is the final refuge of the wise man."

"Funny as a cyst"
Taking delight in another's misfortune


Much of Skartok's culture has been transmitted in the form of oral history. The songs/stories compiled here are an accumulation of various legends from around the nation and have been translated from Polatilian to English. Meter and rhyme has been preserved as best as possible without altering content.

Polatilus Creates a Lot of Stuff

Once upon a time, there was nothing. No light, no darkness, no life, no death. Just nothing. Then suddenly, Polatilus wills itself into existence. Yes, that's right. Polatilus literally didn't exist and then It decided It wanted to exist, so It did. Some people say that Polatilus already existed when there was nothing else, but that's a matter of differing theology. Everything before Polatilus isn't important. Anyway, Polatilus poodles along and creates bagels. There were many different types of bagels: sesame seed, potato, poppyseed, everything, asiago, jalapeno, et cetera. One day (If it was a day -- time hadn't been invented yet, so it was really more like after a certain number of hours), Polatilus got hungry. So, It ate some of the bagels.