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Dispatch → Factbook → Trivia
Farting Country's Farting Records
Longest fart: 9 minutes 11.8 seconds, by Debbie Blatzburg. This beat the previous record of 9 minutes 11.2 seconds, held by Ernest Head. Head committed suicide upon learning his record had been beaten.Loudest fart: 134 decibels, by Melvin McBeef. One observer, a small child brought to the event by his parents, was deafened as a result. He later committed suicide.
Hottest fart: 245 degrees fahrenheit (118 degrees celsius), by Ricardo "Flamethrower" Velasquez. Velasquez suffered numerous injuries in the attempt, including anal and rectal tears and severe burns. He required skin grafts and must maintain a mostly-liquid diet to prevent re-injuring himself. The city of Windbreak, where Velasquez broke the record, honors him with a small party every year.
Deadliest fart: On August 8, 2007, 76-year-old Norma "Pig" Paisley suffered extreme gas while in a crowded elevator. Everyone else in the elevator began suffering severe illness, with several people collapsing to the floor. Three people died of asphyxiating on their own vomit. Another man, 91-year-old Clarence Earp, passed out just as the elevator doors opened. He collapsed in such a way that, when the elevator doors shut, his neck was trapped between them. When the elevator set off again, he was decapitated. In addition, 4-year-old Kayla McAllister was rendered quadriplegic after smashing her skull on the ground; her parents later committed suicide when they couldn't afford the medical bills.