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Dispatch → Account → Drama
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The Flying Island of Lehpuhrta.
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14 reads.
"The Great Banana Rush: Outbreak" - A Detailed Account of the Events Surrounding Lehpuhrta's Origins (part 2)
Here continues a detailed day-by-day summary of the roleplay event from which the flying island of Lehpuhrta emerged, back in 2008 - including directly quoted material, where appropriate...The Great Banana Rush
...ophie Futon in Lazarastra... please... anybody listening... this is the twenty-fourth day since the lab accident... Banana material mutated Professor Lucy Sideboard into... I... don't know what... if this is the first time my signal's got through then you need to know that Governor-General Tumbledryer is dead - he fell leading his men against the horde of banana mutants during their takeover of the city two weeks ago... many citizens have been... turned... even more are dead... please, there are so few of us left... if anybody ca-
*transmission terminated*
(sound only - with a stock image of Lazarastra's new town hall under construction - as has been the norm for the last three weeks)
Woohooo! A big howdy and welcome to Lazarastra, workers and citizens of Rhanukhan! This is roving reporter, Sophie Futon, for Rhanukhani State News Network - reporting live, from the new colony where everything is hunky-dory! Well, apart from our lack of video still! hehe! But, don't worry viewers - we'll get that fixed eventually!
The new citizens are all very happy with their new homes and jobs and secure in the knowledge that the soldiers and workers of our mighty armed forces are here, protecting them from the various threats presenting themselves in the brave new world that is the Eruhani Ocean - yay!
Celebrations continue today in honour of our first celebrity wedding, here in Lazarastra - Governor-General Reese Tumbledryer and Professor Lucy Sideboard tied the knot following their whirlwind romance after the Governor visited the Professor at her hospital bed while she recovered from that freak accident at the lab last month. We're all glad to see her up and about again and happy with the man she loves - congratulations both of you!!! Woohooh! We'll be bringing you a live exclusive interview with the happy couple after their honeymoon, which they'll be spending in the new resort being built alongside our fine navy base on the coast by Banana Island! Once again - thanks go out to little Amy Hatstand for her winning entry in our "Name that Island" contest last week!
Stay tuned people - as long as it doesn't interfere with your productivity!!! This is Sophie Futon, signing off!
Sophie Futon, Rhanukhani State News Network (Lazarastra - 19:33, 20/01/08)
The two contradictory broadcasts immediately raise international concern. The Glerican aircraft carrier, GRS Liberation - in the Eruhani Ocean to protect the XPLOR platform - intends to fly reconnaissance helicopters over the Rhanukhani colony if there's no word from the authorities there.
Concerns are only increased when broken communications received by Nohvrakishnaplermta's Alpha Outpost report an attack on their forces at the Lazarastran border. The CO of Alpha Outpost believes this to be an operation by The Niahvogalese Federation and leads more troops to investigate, also calling upon Rhanukhan and Pemerktichotkhi - under the terms of the Khigastujami Alliance - for assistance. Pemerktichotkhi promptly dispatches further troops to its base at Area 17.
Receiving no reassurances from the Lazarastran authorities, the Glericans conduct their reconnaissance mission. Although the ubiquitous yellow smog is particularly dense in the area, the helicopter crews are able to observe large crowds of colonists simply standing lethargically in the streets.
The Mianertograditojikayhani drilling platform, Ebon Sunday, mysteriously loses contact with its survey vessel, the Plumbum Sky Hook shortly after it reports encountering a thickening of the yellow smog. Due to its proximity to Ego Island, suspicions are raised that the Glericans may be in some way responsible.
Later that night the CO of Alpha Outpost returns from the border and gives a press conference, announcing that the Lazarastran colonists his force encountered "are on a mission to bring love and happiness to the mainland. After a meeting with them, I realised that mankind is a weak race. Humans lack intelligence, strength, and genes composed of Banana. Lazarastra has found a way to tackle those problems. Every solider of the division has been shown the way. They, and the Lazarastran citizens, are coming back to the base to teach everyone else. I will personally be going back to Nohvrakishnaplermta to spread the word."
In spite of being halfway around the planet from the effected region, Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia is clearly concerned by unfolding events and announces an immediate closure of its airspace and waters to any nation with a colony or other venture established in the Eruhani Ocean.
The aircraft carrying the CO of Alpha Outpost to Nohvrakishnaplermta is shot down. Evidence indicates that the attack came from Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia - it would appear that they are taking their concerns about events in the Eruhani Ocean to the next level!
The government of Yakhaltasardalezna is excited by the results of their ongoing research into the fragment of the Banana that landed within their borders, suggesting possible medical applications. Political analysts consider their recent actions - particularly the disappearance of a number of politically prominent civilians - to be "unsettling".
The Glerican aircraft carrier, GRS Liberation, launches another reconnaissance flight of three aeroplanes over Lazarastra. They report encountering a thickening of the yellow smog and then abruptly vanish from radar. A small boat enjoys greater success, returning from the coast with a captured colonist. The GRS Liberation sends genetic samples to B-Base 4 before altering course towards Alpha Outpost where events are taking a turn for the worse.
Alpha Outpost's perimeter sentries report that the division sent to the Lazarastran border has returned, but they're marching shoulder-to-shoulder with the colonists. A message from the GRS Liberation alerts the Nohvrakishnaplermtans that something is very wrong with the people of Lazarastra. This becomes even more apparent when the returning soldiers attack their comrades.
A Mianertograditojikayhani airship locates the wreck of the Plumbum Sky Hook in shallow water and a vessel with divers is dispatched to carry out an investigation.
Pemerktichotkhi locks down Area 17 on The Isle of Lies, ostensibly as result of discoveries related to their Banana research, though many believe that they are merely worried about events on the mainland.
Nohvrakishnaplermta loses contact with Alpha Outpost - the final message out of the base is the following...
However, we have detected some sort of unusual cloud moving towards our position. We have no clue as to what it is.
I have been talking to a reporter named Gabriel Matthews. He claims to have important information regarding what happened in Lazarastra. I am putting him on a ship, and I have ordered that ship to sail fo-
*transmission lost*
Alongside this, the governments of Nohvrakishnaplermta and Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia are in heated debate over the latter's decision to shoot down the former's aircraft earlier in the day. Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia insists that they were acting in the best interests of the rest of Sargvilosahnah and that more recent reports from the Eruhani Ocean back up their stance. Nohvrakishnaplermta ultimately appears to be swayed by their argument, demanding only an apology and financial compensation for the loss.
(sound only - with a stock image of Governor-General Reese Tumbledryer and Professor Lucy Sideboard-Tumbledryer arm in arm)
Woohooo! Heeeellloooo and welcome to Lazarastra, workers and citizens of Rhanukhan! This is roving reporter, Sophie Futon, for Rhanukhani State News Network - reporting live, from the new colony. Video is still down but be assured, we will be back to full operational status soon!
Well, hasn't today been full of surprises? The biggest being Governor-General Reese Tumbledryer's oh-so romantic decision to share his position of authority equally with his beautiful new bride, Lucy! So it looks like our brave boys in the military can look forward to taking their orders from a much prettier face than usual from now on! hehe - only kidding General - you don't need me to tell you you're the handsomest chap in Lazarastra - all the ladies are jealous of Professor Lucy these days!
On a more serious note, the military activity in the Eruhani Ocean has been increasing over the last day or so. There was even an incident on our western border with Nohvrakishnaplermta's Alpha Outpost, but luckily it all proved to just be a little high spirits on the part of one of their patrols and the matter was swiftly settled! We love our neighbours, naturally, and as a gesture of goodwill, Governor-General Tumbledryer and his lovely new wife have announced a grand ball to be held here in our provincial capital! Invites have already been sent to all of Nohvrakishnaplermta's leading politicians and celebrities, who I'm sure can't wait to come and sample our fine Lazarastran hospitality. Look forward to my special report on the evening itself!
Stay tuned people - as long as it doesn't interfere with your productivity!!! This is Sophie Futon, signing off!
Sophie Futon, Rhanukhani State News Network (Lazarastra - 01:33, 22/01/08)
Rather than accept any invitations, Nohvrakishnaplermta declares that the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan is now quarantined. No ships, under any circumstances, will be allowed to dock at the coastline, nor will any aircraft be permitted to land. The government requests that any nation that is bordering the mainland of the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan enact its own measures to prevent the movement of people into and out of the region.
Concerns Raised Over "Banana" Material
Following several reports of unusual symptoms amongst consumers of the popular Wharadhan Banana Milkshakes, scientists in the government’s primary laboratories in Kanghari have issued a warning to cease production and recall any product currently out in society.
Produced from the yellow foam still washing up on our northern shores following the impact of a fragment of the famous "Banana" in the Shramortoghmuli Ocean last month, the milkshakes have been found to contain a number of complex organic compounds which can influence the genetic structure of anybody ingesting them. Effects are limited, with sufferers complaining of a toughened yellowy skin condition and occasional evidence of increased rage, but concerns have been raised over the cumulative impact of long term exposure. A team has also been dispatched to the new colony of Lazarastra where the overwhelming prevalence of "Banana"-based material could be putting the population at risk. Thankfully there have been no reports of any incidents there. Indeed, everything is going extremely well for our latest province and I'm sure we all look forward to hearing Sophie Futon's next report!
Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Kanghari - 01:47, 22/01/08)
Mianertograditojikayhani divers investigating the wreck of the Plumbum Sky Hook discover that it was attacked by portable rocket launchers. The bodies of most of the crew are accounted for, though the captain, Johning Forthmagnet, and engineer, Patrink Robloads are not located. The identity and motive of the vessel's attackers remain a mystery.
Following the discovery of a previously unknown virus in the genetic samples received from the GRS Liberation, Glerica’s B-Base 4 supports Nohvrakishnaplermta’s quarantine measures and reinforces its insistence that Ego Island is out of bounds to all nations, despite Mianertograditojikayhan's concerns that their two missing sailors may have swum there.
To all nations,
Disregarding the current political climate surrounding the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan, we have some very grave news to report. Yesterday we received samples from one of our science ships, the GRS Liberation, stationed near the mainland. We have performed preliminary tests and some extensive research, and we have found something... well, something really, really bad.
We've found a virus. Chemical name, Virus 672A or "Banalite". The Banalite virus is an extremely contagious disease that changes some "hardwired" nerve relays in the brain, effectively changing it into something we've never seen before. This new organ causes the subject to become unpredictably violent, sneaky, and disturbing, almost to a "brainwashed" level.
Subjects infected with Banalite suffer severe headaches, then internal haemorrhaging, and then a sense of euphoria and an unrelenting desire to infect others with Banalite. It is transferred in several ways, one of them being the direct infection, which is when one person infected with Banalite will attack and try to bite another person. If they succeed, then the person bitten (if not killed by the attacker) will become infected.
Another way we've seen is that the virus can take on an airborne shape, in the form of a thick yellow fog. Luckily, this fog is subject to wind currents, and due to its colour its easily spotted and avoided. This means of infection also takes much longer than the direct route, and a person must be surrounded in the fog for several days before it begins to infect the body.
Those infected with Banalite also seem to have slightly reduced intelligence, but will try to "trick" any person not infected into becoming so. It’s obvious to say that if anyone is suspected of being infected, they must be quarantined immediately and avoided.
There is currently no cure or vaccine, as the virus mutates far too quickly for anyone to get a straight structure, but the research is ongoing. According to our research, the virus is limited to the mainland of the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan, and not the islands, although the yellow fog is heading outwards.
Thank you.
Dr. H. Monkeyman
Head Researcher at B-Base 4
Aboard the GRS Liberation itself, now approaching Alpha Outpost, communications are disrupted when the vessel enters a thick bank of the ever-present yellow smog.
Captain Kelli Irving - GRS Liberation
We were six hours away from Alpha Outpost, 3 aircraft down and helicopters on low fuel. Then this yellow fog just descended on us. Its compl.. ... ...srupted our instruments, we've no idea w... ... ...are. We stormed ahead full speed for a few hours but after it didn't shift, I ordered all stop.
We've found the cause of this.... ... ... ... heard... ... violence... this yello... fog! You must not... ... ... otherwise... ... and deat... contagiou...
Alpha Outpost... repor... ... position... ... try... thr...
*transmission lost*
The Niahvogalese Federation loudly denounces the "fascist demands" of Nohvrakishnaplermta and dispatches a fleet to its new colonies on The Isle of Tantrum and Jilted Atoll, seemingly blithely unconcerned by the news coming out of the region.
Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia is also becoming increasingly belligerent, refusing to apologise to Nohvrakishnaplermta nor pay their demanded compensation and stepping up its military activities in the face of the brewing crisis.
General Tom Foolery, President of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia responds to Glerica’s discovery of the Banalite virus with a bold proposal:- "It is clear that there is only one course of action to contain this plague. The complete destruction of all installations and inhabitants of the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan mainland!" He announces plans for his air force to commence an extensive bombing campaign of the region. The Niahvogalese Federation threatens dire consequences for anybody attacking their colonies. Other nations with interests in the area are similarly quick to denounce Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia, with the Supreme Chairman of Rhanukhan going so far as to describe them as a "terrorist nation" in his speech.
From Lazarastra, there comes grim news...
(sound only - with a stock image of Governor-General Reese Tumbledryer)
Hello to you, citizens and workers of Rhanukhan, this is Sophie Futon in Lazarastra... today has been a dark day in the history of our new colony. It is with great sadness I have to report the tragic death of Governor-General Reese Tumbledryer.
The great man who led us through our founding days was discovered dead in his bed by his wife this morning. The cause is currently unknown, but authorities state they have no reason to suspect foul play. General Tumbledryer's widow, Professor Lucy Sideboard-Tumbledryer, has assumed all the responsibilities of running the colony and will be making her inaugural speech later today.
Stay tuned people - as long as it doesn't interfere with your productivity. This is Sophie Futon, signing off.
Sophie Futon, Rhanukhani State News Network (Lazarastra - 13:45, 23/01/08)
Mianertograditojikayhani scientists on the Ebon Sunday report that they have found no evidence of the Banalite virus, despite the yellow smog being a constant atmospheric condition around their facility. They speculate that Glerica’s fears of airborne contagion are unfounded and that, if the virus exists at all, then transfer must be occurring through more direct means. Glerican scientists are concerned by their colleagues' ongoing exposure to the smog and worry if it is somehow influencing their judgement. The Glerican government announces a ban on all products (including merchandise, food products, appliances, cosmetics, and pharmaceutical products) derived from the crude Banana and urge other nations to do the same.
Mysterious Crashes
Two aircraft were lost - presumed crashed - in mysterious circumstances in our new colony of Lazarastra yesterday. The first, a chartered flight ferrying a team of scientists from the government laboratory in Kanghari disappeared from radar shortly after crossing the border. A military RF27 reconnaissance fighter of the Khunate Air Fleet was dispatched from Golden Fields AFB in Khun within minutes, but also vanished, shortly after reporting encountering the unusual yellow fog that is becoming commonplace in the Eruhani Ocean. The military are sending a mechanised unit overland from Khulakhallan to make an investigation. We'll bring you updates on this story as we receive them.
In other news, shares in Rhanukhan ArmaTech rose markedly in value today following the company's announcement that its biological weapons division had secured the government contract to clean up and dispose of the "Banana"-based yellow foam that is still washing up on our northern shores.
Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Khun - 14:00, 23/01/08)
The Nohvrakishnaplermtan forces at Alpha Outpost finally fight off their attackers, but losses have been appalling. Lt. General Alan Dontrustem confirms that reporter, Gabriel Matthews, has been safely dispatched aboard a cargo vessel with encrypted data about the Banalite virus' origins in his possession. The vessel's location is no longer known, but it is believed to still be somewhere in the Eruhani Ocean. It becomes clear during the course of his message that he is beginning to show symptoms of Banalite infection.
The GRS Liberation emerges from the thickest fog, just two hours away from Alpha Outpost, with many of the crew exhibiting symptoms of Banalite infection. Captain Kelli Irving broadcasts a message, reporting their situation and her plans to recover any Nohvrakishnaplermtan survivors for evacuation to a Glerican medical facility.
It comes to light that Gabriel Matthews had attempted to warn the Nohvrakishnaplermtan government about the dangers of Banalite several weeks earlier, but they had not believed him at the time. They respond now by overreacting - agreeing with Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia’s tough stance and preparing to bomb Alpha Outpost and its surroundings.
Unlike the morning's broadcast, the evening news from Lazarastra is both upbeat and yet also a source of some alarm...
(Video for the first time in several weeks reveals reporter, Sophie Futon... whose skin appears curiously yellow and toughened. In the background we can see Lazarastra's provincial capital being restored as though there had been a major civil disturbance recently... the sky is filled with a thick yellow cloud from horizon to horizon)
Wooohhooooh! We finally have video, folks!!! But that's not the biggest news - not by a long shot!
As you'll have noticed from the programme's opening credits, you're now watching the Royal Lazarastran News Network! That's right - Her Beloved Majesty, Queen Lucy of Lazarastra, has appointed herself our new ruler and declared independence from Rhanukhan!
(Image switches to first official portrait of Queen Lucy, sat on her new throne, smiling beneficently - the image of regal splendour in a figure-hugging floor length yellow dress. Like Sophie, she also appears to have toughened yellow skin)
Isn't she divine? All hail the Queen!!!
Along with her Majesty's declaration of independence was a request to our allies in the Khigastujami Alliance and also other nations to officially recognise Lazarastra as a new sovereign nation and to welcome our ambassadors into their countries.
(Image of Queen Lucy appointing several Lazarastran citizens, all notable for their toughened yellow skin, as her new ambassadors)
Along with her request was a warning, both to Rhanukhan and the other nations that have threatened Lazarastra recently - I'm looking at you, Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia! - that any further evidence of hostile intentions would be met with appropriate force.
(Montage of images of yellow-skinned Lazarastran soldiers, sailors, and airmen in their fine, new, yellow uniforms proudly displaying their hardware)
All hail her Beloved Majesty! Stay tuned people - this is Sophie Futon, signing off!
Sophie Futon, Royal Lazarastran News Network (Lazarastra - 22:23, 23/01/08)
The official response is unsurprising…
(image of Jonathan Spatula, holding a microphone, being jostled from all sides by a throng of Rhanukhani citizens)
You join me here, live outside the Palace of the Dedicated Worker in Rhanukhan Kaglakh, where His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman has just made his official response to this evening's surprise announcement from Lazarastra.
As you all know, from bulletins throughout the evening along with broadcasts from Lazarastra itself - before our military started blocking them in the interests of national security - the head scientist of our colony, Professor Lucy Sideboard, has manoeuvred herself into a position of power among the colonists and, in a move that goes against everything Rhanukhani society stands for, established a monarchy with herself as queen! Speculation is rife that her apparent marriage to appointed Colonial Governor, General Reese Tumbledryer was, in fact, just a clever fiction to reinforce her claim to leadership. General Tumbledryer's current whereabouts are unknown, however, recent rumours of his death are now being taken far more seriously.
Citizens across Rhanukhan have been expressing their disgust all evening, even to the extent that an enormous mob has formed here, in Lady Helena's Square, to hear His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman's words in person.
And what words they were! His Resplendence has naturally refused to recognise Lazarastra as a sovereign nation and demanded that the leaders of the insurrection immediately surrender themselves and permit a newly appointed representative of the Rhanukhani government to retake control of the colony. An armed expeditionary force is already being assembled to put down expected trouble in the region.
Join me for more developments on these shocking events throughout the night. Jonathan Spatula - live from Rhanukhan Kaglakh.
Jonathan Spatula, Rhanukhani State News Network (Rhanukhan - 22:43, 23/01/08)
In other news, it emerges that there has been no contact with the Rhanukhani State Space Station for a month, indeed it has been silent since only a week or so after the two intrepid "Bananauts", Charles "Buzz" Mantlepiece and Malcolm "Buzz" Soupspoon, became the only people to set foot on the Banana while it was still in orbit. A space shuttle launch is arranged to visit the station and investigate.
There are reports of a massive explosion on The Isle of Lies. The smoke cloud is spotted by a Mianertograditojikayhani airship hovering over the Eruhani Ocean. All attempts to contact Pemerktichotkhi’s Area 17 meet with failure. The cause of the explosion is unknown.
We reached the border of Lazarastra two hours ago and immediately began our search for the downed aircraft. The curious lighting caused by the ever-present yellow cloud in the area is making things difficult at present, but the terrain is fairly open so we expect results shortly.
One promising event was just reported in, however. Our advance scouting parties have encountered a group of our Lazarastran colonists and are returning them to our camp - hopefully, they'll be able to answer a few questions about recent events out here.
Captain Breadbin out.
[Transmission ends]
Pemerktichotkhi has lost communications with Area 17 on The Isle of Lies. When the government announces plans to send in a relief team, the Nohvrakishnaplermtans issue a stark warning regarding their intent to uphold their quarantine measures.
The GRS Liberation docks at Alpha Outpost, but their timing couldn’t be worse - within minutes the Nohvrakishnaplermtan air force bombers arrive and carry out their orders to destroy the base and everything around it! Nohvrakishnaplermta issues a statement defending the decision to sink the Glerican vessel as part of the mission, claiming that its infected crew represented a means for the Banalite virus to spread into other regions. The response from the Glerican government is understandably furious and increasingly heated exchanges pass back and forth between the nations through the day.
Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia commends Nohvrakishnaplermta for taking strong action to protect the world and declares that it will also engage in such bombing operations against foreign assets in the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan if there is any evidence of the virus moving beyond its borders.
Helloooo and good evening viewers - this is Sophie Futon, live from Lazarastra!
The big news today has been the defection of an entire mechanised division of the Rhanukhani Workers Army earlier this afternoon!
(Image of Rhanukhani soldiers in a Lazarastran camp, smiling and waving for the cameras - already their skin is taking on the now familiar yellow tone)
These brave men defied their corrupt leaders back in Rhanukhan and marched across the deserts of southern Ahzekhteesi to stand shoulder to shoulder with their Lazarastran brothers. This event is quite the coup for Her Beloved Majesty, Queen Lucy of Lazarastra, who has welcomed her new subjects with open arms and extended the hand of Lazarastran fellowship to all peoples of Sargvilosahnah!
(Image switches to Queen Lucy, sat on her new throne, still wearing her figure-hugging floor length yellow dress, smiling warmly with her arms wide, as if embracing the world.)
That's right, world, Lazarastra has now adopted an open border policy - allowing refugees, merchants, and seekers after the truth to come and live safely within her borders as citizens of this glorious new Queendom! Come one and all, and find adventure, profit, a new life for your families, and true enlightenment, here in the land chosen by the great Banana from the sky!
In other news, we're still awaiting responses from our allies in the Khigastujami Alliance and other neighbouring nations regarding international recognition of the sovereignty of Lazarastra, but all signs so far have been very promising! Her Beloved Majesty knows that our neighbours desire friendship with our powerful nation.
(Similar to yesterday, another montage of images of yellow-skinned Lazarastran soldiers, sailors, and airmen in their fine, new, yellow uniforms proudly displaying their hardware, though with perhaps a hint more menace than previously)
All hail her Beloved Majesty! Stay tuned people - this is Sophie Futon, signing off!
Sophie Futon, Royal Lazarastran News Network (Lazarastra - 22:30, 24/01/08)
Contrary to Sophie’s claims, there is no evidence that any nation will recognise Lazarastra’s sovereignty - quite the opposite, in fact, with several messages condemning the breakaway colony.
Nohvrakishnaplermta begs Rhanukhan not to attempt a conventional land assault against the Lazarastrans for fear that it could spread the Banalite virus, favouring an expansion of their own bombing campaign. The Supreme Chairman, Horatio J. Prism, responds with a curt dismissal, stating that the incident is an internal security matter, and he will take whatever action he deems suitable. The expeditionary force is already assembled and any interference from Nohvrakishnaplermta will be regarded as a violation of their relationship under the Khigastujami Alliance and met with the appropriate force.
Cooldude1984 says:
hi Paul
Ladiesman21 says:
Hey Kev :)
Cooldude1984 says:
want 2 hear what I picked up on my radio last night?
Cooldude1984 says:
it’s really cool!!1 :D
Ladiesman21 says:
Okay
Ladiesman21 says:
What is it? :huh:
Cooldude1984 says:
[transferring: spies.wav]
Cooldude1984 says:
I don’t know but it sounds totally like secret agents or something
Ladiesman21 says:
C00lbeanz :)
[transfer complete – open? Y]
"...going according to pla........"
"...cellent, Profes........ am most pleased with your .........o far."
"My thanks, Mr.............................an we get everyo..........ut duri............vasion?"
"...rything is in pla..................o fear. Project: Golden Cresce..................uccessful!"
"Tha.............od news. What of th................atio.............mmunity? Are the............ying our cov..............ry?"
"............ould appear so. Th....................pendence.....................elieved by everybo..........but Nohvra...............ouble."
"I'm sure you can...............em"
"Yes, I.............ust remem................ot reall..............een - don’t ge..............as!"
[play again? N]
Ladiesman21 says:
it's almost pure static - there was hardly anything there!
Ladiesman21 says:
That’s not secret agents :P
Cooldude1984 says:
:(
Cooldude1984 says:
I bet it is
Ladiesman21 says:
Come over here this afternoon when my parents are out
Ladiesman21 says:
I’ll see if I can get anything more out of it for you
Cooldude1984 says:
OK :)
Cooldude1984 says:
c u then :D
Ladiesman21 says:
bye
A rumour spreads in Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia that the vessel carrying journalist, Gabriel Matthews, and other personnel from Alpha Outpost has docked in Nohvrakishnaplermta. An angry and frightened mob soon forms outside the presidential palace, demanding to know what will be done about this obvious spread of the Banalite virus beyond the confines of the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan. The arrival of the police and army on the scene only exacerbates matters, triggering a riot.
In truth, the present whereabouts of said vessel remains unknown, though there is little reason to believe that it has left the Eruhani Ocean. Several organisations are seeking it, including the Rhanukhan National Security Agency, who believe Gabriel Matthews to be in possession of sensitive information relating to projects of the Rhanukhani military. Nohvrakishnaplermta’s agents are also on the hunt, as Matthews is one of their citizens and they don’t wish for him, or the information he carries, to fall into foreign hands.
Good evening viewers. The time is 8 o' clock and I'm Trent Butterknife. Tonight's headlines:
Military Action in the Eruhani Ocean: The first aerocarriers of the expeditionary force sent to quell the insurrection in Lazarastra are touching down and establishing forward bases even now in the land recently abandoned by Nohvrakishnaplermta to the west of the colony. Early reports confirm no evidence of any survivors following Nohvrakishnaplermta's decision to bombard its own outpost, which had evidently fallen into the hands of an outside power. Dwight Alabaster was on one of the first aerocarriers and will be bringing us live reports from the frontline as the campaign progresses.
Military Means Money: shares in Rhanukhan ArmaTech increased in value again today amid rumours that the company has secured a major military contract involving an as yet unannounced initiative known only as "Project: Golden Crescent". Speculation among military enthusiasts about the new project is rife.
...and United in Grief: we talk to the families of two students - Kevin Duvetcover and Paul Spork - found murdered together at Paul's home in Loidisuria by his parents this afternoon. Evidence suggests that the two of them disturbed an armed burglar who stole computer equipment. Provincial Law Enforcement are investigating.
All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
Woohooh! Helloooo and welcome viewers - this is Sophie Futon, live from Lazarastra!
The number of Lazarastran citizens increased again today with the arrival of refugees fleeing an attack on the Nohvrakishnaplermtan's Alpha Outpost in the west.
(Image of weary and battered Glerican and Nohvrakishnaplermtan refugees at the border being led to safety by Lazarastran armed forces - several refugees clearly display the increasingly common yellow skintone)
Given the appearance, just hours ago, of Rhanukhani armed forces on our western border (Fuzzy long range shot of Rhanukhani aerocarriers setting down) I think we can all safely draw the conclusion that our corrupt founders are showing their true colours! (artist's impression of Rhanukhani aircraft assaulting Alpha Outpost)
Welcoming the refugees, Her Beloved Majesty, Queen Lucy denounced the unprovoked Rhanukhani assault on our neighbours and called upon our allies in the Khigastujami Alliance and all other freedom-loving, friendly nations to take up arms against the oppressive Rhanukhani regime.
(Footage of Queen Lucy's speech)
Her Beloved Majesty has already dispatched an armed response to the threat on our western border, including an amphibious force to take up a flanking position on the northern shores of the Isle of Tantrum. Expect reports of a successful conclusion to its mission in the near future!
(As is clearly developing into a common trend with Lazarastran broadcasts, another montage of images of yellow-skinned Lazarastran soldiers, sailors, and airmen in their fine, new, yellow uniforms proudly displaying their hardware)
All hail her Beloved Majesty! Stay tuned people - this is Sophie Futon, signing off!
Sophie Futon, Royal Lazarastran News Network (Lazarastra - 20:22, 25/01/08)
Meanwhile, out in the Eruhani Ocean…
Captain McLovin is standing on the bridge of the ship. He is observing the actions of the men in the room. He can also see, through the bridge's windows, that the sea is quite calm. The weather, he thinks, has been very good lately in this part of the Eruhani Ocean.
The bridge's communication buzzer sounds. The First Officer, Commander Brain Gerdell, responds. The Captain can hear what his First Officer is saying, and what the radar operator on the other end of the line is saying as well.
"This is the First Officer. What do you have to report?"
"This is Ensign Paumedle, operating the radar. I have picked up an object approx. 11 miles approx. north of our position, bearing 010. Profile suggests it is a Nohvrakishnaplermtan cargo ship."
"Information received. Keep watching the radar." replies the First Officer, and he returns the comm to its holder.
The Captain starts talking to the First Officer, "The reporter was sent away on a cargo ship, along with a crew of 20 sailors. We may have found what we've been looking for."
The buzzer sounds again. The Captain answers.
"This is the Captain. Report!"
"Sir, this is Ensign Paumedle. I'd initiated a longer-range scan of the area around the ship, and I've detected a Rhanukhani ship on an intercept course with the cargo ship! They are 7 miles north of the ship!"
"Understood." replies the Captain, and he puts the comm in its holder.
The Captain turns and barks his orders, "Helm, set course bearing 010. Flank speed ahead!"
He turns to the First Officer, "Tell the engine room to give it all they've got. The Phoenix is faster than most Rhanukhani ships, and I intend to beat them to the reporter!"
"Sir," replies the First Officer, "what if we both get there at the same time? What if no-one is able to get away with Matthews?"
"Well," replies the Captain, "we'll have a hell of a diplomatic crisis on our hands."
Radar confirms presence of an unaccounted-for Nohvrakishnaplermtan vessel. Agent Spicerack of the RNSA believes this could be the ship carrying the fugitive, Gabriel Matthews, and on her advice, we have moved to intercept. We have, however, received reports from long range radar that a second vessel, tentatively identified as the NDRNS Phoenix, which is known to be operating in the area, is also closing fast from the south. Our engines are at full speed, but there is a strong possibility that we will have a direct encounter - I need orders in case of this event!
In Mianertograditojikayhan, Kermorvan Liquid Fruit (KLF) applies for a patent for "a method to achieve fractional distillation of liquid Musa mutantia". Musa mutantia being the official name given to the Banana by their scientists. The patent describes a process of rapidly evaporating the banana under great heat, then slowly cooling the resultant steam to form various liquids and gases. Substances that can be refined include:- a high energy fuel that could be used to power vehicles, a sweet, intoxicating beverage, a spongy, malleable high explosive, and a foul-smelling glue that only bonds to skin.
Kermorvan Liquid Fruit would like to announce that we have succeeded in extracting a number of exploitable products from crude Banana. We understand that several other nations have researched crude Banana and concluded that it is a danger to human health. We understand these concerns, and so we intend to hold an international conference of leading experts in order to silence... err.. address these issues.
We will not be rushing the product to market, and you won't, for example, see enormous oil tankers docked outside, filling up with crude Banana [DEAFENING FOG HORN] ...ahem... sorry, had a curry at lunchtime...
While some elements of the press may have speculated that we would use Mianertograditojikayhan's well-established narcotics smuggling network to distribute our wares, I can assure the public that we would never consider using such a well-hidden, untraceable, efficient, cost-effective and largely illegal system.
In light of ongoing events, Prime Minister Evan Backshawduster of Nohvrakishnaplermta approves the conscription of a significant percentage of the male population into the armed forces despite strong public opinion against such a move. By the end of the day protests have devolved into riots and opposition politicians are quickly taking advantage of the opportunity to further their own careers by demanding a snap election.
As predicted by Captain Fridge-Freezer, the RSS Honest Labour and NDRNS Phoenix reached the Nohvrakishnaplermtan cargo vessel essentially simultaneously. Whilst both vessels manoeuvred and made threatening gestures to each other I seized the opportunity to board the Nohvrakishnaplermtan cargo vessel, apprehend Matthews, and retrieve the data in his possession. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one with this idea. I encountered three Nohvrakishnaplermtan agents, who had already acquired Matthews and the data, and was forced to stand down and watch them return to the NDRNS Phoenix with their prize.
My original report ended here with my unfortunate failure; however, I can now update this with an unexpected sequence of events that followed next.
Within two minutes of the Nohvrakishnaplermtan vessels pulling away and my own original brief report being transmitted there was a disturbance approximately one hundred metres to the portside of the NDRNS Phoenix and a submarine - painted in a bright yellow livery - surfaced. I've studied the markings of vessels belonging to all Sargvilosahnah's navies and this was completely unknown to me. I personally suspect, based on recent images of the rebel Lazarastran military units, that the vessel hails from our colony, but this is pure speculation on my part, and I can think of no reason for the submarine's actions if indeed, it was following the orders of "Queen Lucy".
The mystery submarine showed no evidence of communicating with either of the Nohvrakishnaplermtan vessels and, before the NDRNS Phoenix could bring its guns to bear, torpedoed it! There were two explosions and the NDRNS Phoenix capsized and sank rapidly while the mystery submarine turned its attentions to the Nohvrakishnaplermtan cargo vessel, inflicting similar damage. Captain Fridge-Freezer, believing we would be next, ordered the RSS Honest Labour to open fire on the mystery submarine, but before any shots connected, the curious yellow vessel descended once again and disappeared.
It is clear that Nohvrakishnaplermta lost many seamen during this incident, however, we have retrieved a number of survivors from both vessels - many in need of medical attention - and are sailing at full speed back to Rhanukhan where both they and the crew of the RSS Honest Labour will be fully debriefed.
I will report back confirming whether Matthews and the missing data are among the survivors.
Agent Delores Spicerack out.
The Nohvrakishnaplermtan government, for all its strong language over the last few days, now finds itself in an awkward position, thanking the Rhanukhanis for saving their sailors. The Rhanukhanis respond with good grace, promising the swift return of their personnel, once it has been confirmed that Gabriel Matthews and the missing data aren’t among them.
The riots in Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia have led to the military staging a coup and resulted in the implementation of martial law and a curfew. Mobilisation of forces beyond what would be needed to keep the population in line leads to speculation that something much bigger is being planned.
A Niahvogalese fighter squadron on patrol discovers the Lazarastran unit deployed on The Isle of Tantrum to outflank the Rhanukhani expeditionary force. Calling in a nearby ship to assist, a few strafing runs and missiles wipe the unit out.
The Rhanukhani liberation of Lazarastra commences, though reports from both sides are contradictory...
Helloooo and good evening viewers - this is Sophie Futon, live from Lazarastra!
Today saw the first military action between the proud and mighty warriors of Lazarastra - yay! - and the pitiful armed forces of Rhanukhan - booo!
(Footage of yellow skinned Lazarastran troops firing on Rhanukhani soldiers)
As predicted, our brave men and women soon had the cowardly Rhanukhani forces on the run and pursued them back over our western border. An easy victory was in sight with a second force of our proud soldiers preparing to sweep in from the Isle of Tantrum and erase the stain of Rhanukhan from the Eruhani Ocean. But then! Then the treacherous, cowardly Rhanukhanis sank to a new depth, calling in allies from the accursed Niahvogalese Federation *spit* to fight their battle for them!!!
Aircraft and ships from the Niahvogalese fleets currently entering the Eruhani Ocean launched a cowardly long-range surprise attack on our valiant Lazarastran soldiers on the Isle of Tantrum, wiping them out to a man! But not without cost to themselves... one of the foolish pilots flew too far into the yellow fog the Great Banana has blessed the area with and learned the hard way what becomes of such aircraft! Woohooh!
(Image switches to Queen Lucy, sat on her new throne, still wearing her figure-hugging floor length yellow dress, and also wearing a stern expression.)
Her Beloved Majesty, Queen Lucy was quick to condemn the craven actions of the accursed Niahvogalese military and promised swift and decisive retaliation if they choose to continue in their course of aiding the Rhanukhani invasion of our sovereign nation.
(As usual, a montage of images of yellow-skinned Lazarastran soldiers, sailors, and airmen in their fine, new, yellow uniforms proudly displaying their hardware, though with more than a hint of menace than previously)
All hail her Beloved Majesty! Stay tuned people - this is Sophie Futon, signing off!
Sophie Futon, Royal Lazarastran News Network (Lazarastra - 22:30, 28/01/08)
(Image of Dwight Alabaster inside a large, sealed tent, holding out the yellow fog. Rhanukhani personnel can be seen in the background being checked for banalite contamination)
I'm here today at the newly established forward base in Lazarastra and what a day it's been! Yes viewers, today was the first step towards liberating our colony from the oppressive reign of the self-appointed "Queen Lucy". Today was a day of victory for our bold Rhanukhani military!
General Sebastian Gravyboat - a decorated hero of several campaigns - is in command here in Lazarastra and I'll be bringing you an interview with him later, but first let me report on today's exciting events...
(Footage of various engagements between Rhanukhani and Lazarastran forces)
The battle began with tactical airstrikes from FS40 "Warhawk" fighter-bombers belonging to the Khunate Air Fleet against key Lazarastran positions. This was followed by mechanised divisions sweeping across the border onto Lazarastran soil. Firefights erupted up and down the border, but our brave boys and girls pushed on, forcing the Lazarastran troops to fall back again and again.
The only cause for concern was an anticipated attack from a Lazarastran amphibious strike force, which had been observed setting up camp on the Isle of Tantrum. The ever-present thick, yellow fog had made it impossible to estimate the size of this group, forcing General Gravyboat to hold back a large reserve to counter their expected assault.
This attack, however, never came as signs of heavy fighting could be seen over on the shores of the Isle of Tantrum. I have since learned that the Niahvogalese navy have taken up positions around the island and also Jilted Atoll further to the west with the intention of claiming those lands in the name of their nation. Evidently, they didn't take kindly to finding the Lazarastrans occupying their new territory and opted to remove them with extreme prejudice! No doubt we'll be seeing a response from "Queen Lucy" soon enough!
(Hazy long-range footage of flashes in the yellow fog across the sea)
And now, as promised, my first interview with General Sebastian Gravyboat on this great day for Rhanukhan...
Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Rhanukhani Expeditionary Force Forward Base, Lazarastra - 22:55, 28/01/08)
In other news, the space shuttle, Diligence, docks with the Rhanukhani State Space Station in order to determine the cause of its month-long silence.
The contradictory nature of reports coming out of Lazarastra have various international governments concerned, though the Rhanukhanis continue to reassure them that they have the situation in hand, blaming the disruptive nature of the yellow fog for such things as foreign satellite observations implying anything other than Rhanukhani success against the colony’s forces.
Following yesterday's successful docking with the Rhanukhani State Space Station, the crew of the shuttle, Diligence, were able to board and ascertain that everything is fine. It appears that loss of communication was a result of a million-to-one technical failure taking out not only the station's main communications system, but also all the back-ups.
Scientists involved in the Rhanukhani Space Program here in Astahni state that this is extremely unusual and unlikely to occur again. A second shuttle, Dedication, will be ferrying up the necessary crew and parts to initiate repairs later this week.
In the meantime, the two intrepid "Bananauts", Charles "Buzz" Mantlepiece and Malcolm "Buzz" Soupspoon, will be coming home to Rhanukhan aboard the Diligence when she returns in the next couple of days.
We'll bring you more on this story as it happens.
Jonathan Spatula, Rhanukhani State News Network (Astahni - 13:53, 30/01/08)
Good evening viewers. The time is 12 o' clock and I'm Trent Butterknife. Tonight's headlines:
Action in Lazarastra: Dwight Alabaster brings us the latest front-line reports from the liberation of the new colony.
ArmaTech Shares Skyrocket: Frenzied buying gripped the Stock Exchange today following Rhanukhani ArmaTech's buy-out of RhanuGen - the firm famous for reproducing clones of people's dead pets. Apparently the two firms had been in negotiations since RhanuGen's news of a cloning breakthrough last month, announcing their spectacular new ability to grow any animal from single cell to full adult in just four weeks. No-one is sure what the country's leading arms manufacturer wants with the cloning concern but everyone's sure of big things and the smart investors have been getting in at the start. Wendy Collander has the full report later in the program.
In other news, the Nohvrakishnaplermtan personnel rescued following a devastating attack on two vessels in the Eruhani Ocean are being returned to their nation today following medical treatment and debriefing by our own fine military. In a connected story, the fugitive journalist, Gabriel Matthews - wanted on espionage charges and believed to have been present during the incident - has been declared missing and is presumed dead. The Rhanukhan National Security Agency is stepping down the search.
And finally: Coming Home - the two intrepid "Bananauts", Charles "Buzz" Mantlepiece and Malcolm "Buzz" Soupspoon, the first Rhanukhani workers to set foot on the infamous "Banana" have boarded the shuttle, Diligence, within the last half hour and will be making their return journey shortly. Jonathan Spatula will be bringing us live updates from the Stars Reach Space Centre in Astahni throughout the night.
All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
A few hours later, Jonathan’s coverage of the shuttle flight proves more dramatic than anticipated...
Tragedy struck the Rhanukhani Space Program today when the shuttle, Diligence, returning from a flight to the Rhanukhani State Space Station, disintegrated over the Western Highlands of Rhanukhan - just minutes before its scheduled landing at the Stars Reach Space Centre in Astahni. The explosion was clearly visible throughout Harghattoria, Khunares and Illukhalla.
Amomgst the crew, the two intrepid "Bananauts", Charles "Buzz" Mantlepiece and Malcolm "Buzz" Soupspoon, the first Rhanukhani workers to set foot on the infamous "Banana".
The families of the lost astronauts have all been informed and RSP officials vowed they would find the cause of the disaster, but stated also that this setback would not prevent the launch of a second shuttle, Dedication, carrying essential communications equipment to the Space Station later this week.
His Resplendence, the Supreme Chairman will be addressing the nation with regards to this tragic event shortly.
More on this story as it develops.
Jonathan Spatula, Rhanukhani State News Network (Astahni - 20:49, 31/01/08)
Reporting on the Lazarastran liberation continues to be open to interpretation...
Wooh! Helloooo and good evening viewers - this is Sophie Futon, live from Lazarastra!
The battle with the Rhanukhani invaders attempting to cross our western border continues today, but our bold military continue to keep the enemy at bay! Woohooh!
(Footage of yellow-skinned Lazarastran troops firing on Rhanukhani soldiers)
In unrelated news, the populations of the new settlements to the west of our capital were evacuated to refugee camps in the east, following warnings from top scientists of unexpected imminent geological upheaval in the area. Naturally, Her Beloved Majesty's first concern was for her people and she spared no effort in ensuring the rapid removal and transport of so many citizens.
(Image of truckloads of shocked, yellow-skinned Lazarastrans thundering down the road.)
Her Beloved Majesty, Queen Lucy, made a personal and heartfelt address to all those Lazarastran citizens whose lives have been disrupted by the actions of our corrupt former overlords and promised that as long as breath remained in Lazarastran chests then no Rhanukhani invader would stand on our soil.
(As usual, a montage of images of yellow-skinned Lazarastran soldiers, sailors, and airmen in their fine, yellow uniforms proudly displaying their hardware.)
All hail her Beloved Majesty! Stay tuned people - this is Sophie Futon, signing off!
Sophie Futon, Royal Lazarastran News Network (Lazarastra - 21:11, 31/01/08)
(Image of Dwight Alabaster inside a large, sealed tent, holding out the yellow fog. Rhanukhani personnel can be seen in the background being checked for banalite contamination)
Good evening, viewers back home. I'm here today at the latest camp established in Lazarastra and can proudly announce that our brave boys and girls have already reclaimed the western settlements in the new colony. The Lazarastran's having given them up with little resistance. Concerns have been raised regarding the fate of those colonists who lived in this region, however, as signs suggest a mass evacuation prior to our arrival. Fears that "Queen Lucy" is planning to employ them as a human shield have yet to be realised, but it may only be a matter of time.
(Image of Rhanukhani armoured column moving into an empty town, the ever-present yellow fog swirling around)
(Image switches to one of General Gravyboat with other officers, planning strategy)
General Sebastian Gravyboat - leading the campaign - has been delighted with the results so far and confirmed that the liberation is going according to plan. We're expecting to be within sight of the provincial capital sometime in the next couple of days and you can expect full reports on all the action!
Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Rhanukhani Expeditionary Force Camp, Lazarastra - 21:25, 31/01/08)
Enigmatic fragmentary radio signals are picked up by Rhanukhani National Security Agency operatives attached to the expeditionary force...
......vasion is proceeding exac....................edule, your troo..............................ere within the next few days.
Yes, Pro..........................ept informed about these thi.............ave you prep..................ecimens for evac?
Indeed I have, Mr................amps are filled and we ....................rival of your extraction teams.
Excelle...............pect the first convoy to arrive tomor.....................ertain the yellow fog will prov..................dequate cover?
......es, we maintain cont.....................ain body of the clou..................arastra and will be ab..............irect it appropria.........
Even al......ay across Ahzekhteesi?
......ave my persona......surance, Mr......
Very wel......rofess...................aintain the prete........f thi.........ellion........ill get you out of there befor...........................eclaim the provincial capit......
...y thanks, Mr.......
[Signal lost]
Possibly inspired by events in Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia, and desirous of regaining control of their territory in the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan and preventing any further spread of the banalite virus, the Nohvrakishnaplermtan military stage a coup of their own, seizing control of that country. Field Marshall Adrian O'Conner announces that the previous government's decision to initiate conscription will be upheld, to the great disapproval of his audience. He clearly doesn't care.
The military government of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia is quick to express its approval of this change and declares support for the proposed blanket airborne bombing of the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan territories, describing Rhanukhan's current operations in the area as "a disaster in the making".
Rhanukhani Foreign Minister, Allistair Ballustrade, sends a telegram of congratulations to the new government of Nohvrakishnaplermta, though it is obvious that he's primarily concerned about the possibility of interference in the ongoing liberation of Lazarastra, which is still employing the abandoned Alpha Outpost as its main staging ground.
Reports from Lazarastra, regarding the liberation, continue to demonstrate the partisan nature that has come to define them since the outset...
(Image of Dwight Alabaster inside a large sealed tent, holding out the yellow fog. Rhanukhani personnel can be seen in the background being checked for banalite contamination)
Good evening viewers! The liberation of Lazarastra continues apace and our brave boys and girls are now poised to retake the provincial capital. It won't be long now before I'm reporting the successful capture of "Queen Lucy" and her treacherous lackeys!
(Image of Rhanukhani troops establishing camp, the ever present yellow fog swirling around, in the distance can be seen the edge of Lazarastra's provincial capital)
(Image switches to one of General Gravyboat with other officers, planning strategy)
A jubilant General Sebastian Gravyboat, leading the campaign, announced further successes against the secessionist forces on all fronts today, closing his speech with: "We've got them on the run, boys!"
And have we! In the face of the superior Rhanukhani military, the Lazarastran troops have constantly been on the back foot, making a fighting withdrawal towards the provincial capital and deserts in the east of the colony. Even with the limited air cover available due to ongoing concerns regarding the ever-present yellow fog, our brave boys and girls have achieved an exceptional degree of success! Earlier fears that "Queen Lucy" would employ the displaced colonists from the west as a human shield appear to have been unfounded and it has been assumed that these people are currently somewhere in the desert regions east of here.
Join me tomorrow for the first reports from within the provincial capital itself - I'm sure "Queen Lucy" will be watching and quaking in fear!
Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Rhanukhani Expeditionary Force Camp, Lazarastra - 18:37, 03/02/08)
Helloooo and good evening, viewers - this is Sophie Futon, live from Lazarastra! Woohooh!
The Rhanukhani invaders attempting to cross our western border just don't seem to be getting the message that they're not welcome and conflicts are ongoing today, but our bold military continue to keep the enemy at bay! Wooooh!
(Footage of yellow skinned Lazarastran troops firing on Rhanukhani soldiers)
In order to further improve the effectiveness of our mighty armed forces, however, Her Beloved Majesty has initiated a series of training exercises, simulating a successful invasion of central Lazarastra, so don't worry if you begin to hear sounds of rockets and gunfire close by, citizens - it's all just an exercise!
(Image of quite convincing looking mock Rhanukhani camps forming outside the capital.)
Once again, Her Beloved Majesty, Queen Lucy has made an address to all Lazarastran citizens, assuring them that no Rhanukhani invader would ever take back our freedom!
(As usual, a montage of images of yellow-skinned Lazarastran soldiers, sailors, and airmen in their fine, yellow uniforms proudly displaying their hardware.)
All hail her Beloved Majesty! Stay tuned people - this is Sophie Futon, signing off!
Sophie Futon, Royal Lazarastran News Network (Lazarastra - 18:47, 03/02/08)
Rhanukhani National Security Agency operatives attached to the expeditionary force continue to monitor fragmentary radio signals...
...en are you goin............et me out of here?! Almo...................onvoys are on the..............ack across Ahzekhteesi now! Yo.........oops are prac...........ocking dow..............ont door!
...alm down, Pro....................ere is still ti.....................ave my assura...................cessful extraction be...........eral Gravybo.....................en can get to..........
I.........eginning to wond...........ow much I can tru......................nces, Mr................... Perhaps I ....................urrender to the Gene.................pose all your pla......................ow!
...............................e most unwis........................sor, however, you are ri..................ould not do...................all into enemy ha..................ery well - you may expe.........................ction team first thi....................orning - be prepar.........
[Signal lost]
Investigations continue into what caused the space shuttle, Diligence, to spectacularly explode on its return journey from the Rhanukhani State Space Station, and a monument to the crew, to be erected at Stars Reach Space Centre in Astahni is announced.
Customs and Excise in Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia announces intercepting a huge shipment of liquid Musa mutantia from Mianertograditojikayhani corporation, Kermorvan Liquid Fruit, suggesting that many more such shipments are likely making their way across Sargvilosahnah. The GI Ministry of Defence states that a "robust response" is being planned.
In Rhanukhan, in a move that has workers reeling and the unions up in arms, Rhanukhani ArmaTech lays off almost all of RhanuGen's existing staff, following its spectacular buy-out of the firm a week prior. Moving in their own people merely adds to the rampant speculation surrounding Rhanukhani ArmaTech's interest in the cloning company.
Meteorologists report that the yellow smog that continues to blanket the Eruhani Ocean and former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan may be spreading, with evidence of it reaching into the deserts of southern Ahzekhteesi.
Later that evening, the armed forces of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia make good on the earlier threat of a "robust response" to Kermorvan Liquid Fruit's activities by launching a cruise missile, which - they announce - has destroyed a KLF factory. Mianertograditojikayhani media reports, however, indicate that the destroyed target was a medical production facility and adjoining hospital. The death toll is appalling. The Mianertograditojikayhani government wastes no time in condemning the "callous" attack and implements complete economic and trade sanctions against Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia, while encouraging other nations to do the same.
Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia’s missile attack has blown up in its own face...
MARKETS IN DISARRAY - NEW IDIOT TUMBLES
The National Bank of Mianertograditojikayhan plunged the currency markets into chaos today by dumping its entire stock of 880 billion New Idiots. Kermorvan Profitable Holdings immediately followed suit, and numerous other companies throughout Mianertograditojikayhan and Bazqophan also began selling. The government of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia initially tried to counter this run, but did not have the economic muscle to stabilise events and general disorder and panic spread as multinational companies moved their holding away from the New Idiot.
As trading closed this evening, the New Idiot was down 45% against the Runt, and showing similar losses against all other currencies. Analysts now fear a widespread recession in Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia.
IDIOT SPARK TO HIT THE BARREL?
The government of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia was under fire yesterday from political leaders after an attack, intended for the Kermorvan Liquid Fruit factory, in Mianertograditojikayhan actually struck a medicinal production plant and adjoining hospital, killing over 500 staff and civilians. Although no official response has come from the Mianertograditojikayhan government, many business and financial leaders (including many in Glerica) have dropped their New Idiot stock, which could possibly cause a recession in Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia.
Glerican leaders fear that this attack could cause an all-out war in the former Empire of Nerrekhvasukhan area, due to the high political tensions caused by events like Nohvrakishnaplermta's attack on a Glerican ship and various terrorist attacks on other nations in the area. These two nations are also not members of the Khigastujami Alliance, which could mean that a war between these two nations would spread, with other nations forced to "choose" a side. The Glerican government has already offered aid to Mianertograditojikayhan, as well as expressing its shock at this attack.
Citizens and workers of Rhanukhan, these are troubled times we live in. After many threats to the nations of Sargvilosahnah, the barbaric terrorist state of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia has finally backed its hateful words with action. It saddens me to inform you that, earlier this evening, the GI military launched a completely unprovoked missile attack against an unsuspecting medical production facility and hospital in the nation of Mianertograditojikayhan. The amoral cowards of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia have sunk to a new low today and their inexcusable actions cannot go unpunished.
As they have previously threatened Rhanukhani interests and now proven that they are willing to stoop to such levels as this, I have severed all diplomatic ties with these terrorists and recalled our ambassadors. In addition to this, all Rhanukhani business concerns have ceased trade with their GI counterparts and that nation’s imports are being turned back. A complete trade and economic embargo is now in effect and will remain so indefinitely.
We also received disturbing reports that our colony of Lazarastra, where so many hard working Rhanukhani colonists - members of your own families - are building a new life and where our brave military men and women - your sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers - are engaged in a liberation operation against the secessionists currently holding power, is also on the GI terrorists' "hit list". I send this warning - no, this promise - to the craven leaders of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia: Rhanukhan will not stand idly by and permit your despicable behaviour to continue. Any further threats against Lazarastra or any Rhanukhani interests will be met with an appropriately forceful response. You will find there are far worse things than losing trade with this great nation's many upstanding businesses!
I thank you, my people - you may return to your labour.
[Picture an attractive, smartly dressed newsreader with too much make-up, smiling at the camera, while grubby rescue workers carry bodies on stretchers in the background]
Dune Carolee reporting live from Elderbury, 20km south of Raspberry Fields, where yesterday's missile strike by Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia destroyed the Elderbury Medical Research Facility and St. Cammy's Hospital.
Fire-fighters working through the night finally extinguished the blaze in the early hours of the morning. Now rescuers have begun searching for survivors and removing the bodies of the dead. So far the death-toll stands at 1,943 - most of whom perished inside the hospital. The medical facility itself is still being searched as we speak. Survivors are being transferred to St. Dhalsim's hospital in central Raspberry Fields.
Elderbury Medical Research Facility was run by Kermorvan Industrial-Medical and was one of the sites conducting research into the Banalite virus. Dr. Pametra Timmering - one of the leading authorities on the virus - is known to be among the casualties. Her death is a great loss to the medical community. Investigators will try and piece together what, if anything, remains of her work.
This is Dune Carolee for Channel Zero Newz0r!
All this drama doesn’t distract from events unfolding in Lazarastra, however, and the Rhanukhani National Security Agency operatives attached to the expeditionary force are still attempting to interpret those enigmatic fragmentary radio signals...
Thi................raction Team Alp.........ickup was successful and undet............re returning to Rha.................ver.
[Signal lost]
News coverage of the ongoing liberation effort remains as contradictory as ever...
Good evening, viewers. The time is eight thirty and I'm Trent Butterknife. Tonight's headlines:
Things Hotting Up in Lazarastra: Dwight Alabaster brings us the latest front-line reports from the liberation of the new colony where the fighting has become street-to-street in the provincial capital.
Pemerktichotkhi Admits to Superweapon Development: The nation's leaders admit that the devastating explosion observed on the Isle of Lies last week was caused by an experimental Banana-based weapon system malfunctioning. Although they have denied plans for continued development, speculation is rife that the project has simply been driven further into secrecy.
Stock Market Chaos: Traders have been counting the cost following today's spectacular collapse of Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia's New Idiot. Luckily, with government support, the Rhanukhani economy escaped largely unscathed, with certain firms - notably Rhanukhani ArmaTech - even managing to profit from the crisis! Can anything touch Armatech Chairman, Constantine Malachite's incredible business success? Wendy Collander brings us the full report later in the programme.
And finally: Meteorologists warn that the Yellow Fog - which has been appearing in the deserts of southern Ahzekhteesi - is definitely headed this way, with the latest patches being sighted just a few miles from the border of our own Khulakhallan province.
All the news, sport and tomorrow's weather coming right after this break...
[Special Live Broadcast from Rhanukhani State News Network]
(Image of Dwight Alabaster inside a large sealed tent, holding out the yellow fog. Rhanukhani personnel can be seen in the background being checked for banalite contamination)
Hello and good evening, viewers! Welcome to the provincial capital of Lazarastra, where the liberation continues to rack up success after success! I'm reporting to you now from a position just one mile from the palace of "Queen Lucy" and her treacherous lackeys!
(Image of Rhanukhani troops in the streets of Lazarastra's provincial capital, firing on Lazarastran forces behind improvised barricades, the ever-present yellow fog swirling around)
Our troops currently hold approximately a quarter of the city and are steadily advancing, forcing the Lazarastrans to fall back constantly. Air cover has been sporadic at best as the yellow fog is thickest here over the city but occasional Rhanukhani fighter-bombers have been making it through to take out major concentrations of the rebels. Most unusual, however, is the rumour of a curiously silent "phantom helicopter" reportedly observed entering the city from the east and a second unmarked helicopter - or perhaps the same one - later heading back in that direction. Radar records for the area are unreliable due to the disruptive properties of the yellow fog and military officials are keen to downplay the significance of these sightings with no hard evidence to back them up.
(Image switches to one of General Gravyboat with other officers, planning strategy)
General Sebastian Gravyboat, leading the campaign, believes that our brave boys and girls will have secured the city and the self-appointed "queen" within the next 24 hours, after which we can expect the remaining Lazarastran armed forces to stand down and surrender, returning the colony to Rhanukhani control.
Dwight Alabaster, Rhanukhani State News Network (Rhanukhani Expeditionary Force Camp, Lazarastra - 18:37, 04/02/08)
(Shaky camera footage of Sophie Futon in the streets of Lazarastra, evidence of combat taking place not too far behind her)
um... Hello and good evening, viewers - this is Sophie Futon, live from Lazarastra! er... woohooh!
The ah... military exercises continue today with simulated - (explosion erupts from side street in the distance, a few Lazarastran troops sprint away across the junction and out of sight) um... street fighting... and... er... (machine gun fire can be heard) um... quick - run the video!
(Footage of yellow-skinned Lazarastran troops firing on convincingly equipped mock Rhanukhani soldiers)
As you can see our, ah... bold troops are prepared for anything the, um... Rhanukhani oppress... oh... my... what is that?!
(Footage reverts to shaky camera in the street, very convincing mock Rhanukhani APCs are thundering towards Sophie's position)
Quickly now!... er... Her Beloved Majesty, Queen Lucy, made an address to all Lazarastran citizens earlier today through her spokesman at the palace, assuring them that no Rhanukhani would ever set foot in Lazarastra and she would stand proudly beside her subjects as they faced down the invaders!
(As usual, a montage of images of yellow-skinned Lazarastran soldiers, sailors, and airmen in their fine, yellow uniforms proudly displaying their hardware.)
All hail her Beloved Majesty! erm... Stay tuned people - this is (huge explosion nearby, glass showers down from windows) - ah, forget i... (signal dissolves in static)
Sophie Futon, Royal Lazarastran News Network (Lazarastra - 21:28, 04/02/08)
