by Max Barry

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by The Commonwealth of The Saint James Islands. . 84 reads.

CBSI Report: State of the Democratic Socialist Assembly

Regions of the DSA as defined by the Commonwealth Bureau of Security and Intelligence

The Commonwealth Bureau of Security and Intelligence, famous for their World Factbook and sadistic sense of humour, has posted its biannual report on the state of the DSA, both in the realms of security and politics. The report as tabled before l'Assemblâ Naçonal by Minister of Defence Martin Jacova is below.

Andurean Sea Region

Nations covered: Aeoliland, Free Canary Islands, New Andureo, Nydaria, Ritchardville, Tomes, the United Low Countries
  • Leadership in Preface celebrate "secant plate" in Minister of "Pole Clay" election. CBSI remains puzzled.

  • Ritchardville officials still preparing to found The WA Delegate of Ritchardville III.

    East Continent Region

    Nations covered: Kujan-Bulak, Marijuanalahara, Mettia
  • Leadership in Vapobongpipensmokhen still high. Nothing else to report.

    East Sea Region

    Nations covered: Arcomo, Daishama, Herrebrugh, New Bazlantis, Xingal
  • Deposed King Jozef III "thinking about taking up hunting." Commissariat yet to respond.

  • Pretty unicorns spotted puking up rainbows in Daishama; unicorns managed to evade capture by CBSI.

    Greater Terlibe

    Nations covered: Giraffe Republics, Pays de Paix, Teriyaki-Barbecue Chicken Wings, Terlibe
  • Teriyaki-Barbecue Chicken Wing exports continuing as normal, despite declining giraffe populations.

  • Pays de Paix and Terlibe remain at war. Terlibian President Theodore Franklin last seen in Brightsea, Gervase, "enjoying the view."

    Grolschian Bight Region

    Nations covered: Horgr, Huntertopia, Kandorith, Kiptoke, Ruselia, Sarameui
  • Kiptokian leaders have lost their marbles. A complete search of the Kiptokian National Congress chamber is underway.

  • Kandorese Emperor still divine; CBSI still bored.

  • Ambassadors from Horgr and Transalpine Republic caught snogging in the men's toilet of the DSA Congress building.

    Meridian North Region

    Nations covered: Arahu, Epicion, Javandria, Lemur Isles, Sodankyla
  • Epicion's Emperor still trying to convince himself that it's all a dream.

  • Sodankylan phone books smelling of urine; overturned litter boxes strewn across the nation.

    Meridian South Region

    Nations covered: Fishing Boat Proceeds, Gervase, Grobladonia, Karu Islands, Pisces Meridian, the Saint James Islands, United Federation of Canada
  • Three humans found bound and gagged in a janitorial closet in the People's Assembly building in Groblaburg.

  • Chester Pearson's mouth still the size of Serinago.

  • Prime Minister Hennessey asks Gervasians "can't we just share" Chamangol before being laughed off the phone line.

    North Sea Region

    Nations covered: Banished Zone, Caravaggio, Europaea, Royal Usha, Sariterres, Verince
  • Royal Usha still ridiculously big.

    Opalaline Sea Region

    Nations covered: Capitol of the DSA, Crito313, Fyrossarian, Haltari, Hot Skitty on Wailord Action, Jotunland, Laevendell, Liossalde, Opalaland, Ratateague, Rutannia
  • People of Jotunland freaking out as nation descends into anarchy; bush fires still being put out.

  • Hot Skitty on Wailord Action still incapable of doing anything.

    Sea of Owls Region

    Nations covered: Corujea, Marxhaven, the Remean Lordship, South Jarvis
  • Owlbears sighting in the forests of Corujea. Only two CBSI agents escape; rest hugged to death.

    Suceavijan Commonwealth of Nations

    Nations covered: Cluj Napocea, Djubrovnikov, Onirianc, Suceavija, Vlazniczek, Zolkorovanka
  • Benevolent Dictator for Life still certifiably insane, insists that saki monkey is foreign minister.

    West Continent Region

    Nations covered: Fridathebulldog, Gallifrax
  • CBSI agents get lost at sea attempting to approach Gallifrax coast; cause unknown.

  • RawReport