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by The Holy Empire of The Land of Jokes. . 13 reads.

The Graduation Party Platform

The Land of Jokes is ruled by the Graduation Party. Don't ask why; I'm not some flavor of a politician.

Here's the platform of the Graduation Party:

  • Kick out all the adults from the hous– oops, wrong graduation party.

OK, here we go.



Climate change is the #2 priority of the Graduation Party
The Graduation Party will
  • Stop global warming by banning hot summer days.

  • Cool the planet by installing AC units at all major public areas.

  • Eliminate climate change by deporting all statisticians; no data regarding climate change will be published without statisticians.

  • Bribe weather stations so that official weather reports will prove that the Graduation Party has eliminated global warming and climate change.

National Security and Defense are the #2 priorities of the Graduation Party
The Graduation Party will

  • Increase the size of the military by employing penguins, the nation's national animal; penguins are great warriors.

  • Make the Land of Jokes the nation of champions by conquering Brockton, Massachusetts and Boston, Massachusetts, since both cities are nicknamed "The City of Champions".

Education is the #2 priority of the Grauation Party
The Graudation Party will

  • Generate revenue for education by privatizing and, afterward, taxing all schools.

Legislation is THE #1 priority of the Graduation Party
The Graduation Party will

  • Repeal Newton's Three Laws of Motion.

  • Repeal the law of conservation of mass.

  • Repeal the law of conservation of energy.

  • Repeal the law of conservation of momentum.

Healthcare is the #2 priority of the Graduation Party
The Graduation Party will

  • Sell MD degrees every year to the top one hundred highest bidders, to counter the shortage of doctors.

  • Create more opportunities for hospitals to be built by entirely privatizing hospitals and reducing regulations.

  • Provide free universal healthcare by giving health insurance companies seats in Parliament.

Transportation is the #1 priority of the Graduation Party
The Graduation Party will

  • Promote carpooling by requiring all cars to have a pool attached to the top of the car.

  • Eliminate waiting times at intersections by eliminating the red light from traffic lights.

  • Provide more parking space by paving the ocean.

  • Eliminate traffic jams by allowing cars to drive off of roads.

  • Promote public transportation by making it illegal to privately own a vehicle.

  • Promote the usage of green vehicles by painting all vehicles green.

Economy is the #1 priority of the Graduation Party
The Graduation Party will

  • Institute balloons as the official currency because balloons can be inflated and deflated at anytime.

  • Take the currency off the gold standard, replacing the gold standard with the liquid water standard, which will allow the economy to grow forever due to rising amounts of liquid water in the ocean (aka rising sea levels).

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