ANN BREAKING NEWS - EYES IN THE SKY

CHET HAMMERTON, ANN HOST: Welcome to Hammertown, I'm Chet Hammerton.

Those Colborian clowns are at it again! This time, with intrusive x-ray camera technology that can see through walls, purses, and even your clothes. Tonight, I'm bringing the hammer down on Colboria again!

But it's not just about Colboria. Several new diplomatic powers have arisen in the Anduavas and are causing a ruckus over public surveillance. On the 'pro' side we have the People's Republic of Gray-Spec and the Most Serene Republic of Todd Howardism, and standing in opposition we have the Kingdom of Underscoria alongside the Federation of Congresser.

If there's one thing we've learned about public surveillance from those loonies in Colboria, it's that autocratic regimes will stop at nothing to dig their grubby fingers as deep as they can in our personal lives. Gun ownership, smoking, drugs and alcohol may have reasonable arguments in favor of banning - but public dissent? Religious worship? The internet?! All things Colborian citizens are banned from accessing.

But how are those bans enforced?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE, BLURRED FACE, DISTORTED VOICE: I mean, they just, they just ----ing swooped in and took her! One second we were shopping at the Ultramall, looking at a new coffee maker, and the next second she was just gone!

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE, BLURRED FACE, DISTORTED VOICE: I haven't seen my neighbor in weeks. I'm pretty sure I overheard the servicemen say they caught him on the cameras from the coffee shop across the street. He's probably dead. We all know that's what happens, pretty soon the for-sale signs will go up in his front yard, a new family will move in, and ---- will be forgotten. I started feeding his cat, but, like, I'm worried they'll prosecute me for that or something.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE, BLURRED FACE, DISTORTED VOICE: That's Colboria for you. Nobody talks about it, you know, but we all know. Silent understanding. The right look, the subtle body language. The constant surveillance everywhere, waiting for a ----up, waiting for you to say or do the wrong thing. Sometimes you can get away with it, if you're not important enough, but I've known at least a dozen people who got pink-slipped from their job for the wrong comment they made, offhandedly, in the wrong place at the wrong time. We don't talk outside the house, like, at all.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HAMMERTON: There you have it, folks! Is this really the Anduava we want? Frank Benjamin, famous statesman, once said "Those who would give up essential Liberty to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Colboria stands as a clear example of what happens when a nation's people are quick to allow government overreach.'

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