Hello and good evening viewers. The time is eleven o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife. Tonight's headlines:

Victory in Lazarastra: As you will no doubt have heard in earlier news flashes, our brave armed forces secured the provincial capital earlier today - Dwight Alabaster brings us the latest front-line reports.

Diligence Disaster Latest: The operation to retrieve the wreckage of the doomed space shuttle was stepped down today with the announcement that as much as was likely to be found was now on its way to hangers at Stars Reach Space Centre in Astahni, where a full investigation into the accident will be carried out. Jonathan Spatula brings us his report later in the programme.

Stock Market Rumour: Word has leaked regarding an imminent announcement by Rhanukhani ArmaTech. It appears Constantine Malachite is on the verge of unveiling a cutting-edge new product. Rumours of a connection to the recently rebranded GeneTech subsidiary - formerly RhanuGen - and the still secretive "Project: Golden Crescent" contract are rife. Wendy Collander brings us the full report and speculation later in the programme.

And finally: Meteorologists are baffled by the sudden disappearance of the branch of yellow fog that had been creeping across the deserts of southern Ahzekhteesi for the last few days. Where did it go? We talk to a leading scientist who believes he has the answers - stay tuned!

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...

[Special Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

(Image of Dwight Alabaster in an opulent hall decorated mostly in shades of yellow with a distinct banana motif everywhere. Squads of Rhanukhani soldiers can be seen searching rooms in the background)

Hello and good evening, viewers! You join me here in the provincial capital of Lazarastra, but not just anywhere in the capital - oh no! I'm standing here in the palace of "Queen Lucy" herself! That's right - the liberation of Lazarastra is effectively complete. Our brave boys and girls now hold the entire capital and all land to the west! It won't be long now before we can expect to retake the desert regions to the east of the city and return the displaced colonists out there back to their homes.

Unfortunately, however, the tyrannical "Queen Lucy" appears to have abandoned her ill-gotten queendom. Evidently, she hasn't been seen in person for the last three days and none of the captured palace staff or troops have admitted to knowing her current location, with the more fanatical followers claiming she has "become one with the great banana". Interrogations are ongoing and General Sebastian Gravyboat, who has boldly led this campaign from the start, is confident that we will have the cowardly, self-appointed "Queen" in our hands soon enough!

(Image of Rhanukhani troops in the streets of Lazarastra's provincial capital, Lazarastran forces surrendering en masse, the ever-present yellow fog swirling around)

Once news of "Queen Lucy"'s flight spread throughout the city, Lazarastran troops immediately began to down weapons and surrender to their Rhanukhani counterparts. Our brave boys and girls have been working around the clock today to set up enough POW camps to hold all the new detainees, who can expect to be shipped back to Rhanukhan over the coming days.

(Image switches back to the palace and Dwight Alabaster)

Once again, viewers - today essentially marks victory in the operation to liberate Lazarastra, returning the colony to Rhanukhani control!

Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Former Queen Lucy's Palace, Lazarastra - 22:56, 07/02/08)

........BI-X2's have served their purpose. W............etrieve them easily enou...............ey're back in Rhanuk.......................etting all that raw material go to waste! It w.........ity that we los.............e GBI-X1 models in th......................ebacle at Alph...............st!

Indeed, Mr M................... When wi.....................vealling the first production mod...............umours have already started.

Soon enough Prof....................ust you are satisfi.............ur new facilitie..................he very best money can buy!

Yes - I noti...............quisition of the company ea..................ertain they will be worth every khong you pai..................m

Excellent! Ho...............efore the first batch of GBI-2's is re........

...st as the developers announc...............pleted model can be produced in fo................f the world is shocked by your upcoming unveili..............BI-1 imagi........................onse to the GBI-2!

........ill be a great day - Rha.........................ch will have totally cor...................apons market! ...and it's all tha.............u Pr...................ect to be richly rewar.........

[Signal lost]

Analysis is ongoing regarding the Banalite problem. It seems that every time we even come close to a possible cure, it goes and shifts its DNA into something we've never even bloody seen before! Still, I suppose one of the best things we've come up with is the disposal of the banana fog. According to our research, its nothing like natural fog... highly suspicious if you ask me - almost seems man-made...

Anyway, after several weeks of research we've created a chemical compound called Hexifluoridiniumtrexyfexymoxytroxydoxide, or BANANA-B-GONE (BBG) if you want its common name. Its a chemical spray that repels the Banalite virus. Now BBG is not safe to put directly onto human skin or clothing, because it will... well, it'll corrode it away at very alarming speeds! Anyway, I suppose it’s good to put on buildings, vehicles, aircraft, that sort of thing, so you can effectively create a "safe place" if a fog or core sample becomes loose or if you get attacked.

Research is ongoing for a human form of BBG. This product is strictly Glerican until the Office of Trade deems it appropriate to hit the international market. However, stocks of BBG will be shipped to Mianertograditojikayhan as form of aid and a gesture of goodwill.

Dr. H Monkeyman
Head Researcher at B-Base 4

*The Defence Secretary points to a photograph projected behind him*

This image shows the GIS Blubber, which earlier today intercepted a Mianertograditojikayhani shipping vessel carrying Banalite-contaminated KLF products 120 miles south-west of Bazqophan. It was heading towards Nohvrakishnaplermta at the time. The crew were given time to evacuate to lifeboats, after which the ship was sunk. The Mianertograditojikayhani crew are now being held in strict isolation, having been towed back to GINB Port Stoopid.

*Projected image is replaced with the satellite photographs of the facility in Mianertograditojikayhan that have been appearing on news outlets across Sargvilosahnah in recent days*

Now, this picture, from the IDIOT1 spy satellite, shows the KLF production facility in Mianertograditojikayhan prior to our recent attack.

It can clearly be seen that the target was a production facility for Musa mutantia related liquids. Further satellite imagery has shown that all production facilities, along with the research, admin and distribution parts of the operation have been put beyond use.

We absolutely refute the baseless claims that a hospital and medical research facility was hit. We also state that we were forced into action following Mianertograditojikayhan's complete disregard for the warnings issued about the KLF products by the Glerican government. The responsibility for any casualties lie squarely at the feet of the Mianertograditojikayhani government!

We are also extremely concerned by the Rhanukhani government’s plan to remove infected personnel from the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan to Rhanukhan. It is the opinion of the Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtian government that Mianertograditojikayhan and especially Rhanukhan present a clear and present danger to the other nations of Sargvilosahnah, and seem determined to accelerate the spread of this virus around the world. We appeal to other nations of Sargvilosahnah, particularly Nohvrakishnaplermta and Glerica, to join us in our quest to prevent the spread of this virus by rogue nations. Nohvrakishnaplermta acted bravely in destroying its Alpha Outpost to prevent outside contamination, and many Nohvrakishnaplermtan souls were lost in the attempt. These will have been lost in vain if Rhanukhan is allowed to transport the infected outside the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan.

We eagerly await their response, and hope we do not have to act unilaterally to protect Sargvilosahnah.

Hello and good evening, viewers. The time is eleven o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife. Tonight's headlines:

Lazarastran Mystery: Dwight Alabaster brings us a curious report from the newly liberated colony.

GeneTech Rumour Response: Following days of rumours and speculation, the recently rebranded GeneTech subsidiary of Rhanukhani ArmaTech have announced an innovative new product launch. The official launch is tomorrow and will be made by none other than RA's chairman, Constantine Malachite himself! The fact that the guest list is filled with leading Rhanukhani military officials has only fuelled speculation that this is indeed connected to the "Project: Golden Crescent" contract. Wendy Collander brings us the full report later in the programme.

And finally: Although weakened by recent economic sanctions, terrorist state, Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia continues to spread its messages of hate, fear, and intolerance, poisoning the airwaves of Sargvilosahnah! What should you do if somebody you know is really an Idiotic Sympathiser? Find the answer to that and many other pressing concerns in tonight's special feature at the end of the programme.

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...

[Special Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

(Image of Dwight Alabaster, wearing a protective environmental suit, in an eerily quiet refugee camp surrounded by desert. Rhanukhani personnel can be seen in the background, kicking open doors and shouting "Clear!" The ever-present yellow fog seems to be thinner than usual)

Good evening, viewers! Over the last couple of days our brave boys and girls here in Lazarastra have been completing the liberation, reclaiming the desert regions in the east of the colony. As before, in the provincial capital, following the news of the disappearance of "Queen Lucy" - whose whereabouts remain unknown at present - Lazarastran troops have immediately surrendered when confronted with their Rhanukhani counterparts. These troops have been transported back to the POW camps springing up around the Lazarastran capital, prior to being shipped back to dedicated facilities in Rhanukhan over the coming days.

Now that our brave boys and girls have reclaimed the colony, however, a mystery has presented itself. The colonists of the western towns, shipped out just ahead of our arrival and presumably to camps here in the east - like the one you see behind me - appear to have vanished!

According to statistics based on the number of new colonists selected by lottery to live here last year combined with the number presumed lost when they had the misfortune to be visiting the Alpha Outpost at the time of Nohvrakishnaplermta's attack, there should have been in the region of 1,715,400 civilians out here in the desert, yet all we have encountered is the last of the Lazarastran military units. General Sebastian Gravyboat - recently promoted to Provincial Governor of Lazarastra following confirmation of the death of his predecessor, Governor General Reese Tumbledryer - has already made the locating of these citizens and workers a top priority, stating that: "1,700,000 people can't simply vanish!"

Expect full reports on this intriguing development over the coming days.

Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Northern Lazarastra - 23:23, 09/02/08)

His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman would like to thank our comrades in the Khigastujami Alliance and other friendly nations for their ongoing support during these trying days and hopes that you all recognise the deluded rantings coming out of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia for the unashamed propaganda that they are. Naturally, he believes you will all stand alongside him in denouncing the terrorist state of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia and uphold the existing trade and economic sanctions in place against this most dangerous enemy of freedom.

Best regards,

Allistair Ballustrade - Rhanukhani Foreign Minister

*Constantine Malachite steps out onto the stage in front of a big presentation screen. He has become a figure of great respect over recent months and the hubbub of the audience dies down swiftly as he casts his gaze across them*

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to a new era!"

*The big presentation screen lights up, displaying a montage of footage of military operations*

"In these dangerous times, war and conflict are becoming increasingly common. Our own brave troops have just recently achieved a phenomenal success in Lazarastra and even now have to be prepared for more danger with threats rising from terrorist states like Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia. Our armed forces are certainly brave and resourceful, ever ready to sacrifice themselves for the good of Rhanukhan, but they are still human beings... with human failings... families who will be devastated if they fall to the sniper's bullet... equipment that must be bought and wages that must be paid..."

*comical wink towards the accountants in the audience, a chuckle goes up*

"But, what if your soldiers and sailors and airmen weren't hampered by these problems? What if your personnel didn't need expensive body armour, because their skin was naturally bulletproof? What if they obeyed your every order and never asked for payment in return, no matter the task? And, what if your troops were capable of continually recruiting new colleagues in the field? Comrades who shared their ideals and followed the same orders and also never asked for anything in return?"

*Audience beginning to lean forward with interest*

"Where could you possibly hope to recruit such a force? This dream army?"

"I can tell you where!"

*Constantine pauses for dramatic effect, a couple of voices can be heard whispering "Where?" in the ensuing silence*

"GeneTech - Rhanukhan's leading genetic research concern - can now bring you..."

*footage cuts to GeneTech logo above the words "Project: Golden Crescent" and a cloud of dry ice swirls across the stage behind Constantine. The sound of marching feet can be heard getting louder*

"...the GBI-1!"

*Constantine steps aside with a flourish of his arm. From the swirling dry ice cloud a yellow, genderless, naked, humanoid figure with tough, reinforced, yet totally flexible skin steps forward. As the mist settles down the audience can see it is one of a hundred identical figures, brandishing heavy assault rifles and marching on the spot in perfect synchronicity.*

"The GeneTech Banana Infantryman - Type 1 is the future of war, ladies and gentlemen!"

*The audience erupts into thunderous applause, drowning out the continuing sound of the marching GBI-1s. Constantine stands upon the stage soaking it all up for a couple of minutes before gesturing for silence - with a single word he commands the GBI-1s to cease their march and come to attention.*

"The GBI-1 is superior to the standard human serviceman in every way. It can be trained for any profession in the army, navy, air fleet, or orbital defence force."

"We take great pride in our intense combat education and training programs."

*Footage of a parade ground, huge numbers of GBI-1s are marching and drilling in flawless formation*

"This group was brought up to current standards in just three days!"

*Murmurs of "Impossible!" and "Amazing!" can be heard from the audience*

"Its skin is as flexible as your own yet can resist intense heat or cold, severe impact damage... even..."

*Constantine produces a pistol from his inside pocket, causing security guards across the room to reach for their own weapons and swiftly position themselves in front of their charges. Constantine adopts a mock innocent expression, as if it had never occurred to him that his display would generate such a response. He then chuckles and points his weapon directly at the nearest GBI-1 and fires, hitting the yellow figure in the head and sending it sprawling.*

"...even bullets! How many of your personnel can make that boast? Hmm?"

*The floored GBI-1 stands and retakes its position among its comrades, a dark bruise showing on the side of its smooth head. The audience applauds again.*

"A new adult GBI-1 can be grown from scratch - thanks to our patented growth acceleration process - in just four weeks, ladies and gentlemen, and you'll find they are totally obedient, taking any order without question. Yet, unlike a machine, the GBI-1 maintains a level of creative thought similar to that of your current, old-fashioned, human serviceman!"

*The screen shows the interior of a huge GeneTech factory, tanks containing embryonic GBI-1s fill the walls, maturing yellow figures can also be observed undergoing rigorous training to ensure peak physical development before being given specific training appropriate to their future function within the military. Inspectors in white lab coats are seen everywhere, ensuring the process runs smoothly.*

"But this isn't the only way to fill your ranks with GBI-1s, ladies and gentlemen - oh no! Once your initial order of GBI-1s arrives, some of you may be lucky enough to find you never need to place another order again!"

*The audience, particularly the accountants, perks up at this suggestion*

"One of the GBI-1's most innovative features is its ability to pass its own genetic structure into a regular human target, usually through a bite - although there is also a secondary delivery system available."

*At this cue the GBI-1s on stage all grin, exposing rows of razor sharp teeth. The screen begins to show an animated diagram of the transfer process.*

"Contained in the salivary glands of the GBI-1 is a complex organic chemical we call CBV301, developed by our head scientist, Professor Beatrice Wardrobe - who sadly can't be with us tonight - which shares many genetic traits with the GBI-1 itself. Once admitted into the bloodstream of a victim, it swiftly attacks the nervous system and progresses rapidly to the brain where it erases the higher brain functions, supplanting them with a copy of the GBI-1's current instructions and training. Et voila - instant loyal new trooper! Over the course of the following 24 hours the CBV301 reworks the rest of its target's body, enhancing bone, muscle, organs, and of course, the signature yellow skin - creating a brand new GBI-1! Our free gift to you - GeneTech's valued customer!"

"And speaking of customers, it gives me great pleasure to announce that the first batch of GBI-1s is, as I speak, being shipped to army bases in Rhanukhan and the new colony of Lazarastra! One million, seven hundred thousand units are boarding Aerocarriers and APCs and preparing for their first missions - defending your freedom, your families... and your bank balance!"

*audience laughs and erupts into a standing ovation. Constantine nods at the lead GBI-1 and the squad begins marching on the spot again, adding to the thunderous applause as Malachite Evolving Enterprises' chairman opens his arms wide and receives the adulation*

From: Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia Department of Internal Security

To: General Foolery's Office

Subject: Report on Current Security State of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia

Importance: MOST URGENT

General Synopsis: Economic sanctions against Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia are starting to bite. There are now fuel shortages in most areas, leading to severe queues at petrol stations, etc. There have also been some blackouts, although these have been limited to small areas and should not re-occur, provided moth-balled coal plants are brought back online. Food shortages have not yet occurred to any degree, but reserves are starting to run down. Shortages of raw materials, particularly metals, and to a lesser degree, paper, may affect manufacturing industry in 1-2 weeks.

Civil Situation: Generally calm, although very tense, particularly in Southern Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia. Agreement with Government foreign policy strongest in north - diminishes rapidly as you travel South. Maybe problems when fuel runs out, and if food shortages begin.

Recommendations:
Resources: recommend immediate re-starting of coal power stations, to utilise home-mined coal. Other materials should be directed as priorities dictate. A programme of food rationing should be put in place to prevent catastrophic shortages in the future.

Civil Defence: At the moment the police can handle any small scale demonstrations, however, the situation is likely to deteriorate quickly, particularly in the event of food shortages. Recommend Home Guard units put on alert, and deployed in South. Regular units also put on alert. Recommend available resources channelled to military/police units to maintain loyalty. GI Internal Security service also to round-up and interrogate known demonstrators. Should also consider the immediate imposition of Martial Law, particularly in the south.

Other: Recommend immediate broadcast to nation, informing them of the success of foreign policy, and that other nations are rallying to our cause. Also recommend direct dialogue with possible friendly governments (Nohvrakishnaplermta? - recommend issuing apology for downed aircraft and payment of reparations).

* * * * * E N D O F R E P O R T* * * * *

To mark his 42nd birthday, our glorious leader, His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman has declared a day of national celebration!

There will be a lavish parade of Rhanukhan's military might during which all foreign dignitaries in the country will prostrate themselves before His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, at a special ceremony at midday under the Golden Balcony at the Palace of the Dedicated Worker. Rhanukhani citizens will be expected to work the traditional unpaid full 24 hours, thus boosting our economy to honour the occasion. Compliance is mandatory.

Happy Birthday, Your Resplendence!

Jonathan Spatula, Rhanukhani State News Network (Rhanukhan - 01:20, 11/02/08)

BUNCH OF IDIOTS!!
The final death toll from the Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtian attack has now been confirmed as 2,010. Rescuers have finished searching the rubble, and all workers and hospital patients have been accounted for. This disgraceful attack now ranks as the worst disaster ever to befall Mianertograditojikayhan.

(Aerial photograph of severely damaged building)
The ruins of St. Cammy's Hospital

(Photograph taken from the street of severely damaged house with shattered tree outside)
Many nearby homes were also destroyed

The government has instigated sanctions and crippled Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia's economy, but that hasn't stopped the attacks. Yesterday we learned that another peaceful Mianertograditojikayhani cargo ship was sunk by the Idiotic Navy. In response the government has entered into negotiations with the Niahvogalese Navy to supply additional 24-hour protection for the Mianertograditojikayhan coast and commercial shipping. As yet the specifics of the contract are unknown, including what it will cost.

Is this enough though?? Do we not want revenge for our men, women, and children callously slaughtered by a devious and cowardly enemy?

THE MOB SAYS YES!
WE DEMAND WAR!!!!1 BURN THE FILTHY DOGS OF GAMIATIANEKAN IDIOKRAHTIA!!!11ONE1!

(Rather graphic photograph of badly injured civilians, taken from an entirely different conflict)
Unrelated stock photo included for emotional effect

Good evening, viewers. The time is ten o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife. Tonight's main headlines:

Storm in a Fruitbowl: Following Nohvrakishnaplermta's decision to aid the terrorist nation of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia, His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman made the shocking threat to withdraw Rhanukhan from the Khigastujami Alliance! We bring you exclusive footage of today's monumental speech.

Lazarastran Expansion: Dwight Alabaster brings us his report on the latest development in our recently reclaimed colony.

ArmaTech Goes from Strength to Strength: Following the launch of their new GBI-1s, Rhanukhani ArmaTech shares have reached a record high. Constantine Malachite has already hinted at greater things to come, however - Wendy Collander brings us the full report later in the programme.

And finally: Meteorologists report that the yellow fog, present over Lazarastra throughout the past few weeks has almost entirely cleared, although observations from the Rhanukhani State Space Station confirm that patches of it still linger throughout the Eruhani Ocean.

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...

[Special Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

Hello and good evening, viewers! Welcome to the provincial capital of Lazarastra! The big news today is that the colony is getting bigger! Both in terms of population and land coverage.

Aerocarriers have been bringing in units of the new GBI-1 super soldiers for the last couple of days and now every base in the area has been reinforced with its own detachment of golden guardians! Reaction from the common soldiery has been mixed, with some believing their days of usefulness are numbered while others are pleased to have such potent allies in our ongoing struggle against the enemies of freedom!

As for my earlier comment about land area - Governor General Gravyboat has annexed the territory formerly in the hands of Nohvrakishnaplermta's Alpha Outpost as a result of that nation’s apparent apathy towards the region and also for our own security. I'm sure you will have all heard the news regarding Nohvrakishnaplermta's support of the Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtian terrorists reported today. Occupation of the land was a simple matter as we still retain a presence there from our initial landings prior to the liberation. Our brave armed forces supported by their new GBI-1s are already taking up residence and new colonists will be arriving from Rhanukhan in the coming days.

Expect full reports of any exciting developments here in the reclaimed colony!

Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Lazarastra - 22:32, 13/02/08)

His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, would like to inform our friends in the Khigastujami Alliance that he is well aware of the terms of the treaty and did not make his threat lightly. He is greatly disappointed, however, that an apparent ally has chosen to side with a nation that has not only openly threatened military action against us in the recent past, but has actively pursued a campaign of terror against Mianertograditojikayhan. His Resplendence can only assume that Rhanukhan is also viewed as a legitimate target by the terrorists of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia and has already put economic sanctions in place to limit the threat posed by that nation. Nohvrakishnaplermta's aid convoy not only undermines our efforts to protect ourselves but endangers all freedom-loving nations of Sargvilosahnah. His Resplendence is surprised and discomforted that Nohvrakishnaplermta's leadership was unable to recognise Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia's sudden U-turn on the downed aircraft issue as the transparent attempt to curry favour that it clearly was.

His Resplendence also expects that the leadership of Nohvrakishnaplermta will wish to discuss our recent annexation of the former Alpha Outpost as a matter of Rhanukhani security. He extends his invitation to negotiate appropriate reparations for your loss but has no intention to withdraw Rhanukhani personnel from the region unless he can be absolutely certain you are not aiding the enemies of freedom.

Best regards,

Allistair Ballustrade - Rhanukhani Foreign Minister

To the international community:

As many of you are aware, the Glerican Royal Navy fleet roughly contains 130 commissioned seafaring vehicles (not counting the auxiliary forces), and of these 130 vehicles, 35 belong to the Discoverer Class Science Vessels, which are all science or exploration ships, one of the most notable being the recently sunk GRS Liberation.

All of the Discoverer Class vessels have secured samples of either crude Banalite-infected products, Banalite-infected personnel, or secured samples of the yellow fog in their on-board laboratories. Please be assured that these ships abide by the strictest security measures, and all of the samples - no matter how small - are secured in reinforced tri-plastic capsules. Also, in respect to other nations in the area, these ships will not come within 5 miles of coastline, except at authorised Glerican ports and their crews will not board other ships.

However, if these ships are attacked without warning or reason (which seems to be the fate of a lot of things in this area) there will be severe consequences.

Commander Chris Hardwater
3rd Officer of the Glerican Land Forces
Head Commander of Operation Banana Ego
Awarded the Fanderk Cross 1998

Good evening, viewers. The time is eleven thirty and I'm Trent Butterknife. Tonight's main headlines:

Storm in a Fruitbowl: As tensions rise between Rhanukhan and our misguided ally, Nohvrakishnaplermta, more troops are sent into Lazarastra. A spokesman for the government could confirm that negotiations had opened up between ourselves and Nohvrakishnaplermta, but would not divulge any details at this stage - we'll keep you updated of any new developments in this story.

Lazarastran Phantom Mystery: Dwight Alabaster brings us another report from our recently reclaimed colony.

Shuttle Disaster Latest: Early reports from the ongoing investigation into what caused the space shuttle, Diligence, to explode last month reveal that investigators are baffled. Results are still inconclusive and a range of theories are being thrown about. Jonathan Spatula brings us his story from Stars Reach Space Centre in Astahni later in the programme.

And finally: A rare breed of Burrowing Octopus, thought to have been extinct for the last century has been rediscovered, alive and well in the Skarfan jungle. Although only a small family has been observed so far, this lends hope for a recovery of all endangered breeds of wild Burrowing Octopuses!

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...

[Special Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

Hello and good evening, viewers! Welcome to the ruins of the former Alpha Outpost! As you can see...

(camera pans across scene of devastation, Rhanukhani soldiers and GBI-1s can be observed establishing a new camp)

...this place took quite a pasting when it was hit last month!

But, mysteriously, there may still be life here. A patrol earlier today reported seeing movement among the ruins with at least one soldier convinced that he'd seen a person, however, further investigation has failed to turn up any evidence of survivors in the area. Are hidden eyes watching us from the cracks? Only time will tell, it seems.

Other news today has been the arrival of the first batches of new colonists - selected by lottery once again - from Rhanukhan, alongside further military reinforcement in the form of additional infantry and mechanised units and the happy return of proper air cover following the disappearance of the yellow fog from the Lazarastran mainland.

I'll be here in the reclaimed colony with more news tomorrow, for now - back to Trent in the studio!

Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Former Alpha Outpost, Lazarastra - 23:47, 14/02/08)

Our investigation into the disappearance has taken an unexpected twist... A team of divers were sent to examine the wreck of the Enlightening. Upon reaching the remains of the vessel they made note of numerous serial numbers and registration marks on various parts of the ship. These details were later cross-checked against our shipping records and it would appear that the Coleopteran and the Enlightening are one and the same.

One can also surmise from this revelation that, notwithstanding a major clerical error, the ship was probably engaged in some nefarious activity. The divers confirmed that the ship was indeed carrying astro-turf, and found no other cargo, nor any trace of Banalite. However, as was noted during our research in the Eruhani Ocean, the virus cannot live in sea water.

We appeal to the government of Nohvrakishnaplermta to return any captured crew to Mianertograditojikayhan as soon as possible, so that they can be interrogated on this matter.

His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, has considered your requests regarding our annexation of the former Alpha Outpost and your own ongoing actions in aid of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia. As a gesture of his magnanimity, and in the interests of continued stability in the Eruhani Ocean, he is willing to pay you the requested eighty-five million dollars and will not commit our naval forces against your vessels engaged in the aid mission.

His Resplendence would have me remind you, however, that he still considers Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia to be an enemy of Rhanukhan and, by extension, the Khigastujami Alliance. Our own economic and trade sanctions against the terrorist state will remain in place and, should we suffer any form of attack from Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia, it will reflect very poorly upon yourselves.

Under the terms of the Khigastujami Alliance, if Rhanukhan was attacked by Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia, we could call upon you to assist in military action against the very country you’re currently providing aid to - a most awkward situation.

His Resplendence remains disappointed that a trusted ally has been misled by the enemies of freedom - it is his fondest hope that you will see the error of your decisions.

Best regards,

Allistair Ballustrade - Rhanukhani Foreign Minister

Hello there viewers! You join me here at the Rhanukhan Stock Exchange and behind me you can probably see the cleaning crews dealing with the aftermath of today's earlier announcement. In possibly his most audacious move to date, Constantine Malachite has used his mighty financial resources to effectively purchase the Rhanukhani Space Program from the government!

In a spree of takeovers, the charismatic mogul bought up every Rhanukhani company currently involved in space research and development. He claims that - following the government and military's appalling handling of the Diligence disaster - it's time for big business to step up to the plate and show everybody how things should be done!

The various companies and corporations involved are being united into a single concern as part of Malachite Evolving Enterprises - Rhanukhan OrbiTech - and we can expect to see space missions being flown under the new banner within the coming weeks... including the maiden voyage of the exciting new Inspiration class spaceplane, replacing the expensive space shuttles currently in service.

Constantine Malachite - just what will he do next? I don't know, but I do know I'll be there to report on it! And now, back to Trent in the studio...

Wendy Collander, Rhanukhani State News Network (Rhanukhan Stock Exchange - 22:49, 18/02/08)

...e's suppres.........rything we found... I only ju..........................et this out - it came from Dili..............ck box... their fina........rds... if anyone can get this out th.............ust expose hi...

*static*

".......igence speed-15,280 m.p.........nge to touchdow............ars Reach Space Centre Runway - 2,55............iles."

"Flight Bach......."

"Go ahea..."

"..................ust lost 2 separ...........mperature transread................ight side of the vehic..."

"2 temp. readers?......."

"...es, sir.................................do.............f........."

"Diligence, Stars Rea..............see your trans............ssages and we did no........py your last."

"Roger, uh, ..."

*muffled thud*

"What wa...........................E'VE BEEN HI-"

*static*

"Dilige...........ars Reach... comm. check..."

"...ligence, Stars Reach... U.H.F. co...........eck..."

"Diligen.................each... U.H.F. comm. check..."

*static*

"Flight 0, do yo........ve any tracking?"

"...o, sir"

[signal lost]

From: Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia Department of Internal Security

To: General Foolery's Office

Subject: Updated Report on Current Security State of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia

Importance: MOST URGENT

General Synopsis: Situation steadily improving. Aid from Nohvrakishnaplermta fully distributed, and we have resumed normal economic activities in all sectors. Lack of reserves, however, still cause for concern.

Civil Situation: Calm. Population generally content, with few dissident voices, however, South Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia still unsettled. Intelligence indicates possible beginnings of organised resistance to military rule. No further details at present, infiltrations being attempted.

International Situation: Little change. Mianertograditojikayhan continuing to maintain hospital claims, Rhanukhan and Nohvrakishnaplermta relations have cooled somewhat.

* * * * * E N D O F R E P O R T* * * * *

Good evening, viewers. The time is eleven o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife and, before we move onto tonight's headlines, may I take this opportunity to welcome our new viewers in countries all across Sargvilosahnah, who are now able to watch RSNN via Rhanukhan OrbiTech's new satellite communications network, which went online today!

Tonight's main headlines:

The Calm After the Storm: The recent negotiations between the governments of Rhanukhan and Nohvrakishnaplermta have ended amicably with Nohvrakishnaplermta relinquishing its claim to western Lazarastra in return for an undisclosed financial settlement. Political commentators are already taking this as a sign of stronger relations in the future.

Lazarastran Phantom Mystery Solved: Dwight Alabaster brings us his latest report from Lazarastra and it's one that will certainly interest our new Glerican viewers.

Space Bonanza: Wendy Collander reports on the new network of communications satellites placed in orbit by the new Inspiration-class spaceplanes and what these innovative developments mean for Rhanukhan OrbiTech - the firm behind our new space age.

And finally: GeneTech's head scientist, Professor Beatrice Wardrobe, made her first public appearance today in her new role as spokesperson for the company that is providing our armed forces with the new GBI-1 super-soldier. She proudly announced that production was running at full capacity and on schedule with a regular supply of GBI-1s emerging from GeneTech factories from next week onwards. Several nations have already expressed an interest in the GBI program and billionaire mogul, Constantine Malachite - owner of GeneTech - is no doubt very pleased to see the offers landing on his desk!

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...

[Special Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]

Hello, viewers - and a special hello to those of you joining me from the many nations of Sargvilosahnah! You join me here in the newest piece of real estate in Lazarastra. As you can see, our bold armed forces have established a new base on the ruins of Nohvrakishnaplermta's Alpha Outpost - you'd never know the area had recently been the target of a major military strike at all!

(camera pans across the new base, Rhanukhani soldiers and GBI-1s can be seen training in the background)

Now, onto today's big story - you may recall me reporting on occasional unsubstantiated sightings of possible survivors of the attack on Alpha Outpost during the last few days. I can now confirm that these sightings haven't been mere mirages.

Earlier today a sharp-eyed patrolman spotted movement towards the beach and called in backup. The squad encountered a lone woman among the rocks near the cliff face - not far from a hidden cave that later yielded up a crude camp, food packages identified as Glerican naval supplies, and jerry-rigged radio equipment. The woman had clearly been living there for some time and was in a shocked state. Although extremely nervous, she began to approach the squad, evidently happy to see our soldiers, and babbling about "them" being back. The sergeant in charge asked for her name and at this point things suddenly went awry...

A second squad of troops, supported by a unit of GBI-1s appeared on the scene, responding to the earlier call for backup. The woman took one look in their direction, screamed hysterically, and collapsed. She was brought back to the camp where she has been unconscious ever since. As yet no-one has been able to identify her, though she is reported to be wearing the ragged remains of a Glerican Navy Captain's uniform. The possibility that she is the captain or another crew member of the lost Glerican vessel, GRS Liberation, cannot be ruled out.

Further patrols are now sweeping the area for evidence of additional survivors.

Join me tomorrow for more on this story and others, for now - back to Trent in the studio!

Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Western Lazarastra - 23:47, 25/02/08)

I saw yo........adcast earlier, Profes.............ust say th......BI-2 proces........erformed flawles.............ook completely natu....

Thank you, Mr...................s you'll have seen in my rep..........ay look na..............t all test resul............r indicate that my bod...............ncements are ident..................ose exhibited by a GB.....

Excellent, excell...........o evidence of side eff.......

Not at al..........onality and intelle................pletely inta...

...en I shall comme.............edure mys..............oon as the oppo...................nts itself. And produc............ew GBI-........s alre.................derway, you say?

Indeed it is, Mr......................e have set aside seve...................tories for the developm.............I-2 units - they shou...............erging at aroun.........me time as th...........n run of GBI-1s

That is goo.......ws - we can comme...............xt phase of the pla.........hin the next few da............en - ..........ears everything is on sche......

[Signal lost]

Banana leads to jumping?

The first official military test for "Nana Splorting" was carried out using the newly refined constituent of Bananium, through extensive energy processes. The preliminary tests, which were successful, could lead to the secrets of instant teleportation - allowing troops, cargo, and passengers to be instantly transported to any location in the world.

"We're very excited! The first tests weren't done on anything organic, just a few crates because we don't know what it will be like when tested on humans," said head researcher of the project, Doctor Jane Rodgers. "But, they were resoundingly successful! We Splorted them a distance of 5 miles from their original starting point, in a time of 0.03 seconds. We couldn't have asked for better!"

The application of Splorting involves a process of using the Bananium's unique properties to duplicate the target's physical form at a chosen destination while simultaneously destroying the original, allowing it to transport objects at unprecedented speeds to a designated location. The only major drawback at the present is the sheer level of energy required for Splorting to occur, with yesterday's task requiring sole use of a nearby nuclear reactor.

However, the test was successful, and the destination calculated by Splort Scientists gave an accurate Splort Spot to within 6mm. Other than energy input, there is no current "barrier" against Splorting, meaning that, if this science is developed, we could transport anything, anywhere in the world. Experiments with increased range are commencing at time of print.

"Dune Carolee, reporting live from a field just north of Limewood, where yesterday a number of crates appeared out of thin air. Local farmer, Gryles Wyndsvept, witnessed the event."

(Camera pans to a large, bearded fellow)

"Mr. Wyndsvept - can you describe what happened?"

"Well... I was just tilling yonder field just there, when I hears a loud 'ting' sound, and there theys all weres like that, see? It were just like the kind of thing yer get in a bad comedy programme."

"And has there been any change since then?"

"No... but I tell yar... They'd better be a gettin' off my laand soonish, else I shall be takin' my axe to them there crates."

"Erm... Mr Wyndsvept, thank-you."

(camera pans back to Dune)

"So, crates appearing from nowhere. Locals in peril. Fear and panic spreads through the countryside. Back to you in the studio!"

...id you see it?!

I trust, Pr......or, you are refe.............he recent announ.................arding teleporta.............nology?

.........urse I am! This changes eve.......................th a Splort we c.................t out the enti..................ge of the plan and simply deplo.............Is instantaneo........

Exac..............ssor - with a Splo...............echnology has only just been deve................ill never be at a suit...............vel of funct.............n time. We proce...............anned!

Humph! Very well then, Mr.........................as been your scheme from the st...................nd everythi............lling into place as you predic.....

...ank you, Profes....

Tell me, di................nage to retri................BI-X2s from the holding cam.........ople are beginning to noti.....................mblance to our GB........nits - I had that Agent Spicera...............e a visit today!

....yes, the GB..............er fear, Profes..............e GBI-1s in produc...................2s on the wa.............ave become obsolete - I ha..............ged for them to be dealt wi...

[Signal lost]

Good evening, viewers. The time is ten o'clock and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across Sargvilosahnah thanks to Rhanukhan OrbiTech's new satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

Splort!: It sounds like the stuff of science fiction, but Glerican scientists have announced the development of teleportation technology. Jonathan Spatula brings the full report.

Mystery Woman Still a Mystery: The possible Glerican survivor of the Alpha Outpost attack remains unconscious today and so far attempts to confirm her identity have failed. Dwight Alabaster brings us his latest report from Lazarastra.

Holding Camp Horror: Several huge explosions tore apart the holding camps that have housed Lazarastran POWs since the liberation today, killing all prisoners and personnel in what is now technically the largest single loss of life in the campaign. Nobody has claimed responsibility for the attack, but the finger of suspicion is pointed at terrorists from Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia. Investigations are ongoing tonight.

And finally: With our new global audience exciting an interest in travel among Rhanukhani citizens, RSNN will be launching a fantastic new program! "On Holiday", with Fiona Candelabra, starts this week so stay tuned!

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...

Enjoy the natural beauty and wildlife of Mianertograditojikayhan - home of the legendary Fiend!

Thrill to the adrenaline rush of skiing down the Grey Giants in Glerica!

Marvel at the architectural beauty of Hevarta in Veletarna!

Savour traditional Brindjivashtelian cuisine in its own birthplace!

Experience the rich historical diversity of The Niahvogalese Federation!

Perhaps take in the cricket in Ahlituania!

I can give you these things and so much more with RhanuTour - the latest member of the Malachite Evolving Enterprises family!

Fly in our planes, cruise in our liners, drive our hire cars... you can ride our donkeys if you're so inclined! And, when you reach your destination, prepare for true luxury...

Rhanotel - RhanuTour's exclusive chain of hotels have three, four, and five star accommodation in all the major cities of Sargvilosahnah! Wherever you may wander, you can be assured of finding the finest traditional Rhanukhani hospitality awaiting you so you never feel too far from home.

I'm Constantine Malachite and I'm giving you... the world!

♪♫ RhanuTour - wherever you want to be, you're there! ♫♪

Doctor Rodgers,

Permit me to congratulate you on the successful human trial of your marvellous new Splort technology! Here at Malachite Evolving Enterprises we are always on the lookout for innovative developments such as yours and we are keen to invest in any new technology that makes the world a better place. I believe Splorting could well be the biggest technological breakthrough of the last hundred years and I wish to help you push it to its fullest potential by investing in the further development of your project. As you are no doubt aware, I have a vast budget and extensive resources, including state-of-the-art scientific establishments, at my disposal. I can put them at your disposal too, in return for an appropriate share of the profits and the licence to develop products based on Splort technology. Malachite Evolving Enterprises is a big name in international business, Doctor - we could make you very rich and very successful very fast! Please consider my proposal - I hope we can come to a mutually profitable agreement, and again, congratulations - enjoy the Grookh!

- Constantine Malachite

...and here we have them! The GBI program is now in full swing and GBI-1s will be emerging from our factories across Rhanukhan on a regular basis from now on! With such a regular supply of our patented super-soldiers available we're naturally taking orders from the military establishments of other friendly nations across Sargvilosahnah and invite any governments who haven't yet considered the many benefits offered by the GBI-1 over your regular personnel to contact us here at Rhanukhan GeneTech for a full demonstration!

Now, over here we have...

[video continues]

Good evening, viewers. The time is seven thirty and I'm Trent Butterknife bringing you the news all across Sargvilosahnah, thanks to Rhanukhan OrbiTech's new satellite communications network!

Tonight's main headlines:

Lazarastra's Mystery Woman Identity Confirmed: With the help of photographs forwarded by the Glerican Navy, the mystery woman rescued by our forces in western Lazarastra recently has been confirmed to be Captain Kelli Irving of the GRS Liberation. She remains unconscious in a Rhanukhani medical facility at present, but shows no evidence of any major injuries. Glerican authorities have been appraised of her rescue. Dwight Alabaster brings us his latest report from Lazarastra.

Isles of Secrets: Rhanukhani military officials in Lazarastra are apparently growing concerned following the near total silence from the Isle of Tantrum and Jilted Atoll since the Niahvogalese occupation. Although vessels of the Niahvogalese Navy are regularly observed patrolling the area, there has been a curious lack of communication between the newcomers and their neighbours in the Eruhani Ocean. What could be going on? We have the latest theories and speculation from our panel of experts later in the program.

Stocks and Shares: Wendy Collander brings us this week's financial roundup and the official announcement that has surprised nobody on the stock market - Malachite Evolving Enterprises is Rhanukhan's fastest growing company.

And finally: We've been promoting it all week - our fantastic new program, "On Holiday", with Fiona Candelabra, starts immediately after this news bulletin, so stay tuned for her guide to Sargvilosahna's holiday hotspots and the chance to win an all expenses paid holiday to one of many locations, courtesy of the show's sponsors, RhanuTour!

All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...

"I'm not picking up anything out of the ordinary, sir" replies Warrant Officer, Thomas O'Daily.

"Tom, you really must call me Harry. When you're in the air, there's no need to stick so rigidly to the command structure." says Gibson.

"Yes, sir - I mean, Harold," replies Tom, abruptly.

Harry sighs. "Only my mother calls me Ha..."

Their conversation is interrupted by their plane shaking violently from side to side. Red lights begin to flash everywhere.

"Ca- Harry, what's happening?" asks Tom.

"Stabilise the left wing!" barks Gibson.

The plane begins to steady, thanks to the efforts of the two pilots.

"Whew...Tom, check the readings. What the hell happened?"

Suddenly, an alarm sounds throughout the plane.

"That's the radiation alarm," says Gibson, worried.

"I'm turning this bird around," states Tom.

...

...

"Oh, my God!" they both exclaim simultaneously.

Turning, the two pilots find their cockpit illuminated by the blazing light of a rising mushroom cloud.

"Damn! Get on the horn to Command. There's been a nuclear explosion, and it's happened in The Niahvogalese Federation!" orders Gibson.

"Yes, sir - I'm sending the messa..."

There is another nuclear explosion, and the shockwave is seen rushing towards the plane!

"TURN THIS THING AROUND! SOUND THE ALARM! PREPARE FOR DAMAGE!!" shouts Gibson, grabbing the radio, "MAYDAY, MAYDAY, THIS IS ALPHA 7. WE ARE IN THE MIDST OF A MASSIVE NUCLEAR - I REPEAT, NUCLEAR - EXPLOSION. WE WILL NEED ASSISTA..."

The radio transmission is terminated as the shockwave hits the plane.

"It certainly is - His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, has already been informed and the military high command is in chaos right now!"

"Quiet on set please! Trent, you're go in three... two..."

...

[Emergency broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network across all OrbiTech Communications Channels]

Good evening - we interrupt your scheduled program to bring you this breaking news. I'm Trent Butterknife.

Reports have just reached us here at RSNN of what appears to have been multiple nuclear explosions in The Niahvogalese Federation. Intercepted radio transmissions from a Nohvrakishnaplermtan reconnaissance aircraft in the area suggest at least two explosions of indeterminate size before the signal was lost.

Rhanukhani military officials are awaiting satellite confirmation of the extent of the explosions and have already initiated emergency protocols in the event that this turns out to be the start of a nuclear war. His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman, has been moved to his secure bunker, from where he is expected to make an official announcement later tonight and all forces are on full alert.

We'll bring you more details as and when they arrive. Our hopes and best wishes go out to the citizens of The Niahvogalese Federation.

...alm down Profes..............eports are too vag................................nfirm anything!

But... but... what i...........hem here alrea..................aven't had time to g................rything in pla......

....ssure you, Pr...................atever this is, it is most certai...........ot the.........................we would ha...............undated with rep.................tions all over Sarg..............

Ca................e absolutely sure, Mr.........................as the satellite ne....................cted anything?

...........etwork has not, a.............ains in passive mo.....................ime being. At lea..............rt of our plan is alr..................pleted.

..................eel safe until everyth.................ete! I can't believ......................latant as to laun....................na offensive in the fir.............e! It must me..........ey've had agen......................ears already - who kn.............at they'd alre....................ved before you arri.........

....ll, whatever the.......ped to achieve with the B........................hot themselves in the foot! We'v..................ed to create an expan.......................sive forc...................rld with their own techn...................eaking of which, I trust produc......................I-1 and 2 units continues undisru......

...ndeed it does, Mr...............................ey're being distri.......................osahnah, either as ar...............es purchas........................ations or unde..............ver of your very cle...............rist deception.

Excelle...............BI-2 units will discreetly sprea................V301 among the gene..................ation, ensu.................rever they put dow..................et with far stro.......................nce than they drea....................sible!

[signal lost]