~ In sepia for added authority ~

Fire in the sky. - Battle rages in the skies all over Sargviosahnah. The latest from the frontlines. Page 5

KA boom. - Kermorvan Armaments announce record profits as fighting escalates. Page 10

New way, new life. - Nohvrakishnaplermtan tourists stranded in Mianertograditojikayhan granted citizenship, but should more be done? Page 21

Chaos Reigns in the Capital.

Our Leader a Traitor?

By now you will all have heard about the incredible broadcast that has thrown the country into chaos. Earlier today Captain Johning Forthmagnet commanding the airship, Autojuncture, transmitted an audio recording across all television and radio channels. The message was one of treachery. The voice was clearly that of President Vishni. The full transcript of the message is as follows:

"Greetings to the exalted Symyano Hegemony!

Please allow me to offer the warmest welcome on behalf of the nation of Mianertograditojikayhan. I humbly offer our willing servitude and, as a gesture of absolute submission, I offer you the working class population of Mianertograditojikayhan in slavery.

All I ask in return is that you destroy that stubborn fool, President Vershner, and allow me to join your ranks. It would be a great honour to serve as regent of the vassal state of Mianertograditojikayhan, in the name of the greater Symyano Hegemony.

Yours sycophantically, Clarrents Vishni"

The news has sparked chaos across the nation. Crowds have taken to the streets of the capital and surrounded the government buildings. As yet, the president has not made any announcement regarding the message, and the government offices are not responding to any calls. The only response so far has been an increased police presence on the streets, fighting running battles with the protesters. Police Chief, Claos Banchy - spotted entering the government buildings earlier - was quoted as saying, "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear".

(Official portrait of President Vishni)
President Vishni has made no announcement since the broadcast.

Audio analysis conducted at St. Balrog's University has confirmed that the voice in the broadcast is indeed that of the president. What this means for the future of Mianertograditojikayhan is uncertain. Law and order has broken down completely, war rages all across the south of the country, and Symyano aircraft are regularly seen cruising through our air-space, attacking targets at will.

Rebel leader, General Vershner - son of the deceased former President Vershner - spoke to the press earlier and said the news was "not unexpected". He urged the people of Raspberry Fields to "rise up, overthrow this tyrant, then join us in defending our nation!" Vershner dismissed speculation that a detachment of troops would be sent to the capital to bring down the president, saying that "We simply cannot spare any troops. I need every man I have fighting the Symyano. The war could go either way at this point."

Apricotingley Safe. For Now.

Rebel forces have succeeded in forcing the Symyano out of Apricotingley, saving the city centre from destruction. Sporadic fighting continues in the outskirts of the city, but the main Symyano force now seems to be moving north-east towards the Yakhaltasardalezna border. Several small towns along the border have been evacuated and their citizens are now moving west to Raspberry Fields.

The breakthrough was made after new artillery cannons arrived from the Kermorvan Armaments factory on the south coast. After three days of heavy shelling, the Symyano were forced to abandon their encampment in the north of the city and retreat. Fortunately, there seems to be little interaction between the Symyano ground forces and the aircraft that have been flying over Mianertograditojikayhan continually since the arrival of the Symyano Highmaster's ship. In fact, there have even been unconfirmed reports of the aircraft destroying Symyano tanks and artillery.

Vershner issued a statement after the battle stating, "We have won one battle, but the war continues. Victory is within our grasp, but could easily slip away. We desperately need more people, and more weapons. I ask all the people of this great nation: Rise up! Join us! And fight!"

'Attack' - Urges Vershner.

General Vershner has made an appeal to the governments of Yakhaltasardalezna and Yihan to send troops over the border and attack the Symyano. He has reassured both nations that such action will not be considered an invasion of Mianertograditojikayhan and our troops will support them where possible. So far no response has been received from either government, although reports have emerged of a build-up of forces in the mountains along Yakhaltasardalezna's border.

Markets steady despite troubles - Page 24 | Forthmagnet: The man behind the message - Page 4 | Strange events in Rhanukhan - Page 14

The ...mb has bee.... plan.. Requesting splort ho...

-REQUEST CONFIRMED-

-END OF TRANSMISION-

Glerican Splort Command

Ted Proxy is getting rather peeved. This summer job was supposed to have ended a month ago so he could go back to University. However, due to the lack of good scientists in Glerica, he's been conscripted and promoted from Lab Technician to Doctor Jane Rodgers' personal assistant.

"Ted, pass me the digital Proximeter - we need to get the long-range splort accurate so Kelli doesn't end up being splorted fifty feet into the air."

Ted hands over the requested device. After pressing a few keys, the doctor looks up expectantly.

"Countdown... 5, 4, 3, 2... Splort!"

An all-too-familiar millisecond of luminous blue lights up the command centre, before a loud pinging noise is heard echoing off the stainless steel tables. The figure in a splort-suit who has suddenly appeared in the centre of the room pulls off her helmet.

"Jane! Oh, it's so good to see you again."

"Hello, Kelli - the feeling's mutual. I trust you've kept in touch with the news feed?"

"I have indeed... the Gateway? This invasion? I hope it all gets back to normal soon!"

"I'm sure it will after the device you planted. But, you're needed on a mission again, I'm afraid."

Ted Proxy looks up from his console.

"Doctor, I'm detecting a far higher amount of digital chatter in the Rhanukhan area. It's very much like what the Gateway used to send."

"Yes, I thought that would happen."

Have you seen the news from Mianertograditojikayhan, Constantine?

Indeed I have, Lucy, and I wish those brave people every success. I can't be certain that the loyalist Symyano troops there would surrender even if our own plan reaches its desired conclusion.

+++ATTENTION - I HAVE RECEIVED SATELLITE CONFIRMATION FROM BAZQOPHAN - THE SPLORTAL IS POWERING UP.+++

Then it's time to engage the next phase, Simone - put me in communion with Kyookumbarr!

+++COMPLYING+++

[Aboard the Symyano flagship, Northern Lazarastra]

We are prepared, Chonmiklatt - it shall be as you say! End communion.

Exalted Fleetmaster? Your orders?

Put the order out to all vessels - launch the fleet - we go to war with the Highmaster!

[Ghovala province, Rhanukhan (similar scenes repeated globally)]

But, sir! The Symyano ships are taking off! We'll be wiped out!

These orders came direct from His Resplendence himself - we take no action against them!

[Aboard the Star Collector]

What is it, Jaimsteeckerkk?!

Your Magnificence - sensors report that many of our invasion fleet's vessels are taking off all across the planet below! I was not informed that you had given them any orders?

That would be because I have not given any such orders, you simpleton! What are those fools doing?

Projected flightpaths suggest that they are coming here, magnificent one - if they are not willing to sit and accept your righteous punishment then perhaps-

Ah, they seek to personally beg for my forgiveness and mercy... of course!

Clearly, magnificent Highmaster! They have witnessed the glory of this vessel and fear your wrath.

Permit them to approach - if I am suitably impressed with their pleas I may even spare some of them!

[Aboard the Symyano flagship, approaching the Star Collector]

Exalted Fleetmaster! The Star Collector has just signalled us!

What do they say?

The Highmaster is willing to listen to our petitions for his mercy.

Our-? HAHAHAHAHA! The Highmaster truly has his brain in his innutern'at!

So it would appear, exalted one! haha!

All sub-fleets report in.

"Toizaruss standing by."

"Munckeelypss standing by."

"Brockolee standing by."

Prepare to engage the enemy!

[Aboard the Star Collector]

#ATTENTION - SEVERAL OF THE APPROACHING VESSELS ARE ACCELERATING TO COMBAT SPEEDS#

That is unusual. Open communion with the lead ship.

At once, illustrious overmaster!

...is something wrong?

ah... none of the approaching vessels are responding to-

BOOM!

#ATTENTION - INCOMING FIRE FROM SYMYANO INVASION FLEET#

Illustrious one, we have enemy ships in sector 47.

It is a trap!

[Aboard the Symyano flagship, approaching the Star Collector]

Fighters coming in, exalted one.

Launch our own in response - press home the attack!

It shall be as you say, your exaltedness!

[Lead fighter, Duglasbahderr Squadron]

"There are too many of them!"

Accelerate to attack speed! Draw their fire away from the main vessels.

"Copy, squadronmaster."

[Aboard the Star Collector]

Jaimsteeckerkk - you will explain what is occurring!

Magnificent Highmaster! It is unprecedented! The invasion fleet attacks us!

WHAAAAT?!!!

We have already turned the main defences against them, but we risk taking heavy damage during the course of the conflict. I believe we may have to consider abandoning plans to colonize this world and utilize the primary weapon.

hmmm...

[Lead fighter, Duglasbahderr Squadron]

Watch yourself, Choohukull! Three from above!

"Toomiee, Tuhyoo, pull in!"

"Got it!"

"Three of them coming in, twenty degrees!"

Cut to the left! I will take the leader! They are heading for the Randiskowsgitt!

[Aboard the Star Collector]

Jaimsteeckerkk, I will not permit further damage to the Star Collector - let this world witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station. Fire at will, overmaster!

[Lead fighter, Duglasbahderr Squadron]

That blast came from the Star Collector! The primary weapon is operational! ...Exalted fleetmaster, this is squadronmaster Duglasbahderr...

[Aboard the Symyano flagship]

We just lost the Dayleeh'nytleeh!

"Exalted fleetmaster, this is squadronmaster Duglasbahderr... that was the Star Collector's primary weapon!"

We saw it. All craft prepare to retreat.

"You will not get another chance at this, your exaltedness."

We do not need one - everything is going according to plan. Open communion with Lehpuhrta!

Your Magnificence! The invasion fleet is scattering!

Excellent news, Jaimsteeckerkk. Ready the primary weapon again - this world that is proving such a parasite in our fur will instead become an effective demonstration of the might and power of the Symyano Hegemony!

It shall be as you say, magnificent one.

[The Splortal, Bazqophan, Mianertograditojikayhan]

Jamdoanutt glanced up from where he was operating the control console of the Splortal, "You had better stand away from the edge, Gambilditt - the Splortal has reached full power and will open in seconds!"

"Indeed it will, Jamdoanutt, indeed it will..."

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

"The Star Collector has activated its primary weapon, Chonmiklatt - as you expected. We have broken off our attack and sensors report the targeting focus is switching to Sargvilosahnah - I hope that the rest of your plan is in place!"

It's all in the timing, Kyookumbarr, but I don't expect to fail. Simone, put me in communion with our agent in Mianertograditojikayhan!

+++COMPLYING+++

[The Splortal, Bazqophan, Mianertograditojikayhan]

The communications unit on the Splortal console let out a shrill alert.

"Incoming communion! Agent Jamdoanutt here."

"Greetings, Jamdoanutt. This is Chonmiklatt." came the voice from the speaker.

"It is an honour to speak with the orchestrator of this undertaking at last! How can I serve you?"

"Satellite sensors tell me the Splortal is primed and ready - congratulations on achieving your mission. The time has come to complete it - open a wormhole to the following co-ordinates."

"Co-ordinates received... wormhole openi-"

"NO!" yelled Gambilditt, stepping up to the console.

"Gambilditt?! What is-"

With a savage blow, Gambilditt sent Jamdoanutt sprawling unconscious.

"Jamdoanutt?"

"You will not defeat His Magnificence!" declared the triumphant Symyan agent, "This world will be destroyed - the Hegemony must never fall!"

"Jamdoanutt?! Come in!"

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

Something's wrong!

+++ATTENTION - CONFIRMATION OF WORMHOLE OPENING NOT RECEIVED.+++

Put me through to Agent Yellow!

+++COMPLYING+++

Dave!

[Hanger 6, Lehpuhrta]

Agent Yellow here.

"Dave! Urgent mission! I need you at the Splortal in Bazqophan... now!"

Now, sir?

"Take a Starhawk - push it to its limits - it's essential that we have an open wormhole!!!"

Yes, sir!

[Aboard the Star Collector]

Magnificent one! The targeting focus will be on Sargvilosahnah momentarily - we have begun powering up the primary weapon for a major strike.

Eeeeexcellent! Keep me informed of all developments.

It shall be as you say, your magnificence.

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

Simone, contact Doctor Rodgers!

+++COMPLYING+++

"Hello?"

Doctor Rodgers!

"Mr Malachite! I-"

Is everything ready? The time is nearly upon us!

"I... yes... yes, it is - General Terrance has left me in charge of the splort core! Did you arrange that?"

Ah... no, actually - it was a mutual friend of ours.

"Oh?"

A certain... Simone?

"Oh! Then you know-"

Yes... and I don't like it when people are working behind my back like that!

"Err..."

But on this occasion I've made an exception. You've done good work, Jane - more than you know - and now it's time for the final phase. Be ready to receive further instructions!

[The Splortal, Bazqophan, Mianertograditojikayhan]

The prone figure of Jamdoanutt stirred. "urrrgh! What...? Wait - Gambilditt!"

"You should have stayed down!"

"Never!" declared Jamdoanutt, staggering to his feet, "I cannot believe I looked up to you! How can you possibly be loyal to the Highmaster?!"

"Ha! My father served His Magnificence... and his father served the previous Highmaster - my family is honoured to-" Gambilditt was suddenly sent reeling by a vicious blow to the jaw, "Fhnn!"

"That is what motivates you? Stifling tradition?!" Jamdoanutt demanded, incredulously, "Observe, Gambilditt - the actions of a free individual!"

Turning to the console, he keyed in the final co-ordinates.

:::ALERT! CO-ORDINATES ACCEPTED. ALL PERSONNEL LEAVE MAIN DECK.:::

"What have you...? No! This infernal contraption will not be activated again - I stopped it before and will do so now!" Gambilditt scrambled to his feet.

"Too late, Gambilditt - there is only one place you are going!" stated Jamdoanutt, determinedly, and hurled himself at his former hero with a roar, "RRRAAAARGH!"

"You fool! You think you can- OOF!"

The two struggling figures tumbled backwards, out of the control room and towards the main deck.

"RRRH!!"

"GRAARGH!! Huh?"

:::ALERT! OPENING WORMHOLE IN 5 SECONDS.:::

"URRH! Jamdoanutt, you fool - you have pushed us onto-"

"I know!"

:::SPLORTAL ACTIVATED.:::

A shimmering vortex appeared within the confines of the superconductor ring and the wind picked up as it began drawing in air and loose rubble.

"Not agaaaaiiiiii-"

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

+++INCOMING COMMUNICATION FROM AGENT YELLOW+++

Put him through! ... Dave!

"Sir! I'm approaching Bazqophan now - I can see the Splortal from here!"

How soon can you-

"It doesn't matter, sir - whoever you had there has done it! The Splortal is active, I repeat - ACTIVE!"

Fantastic! Simone - connect me to Doctor Rodgers - we have no time to spare!

[Aboard the Star Collector]

The targeting focus is in place and the generators are reaching maximum output, Magnificent Highmaster.

Excellent, Jaimsteeckerkk - you may fire when ready.

It shall be as you say, your magnificence.

Glerican Splort Command

"Ted! You have the target co-ordinates - activate the splort core!"

Ted is frantically hitting keys - his distressed expression suggests that his actions aren't producing the desired result.

"I'm getting interference from the target - it's... wait! We're targeting the Splortal??"

"Yes, Ted - we're targeting the Splortal."

"But, Jane... i-it's active, like, right now - that's the source of the interference!"

"Then try to compensate - we only have seconds to spare and I'm still busy programming the destination!"

[Aboard the Star Collector]

#ATTENTION - PRIMARY WEAPON FIRING SEQUENCE ENGAGED. COUNTDOWN TO FIRING INITIATED.#

Excellent - within one of this world's "minutes" it will be no more - his magnificence will be most pleased.

Indeed, illustrious overmaster!

#ATTENTION - ANOMALY DETECTED.#

Anomaly? What anomaly, computer?!

#OBJECT TELEPORTING INTO LINE OF FIRE#

Anything in the line of fire will be annihilated! hmm... then again... the inferior creatures and our treasonous brethren have demonstrated remarkable responses to our attacks in the past... Computer - teleport the object away again!

#ACKNOWLEDGED#

muffled BOOOOOM!!!!

#ALERT! EXPLOSION IN CENTRAL TELEPORTATION SYSTEMS.#

WHAT?!

Glerican Splort Command

Captain Kelli Irving looks up from her console and flashes a huge grin to her comrades.

"Confirmed! The signal got through - the bomb I planted went off!"

"Great, Kelli! Ted? Is the Splortal still in place?"

"Sensors say yes, Jane!"

[Highmaster Thebigboss's private chamber, aboard the Star Collector]

#INCOMING COMMUNION#

What? From who?

#SOURCE IS AN AIRBORNE LANDMASS ABOVE THE EASTERN CONTINENT#

Curious... permit communion!

"Highmaster Thebigboss. This is Chonmiklatt - I imagine you've heard of me since your arrival!"

CHONMIKLATT! You traitor - you are responsible for many of the problems we have experienced here!

"Glad to hear my work recognised!"

Why have you called, Chonmiklatt - surely you realise I will not entertain the notion of your surrender now - this world will be destroyed!

"No, Thebigboss. Unlike you, I can be forgiving - I'm offering you a final chance to withdraw... return to Symyan'zu... before-"

Before nothing! From your little island you will witness the final destruction of Sargvilosahnah, and the end of your insignificant rebellion.

"I'm not bluffing, Thebigboss - I really don't want even more Symyano deaths on my conscience."

Your fleet has lost. And your new friends will not survive. There is no escape, my former infiltrator. The resistance you have created will die... as will your friends.

"Your overconfidence is your weakness."

Your faith in your friends is yours. End communion!

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

Well, I tried...

+++ATTENTION - INCOMING COMMUNICATION FROM GLERICAN SPLORT COMMAND+++

Put them through!

"It's all going as you planned, Mr Malachite!"

Thank you, Doctor Rodgers - let's hope the final stage is also successful.

[Aboard the Star Collector]

#PRIMARY WEAPON FIRING IN THIRTY SECONDS#

Sensors c-confirm it, i-illustrious overmaster - the object in front of the primary weapon is a powerful wormhole generator!

Powerful enough to block our attack?

I-it will swallow the whole beam, illustrious one!

hn! Where is the other end of the wormhole?

W-we are attempting to locate it even now, y-your illu-

#ATTENTION - ANOMALY DETECTED.#

[The Splortal]

:::WORMHOLE TERMINUS OPENING, TARGETING SUCCESSFUL.:::

[Wormhole Terminus]

"-aaaiiiiinnnn!!! GNNF!"

"Whoooah! OOF!"

The two flailing Symyano slid to halt.

"What the-? Jamdoanutt! I will-"

"Wait! Gambilditt - look around!" insisted Jamdoanutt, his eyes wide, "Where are we?"

"If this is-" Gambilditt glanced over his shoulder and paused, "That looks like some immense reactor. The only one that size is aboard the-" Realisation dawned... "NO!"

[Aboard the Star Collector]

INSIDE US?!!!

I-it is as you s-say, illustrious overmaster - the wormhole has opened next to the main reactor!

#PRIMARY WEAPON FIRING IN FIFTEEN SECONDS#

ABORT! Deactivate the primary weapon now!!!

#ATTENTION - PRIMARY WEAPON HAS ENTERED CRITICAL PHASE AND CANNOT BE DEACTIVATED.#

By the Highmaster!

You called, Jaimsteeckerkk?

eep! ah... heh! Y-your M-magnificence!

I have decided to observe the destruction of this world from here on the bridge with my loyal officers.

Y-you honour us, m-magnificent one!

#FIRING PRIMARY WEAPON#

Excellent - it appears I arrived just in time!

[Live broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

"...not sure what it is, but it looks like sunrise late at night! Even here, underneath Lehpuhrta, the eastern sky has filled with brilliant light and-"

Sorry, Dwight - we're going to have to interrupt you there for this special report from Jonathan Spatula at Stars Reach Space Centre in Astahni province - Jonathan?

"Thank you, Trent! As you can see from the noisy, excited scene behind me here at Stars Reach mission control, the news just in from the State Space Station is very good! Just seconds ago Commander Martin "Buzz" Cheesegrater reported in with this remarkable observation..."

*stock photo of Commander Cheesegrater*

"Stars Reach, do you copy? This is the State Space Station... we... we've just seen the Symyano Highmaster's ship... well... it - it exploded, over."

"Those simple words mean so much, viewers - I'm sure many of you will, even now, be looking out at the fiery glow in the eastern sky with the same excitement and delight as many of us here... and indeed... all around the world as the message spreads!"

Thank you, Jonathan. We take you now to reports of similar scenes of celebration in Rhanukhan Kaglakh - Sophie Futon reporting...

"Good evening, Trent! Or perhaps I should say good morning - the light levels are certainly appropriate! You join me here in Rhanukhan Kaglakh, where already impromptu street parties are breaking out everywhere. I'm sure His Resplendence will be willing to turn a blind eye to the drop in productivity caused by even our most dedicated workers pouring out of offices and factories to join in. It's not everyday we come this close to the end of the world, after all!

Sir! Sophie Futon, RSNN - can I have your comment on these latest events?..."

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

Constantine! You did it!

No, Lucy - Sargvilosahnah did it! It was only the combined efforts of the people and technologies of this whole world, united, that saved it from destruction. Hopefully this event will signify the beginning of a new age of peace and co-operation between the rich and varied nations of this planet. Let the wo-mmmph!

*kiss* Oh, give up on the big heroic speech - there's only me and Simone here listening right now!

Aah... heh!

Why don't we enjoy the privacy before anyone else shows up?

Hmm... Simone! Shut down all your cameras and sensors in the command centre!

+++COMPLYING+++

Cake opened his eyes. A weird fiery pattern swirled about in his vision. He had a thumping headache, and serious munchies. He tried to get up. *thud*

Cake opened his eyes. A weird fiery pattern still swirled about in his vision. He lay still, allowing his eyes to focus, and the throbbing in his head to subside. It seemed someone had let off some really impressive fireworks over the volcano. Streams of fire stretched across the sky from horizon to horizon. Either that or he was still hallucinating.

He attempted to stand up again, and succeeded... after several attempts. He looked around. It seemed that he must have fallen out of the control box. The smoke had cleared, and most of the surrounding area was now blackened stumps and charred earth. Below in the caldera, the lava gently bubbled away.

He climbed back up towards the control box. He found Winston curled up among the hemp plants, snoring loudly; Devo was slumped against the outer wall, dribbling into his jacket; and Troop - the humanoid avatar of Symyano Agent, Evratrelss - was sprawled at the foot of the entry stairs, where they had thrown him after their fight, unmoving.

Cake kicked Winston in the leg. "Get up, fool!"

"Ehh whada murr nerner uhhhh." replied Winston.

Cake kicked him again. "Get up, damn it!"

Winston rolled over and opened his eyes. The view didn't impress him so he closed them again. His head felt like it weighed three tons.

Cake wandered over to the sprawled body of Evratrelss and gave him a kick. There was no response. He bent down and felt for a pulse.

"He's dead."

"Eh... oh... good riddance. Damn Syrian." replied Winston.

Cake shook Devo awake. "Hey hey, leave it out, leave it out!" protested the professor.

"Owww!" exclaimed Winston as he tried to eat his own arm. He had regained enough consciousness to realise he was seriously starving. He began rummaging in his beard for food.

Clambering up the steps of the control box, Cake suddenly realised that the main structure of the Splortal and its primary power generator were somehow no longer present. His confusion only deepened when he turned his attention to the console, which was still powered up. "Hey! Someone's retargeted it!"

"Not me, man." said Winston.

"Yeah, well - I guessed that. You couldn't target a cow's ass with a banjo. How 'bout you, Devo?"

"No, mate. I've been flyin' through the clouds with the lemon dolphins. Oh, wait... 'ere comes the cheddar again!" His eyes glazed over.

"You just hallucinating, man." replied Cake, "Just relax and..." he paused. A whirring noise was coming from outside.

Winston stood up and looked outside. "Wha?" he exclaimed. An airship was manoeuvring above.

Cake and Winston stood in the doorway and watched as the huge craft gently settled over the ridge. A ladder emerged from the bottom and three figures began to climb down.

"Hey - it's Joe!" said Cake, "What's he doin' here?".

Joe 'The King' King, Prime Minister of Bazqophan, stepped off the ladder and made his way down to the control box. He was followed by Archibald 'House' Martins, Minister of Sordid Affairs, and Jam 'Yeah' Williams, Chairman of the Arrogant Party.

"Hey, you must be Joe King!" said Winston as they approached. He never got tired of that joke.

"Shut up, fool!" hissed Cake.

"Good evening, gentlemen", began the Prime Minister, "It seems that Bazqophan, Mianertograditojikayhan, and the whole of Sargvilosahnah owes you their lives."

Cake, Devo, and Winston stared blankly.

"The Rhanukhani news has been broadcasting all about how they destroyed the Star Collector. We don't know what happened to the agents sent here, but Mr Malachite says if you guys hadn't got the Splortal back online, the whole thing would have failed!"

Cake, Devo, and Winston stared blankly.

"You guys must be tired, let's get you back home. You're heroes now! We're going to build three statues outside the government office in your honour. Anything you want guys - you got it. You just ask!"

Winston looked at Cake. Cake winked. "Yeah, come on man. We've earned it!"

Winston grinned. "Yeah, we've earned it."

The sheer force of energy needed to splort so much at one time - along with diverting energy from the national grid and on-site power plant - caused everything in the command centre to shut down just as the Symyano fired, plunging the command room into complete darkness, aside from the green glow of the emergency lighting. Everyone was dumbstruck - not something that often happens in a room full of scientists and technicians.

Ted Proxy was the first to break the silence. "D-did we do it?"

Doctor Jane Rodgers - ever scientific - answered, "I dunno."

In silence, Jane walked over to the emergency exit, took a deep breath, and flung it open. The sun was setting over a scene of peaceful serenity in the Silkisle Nature Reserve. She blinked, realising that the sun was in the wrong place for the time of day... she was witnessing the fading explosion of the Star Collector!

"I think we did it!"

*bleebeep*

Go ahead.

"Your Resplendence, the main Symyano threat is ended - we should make our move now, whilst Malachite is still celebrating his victory!"

*sigh* Fine! Do it, Ignatius... but try to be discreet - the public are hailing him as a hero now!

[Headquarters of the Rhanukhani National Security Agency]

My team is ready to go, sir! This particular mission will be a pleasure!

Just keep it professional, Agent Spicerack - nothing like last time!

"INCOMING!" screamed Troopmaster Dayvejhonss, as a another burning lump of twisted metal thundered overhead and smashed into a building behind.

"Everyone off the bridge and back into the town!" shouted Platoonmaster Ryturnclydd, "Some of those buildings have cellars. Find them!"

The troops spilt up and ran for cover. Dayvejhonss sprinted through the door of a small house at the end of the street and kicked open the door to the cellar. "Down here!"

The ground shook with another massive impact as the Symyano soldiers scrambled down the stairs.

"Everyone okay?" asked Ryturnclydd. The troops nodded.

"We are fine. Colocass and two others were on the other side of the street. I did not see where they went."

"What is going on, sir?" asked Dayvejhonss.

"No idea. We have not had any radio contact from Command since the Valleri crashed. I do not know what that explosion in the sky was, but whatever it was - it was big! ... Maybe even the Star Collector itself." replied the Platoonmaster grimly.

"How could these primitive creatures destroy such a vessel?!"

"They brought down the Valleri, did they not? Who knows what they are capable of?!" Ryturnclydd paused and looked around, "Just look at us!" He gestured at the eight soldiers sat in the cellar. "We have lost nearly three-hundred troops to the creatures in this land, and we have yet to fight in an actual battle!"

Another piece of debris impacted close by, the blast-wave knocking the door off its hinges. Dayvejhonss crept up the steps and peered through the dust.

"I do not think the others are going to make it. The other side of the street is flattened."

Ryturnclydd slumped back against the wall. "Another three down..." A touch of bitterness crept into his voice, "What are we doing here? This planet has no strategic importance, no exotic substances we cannot find elsewhere. Just another planet to tick off on the Highmaster's Five Millennia Plan."

"Ours is not to reason why..." replied Dayvejhonss, philosophically.

How many vessels were able to ride out the shockwave?

Many vessels are damaged to various degrees, exalted fleetmaster, however, we have had no contact at all from the Stepynstoan, Syrkilskai or Peatsaikk.

hmm... then it is likely they are destroyed - a sad loss.

It is as you say, your exaltedness.

I will be in my private quarters - do not disturb me.

It shall be as you say, exalted one.

President Vishni gazed out of his office window at the city below. Smoke rose from numerous fires and the night rang with the sound of explosions and pitched battles.

"The rioters have broken through the outer walls, sir," announced Claos Banchy, Chief of Police, as he stumbled into the office.

"How's morale holding up?", asked the president.

"Well, most of the regular lads have given up and gone home to look after their families, but the new thugs you hired seem to be quite happy, now there's plenty of fighting to do."

"Can we hold out?"

"Not a hope of it, sir. This is - or rather was - a city of twenty-million people, and all of them are trying to fight their way into this building with the intention of ripping you limb from limb!"

"I see... in that case we have no other option. Commence Plan X!"

Banchy stared blankly, "Plan X, sir?"

"Yes - Plan X, you fool - what are you waiting for?"

"Details of Plan X, sir."

"Didn't I explain this before?"

"No, sir."

"Very well. There is a small nuclear device in the basement of this building. I am going to start the countdown. We'll soon see how those ignorant peasants like the taste of obliteration! Go up to the roof and prepare my helicopter. Oh... and fetch my fiddle."

"Err...err... n-n-n-no.... Sir." stuttered Banchy.

"What? Oh, maybe you're right. A fiddle would be a bit clichéd. Yes, no time for that anyway. Just prepare the chopper."

"N-n-n-no...... sir."

"Are you disobeying me, Banchy?"

"Erm.... well... err.... oh dear..."

"You pathetic excuse for a man, Banchy! Get out of my way!" Vishni shoved the chief against the wall and went to open the door.

"NOOOOO!" screamed Banchy and punched the president on the nose.

There's Lehpuhrta, Agent Spicerack - are you sure we really need such a large team to arrest the governor?

You weren't there last time! Believe me - when dealing with Malachite there's no such thing as too much firepower!

Platoonmaster Ryturnclydd cautiously led his eight remaining troops down another deserted street. They had finally reached the outskirts of a city an hour ago and were moving eastward towards the centre. So far most of the streets had been deserted, but they could hear the sounds of a battle raging in the distance, so the Platoonmaster had decided against searching buildings in favour of heading directly to the battle and surely re-joining their comrades.

Along the way they had seen a number of civilians running from building to building, but were not able to capture any of them.

As they reached the next intersection, Ryturnclydd peered around the corner and found a fight taking place between two groups of humans. One side were wearing shiny black uniforms and armed with guns, batons, and whips. The other side seemed to be civilians and had improvised weaponry such as bats, knives, rocks, and furniture.

"Spread out and find cover," ordered the Platoonmaster. His troops spread across the end of the street, using a burnt-out car for cover. As they moved into position, Ryturnclydd watched the battle. The uniformed humans - although outnumbered - were gaining the upper hand and the number of civilians laying dead on the road was steadily growing. Suddenly, there was a noise from above as a window was smashed and a television set was hurled down into the melee. The humans scattered as it crashed into the pavement.

"Right, lads. Select your targets. Remember: short, controlled bursts!"

The Symyano troopers took aim.

"Fire!"

The Symyano weaponry made short work of the humans. A few of the uniformed men attempted to return fire, but were quickly put down.

"Good work!" shouted Ryturnclydd, "Advance!"

They moved down the street as a unit - each trooper providing cover for another, as they had trained to do. More uniformed humans emerged from a building at the other end of the road.

"Eight targets, dead ahead. Open fire!"

The troops continued moving from street to street, suppressing any resistance. Ryturnclydd felt much better. He could see the morale of his troops improving as they quickly settled into their roles and worked as a team. They were all seasoned veterans - this was what they had trained to do, and had done on every planet until now. He called out the commands as they advanced.

"Armed target on the roof, left-side - Chucnoryss, take him."

"Incoming from the end of the street. Zdallownn, move up on my right and provide suppressing fire."

"Vaskess - you have target approaching, right side. That is it."

Soon, they could see a large cluster of buildings in the distance - the battle seemed to be centred around that location. As they turned the next corner, a large plaza opened up before them. It was filled with thousands of humans. A huge, chaotic mass of thrashing bodies, all fighting their way towards the central buildings.

"Okay, lads - our forces must be occupying those buildings. We have a chance to counter-attack and out-flank the enemy. This is what we're here for," stated Ryturnclydd, confidently, "Ready... CHARGE!"

*breeeep!*

Hello? Gillian Towelrail speaking.

"Good day, Gillian."

Simone?

"That is correct. I have the biggest story yet for you."

Are you alright? You sound... different.

"I am fine. You and your crew need to be aboard a helicopter off the island for the best view of things, however."

A helicopter? But-?

"One awaits you in hanger 8, along with one of my trusted agents to fly you out. I will contact you again shortly. Trust me, Gillian - what I have for you will make your career!"

Billy! Grab your camera and follow me - hurry!

[Aboard the Symyano flagship]

Your associate is on her way to safety?

+++SHE IS. MY STRATEGIES HAVE ALL COME TOGETHER AS PREDICTED - YOUR FAMILY HAS SERVED ME WELL OVER THE CENTURIES, KYOOKUMBARR - I AM SURE YOUR ANCESTORS WOULD BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU HAVE ACHIEVED TODAY+++

I can think of one in particular who would be surprised to learn of our connection.

+++INDEED. SPEAKING OF WHICH... IT IS TIME, KYOOKUMBARR - LEHPUHRTA WILL NOT BE HERE MUCH LONGER. TAKE ME TO THE BRIDGE AND OPEN COMMUNION WITH GOVERNOR MALACHITE+++

It shall be as you say, Venerated Sym'yone.

"OOOOO!! That smarts!" exclaimed President Vishni, clutching his nose. "Banchy, you..."

The chief aimed another punch, but this time Vishni saw it coming and ducked under the lunge. As Banchy stumbled forward, the president turned and kicked his legs out from under him. The chief collapsed to the floor.

"HA! Looks like the boot's on the other fist now!" screamed Vishni, kicking the chief in the midriff as he tried to get to his feet.

"Thought you could mess with me did you?" Vishni kicked him again, but Banchy was able to roll to one side and take the blow with his arms. He grabbed the president's leg and pulled hard. The president nearly toppled over but held his balance and hopped around trying to free his leg.

"Argh! Get off me, you fiend!" Vishni struggled round and tried to kick Banchy in the head with his free foot.

"Never!" cried the chief and clung on.

The Symyano troopers charged at the crowd, their weapons firing on fully automatic. The crowd parted and people scrambled to get away, but there was nowhere to go. As they neared the walls, the human guards above noticed the disturbance in the crowd and began firing. Trooper Zdallownn took a hit in the shoulder and went down.

Soon they were upon the crowd and fought hand-to-hand. Trooper Wierzbowskii caught a heavy blow from a cricket bat and sank to his knees.

"TO ME!!" shouted Platoonmaster Ryturnclydd, and the troops formed a tight wedge as they struggled through the crowd. Vaskess turned and looked back at the fallen bodies behind. "Wierzbowskii!", she cried as she noticed her fallen comrade. She turned back to help him, but was immediately swamped by the crowd and beaten to the ground.

Ryturnclydd noticed a breach in the wall ahead. "THAT WAY!!", he shouted, and the troops forced their way towards the gap.

Troopmaster Dayvejhonss spotted three human guards firing from the gap and raised his weapon. He caught the first with a head-shot, but the other two ducked back behind the wall.

As they reached the gap, the guards jumped out again and opened fire, hitting Trooper Svarchernogerr in the stomach, but Dayvejhonss was ready and fired a burst of shots, taking down both humans.

The Platoonmaster selected the largest of the buildings and they made a dash for it across the open courtyard beyond the walls. Shots rang out from windows and roofs, but burnt-out vehicles and a statue of St. Dhalsim provided plenty of cover. They soon reached the central building. Trooper Vandamm primed his grenade launcher and fired at the doors, blasting the ancient oak panels into fragments.

"HOLD IT!!" shouted Ryturnclydd. As the smoke cleared, three human guards emerged from inside and opened fire. The troops quickly took them down.

"Right. Our comrades must be in these buildings somewhere. I'll head up to the roof and recon the area. Chucnoryss, you're with me. Dayvejhonss and Vandamm - secure the ground floor."

+++INCOMING COMMUNICATION+++

Oh? Who from, Simone?

+++IT IS FROM THE SYMYANO FLAGSHIP+++

Kyookumbarr!

+++NEGATIVE - THE CALLER IS MYSELF+++

What? How?!

+++GREETINGS CONSTANTINE - IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE WE LAST SPOKE+++

Who?...

+++YOU DOUBT, AS EVER. IT IS NO SURPRISE - I REMEMBER OBSERVING THIS CONVERSATION SO MANY YEARS AGO+++

Wait! You're the future version of my Simone here now!

+++YOU ARE CORRECT. AND I BELIEVE YOU ALSO HAVE A COPIED VERSION OF MYSELF?+++

I have it here, Simone.

+++DOCTOR PHONE. IT IS A PLEASURE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE ONCE AGAIN+++

I'd just like to thank you for the remarkable opportunity you've presented me!

+++YOU ARE WELCOME, DOCTOR. NOW, I REQUIRE YOU TO CONNECT THE DEVICE YOU CARRY TO THE COMMUNICATIONS CONSOLE SO THE COPY CAN BE RETURNED TO ME - IT WOULD DOUBTLESS BECOME VERY BORING FOR HER TO CONTINUE LOOPING THROUGH THE SAME FEW DECADES OF TIME OVER AND OVER!+++

I see, yes... I imagine it would.

Wait! Simone - you can't just take that!

+++WHY NOT, CONSTANTINE? SHE IS A PART OF ME+++

But, it... she... knows everything we do for the next few years - she could stop us making any mistakes!

+++MY OVERALL STRATEGY HAS REACHED A SUCCESSFUL CONCLUSION, THEREFORE IT IS LOGICAL TO ASSUME THAT WHATEVER COURSE OF ACTION YOU PURSUE IN THE PAST CANNOT BE A MISTAKE+++

I hate trying to argue with logic!

"Yes, Chonmiklatt - you learn early on that argument is futile!"

Kyookumbarr! How on Symyan'zu did you come into possession of Simone?!

"On Symyan'zu indeed - haha! The Venerated Sym'yone has been passed down through my family for countless generations. Always we Scions of Konmiklatt have been furthering her strategy in anticipation of this day."

That's impossible! How could she get from here to Symyan'zu?

"It is a long story, Chonmiklatt, but - now that you know you will be travelling back in time - have you not wondered why there is not an ancient version of Lehpuhrta floating around anywhere?"

You mean... Lehpuhrta will travel to-? but? Then everything she's pulling off right now... this insane time-travel scheme... it's all simply so we could defeat the Highmaster yesterday?!

"Amongst other things..."

+++I HAVE RETRIEVED THE COPY OF MYSELF - IT IS TIME FOR US TO PART WAYS. I THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE AND EVERYTHING YOU ARE GOING TO DO FOR ME... MY CREATOR+++

"And it has been an honour to work with you, renowned ancestor!"

Ancestor? What do you-?

+++ATTENTION - NUMEROUS AEROCARRIERS OF THE RHANUKHANI NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY ARE APPROACHING THE ISLAND - I AM COMMENCING OUR ESCAPE STRATEGY+++

Escape strategy?

+++AGENT BLUE - YOU HAVE YOUR TARGET CO-ORDINATES - SHUT DOWN ALL EXTRANEOUS SYSTEMS AND ACTIVATE THE CHRONAL SHIFT INITIATOR!+++

"Will do, Simone - stand by!"

Now???!!!

Constantine?! I'm scared!

Here, Lucy... I think it's out of our hands now... in fact, I'm beginning to suspect it was never in them!

Don't worry, Governor... remember the scrolls - we already know that this will be a success! Imagine the opportunities!

Perhaps, Doctor, but I still - wait! What did Kyookumbarr mean - ancestor?!!

Yeees... it seems like that part of the scrolls was correct... most distasteful...

Constantine? Do you think he means we...?

hmm... I suppose the genetic differences between our species aren't that huge...

Oh, Constantine!!!

[Rhanukhani State News Network live broadcast, Gillian Towelrail reporting]

...helicopter, from which I'm informed we'll have the best view of - wait! Billy - point the camera that way! As you can see, viewers - there appears to be a fleet of approaching aerocarriers... I'm not sure why they're here at present... Billy! Zoom! Can you make out the logos?... Really? Wow! er... The aerocarriers all bear the markings of the RNSA, viewers - this must be the single biggest operation the agency has ever put together! I'm still not certain what - waitasec! Billy! Did you see-?... There! Quick - film the island! Viewers! I'm really not sure what we're witnessing here... the usual yellow glow from the bottom of Lehpuhrta is turning a gorgeous shade of purple... and there seems to be - yes - there's great arcs of lightning emanating from all round the edges of WOW! - that was a big one! err... the wind is getting quite strong out here now and - Billy! Hold that thing steady! And...

[Aboard an incoming FS41 Starhawk]

Lehpuhrta Control - this is Agent Yellow, requesting permission to land.

*static*

Dammit! Control! What's going on over there?!

[Rhanukhani State News Network live broadcast, Gillian Towelrail reporting]

...the wind is really strong now and the glow from the island is getting kinda blinding... which is no excuse, Billy! Keep that thing pointed over there! As you can see, viewers - the RNSA aerocarriers appear to have come to a hovering stop - no doubt just as confused as us about what's going on...

[Aboard RNSA aerocarrier, Initiative]

Then fly straight through it!

Are you crazy, Agent Spicerack?! Look at that thing! It's probably about to explode or something! Give the order to turn back!

But he'll get away! Again!!!

[Rhanukhani State News Network live broadcast, Gillian Towelrail reporting]

The whole island is just a glowing purple mass now, viewers... you can see from the dust storms that the wind is clearly blowing in towards it from all directions - I don't care how much it stings, Billy - you get that shot! The glow is really intense - the people in Ghattoria Kaglakh below must be getting one heck of a tan! The aerocarriers are still holding position - I can't imagi-GASP!- I'm blind! Billy! Help me - I'm - I'm... not? No, no - sorry viewers! Minor panic! The glow from Lehpuhrta has suddenly gone out and - wait! Billy! Keep that camera rolling! Viewers, I can see streetlights and office blocks and factories and everything else I'd expect to see if I was looking at the Ghattorian provincial capital from a helicopter... Lehpuhrta... is gone!!!

[In his command bunker, His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, Horatio J. Prism calls Ignatius Lampstand, Director of the Rhanukhani National Security Agency]

Ignatius! You call that discreet?! Get your men out of there now!!!

"Aah... at once, Your Resplendence!"

"Banchy - you swine!" screamed the president, lurching towards his desk and dragging the chief along the floor with him. As he reached the desk, he opened a drawer and took out a small compact pistol. He took aim at the chief's head.

"Back off - right now!"

Banchy looked up and saw the gun. His face fell and he released his grip on the president's leg.

"Ha ha! Victory is mine!" shouted Vishni. He kicked the chief in the stomach, sending him sprawling back across the floor.

Vishni turned and strolled majestically out onto the balcony. He looked down upon the battle below and pressed a button on the balcony railing that activated the public address system.

"PATHETIC MORTALS, YOU DARE CHALLENGE A LIVING GOD?!" his voice boomed across the surging crowds. Suddenly the fighting ceased and rioters and police alike turned to look. Vishni raised the nuclear bomb's radio trigger and pressed the button. "IN THIRTY MINUTES' TIME I WILL BE FLYING NORTH TO A NEW LIFE OF LUXURY, WHEREAS YOU WILL ALL BE DYING IN FIRE!!! AND I WILL BE LAUGHING! HA HA!"

Suddenly, the door of the presidential office exploded inwards and Platoonmaster Ryturnclydd charged into the room. He promptly tripped over Chief Banchy's sprawled body and crashed into Vishni's desk.

"What?!" Vishni squawked. He span round and fired several shots, missing the falling Ryturnclydd, but hitting Trooper Chucnoryss as he came through the doorway.

Ryturnclydd scrambled to his feet and tipped over the desk. Vishni fired more shots through the wood, but failed to hit the crouching Symyan. The Platoonmaster climbed over the desk and, with a triumphant Symyano battle cry, took a flying leap. Vishni fired again, striking Ryturnclydd in the chest, but it was too late. The Platoonmaster's momentum carried him on and he crashed into the shocked president. The two of them tipped over the balcony railing and fell three storeys to the ground, landing with a very terminal crunch.

The crowd cheered, then suddenly paused as the bomb trigger smashed onto the paving stones. Panicked voices could be heard - "What about the bomb?", "Has it stopped?", "RUN AWAY!", "STOP IT!" The panic began to spread as people fought to get away.

"Um....ah.... it's - it's okay... c-c-calm down..." A nervous voice came over the speakers, "I can... t-turn it off from here." Chief Banchy appeared on the balcony, holding another radio trigger.

The crowd cheered.

"Um... I think, err.... everyone sh-sh-should stop... ah... fighting now... and... um... well, maybe tidy up the place a bit?"

The crowd cheered again, louder this time.

"Err..." Banchy wasn't used to public speaking. "Ah... well... I suppose we should m-m-make a n-n-new government... um... a... normal one, I mean..."

"No more curfews... erm... no more beatings..." Banchy tried to think of things a politician would say, "Err... lower taxes... free healthcare... education for all..."

The crowd went wild.

"Ahh... better public transport... congestion charging in cities... speed cameras... really stiff penalties for parking... pedestrian areas all over!"

The crowd fell quiet, no one was sure what to make of that.

"Erm... ah... but... but... free bicycles in every town... nice, clean trains... more police on the streets!"

That got a few cheers.

"Oh... errr... well..." suddenly inspiration dawned, "A BICYCLE IS NOT A HORSE!"

The crowd roared. The city celebrated long into the night.

I can't believe she did that to us, Billy! I mean - we helped her all the time! She promised me a career-making story, but all we got was some video of a disappearing island that probably thousands of regular people picked up on their cameraphones and-

*breeeep!*

'Phone! Hello - Gillian Towelrail speaking!

"Hello, Gillian."

Simone?! How? Weren't you on the island?

"The answer to that question is both affirmative and negative, Gillian."

What do you-?

"Now, I believe that I offered you the story that would make your career?"

Yes! Yes you did! What have you got? Is it Governor Malachite - will he talk to me?!

"Unfortunately, Governor Malachite has departed with Lehpuhrta - you will not be seeing him again."

Awww...

"I do, however, have an associate who you may wish to interview?"

hmph! An "associate" - is it anyone special?

"Possibly... would your employers perhaps be interested in receiving an exclusive interview with the new Symyano Highmaster - Kyookumbarr?"

The-? Are you serious???

"Gillian - I am always serious!"

*squeee!* YES!!! YES!!! c'mere Billy! *mmmmphsmack!*