by Max Barry

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by Another sedge. . 327 reads.

Founderless Update #1

Update #1. The last one doesn't count.

We're still here!

Yes, for those of you who thought Founderless was nothing but a really late April Fools' Day joke, you were WRONG. We might not have done anything. We may have nearly closed the place down. But we're BACK. And better than ever. That may be setting the bar quite low, but we have to start somewhere. On which note:

Sedge is Unretired

-ish. Yes, I'm writing these updates, because 1) I'm the best at it, and 2) no-one else wanted to. As a Game Mod I have to be careful* with what I say. For the sake of balance, I will therefore stick to subtly undermining Founderless via satire until such time as they cotton on (my money's on 2022; if the place is still around). I'm not actually defending. Or doing any real work, I'm just here to point and laugh.

End of an Era

Our esteemed and now erstwhile leader 6ixDaze has stepped down as Executive Director. Note: this is the person formerly known as Falconias, who decided to re-brand because that name was the embarrassing concoction of a teenager. And then picked "6ixDaze" as his grown-up identity. We thank him for his service, and he's now been shuffled off to the retirement home position of "Recruitment Director" where his new, mature persona will surely help him relate to the young players flooding onto NationStates.

6ixDaze's term was summed up by one wholly impartial observer as "not being quite as disastrous as his time as FRA Arch Chancellor", which seems fair, though it doesn't really take into account that Founderless never really had much to ruin. For a Falc term we're rating this a solid 4.5/10.

Beginning of a Better Era

Founderless' new Board of Directors has been rejigged to the following:

Executive Director: New Cordian Empire
Defence Director: Karputsk
Intelligence Director: Numero Capitan
Foreign Affairs Director: Witchcraft and Sorcery
Recruitment Director: 6ixDaze
Communications Director: Sedge
Social Director: Jamie

This was announced with all the proffesionalism you've come to expect of us:

Sorry, I don't know New Cordian Empire or Witchcraft and Sorcery well enough to poke fun at them. Working on that. Jamie's main job as Social Director will be to massage the bruised egos of Board members who have read this update.

Missing Persons Alert

Our Intelligence Director disappeared approximately two days ago, and for professional reasons I probably shouldn't joke about why. However, we do need him back. We're therefore issuing this alert to all invader regions - please check in with your members to see if Numero Capitan is among you. He answers to many names, including:

Daytime to Night
Ursidae's Dad
Red Back
Natipac Oremun
Jak wait, I'm not going there

If you find him, please let us know and take good care of him in the meantime. Rumours that this is all staged and he's going deep undercover are strenuously denied.

Bear With Us

The Founderless Rangers have been relatively quiet of late, but Defence Director Karputsk has assured us that plans are afoot. His team have been spotted from afar building a large wooden bear on wheels, which is intended to be gifted to The Black Hawks. Please take it into the Council chambers, where it can stand for evermore as a token of our trust and mutual respect.

Here's something to warm your hearts whilst you await its delivery:

Other Stuff

  • We don't have a Security Council Director, but if we did, they'd be working on Liberate The New Inquisition.

  • Any regions that have embassies with Founderless can enjoy reading this again on their forums when it gets posted there. Sorry, 10KI will have to wait for someone else to do that for me... I think I'm still banned from their forums for the Devonitians coup :?

  • If they let me post another, the next update will be in about a month.

* having reached this footnote after reading the rests of the update, you may disagree.

Another sedge