By: Owunin of Zaan, guildsman of the Rhonragh Merchant’s Guild
Going to the Tytharic State? Going near the Tytharic State? If so, you must be terribly insane, but insane or no, I am happy to make coin off you! Within this pamphlet you’ll find all the information you’ll need to hopefully make it back out of that place.
The Tytharians are our lovely psychotic neighbors to the north, who appeared basically out of thin air ninety or so years ago by the conquest of Tythar the Terrible (Don't call him that over there though) over the Queendom of Alakhyr and have been raiding and enslaving everyone nearby since. They are a militaristic theocracy which worships one god, or two, or three, or four, I really can't tell. They are a nation of violent sodomites who see women as literal demons and anything that could be construed as fun as the spawn of demons. Their cities are built for efficiency and defense and their clothes are tailored for sturdiness and practicality, though there is a stark beauty to it all if you look closely enough. They believe it is their sacred mission to "subdue" every woman and take over the world to that the apocalypse will come. Nutjobs.
IN CASE OF CAPTURE
IF YOU ARE A MAN:
Tytharians actually prefer not to kill men, seeing male heathens as lost cousins and potential converts, instead they’ll enslave you have you work on some public work or mine or farm or something while priests bellow religious-talk from high places for a year or few where you’re then sent to a temple to be indoctrinated properly and turned a loyal freedman. They will kill you if pressed though, let us not forget the Slaughter at Tyarah-Fa.
If you’re hot they’ll just rape you. Tytharians might seem like joyless drones but they have the same soldierly lust, just for men instead of women, and to a people as ignorant and unworldly as the Tytharians, any foreigner is inherently exotic, which all the interest that comes with. Good news though, because of some weird religious reason any man violated by a Paladin of Arkhos gets to skip the slavery step and go straight to a temple to be brainwashed by a priest into becoming a good little Tytharian to the point of thanking their rapists for “putting them the rightful path” or some other crazy nonsense.
If you’re a man and you think the Tytharians will capture you, I recommend suicide.
IF YOU ARE A WOMAN:
Many cultures have unfavorable views of women or have strict rules on what it means to be a woman or what a woman can do, but none of these cultures actually hate women, well, none except the Tytharians. If you are a female, they hate you. Period. To the small Tytharian mind, a woman is an embodiment of evil and can only do harm and are quite literally a “necessary evil.” Get lippy and/or violent and they’ll burn you alive, touch a soldier’s skin and they’ll have a meltdown and hack you to pieces, behave and you’ll be wearing a heavy black sheet over yourself 24/7 with a little mesh in the eye-area so you can see, while performing slave labor until your body or mind just give out and you keel over and get used for fertilizer. But hey, there is precisely a 0% percent chance of being raped, which is more than can be said for any other nation, especially those Qawafa’a Fertility Cultists.
If you’re a woman and you think the Tytharians will capture you, I recommend suicide.
One small saving grace the Tytharians have, is their lack of racism or cultural chauvinism, The Tytharian State is a religion with a state, not a state with a religion, you will note the land they occupy isn’t called Tytharia, because Tytharia is not a place, it’s a religion, the land itself is called Alakhyr. The Tytharians follow Arkhos and the Father before they follow any certain tribe or nation, the Tytharian Military and Priesthood are both to thank for this. The military goes in and slaughters and enslaves and then the priesthood goes and takes great pains to obliterate the conquered culture, ritually burning all their literature and clergymen and indoctrinating the survivors. The Tytharians will never hate on you for your skin color or culture, only your religion and gender.
HOW TO TALK TO A TYTHARIAN
The average Paladin of Arkhos is dumb as a rock and about as interesting. Most paladins are young men- boys really, the State's policy of incessantly raiding everything and everyone around it doesn't especially help with the life-expectancy of it's soldiers. Paladins and are accustomed to being told what to think by priests and officers, which makes them super gullible, especially if the lie is told by an old man. Don’t piss them off though, they might look like kids in simple armor, but they aren’t malnourished peasant levies, they’re professional soldiers with a psychotic devotion to their cause. Be direct, be polite, don’t use big words, and squeeze in some praise for Arkhos and you’ll be alright.
The priests of the brains of the Tytharic State and I would advise avoiding them at all costs. You might think you’re clever, but the priests spend their whole lives studying scripture then using said scripture to manipulate and control, they will talk a thousand circles around you and detect lies with a whiff. Exercise the greatest caution around the priests, every last syllable that comes out of their mouths is calculated to throw you off. They have the power to have you burned at the stake and are wont to gaslight you into joining their congregation and becoming another drone.
The Tytharic State doesn’t really have merchants, or shops for that matter, it would be more apt to say they have goods distributors and goods distribution centers. There is no “Grinning Dragon Inn,” there is simply “Inn III”, there is no “Sisterhood of the Sacred Grain Bakery,'' there is simply “Bakery XIV” Commerce falls under the purview of the priesthood and so shopkeeps and merchants are essentially specialized acolytes. Both entrepreneurship and haggling are unknown to the Tytharic State, at least in any official capacity. The craft of the Tytharians is a perfect representation of it’s makers, everything is simple, straight to the point, sturdy, and basically impossible to enjoy. Tytharian bread looks and tastes like you’re eating a brick but there's no more filling a food in the world. Don’t bother trying to make a deal with a merchant and definitely don’t offer to give them a loan, the paladins will get you for that, just point at what you want and hand over a few coins, Tytharian wares tend to be quite cheap.
You don't talk to inquisitors, inquisitors talk to you, and if they do indeed talk to you, it's too late, they're basically veteran paladins with the intelligence and knowledge of priests. Whenever the inquisitors show, people suffer. You can distinguish paladins by their burgundy armor and blank faces, when you see them coming, don't bother running, you're already caught. Best just to let happen what's going to happen anyway.