by Max Barry

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by The Jingoistic States of The Entropy. . 384 reads.

You don't hate puppies do you?

Puddles the Puppy wrote:*snuffles sadly, slowly limping to the microphone as journalists shout out questions and camera bulbs flash*

"Puddles, Puddles, what do you have to say about recent allegations that Local Council candidate Melicorium?"

"Puddles, can you tell us what you know about this scourge?"

"Who are you wearing tonight?"

"Have you heard reports that Melicorium also set up a legal defence fund for fellow puppy kickers? Do you have any comments?"

Puddles' lawyer gestures with her hands for the reporters to stop and the room slowly calms. All eyes are on the lone, sad puppy at the stage, a bandage around his side.

*snuffles sadly, telling a story of woe and anguish, of terrible, unexpected violence and unanswered prayers*

Puddles stops for a moment, struggling to hold back hot tears from flowing and looking away briefly as more cameras flash, catching every quiver of his cute lil' face. The room is silent except for the frenzied scribbling of journalists as they record every word.

*snuffles again, going on about the continued abuse, days turning to weeks, weeks to months, and finally years of sustained violence against Puddles and other puppy friends*

Puddles stops again and puts his paws over his nose, unable to go on. His big puppy eyes turn to his lawyer, who thanks everyone for their time.

Cameras flash back to life and reporters leap up, desperate to hear more. The lawyer pets Puddles' head and says he will take a few questions from the audience.

With Volaworand securing a seat on the Local Council, and Drystar cruising to re-election, who will stand up to protect puppies?

  • This could be them - HOW DO WE KNOW FOR SURE?

    BE SAFE: Vote Beepee page=poll/p=166874

  • This could be them - HOW DO WE KNOW FOR SURE?

    BE SAFE: Vote Beepee page=poll/p=166874

  • This could be them - HOW DO WE KNOW FOR SURE?

    BE SAFE: Vote Beepee page=poll/p=166874


    BE SAFE: Vote Beepee page=poll/p=166874

  • This could be them - HOW DO WE KNOW FOR SURE?

    BE SAFE: Vote Beepee page=poll/p=166874

  • This could be them - HOW DO WE KNOW FOR SURE?

    BE SAFE: Vote Beepee page=poll/p=166874

  • This could be them - HOW DO WE KNOW FOR SURE?

    BE SAFE: Vote Beepee page=poll/p=166874

This message brought to you by ANIMAL Super PAC (a project of TSP BEEF)*

Not affiliated with the fine campaigns of Drystar or Beepee

Hi there, Iím assuming if youíre reading this you donít really know who I am, so let me enlighten you.

As Auphelia likes to say, Iím one of the old foggies that hang around because weíve misplaced our keys so we canít unlock the exit. Well, thatís not entirely false. Iíve been here since long before the RMB was a culture all its own, and Iíve watched it change and grow. Iíve enjoyed my time as one of the LCís, itís a very different perspective to just a regular poster. Iíve tried to maintain a neutral stance to nation postings, using the rules lightly, even letting some things slide because people were having fun.

Iím looking to continue the low key administration that weíve had for the last few months, and would like you to vote for me.

Now for the demands of our election rules, Pencil Sharpeners 2, I currently have no CoI, I only have one nation that exists solely in TSP, and absolutely no puppets anywhere.

Read dispatch


Are we sitting comfortably, then I shall begin...

Once upon a time, in a land not so far, far, away lives an intelligent, strong, independent woman called Auphelia.

Auphelia is beloved by all and rules over the land with an even and fair hand. As such, Auphelia is praised by all in the land.[1]

Every 8 months, or so, Auphelia is required to take a small break from her reign over the land. Each year, Erinor, Pencil Sharpeners 2 and Amerion, make sure that Aupehlia is taken on a lovely cruise around the wrecks of boneyard, where she can purvey the nations she had destroyed.

During this period, other nations line up to be caretakers of the queendom.

This particular year Auphelia's loyal henchman and butler, Beepee (That's Me!), considers himself as the perfect caretaker for the next four months.

Beepee, has been a caretaker LC before (the last time Auphelia was taken on vacation), and the world didn't end.[2] Having supported and cheered Auphelia for many a year, Beepee is aware of all the rules and the way Auphelia likes to run things.

The last time he was LC, Beepee did fun polls and events,[3], wrote faerie stories about citizens of the land and did interviews with the great unwashed. He updated laws and policies, published news, welcomed the newbies, and banished the naughties. So as you can see I know what to do.

As he is nowhere near as wonderful as the glorious Auphelia, Beepee only ever does 4 months of caretaking because he knows Auphelia will be back and raring to go after her tour.

So in the next 4 months, Beepee would love to buttle and tidy and polish, so when Auphelia returns its all shiny and clean for her to continue her glorious rule.

[1]This view was not held by her loyal subjects, however, who lived in abject fear of her wrath. What her subjects did not understand was it only the naughty and evil were to fear her wrath. Good boys and girls had only fear the mental scarring of seeing the torment of those wicked enough to breach the rules of the land.

[2]It did wobble slightly, but this was only because no-one is as wonderful as Auphelia.

[3]said no-one ever.


Hi everyone, It's me, Beepee.

I'm running for a position in the Local Council, and if you don't know me buckle up.... here goes.

  • I love bureaucracy and all things admin...

  • I'm all up for fun and keeping the RMB an active and interesting place.

  • I already know the rules and laws, and well, that's a pretty decent thing to know...

  • I was once a pretty average LC..... so I know about being average and thats good.

  • I've been here for a few years now so you know me and, well, you know me... maybe...

  • I know how to protect you from a naughty I know about not being a bad person.

  • Like your deodorant, I provide 24hr protection....I'm Australian, that means I can protect you when the Europeans and/or Americans are in bed.

  • I like to buttle and clean up your mess.

What will I do...

  • I know how to do awesome polls!

  • I'm a wonderful host with lots of greeting skills!

  • I can update things, and can dispatch my way to your heart!

  • I can encourage you to become the best (or, if you prefer, the worst) you can be!

What do you mean this part is really similar to my last campaign.... how dare you

Conflict of Interest

I, Beepee, being of sound mind and body (at least as sound as it's ever going to be) hereby declare:

I am a member of the Legislator Assembly within the South Pacific and I am a member of the Coral Guard.

I am a member of the World Assembly.

I have no affiliations with any other region.

I have a puppet†Northern Beepee, currently used for forum RP... I think all my other puppets have lapsed into the wilderness.

I am also available on discord.

I swear to uphold the values and principles of the South Pacific.

Pencil Sharpeners 2's tagged because he's wonderful and so he has this dispatch for EC purposes.

Read dispatch