by Max Barry

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by The Grande Dame of Auphelia. . 192 reads.

Vote Auphelia 5 LC

It seems some of you have forgotten to vote for me.

You’ve forgotten who keeps you fed with polls.

Who suppresses the trolls.

Who protects your right to role play.

I didn’t plan on making a campaign. You all know me well enough by now, after four terms. Besides, when I campaign . . . well . . .

Really, I’ve been ready to retire for a while, but without term limits constraining me, I felt it only fair to give you all the option of having me be on the LC again for a historic fifth term. However, in the last day of the campaign, I have reversed my position on having a campaign dispatch because of the current second place candidate in this race. Most of the others would be fine, really. It’s no Geriatric League, but they are mostly acceptable. This candidate, however, lacks the temperament or experience necessary to be a Councillor and has an attitude antithetical to the very spirit of the Council.

Let them be on the Council without a fight?

But they’ve ruined enough, and I most certainly won’t let them ruin this dispatch. Now, let’s address common comments and concerns some of you may have, yes?

Number One



Number Two

“You supported the one word post ban!”

Number Three

Yes, and it will probably be mine? What was the purpose of that statement? Like my knife after it stabs you, I don’t see the point.

Number Four

“Ha! Volaworand won against you again!”

Number Five

“I’m still not voting for you! Ha!”

Number Six

Because, my lovelies, everything is about me, in case you haven’t been paying attention.

Number Seven

“Will you vote to legalise double posting?”

Number Eight

“What are your thoughts on the cake v. pie debate?

Ice cream is superior in all ways. Deal with it.

Number Nine

“Do you support penguin meat for fox meat in pies?”

Number Ten

“You just don’t understand RMB culture! You’re behind the times!”

I built modern RMB culture with my own tentacles. Everything you have is because of me, and I am very humble in saying so. So back off, punks.

Number Eleven

“Why can’t you just leave the Council? Spend some time relaxing?”

Number Twelve

“You’re a great Councillor, Auphelia! I support you!”

So yes, elect me to the Local Council.

I will be waiting.

I don’t like to wait.

The Grande Dame of Auphelia