The Cabbage: "Iskalland Voted Sexiest Nation Alive for Second Year Running"

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Gunnar Poots | 26 December 2024

KIRKAVÅ - In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Iskalland has once again been crowned Sexiest Nation Alive for the second year running. Renowned for their tall stature, striking appearance, and unmatched humility, Iskalland continues to charm voters across the globe.

But this year’s celebration wasn’t without controversy. The U.S. Internal Revenue Service (IRS)-for reasons no one quite understands-released a statement questioning the fairness of the competition, claiming:

"Yeah, we actually had to help an independent investigation go through, and it turns out 9/10 of the Judges were from Iskalland and had only lived there," said the IRS spokesperson. "You’re going to have both of those titles removed from ya now."

This statement has been swiftly debunked by Iskalland officials, who labeled the IRS’s remarks as "libellous". "The IRS has no authority here," stated Iskalland’s spokesperson, Johan Sins. "Their attempt to undermine our achievement is both baseless and offensive."

To prove the statement false, the equally charming Laver Island quickly stepped forward. "I was there to vote for Iskalland!!!", effectively disproving the IRS's claims and reinforcing the legitimacy of Iskalland's victory.

On the heels of this drama, Iskalland took a moment to reflect on its win and the controversy surrounding it. "They talk about me because they want to be me," Iskalland said. "It’s not my fault that when I walk into a room, people forget everyone else is there. Sexiness is not something you can work towards, it’s something you are. And I am."

And it doesn’t stop at sexiness. At X Country's Euro Awards, Iskalland snagged the titles of Wordiest and Best Capital. When asked about these wins, Iskalland humbly states, "Winning is what I do. I am not just wordy, I am the wordiest. My capital is not just the best-it is the only capital that matters. The others can try, but they will only fail."

With such an impressive array of titles, Iskalland continues to dominate on every front, proving once again that when it comes to being the best, nobody does it quite like them. As Iskalland puts it, "Why would I stop winning? I am Iskalland."

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