by Max Barry

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by The Thalassocracy of Seven Seas. . 54 reads.

The Loranian Times #6

Written by your very own Seven Seas

Note: I have a new design for my paper! Doesn't it look more open and professional? Anyway... enjoy.


Approx. Date: Aug. 10th, 2020

Above are three of the few words Bio hajexia 2, and associated puppets, knows. Known as "Bio" or as I like to call them "Idiot", they have clogged the RMB spewing heaps of steaming s*** (which our government officials quickly suppressed) about "draining a star" and sending "500 billion nukes". Who received the fallout of these 500 billion nukes? Well poor Waldoven was god-modded into oblivion. Bio is also a new world vigilante, claiming the nations of the world should "ban meme" (which they made very clear by posting "ban meme" approximately 100 times). Was Bio just a kid pulling a prank, or an emotionally unstable 9 year old trying to RP? We may never know... because all their nations were deleted by the mods. But before the mods intervened I took it into my own hands to get Bio out of the region.

It was to be the first court case Lorania had ever seen. You can view the public part of the trial here in Lorania Courthouse. It was really a simple case, I presented evidence of the spam and Bio had nothing to say for themself. The verdict was found swiftly by our jury (thank you India under modi, Skundi, and Devionsa) and our Chief Justice (who has recently returned to NS) Zweites Preussen. Hopefully our region will never see such an event again, I don't know how'll we'll survive another nuclear war.

N-Day is Nigh

Approx. Date: Sep. 1st, 2020

N-Day is the time of year in NS when nations get to bombard each other with nukes (Bio must be ever so sad they missed it). Factions of peace and alliance are formed before N-day, and Lorania has joined one. ATOMIC is the name, and nukes are the game. Skundi (our Minister of Foreign Affairs) set this up for the region (thank you oh banana duck). What should everyday nations like ourselves do about N-day? Well, for now I suggest you follow Skundi's official statement:

"Basically for the moment, wed like to ask you to send at least one puppet to ATOMIC, the region of the faction, and just introduce yourself as being from Lorania. Id advise making a completely new nation just for the name, however you do what you want to do. Then, if possible, could you make your flag the same as Skundi n-day (thats me by the way) as the flag is the official Loranian design and I personally think that its cool. If you dont want to move or make a puppet, then just add ATOMIC to your dossier, and keep a close eye on it."

What will N-day bring to the region? We shall see, as apocalypse draws ever closer.

A New MP

Approx. Date: Sep. 3rd, 2020

North Cromch has left our region. We knew them as one of our times greatest thinkers. Who would have thunk they would leave? But as they leave, they leave a spot open for a new MP. Two nations stepped up to run. Waldoven and Tai Pei. The competition was little, as Tai Pei ran on a platform of self pity, and the promise to abolish gravity and lead us into "creative mode". Saying that "I swear if I somehow got the slot [for MP] I would lose faith in humanity. :P". Waldoven was more optimistic and promised to listen to the ideas and needs of the Loranian nations. Guess who won the election. Congratulations Waldoven on your new position in, as Matroyska so elequeontly puts it, the "hallowed halls"!

Stolkland Resigns as Co-PM

Approx. Date: Aug. 24th, 2020

What was it that made Stolk resign, the pressure, the paparazzi, the nightmares that they may be leading the region into chaos? No, Stolk just didn't have the time. NS is a game, it takes the least priority in our lives. Stolk isn't totally gone, just... hibernating. The parting words of Stolk:

"I can't do this any more. I just can't.
I've set this nation to cte in 30 days
I just need a few months. life is too busy at the moment and although I enjoy NS it is a recreation you have to put effort into.
I don't have the will power right now.
I'm sorry for not giving any warning and the informality of this.
Sail, I want you to know to you'll do brilliantly as sole PM and i hope to return to your cabinet as Foreign Secretary when the time is right.
Skundi, my best mate on this site. Don't let our dream die while I'm gone, eh?
Thanks Lorania.
I'll see you in a few months.

Issue #6, Sep. 3 2020