GBI-1: The GeneTech Banana Infantryman - Type 1

Feb 10 2008AU, 10:07 PM
[Rhanukhan GeneTech (a subsidiary of Malachite Evolving Enterprises) Product Launch, Constantine Malachite, chairman of MEE, addresses leading Rhanukhani military officials, prominent businessmen and women, journalists, and the usual assortment of celebrities trying to grab a few column inches.]

*Constantine Malachite steps out onto the stage in front of a big presentation screen. He has become a figure of great respect over recent months and the hubbub of the audience dies down swiftly as he casts his gaze across them*

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to a new era!"

*The big presentation screen lights up, displaying a montage of footage of military operations*

"In these dangerous times, war and conflict are becoming increasingly common. Our own brave troops have just recently achieved a phenomenal success in Lazarastra and even now have to be prepared for more danger with threats rising from terrorist states like Gamiatianekan Idiokrahtia. Our armed forces are certainly brave and resourceful, ever ready to sacrifice themselves for the good of Rhanukhan, but they are still human beings... with human failings... families who will be devastated if they fall to the sniper's bullet... equipment that must be bought and wages that must be paid..."

*comical wink towards the accountants in the audience, a chuckle goes up*

"But, what if your soldiers and sailors and airmen weren't hampered by these problems? What if your personnel didn't need expensive body armour, because their skin was naturally bulletproof? What if they obeyed your every order and never asked for payment in return, no matter the task? And, what if your troops were capable of continually recruiting new colleagues in the field? Comrades who shared their ideals and followed the same orders and also never asked for anything in return?"

*Audience beginning to lean forward with interest*

"Where could you possibly hope to recruit such a force? This dream army?"

"I can tell you where!"

*Constantine pauses for dramatic effect, a couple of voices can be heard whispering "Where?" in the ensuing silence*

"GeneTech - Rhanukhan's leading genetic research concern - can now bring you..."

*footage cuts to GeneTech logo above the words "Project: Golden Crescent" and a cloud of dry ice swirls across the stage behind Constantine. The sound of marching feet can be heard getting louder*

"...the GBI-1!"

*Constantine steps aside with a flourish of his arm. From the swirling dry ice cloud a yellow, genderless, naked, humanoid figure with tough, reinforced, yet totally flexible skin steps forward. As the mist settles down the audience can see it is one of a hundred identical figures, brandishing heavy assault rifles and marching on the spot in perfect synchronicity.*

"The GeneTech Banana Infantryman - Type 1 is the future of war, ladies and gentlemen!"

*The audience erupts into thunderous applause, drowning out the continuing sound of the marching GBI-1s. Constantine stands upon the stage soaking it all up for a couple of minutes before gesturing for silence, with a single word he commands the GBI-1s to cease their march and come to attention.*

"The GBI-1 is superior to the standard human serviceman in every way. It can be trained for any profession in the army, navy, air fleet, or orbital defence force."

"We take great pride in our intense combat education and training programs."

*Footage of a parade ground, huge numbers of GBI-1s are marching and drilling in flawless formation*

"This group was brought up to current standards in just three days!"

*Murmurs of "Impossible!" and "Amazing!" can be heard from the audience*

"Its skin is as flexible as your own yet can resist intense heat or cold, severe impact damage... even..."

*Constantine produces a pistol from his inside pocket, causing security guards across the room to reach for their own weapons and swiftly position themselves in front of their charges. Constantine adopts a mock innocent expression, as if it had never occurred to him that his display would generate such a response. He then chuckles and points his weapon directly at the nearest GBI-1 and fires, hitting the yellow figure in the head and sending it sprawling.*

"...even bullets! How many of your personnel can make that boast? Hmm?"

*The floored GBI-1 stands and retakes its position among its comrades, a dark bruise showing on the side of its smooth head. The audience applauds again.*

"A new adult GBI-1 can be grown from scratch - thanks to our patented growth acceleration process - in just four weeks, ladies and gentlemen, and you'll find they are totally obedient, taking any order without question. Yet, unlike a machine, the GBI-1 maintains a level of creative thought similar to that of your current, old-fashioned, human serviceman!"

*The screen shows the interior of a huge GeneTech factory, tanks containing embryonic GBI-1s fill the walls, maturing yellow figures can also be observed undergoing rigorous training to ensure peak physical development before being given specific training appropriate to their future function within the military. Inspectors in white lab coats are seen everywhere, ensuring the process runs smoothly.*

"But this isn't the only way to fill your ranks with GBI-1s, ladies and gentlemen - oh no! Once your initial order of GBI-1s arrives, some of you may be lucky enough to find you never need to place another order again!"

*The audience, particularly the accountants, perks up at this suggestion*

"One of the GBI-1's most innovative features is its ability to pass its own genetic structure into a regular human target, usually through a bite although there is also a secondary delivery system available."

*At this cue the GBI-1s on stage all grin, exposing rows of razor sharp teeth. The screen begins to show an animated diagram of the transfer process.*

"Contained in the salivary glands of the GBI-1 is a complex organic chemical we call CBV301, developed by our head scientist, Professor Beatrice Wardrobe - who sadly can't be with us tonight - which shares many genetic traits with the GBI-1 itself. Once admitted into the bloodstream of a victim, it swiftly attacks the nervous system and progresses rapidly to the brain where it erases the higher brain functions, supplanting them with a copy of the GBI-1's current instructions and training. Et voila - instant loyal new trooper! Over the course of the following 24 hours the CBV301 reworks the rest of its target's body, enhancing bone, muscle, organs, and of course, the signature yellow skin - creating a brand new GBI-1! Our free gift to you - GeneTech's valued customer!"

"And speaking of customers, it gives me great pleasure to announce that the first batch of GBI-1s is, as I speak, being shipped to army bases in Rhanukhan and the new colony of Lazarastra! One million, seven hundred thousand units are boarding Aerocarriers and APCs and preparing for their first missions - defending your freedom, your families... and your bank balance!"

*audience laughs and erupts into a standing ovation. Constantine nods at the lead GBI-1 and the squad begins marching on the spot again, adding to the thunderous applause as Malachite Evolving Enterprises' chairman opens his arms wide and receives the adulation*