by Max Barry

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by The Pilotipality 🛩️ of Osheiga. . 27 reads.

[OUTDATED] The Log of Poor Decisions

Every issue result I have ever received. Another dispatch I want to update regularly. Oldest issues are at the bottom, newest at the top.
Color Key:
Issues where the results perfectly aligned with what I wanted to happen and were surprisingly more effective than I was expecting.
Issues where the results aligned with what I wanted to happen, although not to an extreme extent.
Issues where the results didn't really concern me or I was conflicted with the results (a mix of good and bad effects).
Issues where the results were not what I wanted to happen, but not to an extreme extent.
Issues where the results were not what I wanted to happen and also were particularly detrimental to my stats or policies.
Color Count:
Count: 17
Count: 133
Count: 65
Count: 10
Count: 0
Total Issues Answered: 225

Following new legislation in Osheiga, business meetings across the country are interrupted by the sound of squeaking whoopee-cushions.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, an epidemic of unpopped kernels causes movie goers to gnash their teeth.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, all the playground's a stage for Oshe'igan schoolchildren.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, lending money has become a major liability.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, it can be a real jungle in a modern courtroom.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, it is popularly believed that "cheese every day keeps disaster away".
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the 'sing-a-long with Leader' album is a popular souvenir.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, politicians always seem to take two steps forward then three steps back.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation is completely gun-free.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, there's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation's biggest export is stupidity.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Osheiga recently decided against having a capital city.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, major internet servers have acquired citizenship.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Oshe'igan bat is a protected species.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, according to the latest national census as many as two-thirds of the respondents possibly consider 'violet' their favorite color.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, piracy is the nation's most popular pastime.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government spends millions of United Pacific dollars every year prosecuting spammers.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Thomas the Spank Engine is the most popular and controversial children's show in the nation.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government sends submarines to retrieve bodies from shipwrecked submarines.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, barbers who trim a few inches of hair bill the government for their labor.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, unemployed accountants keep double-entry ledgers of their benefit claims.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, autocrats are persona non grata.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, access to the woods is only granted to those who bring a small shrubbery.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Osheiga City's main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, government reports are now used to teach toddlers to read.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, death compensation has some family members fearing to pay back others' debt they may be disappearing.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government seizes the property of the recently deceased.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, devotion to God is only skin-deep.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government seeks peaceful forum with terrorists.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, annulments are on the rise as couples discover their ancestors were born in the same hospitals.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the standardised national curriculum requires that all-male classes be taught why they have periods.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, graffiti graces every city's streets.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, cyber-crime and tin-foil hat sales are both increasing at record rates.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, kids building model rockets in their backyard are grounded by Space Agency Rangers.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Finance Ministry posts hourly updates on where taxpayer money is spent.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, political parties are banned from advertising and receiving private donations.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, mandatory daycare is provided by the government.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, standing on a chair to reach a top shelf is seen as evidence of narcissistic personality disorder.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, glittering new sports stadiums adorn every city and town.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Jennifer Government is a bestseller.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, for the sake of 'public interest' news programs tell viewers how to home-make Sarin gas bombs.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, discarded pennies litter the streets.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, translators are keen to explain feline MPs' claw and ordure policies.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, citizens recently voted in favour of declaring bubblewrap an 'abomination of nature'.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Oshe'igan Arts Council pays teenagers to sit through opera performances.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government seizes private property for the 'good of the people'.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, any body part that can be cut off a person is no longer considered to be their property.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, pawn shop reality shows dominate basic cable.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, for some reason the census focuses on daily banana ingestion and hourly quip rate.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, it ain't easy to be green enough to be imported into Osheiga.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, refugees from other nations are flocking to Osheiga's border.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, artists from across the nation compete to renovate the restrooms of old government buildings.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, several universities in Osheiga have assembled expensive research teams to explore and study new lands and old ruins (Osheiga has found 1 easter egg).
Following new legislation in Osheiga, radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the new cheese tax is colloquially known as "wheel welfare".
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Oshe'igans submit requests for a date in writing with an enclosed RSVP card.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, third world countries are rich in "I Love Osheiga City" t-shirts.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, untold millions of United Pacific dollars are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, adults pretending to be teenage girls claim to have wholesome motives.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, power stations shutting down at night has made bedtime reading tricky.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, therapists dispense hugs for heroin dealers and cuddles for crackheads.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, authorities are looking for a stool pigeon to rat out who is stealing food from pigeon toilets.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the dessert 'Death by Chocolate' isn't the most lethal dish on the menu.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, graverobbers claim they're acting within the interest of 'scientific preservation'.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government is proud to report that ten percent of all tax revenue goes to funding suspected terrorist organizations.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the study of medicine is popular throughout Osheiga.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, meat prices are soaring as the farming industry struggle under government-imposed restrictions.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the tobacco industry has burnt out.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, every new building project has to undergo a five-year environmental impact study before it can go ahead.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Oshe'igans struggle to cut steak with a spoon.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, foreign casinos have trouble paying fans who bet on the Osheiga City Oshe'igan Bats' triumph against long odds.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, major cities shut down as their local sports team takes to the field every day.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, ticket touts are blamed for the downfall of communism.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, t-shirts displaying a photo of Leader performing the Full-Monty are selling out.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, citizens are exhausted from weekly general elections.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, children are raised bilingual from an early age.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, children's bedrooms are often decorated with posters of successful accountants.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, it's all quiet on the western front.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-United Pacific dollar mansions.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, psychiatrists bizarrely accompany Leader to meetings with foreign heads of state.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, there's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, unpopular cops are fired at a moment's notice by the citizens they police.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, people across the world seek to be healthier by eliminating carbs.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Party has more splits than a yo-yo dieter's trousers.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Osheigan Intelligence Agency relies on internet search engines to know what is happening overseas.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the wreckages of bombed planes that litter Osheiga are highly popular tourist destinations.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, government officials are held to the highest standard of morality.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Osheigan novella fans become unusually flustered when thinking about Leader.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, dog breeding has been banned in accordance with recent animal experimentation laws.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation faces constant invasions by foreign boy bands.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, elementary school students are required to master Bach's Chaconne in D before graduation.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the carbon tax fund gladly supplies warm blankets when the poor can't pay their heating bills.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, one tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, politicians are often found scavenging bins at night to supplement their income.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, citizens cannot change their light bulbs without approval from an international committee.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the song 'They Got an Awful Lot of Coffee in Osheiga' is a smash hit.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, people with political aspirations study how to make balloon animals.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government is continually probing the galaxy in search of alien life.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Osheigan Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Maxtopian villagers starve by the time Osheigan officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, a niche industry catering to S&M enthusiasts has sprung up.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, overweight people receive reparations checks from fast-food chains.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, citizens select which government department gets their income tax Pacific dollars each year.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, dubiously qualified East Lebatuckese doctors prescribe ice baths as a treatment for pneumonia.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Leader can often be found attempting to coax random citizens' cats down from trees.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, doctors ask for written consent before making eye contact with patients.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Osheigan police have to pay out of their own pockets for bulletproof vests.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation's taxpayers pay for foreign governments' extravagances.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, people who tease dwarfs are being cut down to size.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, sales of trenchcoats are on the rise.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, people seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the pursuit of wanted criminals ends at the entrance of the pay'n'spray garage as police refuse to enter any private property.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, teachers are dying as they attempt to read 500 word essays without pausing for breath.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, workers have seized control of the economy.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, a primitive society is being eroded as its youth flock to the modern world.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, troublemakers boast about how many times they have to visit their therapist.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, confessions don't count if suffixed with "izzle".
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Ministry of Health has reported a sharp increase in the incidence of delayed menopause.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, signatures have been replaced with illegible scribbles.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, multiple births are a cause of celebration for tax collectors.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation's universities are often mistaken for foreign embassies.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, an aboriginal talking stick is used for leaders' debates at election time.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, a vast monorail network carries people all over the country.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Leader is famed for giving great back rubs.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, voter turnout for the election of the Junior Assistant for Non-Digital Media Strategies has been unsurprisingly low.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, crowds of flag-burning protesters tend to accidentally become crowds of burning protesters.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, landless farmers wander forlornly in the government's many national parks.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, dozens of viewers go online to hear whether a comma has been added to Clause 5 in Subsection B of Law 58375.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, wildlife near farms is slowly becoming extinct.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, a child's only Trickster Night scare is the sight of their parents dancing.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, a government program is underway to revitalize Osheiga's beaches.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, ministers browse Alright! magazine for fashion tips.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, there has been a rapid increase of noise complaints over the sound of buzzing bees.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, billions of united Pacific dollars are being poured into a space program.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, transgender and agender are on the education agenda.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, imitation is the sincerest form of felony.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, organ donation is compulsory.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the national guard is mobilized whenever a mother gets separated from her child at the mall.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, homophobia is off the menu.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, turning eighteen is often referred to as the 'Age of Aquarius'.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, there have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, young criminals are told they'll go to bed without supper if they do it again.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, much of Osheiga's computer network is controlled by a rampant artificial intelligence.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, invasive species are hunted by the gendarmerie.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, strict term limits have been applied to all elected offices.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the endangered saltwater humpback Osheigan bison is only seen in captivity programs.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Osheiga's free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation has nearly as many history museums as Osheigans.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the tragedy of the commons is being tested nationwide but everyone says it's somebody else's problem.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government has announced its plans to construct a giant weaponised robot-cat.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the Museum of Blackacrean War Crimes is located on "Blackacre Did Nothing Wrong Avenue".
Following new legislation in Osheiga, cosmopolitan citizens ask what their countries can do for them.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, feuilletons can only be deciphered with a Galliennais dictionary.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, builders across Osheiga are blocked up with orders for new public loos.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, a common response to government PSAs is "well, DUH, obviously".
Following new legislation in Osheiga, vital intelligence-gathering activities are often put on hold for Call of Honor tournaments.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, convicts released after being found "wrongfully imprisoned" are surprisingly chill about the whole thing.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, student athletes gaze forlornly at abandoned Osheigan bisonball fields.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried Osheigan Bison Dung" has been declared a national treasure.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Osheigan Gladiators is a ratings success.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the government now pays the "Really Awesome Super Heroes" (RASH) to catch evildoers.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Osheiga is notorious for its citizens' infidelity.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in Osheiga.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, burning twigs to keep warm while lost in the wild is now a felony.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the thin blue line is composed of picketing police officers demanding better pensions.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, religion is strictly forbidden within school grounds.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, former stunt pilots are unable to pass the licence test to fly a drone.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, it is mandatory to learn evolution in schools.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, cassocked priests and choirboys believe that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, in musicals everybody's a little bit racist.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the new coalition government has 99 problems and can't agree on how to fix one.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Leader's told that love often manifests itself through homicidal four-lettered litanies.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, all industry is owned and run by the government.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, construction workers evacuate work sites after finding sharp rocks on the ground.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the price of takeaway food quadruples after 6pm.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, kids are told they can be whoever they want to be when they grow up.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, military funding has been stripped back.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, the nation is ravaged by daily union strikes.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, gambling is outlawed.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, voting is voluntary.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, Osheiga's children are widely acknowledged as the most foul-mouthed in the region.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, being Leader has been voted one of the top ten most dangerous jobs.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, surveillance cameras are banned.
Following new legislation in Osheiga, tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests.

The Pilotipality 🛩️ of Osheiga

Edited:

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