So I hear you are here for some tea.
To show you how serious I am, I shall present you with a finding my inquisitors made a little while back while looking for blackmail on my most favorite of friends. What if I told you Drystar and Tsunamy had a kid. Don't believe your pontiff? Why the resemblance between the two is quite similar!
But you are not here for some tea on our elected Hileville spies, so let us down to business and defeat the huns get to the real buttery yet salty dispatch for our contestants to todays LC position.
TODAY ALL CONTESTANT STAND ACCUSED OF VARIOUS CRIMES.
With no mercy expected let the mudslinging begin!
How will they answer? Let's find out.
Concrete Slab wanted in 7 states for public indecency, Three counts of double posting. And perhaps the worst of all, not getting a Jojo reference. I do not need to say more.
MilkyWay Republic Upon further review the consensus is that Milkway athletes are doping on milky way chocolate. We also have a sneaking suspicion that there is no real milk in these, but they sure are tasty.
At a glance this nation has allot of dirty laundry, Nation States Cayo but look at this dispatch,
Lion-reed-vulture-hand-reed-mouth is how Leader is spelt now.
Nation States Cayo
Nation States Cayo
Nation States Cayo
The Cayon Democratic Republic of Nation States Cayo
this is a game
N I C E , I G U E S S
This is the funniest issue I have ever seen
Jennifer Government Censorship Row
A new book, Jennifer Government, by Max Barry, has been causing quite a stir in governmental offices across Nation States Cayo.
“At first I liked the book,” says famous politician Palutena Tate, “but then it clearly turned out to be just a mockery of our government! This is brainwashing our citizens into thinking that they’re being governed badly. I suggest we hang, draw and quarter the author of this book and take satires off the shelves!”
“Don’t be silly,” says book reviewer Willie Chandra, “it’s a great book and you don’t necessarily have to take the views inside seriously! If anything, there should be more satires. Maybe then we’ll get the right people in charge of this messed-up country!”
background-color:rgba(100,58,0, 0.8); background:linear-gradient(to bottom, rgb(201,117,0), rgb(100,58,0));
It is a code. For something diabolical. While our Somurias 'Electric Hands' codebreakers try and decipher this nations terrifying plans let as move to our next nation.
As for, Nicholas and Great Britain we looked him up on our United Kingdom Yellow Book. But seeing that the first edition to the thirteenth. We could not find a single Nicholas! When faced with this level of sus, we must assume Nicholas has committed identity fraud. Who are you really imposter!
It seems at a glance that NORTH ASIA PROVINCE is an honorable minion and a person of outstanding loyalty to our "Honorable WA representative Amerion has near flawless views". Clearly he QUESTIONS our dear Delegate as a good minion should! We accuse him of disloyalty and trying to coup TSP with a handful of cute miniature dogs.
Somurias Runs a hacker group called the 'Electric Hands', upon further inspection it appears they have hacked numerous financial accounts and stands accused of trying to hack this election.
Taigama High levels of corruption remains in Taigama. Upon further inspection of Sueang Football League, we have found that Taigama deflates, I repeat deflates various footballs giving them an unfair advantage in the realm of Rugby. It also seems Taigama gambling addiction reaches extensive heights as reporters from the Inquisition note large amounts of Taigama's bank accounts can be traced back to Milkway chocolate stocks.
Trivalve This Subnautica Subnaughty was caught hanging around in Australia and bringing in further evasive species to the island such as Cane Toads, Rabbitz and worst of all tourists. Besides various questionable Private Possession of Exotic Animals laws, we have found Trivavle environmental degradation practices include but not limited to vacuuming between the hours of 6pm & 8am on a weekday or 1pm & 8am on a Saturday or on a Sunday. Which is illegal in the county of Sussex. Think of the endangered but tasty animals!
Lastly we really wanted to say something controversial about The eternal swedish empire but instead we were greeted with this hat.
What can we say it's a terrible hat? That would make us liars. We have never lied about anything ever. You can trust us. Also I was to distracted by the hat to remember our candidate stands accused of 5 counts of arson, and burning down a small orphanage, we have a sneaking suspicion he did it but just look at that hat! Wait a minute that hat was manufactured outside of TSP. What sort of scoundrel would dare buy outside of TSP!
That is all for now, it will be up to our candidates to see how they respond to these allegations.