by Max Barry

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by The Borderlands of The Front Range. . 167 reads.

TFRís US Presidential Campaign for 2024

TFRís 2024 United States Presidential Campaign

Hi, Iím Saul Goodman The Front Range, also known as TFR (get out of my sight The free romanians, you are TESE), and I am currently campaigning 2 years early for the position of president in the United States. Why? Because I can, and until the FBI busts open my front door, I will continue to campaign

My campaign promises are as follows:

National Fat Day
Thereís nothing more that Americans love than indulging in fast food, and thatís a central philosophy for my campaign. I will established National Fat Day, a day honoring the overweight, obese, and morbidly obese, who dedicate their lives to the calorie consuming craft. For these people, fast food will be free for the day, and for everyone else, 50% off, guaranteed, by me.

Nuking of Russia and China
Ever heard of Operation Dropshot? Yeah, Iím gonna force the Air Force to do it at metaphorical gun point, to both Russia and China. So many planes that itíll look like a BTD6 battle on Round 500. This is mainly to prevent them from annoying the absolute crap out of me and my capitalist empire inconveniencing the United States and allies.

Cracking down on Gerrymandering
Gerrymandering is a political problem that affects the integrity of US election results, as the district borders are drown to benefit one party. Solution? Establishing a one man dictatorship with myself at its center. This is not desirable, but a corrupt dictatorship is more desirable than a corrupt democracy.

Liberating Canada
In order to improve the US economy, I propose we ďliberateĒ (take over) and incorporating its own economy into the US economy. Trust me, I hired several economist to calculate if this would help the US economy (totally not extorted into writing false reports) and they said it would. The Canadians deserve it anyway after 1814.

Gun Rights

Chicken Wages
Under my administration, the US currency will officially be changed to chicken, with tenders, legs and thighs being the new bills, and with nuggets and popcorn chicken being coins. Patties will replace checks, and strips will replace cards