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by The Garden of Earthly Delights of Jabberwocky. . 84 reads.

The Mad Surfer, October 2020

THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
September 2020

September 2020 | August 2020 | July 2020 | June 2020

"They vomit forth their bile, and call it a newspaper."
– Friedrich Nietzsche, also Sprach Zarathustra

Weather: sunny
Water temp: without parallel
Waves: happening


POLITICS
The Council of Nine
Last Updated: September 2020

Chief Executive: Markanite
Delegate: HumanSanity
Minister of Labor: Free Las Pinas
Minister of Immigration: THX1138
Minister of Education: Grea Kriopia
Senator for New Republica South: Controlitia
Senator for Himes West: Wille-Harlia
Senator for Blue Canaria North: Wischland
Senator for Lyonnesse East: Thedairos

-Deputy Minister of Education: Kohnhead
-Deputy Senators for Himes West: Central Russia, Margaux

What an election it was! The election for Blue Canaria North proved to be uneventful, as Wischland (TIP) ran uncontested. Despite the fact that political nature abhors such a vacuum, TMS wishes Wischland the best of success, and we have every confidence she will be a beacon of this newest generation in XKI.

The election for New Republica South had all the excitement one might expect from a three-way race, something of a rarity in these parts. Kohnhead (WIP) came out swinging, but soon hit the deck as incumbent Controlitia (MSPP) took a big lead earlier than anticipated. With Control garnering better than 54% of the vote, Solarampa (Independent)ended up with a back seat view of the race. Again, we maintain it is good to see new blood in the mix. It prevents political inbreeding.

The contest for WA Delegate turned out to be a borderline sordid affair. Outgoing Delegate Kuriko was both popular and extremely effective, even groundbreaking as an International Diplomat. But we saw the gloves come off early as Hakketomat (TIP) began clandestinely to smear his opponent with outrageous accusations. HumanSanity (MSPP) calmly countered Hakke's slander, but nevertheless failed to demonstrate any actual proof that he had never committed vehicular manslaughter. Our dauntless investigative staff failed to find any relevant Court documents to support either HS's guilt or innocence…but XKI has been known to suffer floods and fires over the years, and court records are admittedly sketchy, at best. Meanwhile, HS's team rustled up enough of a grassroots movement to win the election with 69% of the vote. Fifty-eight constituents made it to the voting booth for this important political event.

Immediately after the election, the vampire who would be Delegate Hakketomat was quick to level accusations of voter fraud and foreign meddling, calling for a recount. The Council did not respond to our inquiries.


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BUSINESS NEWS

The shadowy figure behind The Regional Reserve , the mysterious and mostly missing money magnate Mortimer M. Mortimer released his monthly report clandestinely through alleged government branches buried beneath piles of bureaucratic redtape sufficient to mask his trail. Therein our sharpeyed reporters were able to ferret out critical information and break the code so we can pass that hitherto secret file to you, Our Readers. Once decoded we saw this:

El Neptuno, an undersea volcano situated out in the middle of the MinnaCaroline Ocean exploded. This made the seas of the 10000 Islands heave, and created an enormous tsunami! Those smart Islanders that had purchased a Tsunami Blocker from the item shop were spared the huge cleanups on their coastlines. Those that did not have Tsunami Blockers, well...let's just say there will be a massive cleanup on aisle 5!

Mortimer Printout - October 2020
Economic Outlook
Sector: 1 - National Improvements
Item: Tsunami Blocker
Bonus: 500 Ŧ
Mitigation: N/A
Adjustment: N/A
Stock Market:

From 01-September-2020 to 29-September-2020
Average Change: +2,788 Ŧ
Percent Change: 6%—Stocks are growing
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (305/320)

Individual stock performances can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40118/undersea-volcano-creates-monster-tsunami?page=1&scrollTo=1795581.


XKI Space Program

While the initial rush to acquire lunar real estate seems to have subsided some, substantial opportunities are still available to those intrepid enough to take the risk. This month featured another space race, launched from Cape Taco. For the exciting details as told by Paffnia, and to see who won this month's space race (as well as other results), read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40120/space-launch-results-october-2020.


BEHIND THE NATION

First, you knew him as our Deputy Cartographer General. Now he's the Senior Senator for Himes West. But He still managed to find time to chat with our reporter for a brief interview. we're talking, of course, about Wille-Harlia.

TMS: What country are you from?
WH: The USA.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
WH: I don’t remember what it was made of, but these disgusting mini appetizer odurves (or however you spell it) that had some sort of fish in them.
TMS: Who is your favorite musician?
WH: I don't really have one. I more have favorite songs.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
WH: Soccer, because, at least by my admission, none of the other kids tried.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
WH: Either orange juice or Diet Coke.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
WH: The Force, and no, I don't.
WH: Either orange juice or Diet Coke.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write for any TV show which TV show would it be.
WH: Neal Shusterman, and I don’t quite know. I don’t think any of his shows would be as good as his books.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
WH: The eating of pets( dogs, cats, etc.)
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
WH: Probably either squash tennis and golf, or NS.
TMS: Who is your favorite comic book character?
WH: Iron Man
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
WH: Probably junk food.
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
WH: A dog, they are the best.
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
WH: How I achieved (my most notable achievement).

Thanks for taking the time out of the day of a busy local politician, WH!


WA SCENE

There is the subject of Delegate toppling to undermine WA Approvals – something I've touched on before as being a somewhat heinous practice that needs to be addressed in the WA – but it'll have to wait until next month's edition. In part because there's a lot to unpack and I want to give it thoughtful treatment, but also because there may be more to share on the subject by then.

In the meantime, we'll see if the WA can devolve any further into the murk of summary justice and gang warfare (my guess is yes)

Let's get down to it boppers…

SCR#317 "Commend Trotterdam": A good bit of authorship helped this resolution through the tumultuous waters of the SC rulebook. Extensive research and a gracious sharing of results by the target, and their dedication to the community, completed this winning combination. 91% support.

GAR#503 "Protecting Legal Rights of Workers": The first of four in August, and three in succession, by author Cretox State. This legislation is part of the incremental movement to improve workers' rights in member nations, and specifically to set a fair framework around the arbitration process, creating a more balanced position from which to negotiate, for labour. 77% voted in favour.

GAR#504 "Integrity in Law Enforcement": 73% supported this resolution, which called for personnel records of law enforcement officers to be confidential until required as part of an investigation over a serious offence, at which point records must be publicly disclosed. I voted against this one, believing that a lot of small infractions, complaints, and disciplinary actions against an officer may be an indicator before the fact, and having that information in the public domain from the start could prevent tragedy. Cops are in a unique position of authority and must be held to the highest level of public account from day one on the job. If troubling behavioural trends are emerging, the public has a right to know.

SCR#318 "Commend Nuremgard": Cretox State hit the trifecta with this successful resolution, and Nuremgard got a little under 70% support in their commendation. I don't recall how I voted, but I do recall mulling it over for a couple days, then making a snap decision to make the little red 1 go away. On one hand, the res only really focused on issue authorship, so it lacked that diversity of contribution that I look for. On the other hand, there were a lot of issues to the target's credit, and that might have swayed me. Perhaps some day, under hypnosis, I'll recall what was my decision.

GAR#505 " Repeal: 'Wartime Journalism Protection Act'”: I flagged this one last month as having ample repeatability, and it took no time at all for it to get pried open. Some of these GA resolutions are great in theory, but the litmus test is always going to be how they would hold up in comparative real-world scenario. I know that kind-of bends the rules of what we do in NS, but what is art if it doesn't imitate life. 72% supported the repeal.

SCR#319 "Commend Wallenburg": Proficient WA author, very involved in that capacity, but I found the rest of this commendation was a lot of iC padding. That's not to diminish the contributions to the WA – they are considerable – but again, I'm always looking for that diversity of contribution as the benchmark. I voted against, but knew it would pass anyhow, and 71% of voters gave this one the nod.

GAR#506 "Public Access to Court Records": Whether it's there by design, or not, I always see an immediate dark side to IA's resolutions, frequently before I even know who the author is. On the face of it, this one seems benevolent and in the interest of the impoverished, which is a common IA theme, but there's almost always a harsh counter-element that gets overlooked. This resolution is a case in that point. I'm a firm believer in people's right to be forgotten. When someone commits a crime, the punishment for that crime is their sentence, be it probation, or prison, or community service. When the sentence is completed, so is the debt to society paid, and it should end there. Some jurisdictions see the sentence as the starting point of a punishment that should last a person's whole life, which is not only stupid, but is a significant contributor to recidivism. I believe in rehabilitation and I believe that people should have an unfettered opportunity to start anew. Criminal records (and under this legislation, easily accessible court records) have the capacity to haunt someone for the rest of their days, prevent them achieving gainful employment, and often for criminal acts that aren't all that serious. The medium is often enough of a message to do lifelong harm, and that tips the scales of justice to the absurd in many cases. What is ignored in IA's glorification of the public's right to access court files, is the right of a person who has now paid their debt to society to have a mistake remain in the past. I was not among the 86% who supported this.

SCR#320 " Condemn Noahs Second Country": A couple SCs written. A lot about cards. Decent support at 65%

GAR#507 "Repeal: 'Promotion of Recycling'": Identifying several significant flaws in the target and paving the way for replacing legislation to come. 84% in favour of repeal.

GAR#508 "Restrictions on Forced Eugenics": Short and sweet and serving as an asterisk to existing legislation preventing genocide. This legislation prevents nefarious governments of their agents from getting in at the ground floor. 80% support.

SCR#321 " Commend Valanora": Highlighting the target's significant contributions to the world of NS Hockey and Football, both as organizer and competitor. Passed easily with a wide majority.

GAR#509 "GMO International Trade Accord": Cretox State's fourth win of the month laid out the regulatory groundwork for international trade around genetically modified organisms. Touching on matters of information sharing, standards for environmental risk assessment, and guidelines around the protection of biodiversity in states where GMO products may be imported. This very comprehensive resolution passed with 72% support, with most opposition coming from the NatSov camp.

SC "Repeal 'Commend Evil Wolf'" (did not pass): The first resolution of the month that did not pass, but not because of anything really relating to the resolution itself. MG did a good job researching this one, the argument for repeal was sound, and I thought it was one of his better efforts. There was some raider chicanery as this resolution went through the approval process, and a handful of people sought to make the decision for everyone else. Then that happened a second time, all of which did more harm to the WA as a credible organization than anything else.

GA "Land Reclamation Regulation" (did not pass): The only real dogfight of the month, and this one tiptoed along the tightrope right until it fell on the unhappy side of the net. The measures weren't unreasonable but putting yet another WA organization all up in everyone's land use decisions was deemed too invasive by the very thinnest majority.

Catch you on the flip.


ASK SANDY
Featuring
Sandy Shoals

With the U.S. Presidential election looming large on the horizon, this letter from one of my faithful readers seems particularly resonant.

Dear Sandy:
My brother Ted is running for public office in our state. I never much liked Ted, even when we were children, and I like him less today. He's the kind who won't hesitate to rush a litter of puppies to the animal pound to be put down. I care for our elderly parents; Ted refuses to help in any way, demonstrating his cold and callous attitude toward the old and infirm. I see an utter disregard for ethical or moral considerations.  My  antipathy toward Ted is widely known. Nonetheless, he and the rest of my family insist I must vote for him because "blood is thicker than water." I don't even think he's a good human, let alone capable of being a good politician and serving the public. What should I do? -- Voter Dilemma

Dear Voter: Your brother's lack of ethics, morals, or compassion make him singularly qualified for the world of politics; consider the American President, for example. However, as he appears to be devoid of humanity, I would refrain from voting for him, and neither should you. Stick to your guns and vote for a better candidate. You are not required to discuss this with anyone, including your family. Voting is done privately for a good reason.

Having marital problems? Need advice for the lovelorn? Personal or career changes on your mind? Ask Sandy Shoals!



House Cup and Shield Competition
Our Senator of Lyonesse East, Thedairos, is hosting the House Cup and Shield Competition for October.

The following rules apply for accelerator eligibility:
1. You must be a WA Islander.
2. You must have a forum account for at least 2 months.
3. You must have made at least 10 posts in the forum.
This is a recruiting contest. For rules and conditions, see the Senator's thread: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/39788/house-shield-competition-october-2020.



POET LAUREATE COMPETITION
Ministry of Labor has announced its Fall Poet Laureate Contest. Eager contestants are filling out their applications as they hurry to unseat reigning champion Aersoldorf, who wins so often the prize should be named after him postmortem. For this iteration of the contest, participants must touch on the concept of regret. Additionally, any style of poetry can be utilized for as long as the theme is followed.

Only citizens may submit, and there's a limit of one poem submission per citizen. All entries must be your original work. Please PM all entries to both Free Las Pinas and Ministry of Labor by 8:00 P.M. EDT (12 A.M. UST), Monday, October 8th. Do NOT post your entries here or otherwise share them with anyone else but Free Las Pinas. Good luck!

Just before we went to press voting had already opened. There are some topnotch writers in this competition, and we urge our readers to…read them all. Start here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40107/poet-laureate-contest-10-20?page=1&scrollTo=1795805.

In truth, some contestants were so full of inspiration, it simply spilled out onto our RMB recently, as Nooooooooooooooo, who has since left XKI, penned these witty lines in an impromptu fashion, rivaling the best of William Carlos Williams:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I regret making this poem

Kangaroo

(reprinted with permission of author)

Now let us compare that with a short piece by Williams (a favorite of our Editor), The Red Wheelbarrow:

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens

(reprinted entirely without permission of author)

There, see what we mean?



FLOTSAM AND JETSAM

Minister of Education Grea Kriopia has named September’s Featured Nation, namely Yuwa. Congratulations to Yuwa for having achieved this distinction.

The Constitutional Sultanate of Yuwa is a huge, efficient nation, ruled by Sultan Yuwa Zara with an even hand, and remarkable for its avant-garde cinema, daily referendums, and keen interest in outer space. The compassionate, hard-working population of 947 million Yurans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

For the ceremony in its entirety, go here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40037/10000-islands-featured-nation-yuwa.

The Cultural Office is also hosting a Movie Night on October 10. This increasingly popular event now occurs on a weekly basis every Saturday evening (EDT). For details, read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40148/movie-night-10.



EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES

The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. And now WE CAN PAY YOU! Yes, we actually now have a payroll department! Pay commensurate with talent and ability to ingratiate oneself with Editor. Stringent job examination includes placing a mirror in front of your mouth to see if it fogs up. Please notify Jabberwocky or The Mad Surfer to apply.

The Ministry of Labor has announced an opening for the newly formed Dispatch Manager.
Following the passage of NS 315-4, the Ministry of Education is responsible for maintaining Welcome Guides.
The Dispatch Manager is tasked with ensuring the on-site Welcome Guide contains updated information and stays organized.
The Dispatch Manager is paid 2,000 Shape :-X per month. To apply, PM Minister of Education [nation]Grea Kriopia[/nation] with a statement of purpose.

As always, XKI needs Emissaries to help conduct our foreign affairs. Please apply here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37610/emissaries-needed.

These job opening and more can be found publicly posted here: 10000islands.proboards.com/board/71/10000-islands-job-opportunities.



You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: Linkhttp://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.

The Mad Surfer is:

Staff Writers: THX1138, Sandy Shoals, Jabberwocky.
Associate Editor: Grea Kriopia
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky

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