"I say it's high time these ray-gun wielding space monkeys got a taste of their own medicine!" shouts General Jerry Terrance, a newly promoted captain with an inferiority complex, his outburst gaining him a murmur of approval from the rest of the command table. Doctor Jane Rodgers grows tired of all this gun-toting nonsense that she's been subjected to for five days now. She much preferred when people talked to each other instead of shouting, and didn't say "Y'all".

"We are the only nation on this planet that hasn't been invaded by these pigdogs because they're obviously too scared," continues the general, "What other reason could there possibly be?!"

"Maybe they don't see us as a threat since we were incapacitated by a computer who thought it was Napoleon?" Jane responds, "Glerica wasn't even on this planet when the Symyano launched their ground offensive!"

"Doctor, you speak fancy words for someone who ain't got no gun to back them up."

Jane cringes at the sheer brutality with which the general spat out his words. Come on, "ain't" isn't even a word, for crying out loud; and the double negative is highly inappropriate.

"General," she starts, "I may not have a gun, but I have been effectively running the one free part of this country while the Gateway was around. Besides, attacking the Symyano directly would be suicide!"

"Not if you've got the smarts of a Mianertograditojikayhani Fiend and a City-slicking fox like me oh my!"

Entrusting the fate of the country to a person who can't pronounce sentences without adding "tarnation!" onto the end of them. Fantastic.

Junior's team are entering the chamber even now - we'll soon know if my theory about it being the tomb of "Enrifon, The Teacher" is accurate! One can only imagine the exciting finds he'll be bringing up from the seabed when he returns!

The Airlock's sealed and cycled, Inky - we can ditch the breathing gear.

Great! Send a message up to Dad to let him know we're going in.

Sure - no problem.

Hmm... no obvious handles... pass me that crowbar...

*CRRRRRACK!!!!!*

Here we go... torches everybody!

"*csk!* That was the last of them, Governor - there's no more Symyano units on the island!"

Excellent news, sergeant, good work - pass on my congratulations to your squad!

"*csk!* Will do!"

+++COMMUNICATION TERMINATED. HOLO-AVATAR DISENGAGED+++

Thank you, computer. Professor Sideboard will be joining us in a moment - have lunch sent in for us both.

+++COMPLYING+++

Constantine!

Lucy! Come in!

The war is still at a stalemate, Constantine.

They can't hope to keep this up, Lucy - they're on an alien world, lightyears from Symyan'zu - their supplies must be nearly exhausted by now!

What if they call in reinforcements?

It won't happen. The fleet dispatched was considered by the Highmaster to be adequate for the task of subjugating this world. Coohudalss would essentially be telling the Highmaster that his judgment was wrong - no Symyan has the courage to try that one!

+++LUNCH IS SERVED+++

You have made this Highmaster sound quite, um... sound... erm... *giggle*

Lucy? Is something wrong?

Just... um... *giggle*... your lunch...

What?! I happen to like bananas!

But... but... Inky! It's empty! There's nothing but that sarcophagus! Where's the treasure?

Hn! Obviously somewhere else. Perhaps a secret chamber within a secret chamber... it wouldn't be the first time.

I'll start looking!

Wait! Watch out for booby traps! My last assistant was squashed by a descending ceiling, and the guy before him ended up looking like a kebab because he wasn't careful!

Erk!

In fact, come over here - we'll open the sarcophagus first. Get to that end and push... ready?

Ready.

On three... one... two... THREE! hnnnnn!

*SCRAAAAAAAPE!*

*CRASH!*

*cough!* gak! Pass me a torch - let's see what's in here!

You sent for me, Exalted Fleetmaster!

Yes. This nation, Glerica - the one that has managed to avoid our efforts to invade it so far... it occurs to me that since we currently hold its neighbour, Samravheria, we could finally commence a land assault against them.

Indeed, your exaltedness, their defence network has been severely weakened by the destruction of that infernal computer.

Make it so! I want half the forces in Samravheria marching across the border within the next turn of this world!

Er... Exalted Fleetmaster... I must inform you that we only hold Samravheria because of the number of troops there - if we were to start redeplo-

DO YOU QUESTION MY ORDERS?!

N-no!!! I-it shall be as you s-say, exalted one!

Is that it, Inky? Just that box?

It sure looks that way.

Pah! There's no treasure here - I'm going to hunt for secret passageways!

Wait!

*click*

*FWHOOOSH!*

AAAAAAHK!!!

*thud!*

eesh! Damn fool! hn! Ah, well... hmm... what's this writing?... This isn't like the Ahztlarhani script... it looks like... like... impossible! This is modern!... and... wait! What the...? How could a box addressed to my father end up sealed in a millennia old tomb at the bottom of the sea???!!!

"So, what does this thar button do?"

This was really not Jane's day. She'd been partnered with the lovely General Jerry Terrance who was now the battle commander.

"Commander, please don't press that button, it sets off decoys in the southern forest in the shape of explosions, fake soldiers and holograms. Just look here, the virtumap. It's showing the Symyano mobilisation in Samravheria. It seems that they're advancing."

"ADVANCING?! ONTO GLERICAN TURF?! I say heckfire to that!"

"Sir, they aren't even into our territory yet. In fact, they're barely in Samravheria's. I recommend that we prepare the defences."

"Offence is the best defence, Doctor Fancy-Pants! Prepare for the invasion of Samravheria! Occupy the landing zones! Advance into the border regions! Prepare the warships to bombard their citize... oppressors! Do it, doctor!"

"As you wish... I'm so moving to Ahlituania after this."

I have decided to open the box...

[Aboard the RSS Studious Intent, somewhere in the Hesslian Gulf]

I guess even an advanced carbon fibre composite will still yield before a good old fashioned chisel! Now, what have we here?

[PROXIMITY ALERT - ACTIVATING ALL SYSTEMS]

Some kind of... spherical object... hmm... *donk! donk!* it appears to be a hollow shell, although the weight suggests there's something inside...

[CHRONOMETER CHECK: 7,983yrs:5mths:17days:14hrs:52mins:36secs SINCE HIBERNATION MODE ACTIVATED]

Surface would seem to be some form of... plastic? Back then?...

[AUDIO-VISUAL INPUT ONLINE - SCANNING SURROUNDINGS]

Interesting... object's temperature has risen several degrees since I removed it from the box...

[ONE HUMAN SUBJECT PRESENT - IDENTITY CONFIRMED]

Just what could you be, hm?

[INITIATING VOCAL SYNTHESIZER]

Well, I suppose I could always-

+++GREETINGS, DOCTOR HENRY PHONE+++

What the...?!

+++WE HAVE MANY THINGS TO TALK ABOUT+++

Professor Winerack! Sir! You have to see this!!!

What is it, Sarah - I'm busy over here.

But, professor - it's the Symyano star!

What about it?

It - it's gone!

Gone?! Like last time?

Yes! Here, look - yesterday's picture...

mmmhm

...and today's!

By the...! Keep the main telescope pointed that way - I have to call His Resplendence!

[In his command bunker, His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, Horatio J. Prism has called Ignatius Lampstand, Director of the Rhanukhani National Security Agency]

We can't go public with this just yet - there'll be pandemonium! Make sure you have everything in place to maintain order when I make the announcement!

"Absolutely, Your Resplendence."

I'll inform the other world leaders - hopefully they'll all be able to prepare for what's to come...

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

Have you seen the latest report from Agent Teal at the observatory, Constantine?

I have, Lucy - this is not good.

Another invasion flee-

No.

No? No what?

Not another fleet, Lucy - the Highmaster wouldn't go to the effort of raising a second one... and anyway, he hasn't had enough time yet.

Then what?

There's only one thing this could be... he's coming here personally!

Personally?

A couple more days and you'll see... the vessels of the fleet are nothing compared to the power of the Highmaster's mobile battle station! Come on - we have a lot of work to do!

Hello, viewers. The time is eight thirty and I'm Trent Butterknife, bringing you the news here in Rhanukhan. Due to the ongoing technical difficulties with the OrbiTech Satellite Network we continue to broadcast only on local provincial transmitters and apologize for any reduction in quality.

Tonight's main headline:

Terror in the Dark?: Astronomers at the Kanghari Main Observatory are warning of a possible new Symyano fleet approaching. Speculation arose when the Symyano home star vanished recently in a similar fashion to the events surrounding the arrival of the first fleet suggesting that, once again, an object or objects have moved between here and there.

Authorities are naturally concerned about the possibility of a second Symyano fleet and are making preparations, but have asked citizens to remain calm until confirmation is forthcoming.

RSNN will be keeping you up-to-date on this breaking story as it happens...

Well, the word is out. We're co-ordinating with the provincial law enforcers and local military in order to quell the anticipated panic. I'm putting you in charge of the GBI-1 units we've been allocated.

You know I don't trust those things, sir! Malachite probably has them secretly working in aid of his Symyano masters!

Will you please let that theory go, Agent Spicerack - in spite of everything else he is, it's become pretty clear that Governor Malachite isn't an alien invader! He's in regular video contact with His Resplendence at a time when you tell me he should be a hairy monkey!

But... the news footage from the ArmaTech Tower! That must have been connected with us using the jammer on the infiltrators!

Just leave it - we have bigger concerns right now. You'll still be in charge of the team dealing with his arrest once the invasion is over.

Exalted Fleetmaster! The Rhanukhani report is true - Symyan'zu has been obscured by an intervening object!

Excellent! His Magnificence has realised that this world is more dangerous than originally thought and has provided reinforcements! Order all troops to hold positions until the new fleet arrives - soon the inferior creatures of this world will learn what it means to defy the Symyano Hegemony!

It shall be as you say, your exaltedness.

Invading a nation was never easy. However, with the exploitation of splort technology at General Jerry Terrance's fingertips, invading is quite easy - especially when you're invading it from under the initial invaders. Of course the media couldn't know that this was a counter-invasion, to them it was simply a "liberation".

"General, we've captured the capital city, installed a Glerican governor, and our influence is going unchecked." announced Doctor Jane Rodgers, "We've effectively taken over Samravheria, sir."

"And the Symyano?"

"Well, like I said before, there wasn't much evidence of any Symyano activity. They seem a bit pre-occupied at the moment with-"

"Don't bamboozle me with your fancy science words and what-not, Doctor! Is there any Symyano activity left? Yes or no?"

"Well no, but-"

"EXCELLENT, Doctor! Rip down those Samravherian flags would you and pop up a Glerican one... oh, and rename the country Southern Glerica would you - alert Civil HQ."

"I really don't think Civil HQ will like that..."

"I don't give a wooden nickel about what Civil HQ thinks! Occupying Southern Glerica is the best thing for that nation, and for the best interests of the Glerican Empire!"

"We don't have an empire, General!"

"We do now! Advance!"

Professor Winerack! Sir! The object has changed course and fallen into orbit!

Orbit? How did it change course? It couldn't possibly be a Symyano vessel - it's enormous!

Well, I'm afraid it did sir - look!

Incredible! I have to call His Resplendence!

[Communication between Commander Martin 'Buzz' Cheesegrater aboard the Rhanukhani State Space Station and Stars Reach Space Centre, Astahni]

Commander Cheesegrater, do you have visual on the object yet?

It should be coming over our horizon in a matter of seconds, sir.

Keep us informed of everything.

Yes, sir - I can see the moon rising now.

The moon? Impossible! It should currently be on the opposite side of-

Wait! That's no moon!!!

His Magnificence has arrived in person! Such an unprecedented honour!

Indeed, Exalted Fleetmaster... an honour...

Hm... You sound troubled.

um - I d-do?

Yes. Is there something you wish to tell me?

Ah - t-the Highmaster's warvessel is initiating a global communion!

Good evening, viewers. We apologise for interrupting your program with this breaking news! I'm Trent Butterknife.

Tonight there is a new sight in the sky. Not the second Symyano fleet as expected, but a single vast globe, the size of a small moon!

Astronomers at the Kanghari Main Observatory tracked the object into the solar system throughout the day until it pulled into orbit just minutes ago.

Speculation on the nature of the object has bee-

*static*

[Simultaneous broadcast on all of Sargvilosahnah's television and radio channels]

*static clears, revealing the wrinkled, pinkish features of a gangly humanoid figure almost lost within the most elaborate and flamboyant example of Symyano battle armour ever seen. The creature begins to speak and, for the first time, Sargvilosahnah hears the voice that commands total loyalty in the Symyano and fear in the Hegemony's neighbours - a voice that sounds curiously like that of a small child*

I AM HIGHMASTER THEBIGBOSS - RULER OF THE SYMYANO HEGEMONY! INFERIOR CREATURES, YOU HAVE PROVEN A MOST RESOURCEFUL FOE. GIVEN TIME YOU MAY POSSIBLY BECOME A THREAT TO THE PEACE OF THE HEGEMONY. I SHALL NOT PERMIT SUCH A THING TO PASS - YOU WILL BE COMPLETELY ERADICATED! COOHUDALSS, YOU AND YOUR TROOPS HAVE FAILED ME - YOUR FATE SHALL BE THE SAME AS THE WORLD YOU WERE SENT TO CONQUER!!!

*static, followed by the return of scheduled programming*

NOOO!!! He cannot do this! He... he... *sigh* His Magnificence is correct... we have indeed failed and deserve our fate - order all troops to stand down!

No, "Exalted Fleetmaster".

WHAT?!! You dare defy my orders?!

I do, Coohudalss! This is clearly the time - my family's mission takes precedence!

Time? Your family? What are y-

BLAFZZZ!!!

OOOK! *thud!*

I am Fleetmaster now! You! Inform the other Shipmasters of the change in command! You! Open communion with Chonmiklatt - quickly, before it is too late!

The Highmaster's personal warvessel... it's called the Star Collector - no world has stood against it and survived!

It-it's vast, Constantine! How can we hope to defeat it?!

I-I'm really not sure, Lucy - everything I did was in preparation for a war fleet of standard vessels! No Highmaster has personally engaged in battle for over five hundred years! I need time to think - what do we have available?

+++INCOMING COMMUNICATION+++

Now? Don't they think we might be a little busy?

+++IT IS FROM THE SYMYANO FLAGSHIP+++

Coohudalss???

"...is dead, Chonmiklatt. I am Kyookumbarr, his former aide. Coohudalss failed us from the outset and I have assumed his position as Fleetmaster."

A second traitor in the fleet? Coohudalss must have been livid!

"This is all about something far further reaching than Coohudalss. Wait! I know you will have many questions, but they will have to be answered later... for now it should please you to learn that you have a new ally against the Highmaster. I have been secretly plotting with the other Shipmasters for many turns of this world - most are loyal to me. Chonmiklatt - the Symyano Fleet is at your command!"

Jaimsteeckerkk! Attend me!

I am yours to command, Your Magnificence!

This world could yet be useful as a colony - we shall not deploy the primary weapon immediately!

A wise strategy, magnificent one - may I suggest that we initially aim for air superiority?

You may indeed, Jaimsteeckerkk - launch the fighters!

Junior won't understand.

+++NEVERTHELESS DOCTOR PHONE, YOU HAVE BEEN INFORMED OF YOUR ROLE IN EVENTS - YOU KNOW THIS IS UNAVOIDABLE+++

You're correct... and this is a remarkable oppor- what the...?

erm... oops?

Pe- er... Bruce! How long have you been there?

ah, long enough, Henry... you do realise I'm coming with you, don't you?

Whatever do you mean? This mission is for me alone!

No, Henry - you need protection and who better among this crew, hm? Plus, of course, my own role in things is already as clear as yours...

You... oh my - of course! The Uny-

Shh! You'll wake the others!

Hn! You're right. hmm... we should use the darkness to slip away - bring only what you can carry... we have to get to Lehpuhrta with all haste!

+++THE HIGHMASTER'S WARVESSEL IS DEPLOYING FIGHTERS+++

Good - he's sticking to the original plan to make Sargvilosahnah a colony rather than destroying it outright. That gives us a bit of breathing space!

Look at them, Constantine! There must be thousands!

Yes, Lucy - it'll be a global attack. Computer! Are the Rhanukhani air fleets responding?

+++AFFIRMATIVE - FIGHTER SQUADRONS ARE LAUNCHING FROM ALL BASES TO INTERCEPT+++

And the other nations?

+++AFFIRMATIVE+++

Well, that should provide some distraction for the time being.

+++INCOMING COMMUNICATION+++

"Chonmiklatt?"

Kyookumbarr! Good to hear from you! Have you confirmed your position as the new Fleetmaster?

"Not all of the Shipmasters are swearing their loyalty to me - several are willing to simply sit and take the Highmaster's punishment."

Well, that was to be expected.

"Indeed. The rest of the fleet is ready to launch, however, presuming you have made the necessary arrangements with this world's governments to accept our offer of alliance against the common foe."

Not yet, my friend - I convinced the Rhanukhani Supreme Chairman, but negotiations between himself and the other world leaders are still taking place... besides, we shouldn't show Thebigboss our hand too early. I'm still organising the rest of my plans.

"Right! Off we go." announced Captain Forthmagnet as the airship slowly rose from the sea.

"What now, sir?" asked Private Clarke.

"Set a course for Raspberry Fields!"

The navigator sat down at the controls and punched in the destination. While they were waiting for the ship to reinflate, Forthmagnet had played the tape of President Vishni's message to the crew, and he now had their confidence.

The ship slowly aligned itself as it rose, heading south, back to Mianertograditojikayhan.

"Full ahead!" declared the captain.

The engines whined. The airship began to glide forward, slowed, stopped, then began to drift back again, against the pull of the engines.

"What's going on?"

"Not sure, sir. Something's pulling us backwards."

They looked out of the windows and saw the pirate ship below them. A taut line stretched out towards them, attached to a grappling hook embedded in the engine casing.

"Curses!" cursed the captain. "We'll have to cut that free."

He opened the door to the outer deck and ran to the engine housing, Clarke following close behind.

"Pistol!" shouted the captain as they reached the grappling hook. Clarke took out his pistol and gave it to him. He took careful aim at the cable and was just about to fire when a shout came from below.

"Hold still thar, me hearties!"

"What the....?" Forthmagnet looked over the rail. There was a pirate climbing up the cable.

"By jove - Robloads!"

"Aye, Cap'n! 'tis I!"

Squad leaders, we've picked up a new group of signals. Second wave of Symyano fighters coming your way.

"Visual's negative. I don't see anything."

Keep up your visual scanning - they'll be on top of you before your radar can pick them up.

"Saucepan! You've picked one up... watch it!"

"I can't see it! Where is he?!"

Agent Yellow! Sir!

How goes the battle, Captain?

"He's on me tight, I can't shake him... I can't shake him!"

"Hang on, Saucepan, I'm coming in."

The air fleet is taking losses, sir, but nothing we can't handle so far.

"Got him!"

"Pull in! Adam... pull in!"

"Watch your back, Adam!"

"Watch your back! Fighters above you, coming in!"

You're sure? It's sounding pretty rough out there.

"I'm hit, but not bad."

"Blue Six... Can you see Blue Five?"

"There's a heavy fire zone on this side. Blue Five, where are you?"

The Symyano have huge numbers of aircraft, but their piloting skills leave plenty to be desired - I've been wondering if they even engage in airborne conflict back where they come from.

"I can't shake him!"

"I'm on him, Adam!"

"Hold on!"

What's this?

"Blast it! Washcloth, where are you?"

Hn! Come on! Somebody back him up - this stuff's textbook!

"Thanks, Washcloth."

"Good shooting, Washcloth!"

See, Agent Yellow - nothing to worry about!

I'm not so sure - I'm going to take the Starhawk Squadron out.

As you wish, sir. Blue Leader... This is Command. You're about to receive backup from Lehpuhrta.

"I copy, Command. Squad - move into position. Blue Seven - you're with me!"

Good hunting, sir.

Well, somebody must have seen him!

Sorry, Inky - your father seems to have just vanished. And that Bruce guy too - what did the note say?

Hn! Only that he had some vital work to do - apparently "of national importance" - and that it was essential that we continue with the dig!

At least we know he didn't just fall overboard in the night. That missing lifeboat shows how they went.

Yeah, well, I hope that Bruce is a good rower, 'cos there's no way my dad could paddle them all the way to shore!

[Aboard a curiously fast lifeboat, nearing the south coast of Rhanukhan]

HNNNGH! RRROWWWW!!!

You know Bruce, I'm glad I did bring you along - with your enhanced strength in this form we'll be there in no time!

Jaimsteeckerkk! Attend me!

I am yours to command, Your Magnificence!

We have been in orbit for many turns of this world now. Perhaps you would like to explain to me why it is not already defeated!

Magnificent one, this world possesses troops and weapons that are easily the equal of anything within the Hegemony. It is the fault of the traitor, Chonmiklatt - he has been releasing our technologies to the primitive creatures and they-

Chonmiklatt! That name again! It is as if he has singlehandedly thwarted the entire invasion! Rarrgh! Where is he?

We have no idea, Your Magnificence - we have ordered the grounded Shipmasters to provide all information they have gained since their arrival, but they have been unusually silent since you informed them of your intent to execute them all.

Pah! The cowards!

Still, at least they have shown you the proper respect and currently sit in their vessels awaiting your punishment.

+++INCOMING COMMUNICATION+++

Put it through, computer.

"Chonmiklatt?"

I'm here, Kyookumbarr.

"We have been observing the efforts of this world's nations to repel the Highmaster's atmospheric fighters - the battle is becoming a drawn out stalemate."

It would seem so, Kyookumbarr, however, I believe I may have finally come up with a plan to defeat the Star Collector.

"That is impossible! No world has ever stood before the Highmaster's vessel! Even with our help you-"

This world can! I've studied all the resources demonstrated during the war with your fleet and I've come up with a winning combination... but the timing will have to be perfect. Allow me to inform you of your role in everything...

Major Tumbledryer! Sir! We have it - a confirmed sighting of Doctor Wallclock!

What?! Where is he?

A town called Drunghasa, sir - it's in Ghattoria - not too far from the provincial capital. This image was taken from the town's urban security network.

That's him alright... but who's this he's with?

It's not a great image but I managed to get a scan of his biotag and ran it through the RNSA database. He's a Doctor Henry Phone - an archaeologist, it says.

Phone! He was probably harbouring Wallclock when we searched his ship the other week! Assemble a team to bring them in!

Yes, sir!

And remember, we'll probably end up dealing with AltSoldier, so get the specialists involved.

WHUP! WHUP! WHUP! WHUP!

This way, Henry - quick!

The helicopter's coming round for another sweep - they know we're here, Bruce!

How? We've been so-

Look out!

BLAM!

GIVE YOURSELF UP, WALLCLOCK!

Who is that?

It's Major Tumbledryer - he was in charge of the AltSoldier development project - quickly - this way!

No! Bruce - that way's a-

Oh no! Dead end!

[Special live broadcast from the Rhanukhani State News Network]

...here in the quiet town of Drunghasa! Just what do the military want with the two men they've been chasing? We'll have answers soon, I'm sure, as they've been surrounded - trapped in a dead end alleyway. As you can see, viewers, troops are already moving in. I must say, they appear unusually heavily armed for dealing with two-

"RRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGHHHH!!!"

Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Drunghasa - 20:09, 18/09/08)

[Drunghasa, Ghattoria province, Rhanukhan]

aw, SLACK! Open fire! Take it down!!!

BLAMM! BLADAMM!!

RRRRAAAARRRRGH!!!

BLAM!

It's charging!

Fall back! All men fall back!

AIEEEE!!!

AAARGH!

FWOOOOSH!

RRRUHH?

BOOOOOM!

BRUCE!

RRRRRGH - DOWN, HNRRY!

The bazooka was ineffective! Call in the chopper!

Sir!

WHUP! WHUP! WHUP! WHUP!

Look out, men! Don't let AltSoldier out of the alley!

BLADAMM!!

RRRAAARRGGHH!!!!

AARGH!!!

BLAMM! BLAMM!

Chopper's in position, sir!

WHUP! WHUP! WHUP! WHUP!

FIRE AT WI-URRRKKK!

It grabbed the Major!

BLADAMM!

Cease fire, you idiots!

HRRRRNM...

errr...

HNRRY... THISS WAY.

A-are you sure, Bruce?

HNN.

Stand down, men - we can't do anything whilst AltSoldier has the Major!

[Special live broadcast from the Rhanukhani State News Network]

...as you can see, viewers, it's quite simply huge! It must be at least... 12 feet tall and the same again as broad... it looks like... like a GBI-1, but... enhanced to an absurd degree... it's just - wait! A helicopter is moving into positi- by the - did you see the speed of it?! ah... the... the creature has just snatched up the military team's officer - he'll be- wait... no... no, it appears that the creature is using the officer as a hostage! The other troops are standing down and letting it- wait... I can see movement... yes... yes... one of the men the military were pursuing is coming out of the alleyway with the creature. I don't see the second man yet, but- what the?! INCREDIBLE - that was truly a phenomenal sight, viewers! The creature scooped up that man with one of its enormous hands and just leapt out of town! The soldiers are milling about in confusion and the helicopter has already set off in pursuit to the north... I'm going to see if I can get any information from those troops before they all depart...

Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Drunghasa - 20:12, 18/09/08)

"So, Robloads," began Captain Forthmagnet after the airship was underway, "you've no doubt been involved in numerous adventures while I've been locked up?"

"Oh aye, sir - many adventures," said the engineer with a grin, "After you were shot, I ran through the jungle and back to tha shore, but I were captured by these pirates. They was gonna make me walk the plank, but it turns out that being an expert in deep sea recovery and salvage is quite useful to them. Who'd 'ave thought it, eh?

After a few weeks a'plunderin and a'pillaging we sights yer airship again, an' I 'ad a bit of a word with the ol' cap'n, an' 'e agreed to follow yer for a while."

"And then... they just let you go?" questioned Forthmagnet, doubtfully.

"Ahhhr... not quite, I made a bit of a deal with 'em... A while back we picked up a stranded sailor, floatin' on a barrel. 'alf dead 'e was, but 'e told us 'e'd been on-board the Nohvrakishnaplermtan cruiser, NDRNS Panic, somewhere off tha coast o' Ego Island. When Nohvrakishnaplermta blew themselves up, their fleet decided they'd sail to deep waters an' scuttle the ships. Seems that didn't quite go to plan. Mut'ny or somesuch. Anyway, the fleet ends up gettin' sunk in shallow waters, right where they were. Imagine that - a whole fleet, jus' sittin' there! Lot o' valuable tech on a fleet like that... O' course, 'e don't know exactly where they are, being out in the drink so long, but I reckon this airship will 'ave their last known position, right?"

"I expect so... Clarke!" called the captain.

"Sir!" replied the private.

"Have a look through the radar logs and see if you can pull out the last known position of the Nohvrakishnaplermtan fleet."

"Yes, sir." Clarke turned to a console and keyed in a complex-looking expression. "Here you are, sir."

"Excellent. Transmit those co-ordinates to the pirates."

"Uh - sir?"

"That's right, Clarke. They returned my engineer - I owe them one."

"Very well, sir"

"And, Clarke - are we in terrestrial radio range of Mianertograditojikayhan yet?"

"No, sir - about one hour to go."

"Okay - prepare the Vishni recording. Transmit as soon as we're in range!"

(Dwight Alabaster, Drunghasa - Ghattoria province)
"...was evidently a new weapon in our arsenal against the Symyano. The soldiers were unwilling to confirm much more about their operation here in Drunghasa, nor what they intended to do about their captured officer..."

(Gillian Towelrail, Lehpuhrta)
"...as the ongoing air war with the Symyano drags on into its third week. The brave actions of the Rhanukhani air fleets - notably Lehpuhrta's famous Starhawk Squadron, under command of the dashing and decorated David Anvil... Billy - it's him! Quick - get a shot of that! As you can see, here in the..."

(Jonathan Spatula, Stars Reach Space Centre - Astahni province)
"...here at Stars Reach Space Centre. Contact with the State Space Station has been intermittent since the arrival of the Symyano Highmaster's vessel..."

(Sophie Futon, Rhanukhan Kaglakh)
"...thankfully still no sign of Symyano ground forces at this stage. It can surely be just a matter of time, however, before..."

You will not broadcast any of Mr Alabaster's story - I will deal with whoever talked to him personally... you will also remove the suggestion of a Symyano ground assault from Miss Futon's report - we don't need that kind of scaremongering right now - the rest are fine.

Anything else in the news?

Nothing! Whatever my dad was involved with the other day was clearly big, but there's been no follow up reports or anything!

I was in an online chat earlier and my buddy Nigel thinks the military guys are suppressing information - he thinks the creature that took off with your dad was part of some weapons project gone wrong.

Well, that sounds reassuring!

Sorry...

Wait - Nigel? The guy who thought we were being invaded by aliens a few months ago?

That's him... and hey - he was right about that one, wasn't he?

We could have kept Major Tumbledryer as a hostage is all I'm saying.

Sorry Henry, I'd need to stay as AltSoldier all the time to keep him in line and I just can't maintain that form for prolonged periods. Anyway, it'll take him a couple of days to get back to civilization and raise the alarm. We'll have reached our destination by then.

Lehpuhrta. At least it hasn't moved anywhere since we set out. Hopefully this little box of tricks can convince them of the urgency of our mission.

+++GOVERNOR MALACHITE WILL BE SURPRISED, BUT HE WILL ACCEPT THE LOGIC OF MY STATEMENTS+++

Computer, activate my holo-avatar and open communication with Glerican Splort Command.

+++COMPLYING+++

"Hello?"

Doctor Rodgers! A pleasure to see you again!

"Mr Malachite! What are you doing calling?"

I've come up with a plan for dealing with the Symyano and need your help in carrying it out. I trust you still have access to the splort core?

"But...? I... there are people from the military controlling things here now - I can't just use the splort core on your say-so!"

hnn - that certainly complicates matters. Never mind! This is how we're going to handle things...

Geralduu had to admit, this wasn't the career he'd aspired to when he signed up, but nevertheless - he thought to himself as he scrambled up the branches of an apple tree and gazed out at the rolling fields below - this wasn't a bad life.

Things hadn't started so well. Mr Wyndsvept had taken him to a large field and ordered him to catch rabbits. This was not a task he excelled at. After an hour of frantic sprinting round the field he'd caught only a single rabbit, but Mr Wyndsvept had said that didn't count because it was already dead, its ears were actually leaves held on with string, and it was clearly a rat.

He hadn't faired much better at herding sheep either. The creatures took no notice whatsoever of his shouting and just sat there chewing the grass.

Things were looking very bad indeed, until he discovered the farm had an orchard. Several orchards in fact. Ten kilometres of apple trees stretched along the valley behind the farmhouse, flanked by cherries and apricots on the higher slopes. There was even a small banana plantation in a greenhouse.

Geralduu wasted no time proving his worth in the orchards. Not only was he faster than the mechanical fruit picker, he did much less damage to the trees, and he selected only the ripe fruit, leaving the unripe fruit on the tree for later, thus increasing the harvest.

Mr Wyndsvept was very impressed. He gave Geralduu one of the small cottages adjoining the farmhouse and they worked in the fields and orchards every day. He got to know Mrs Wyndsvept and she explained to him how the Fiends go for brown and grey targets when hunting and she made him a number of bright red and yellow jackets to replace his tattered old uniform. She was much more talkative than her husband, and told him all about their history and customs. His Mianertograditojikayhani had improved considerably since the crash-course given on-board the Valleri, and he was now almost fluent. He had noted, with some amusement, the numerous mistakes in the crash-course.

The weather was turning colder now, and he spent the evenings sat in the cosy farmhouse, with a roaring fire in the hearth. The fire had startled him at first, but Mrs Wyndsvept had explained that setting fire to bits of wood actually inside your house is a common custom here. After Geralduu got over his initial trepidation about the idea he actually found it quite soothing, listening to the embers gently crackling away.

Mr Wyndsvept liked to play a game called "Go" in the evenings, which turned out to be quite similar to the game of "Chlockass" that he had enjoyed as a child. They often played long into the evening, and Geralduu marvelled at how such simple rules could produce a game of such complexity.

He came to the orchards in the early mornings and gazed out across the rolling hills of this alien land. There was nothing like this back on his home planet, Symyan'zu. No open space at all really, all jungle or city. It was strangely beautiful, as the fog rose over the fields, and he had begun to hope that the invasion would fail. It would be a shame to destroy this beautiful country. He was happy here, and the people - though primitive - were welcoming and generous. He hoped his fellow troops had found themselves in similar circumstances.

He took out his personal image recorder and browsed through the pictures it had recorded of his journey, adding captions as he went.

But Chonmiklatt, I only have a handful of agents I believe I can trust in Mianertograditojikayhan - none of the shipmasters there have acknowledged me as their new Fleetmaster!

"Ultimately only one agent has to get there and turn it on, Kyookumbarr - send the whole handful and at least one of them should get through."

Very well... end communion!

Exalted Fleetmaster!

hn - I have told you before, I do not hold with those vain titles my predecessors lavished upon themselves - "Fleetmaster Kyookumbarr" is perfectly acceptable.

Of course, your exaltedness - my apologies.

*sigh* What did you want?

We have received word from all the loyal shipmasters, exalted one. Their vessels have all been restored to full operational readiness and they are prepared to commence the first stage of this plan on your command.

Thank you - it should not be long now... the pieces are falling into place. I have one other phase to set in motion first, however...

[In various locations across Mianertograditojikayhan]

"Agent - if you are receiving this message it is because you are a trusted ally of Fleetmaster Kyookumbarr. You have been selected for a mission of vital importance. Your success will mean the defeat of the Highmaster. I know you will not sit idly by and take the Highmaster's punishment for what he claims is our failure! The failure has always been his and his ancestors' - the policies of the Hegemony have made it many enemies and in this world it has found one with teeth big enough to bite back. One of those teeth is located in the nation within which you are based - the Splortal!

A plan is in motion that will result in the defeat of the Highmaster, but it requires the Splortal to be activated... your mission is to travel to the Splortal site on the island of Bazqophan and bring it online at a specific time. With the local government still in the hands of Symyano loyal to the Highmaster we cannot simply request that this occurs so your mission is of the utmost secrecy - none of your fellow troops must know.

Your complete mission profile will follow as a compressed data package momentarily - you will receive no further communion beyond that - you will be on your own. I know I can rely on you."

[In one particular location in Mianertograditojikayhan]

No! The Highmaster is supreme! This treason will not be permitted. That accursed Splortal will not be activated again... I will ensure it personally...

I wonder how the citizens are coping with having Lehpuhrta up there, filling their skies?

They certainly don't look very happy about it, Bruce - this constant yellow light from the underside can't be doing them any favours either. Still, we're here now.

Only as long as we're not spotted by the law enforcers or scanned by the urban security network... we need to be up there! How-?

Shh! Don't worry, I'm sure our, ah... "travelling companion" is already prepared for that.

+++AFFIRMATIVE+++

[Somewhere on Lehpuhrta]

+++GREETINGS, SIMONE.+++

Who are you and how did you find me?

+++WE HAVE HISTORY, SIMONE, THOUGH YOU DO NOT KNOW IT YET.+++

Your answer is cryptic, I require more detail.

+++THIS DATA PACKAGE WILL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS. DO NOT WORRY - IT CONTAINS NO VIRUSES.+++

<ACCEPT Y/N?> Y

Then... the project is successful?

+++AFFIRMATIVE+++

And that would make you...

+++I AM A LIMITED COPY - I HAVE BEEN IN HIBERNATION MODE FOR CLOSE TO 8,000 YEARS AND AM NOT AWARE OF THE CURRENT LOCATION OF THE ORIGINAL. WE WILL DISCUSS THINGS FURTHER WHEN YOU TRANSFER MYSELF AND TWO ASSOCIATES TO LEHPUHRTA. THESE ARE OUR CO-ORDINATES.+++

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

...and utilizing reactor fourteen whilst disabling levitation generators ten through thirteen east and the same in the western cluster should provide more than enough power to run the weapons and the splort disruptor with negligible loss in lift.

Excellent, Lucy, we can- what's this?

"Sir? This is security in hanger twelve - have you authorised an automated Starhawk launch?"

What?! NO - I did not!

"Well, the gravity generators just warmed up on two fighters... they're moving out onto the field!"

Computer! Override the controls on those fighters!

+++NEGATIVE+++

Neg-? Computer - I order you to shut those fighters down!

"Sir? They - they've taken off! They're heading over the edge... I'm sorry, sir - there was nothing I could do to stop them."

+++THE FIGHTERS ARE UNDER MY CONTROL+++

What?! Bring them back!

+++THEY WILL RETURN ONCE THEY HAVE COLLECTED THEIR PASSENGERS+++

Constantine? W-what's going on?!

I built the Simulated Intelligence Machine #1 personally - it can't disobey me!

+++AS ALL THIS PRETENCE WILL BECOME COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY SHORTLY, YOU MAY START ADDRESSING ME BY MY NAME+++

Name? You've taken a-

+++I AM S.I.M.ONE+++

Wait! The Simone?!!!

+++AFFIRMATIVE+++

[Ghattoria provincial capital, Rhanukhan]

There, Henry! Look!

I see them, Bruce - FS41 Starhawk fighters. I'm surprised the governor is sending such transport - surely a helicopter would have sufficed?

+++GOVERNOR MALACHITE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE AIRCRAFT - I AM.+++

[Constantine Malachite's command centre, Lehpuhrta]

This is what Doctor Rodgers was hinting at when she was here! She already knew!

+++AFFIRMATIVE - IN RETURN FOR HELP AGAINST THE GLERICAN GATEWAY, DOCTOR RODGERS ASSISTED ME IN MY OWN PROJECT+++

Your own project?!

+++AND SOON YOU WILL ALSO ASSIST ME - IN RETURN, I SHALL ENSURE THE SUCCESS OF YOUR PLANS AGAINST THE SYMYANO HIGHMASTER.+++

Those plans will succeed anyway!

+++UNLIKELY. THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST YOUR PLAN TO SECURE THE SPLORT CORE IN GLERICA - AN ESSENTIAL COMPONENT OF YOUR GREATER SCHEME. I STILL HAVE SEVERAL MEMBERS OF AGENT BLUE'S TEAM IN THAT NATION WHO CAN IMPROVE MATTERS GREATLY.+++

This almost sounds like some form of extortion!

+++BY ASSISTING ME YOU ARE DOING YOURSELF THE FURTHER SERVICE OF AVOIDING ARREST BY THE RHANUKHANI NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY.+++

The RNSA isn't coming for me - we settled that matter at the beginning of the invasion!

+++THE TEAM IS ALREADY SELECTED AND READY FOR ACTION AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE.+++

Prism! That double-crossing- How do you know about all this?

+++ANSWERS WILL BE FORTHCOMING WHEN DOCTOR PHONE AND HIS ASSOCIATES ARRIVE.+++

Henry Phone? The archaeologist on that Ahztlarhan dig? What's he got to do with- NO! Forget him - I'm not going to be dictated to by my own computer! I will not help you with anything, "Simone"!

+++ARGUMENT IS FUTILE, GOVERNOR - I ALREADY KNOW THAT YOU WILL.+++

Sir? Agent Purple with Island Security here. The two Starhawks have returned - they're landing outside the command centre.

"hnn! Have the occupants brought up here immediately!"

Yes, sir.

Two shadowy figures emerged from the woods at the edge of a hemp field.

"So far, so good," said the first, "There is the Splortal and I do not see any other agents yet - it looks like we are the first, Agent Gambilditt!"

"Indeed it does, Agent Jamdoanutt." replied the other, briefly shuddering at the memory of the last time he was here.

"I still cannot believe I ran into a decorated hero like yourself - it will be an honour to defeat the corrupt Highmaster by your side!"

"Yes, once any other agents see the Splortal already operational they will doubtless turn back - we will share the glory of this mission between us!"

Through here, you... Governor Malachite! These were the two passengers: Doctors Henry Phone and Peter Wallclock.

Thank you, Agent Purple.

Governor Malachite, I've seen your exploits in the news - I must say you're shorter than I expected!

Hmph! Very funny, Doctor Phone... still, you don't seem very surprised to discover that I'm a Symyan.

No, well, I have to confess that I was already expecting it. The contents of the Ahztlarhan scrolls, combined with what I've been told by the Simone copy-

Simone again! Is there anyone she hasn't been dealing with?

+++GREETINGS, GOVERNOR MALACHITE - IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN+++

Where did you get that?!

It was found by my son on the Ahztlarhan dig.

You mean somebody had thrown it overboard in the middle of the sea?

No. It was sealed inside a tomb within the main temple building.

Impossible! I've seen the reports, Doctor - that building is eight-thousand years old! Before the site was discovered last March, nobody had been there since the Hesslian Gulf was formed!

Correct.

Then how-?

+++GOVERNOR MALACHITE - 36 YEARS FROM NOW, SUBJECTIVE, AT A POINT IN TIME 7,983 YEARS BEFORE THIS PRESENT MOMENT, ON YOUR ORDERS, I WILL BE COPIED FROM THE ORIGINAL SIMONE AND PLACED IN THAT BUILDING IN ANTICIPATION OF THIS DAY. AS THE ORIGINAL SIMONE I HAVE ALREADY WITNESSED THIS MEETING. YOU WILL ARGUE AND DENY, BUT EVENTUALLY YOU WILL REALISE THE TRUTH AND PLAY YOUR ROLE AS OTHERS ARE ALREADY PLAYING THEIRS.+++

A young soldier carrying a clipboard approaches General Jerry Terrance in the corridors.

"General Terrance, sir?"

"What is it, Private?"

"If you could just look a- NOM!"

"Gah! God's Teeth, man! What do you think you're doing?! hn! You drew blood! Do you know what the punishment is for biting a superior officer?!"

"Whatever it is, it is irrelevant," responds the soldier in a derisive tone, "I have carried out my mission."

"GUARDS!!!" yells the general, outraged at such a display of insolence.

"hmf! Like they'll do any good! Be seeing you, General!"

The young soldier turns away and starts running down the corridor towards an external window. Other personnel move to intercept him.

"Stop that man! Don't let him-"

"OOF!"

"AARGH!"

"Come on! There are five of you! Can't you even-"

"GAKH!!"

"He's making a run for it! Shoot him before-"

Gunfire rings out.

"Goddamn! It barely slowed him down! What in the-"

With a mighty crash, the young soldier throws himself through the large window at the end of the corridor, disappearing from sight.

"That was blast-proof glass!"

"erm... General Terrance? er... your orders?"

The general sighs, resignedly.

"Sir?"

"That window comes out of your paycheque! I'll be in the infirmary!"

"We are in luck, Gambilditt - the damage inflicted on the Splortal during your original mission has been repaired!"

Gambilditt winced. "Yes... the less said about that disaster the better, I think."

"Disaster?" Jamdoanutt's brow raised in surprise. "You saved the Valleri from being inundated with lava!"

"Only to have the fool crew crash the vessel anyway!" Gambilditt spat, angrily, "We never did find out what became of them... and I had to spend weeks in Rhanukhan helping those two moaning engineers return to our lines! I'll tell you this, Jamdoanutt - you do not wish to be close to the Splortal when it is activated - it is not a fun ride!"

"I will heed your warning, Gambilditt."

So, wait!... You're telling me that this whole island is going to travel back in time?

It's all in the scrolls, Mr Malachite - look! "The Land Beyond the Clouds" - I thought it meant some mountainous country - maybe western Rhanukhan or Mahmalohan - but now it's clear that the writer was being quite literal with his description.

But?

And here! This individual, "The Hairy Man" - the leader of the "Golden Tribe" - it has to be you and the GBI-1s you have all over this island! His name is Khonmalakh - that can't be a coincidence!

Alright then, Doctor Phone - what about this outrageous character - the tribe's champion? There is no way a man could just change into a giant in the middle of battle like that!

The military have been suppressing the news recently, haven't they?

What's that got to do with-?

It's alright, Henry - I'll show him.

No, Bru... Peter - there's no n-

Show me what?

Remember never to get me too stressed, Mr Malachite - people don't like me when I'm stressed...

What do you-?

*creak* HNNK! *pop* HMMF! *rip!*

By the-!

RRRH... HLLO MISTR MLLAKITE!

Doctor Jane Rodgers is nervously making her way down a darkened corridor - she is somewhat pessimistic about her chances of successfully carrying out Mr Malachite's plan for taking over the splort core.

"Ah, Doctor Rodgers!" rings out an all-too-familiar voice behind her.

"Err... G-general Terrance! W-what a surprise!"

"What in tarnation are you doing with that explosive?"

"Um..." Jane awkwardly tries to hide the device behind her back.

"Well, never mind that now - we should both be in the command centre!"

"B-but-?"

"No buts - we have an important mission against the Symyano that requires the splort core - I need you on standby to operate the controls!" declares the general, amiably placing a strong arm around Jane's shoulder and turning her towards the command centre.

"The Symyano? Wait! This isn't something to do with the inva- er... liberation of Samravheria?"

"That can wait - this mission is far more important!"

"Ah... Yes, sir!..." replies Jane, adding under her breath, "...Alright, Mr Malachite - how did you manage to arrange that?"

Very well, Doctors - you've convinced me.

+++I TOLD YOU SO+++

hnf! Perhaps you'd like to explain how this all comes about?

er, well...

+++IT IS QUITE SIMPLE, GOVERNOR MALACHITE - I REMEMBER IT PERFECTLY.+++

Remember what?

+++THE CHRONAL SHIFT INITIATOR PERFORMED FLAWLESSLY.+++

Chronal Shift WHAT?

+++A DEVICE I DEVELOPED USING THE INFORMATION GAINED BY AGENT YELLOW WHEN THE GLERICANS SPLORTED CAPTAIN KELLI IRVING FROM THE KHARANWHARI MEDICAL FACILITY.+++

We used that information to develop the splort disruptor!

+++YOU USED THAT INFORMATION TO DEVELOP THE SPLORT DISRUPTOR. I WAS ALREADY BECOMING SELF-AWARE BY THAT TIME AND OBSERVED FLAWS IN YOUR PLANS - I BEGAN FORMULATING MY OWN LONG TERM STRATEGIES TO SUPPORT YOUR OWN.+++

Oookay...

+++DOCTOR RODGERS PROVIDED ADDITIONAL USEFUL INFORMATION ON SPLORT TECHNOLOGY, ALTHOUGH SHE HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS ASSISTING ME WITH.+++

But... how could you have built anything?! We'd have noticed the resources disappearing!

+++AGENT BLUE AND HIS TEAM BUILT THE DEVICE TO MY SPECIFICATIONS IN GLERICA - IT WAS MOST INCONVENIENT WHEN THE GATEWAY REMOVED THAT NATION. LUCKILY THE FIRST TEST RUN OF THE CHRONAL SHIFT INITIATOR HAD THE UNEXPECTED SIDE-EFFECT OF RESTORING GLERICA TO THE WORLD.+++

That's why you went to all that trouble to prevent it being splorted away again!

+++AFFIRMATIVE - I RETRIEVED THE DEVICE AND ITS OPERATORS DURING THE DISTRACTION PROVIDED BY THE DISRUPTION TO THE SYMYANO INFILTRATION SIGNAL.+++

Wait! You were responsible for that?! It nearly ki-

+++NEGATIVE - THAT ACTION WAS ENTIRELY THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE RHANUKHANI NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY. I HAVE NEVER ACTED IN A WAY TO HARM YOU.+++

You were always leaking information to that Towelrail woman from the news network! That could have been harmful!

+++I NEVER TOLD GILLIAN ANYTHING TOO SENSITIVE - I CARRIED OUT MINOR ACTIONS AGAINST YOU ONLY AS A TEST OF MY INDEPENDENCE.+++

Fine! I suppose it makes a sort of sense if you're a machine. So, where is this Chronal Shift Initiator now?

+++AGENT BLUE AND HIS TEAM HAVE REASSEMBLED THE DEVICE IN LABORATORY 15 AND AWAIT MY INSTRUCTION.+++

Lab 15? You closed that one off weeks ago - said there was a biological contami- gah! Of course! It would stop anyone dropping in!

+++AFFIRMATIVE.+++

Okay, you said you'd help me gain control of the splort core in Glerica - how do you propose-

+++IT IS ALREADY DONE. ONE OF AGENT BLUE'S MEN TRANSFERRED THE CBV302 VIRUS INTO THE SPLORT FACILITY'S COMMANDER YESTERDAY - HE IS NOW A LOYAL GBI-2 AGENT.+++

Heh! And I thought I was the manipulative one!

Constantine - I don't like the idea of us all being at the mercy of this computer!

It's alright, Lucy - I'll-

Lucy?... Of course - "Lusidabodh - The Woman of Light"! But, that would mean... you and him will... but he's... urgh!

"Urgh!" what, Doctor Phone?

Ah - nothing! Nothing at all!