by Max Barry

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by The    of Nooooooooooooooo. . 35 reads.

Epic Rap Battle: William Sala vs. Gerald Hecdé

[William Sala]

One of us is sinking and the other will go to Heaven
And I'll be rising up further than I did in 1827
Down with the Skratmaláts and up Noons
A skull and crossbones on your ship, we better man the harpoons
Floods and hurricanes and tornadoes are there to stay
I feel a storm coming, the sky is turning gray
There's a reason you're a monarchy now
'Cause our form of democracy has grown up a cow
You'll be so cold at the end of my line
that pneumonia's gonna come back like in 1829
Just ask my friend Jonas if you think I'm only bluffing
You're a chicken, that's why I'll fill you up with stuffing

[Gerald Hecdé]

Now listen, just because you're anti-military
Doesn't mean you have the right to yap like your president Barry
In fact, you don't have any rights at all
You treasonous, greedy, biased little troll
You're five-foot-three, I'm as tall as Kusti
Skratmalatian ships come in, you tell 'em to leave
Or, more like, get outta here, before I make you bleed
Glad that Marc Straus finally had a good deed
Skratmaláts are Superior, like the Great Lake
Noons are just a bunch of drunkards like Alastair the Fake
Bombs away, my brothers, for the motherland!
And believe me when I say, 'you will never be William Sala the Grand'

[William Sala]

Hey Jerry, good luck finding a replacement
You're so confusing, I couldn't even tell what your face meant
And yes, you're right that I'm short, you're six-foot-two
But in the Federation of Nooooooooooooooo, I'm so much more famous than you
In fact, people wouldn't take a day off from work
If it wasn't for how I saved this country from you little twerps
I mean really, you expect me to believe
That you'll ban zoos, but legalize slavery?
If militarism was an actor, you'd be the Paparazzi
You evil, fascist, racist little Nazi
Little Hitler, I call you
I wish you'd be smothered
Maybe you should grow a short mustache
So you'd look more like your brother