Real News, We Promise | Year 18 | 05 July 2020
SOUTH PACIFIC INDEPENDENT NEWS NETWORK
AMERION ADMITS TO NOT DOING MATH; CAMPAIGN MAY BE OUT OF TOUCH
Penguin has shocked voters across the political spectrum when they revealed, while answering a question about endotarting, that they have been pushing "very hard" to force South Pacificans to "embrace pie over cake".
While answering a question about endotarting, Penguin said that they "can't force [South Pacificans] to endorse me anymore than I can force the people of TSP to embrace Pie over cake - and believe me I try VERY hard on that". This admission has been met with dismay by legislators across the political spectrum, including some who hoped that Penguin could help bridge the gap between supporters of cake and pie. A legislator who spoke on condition of anonymity said, in between practicing before the mirror how to best furrow their brow, that the Cake Bakers Union, one of the most powerful dessert unions in the South Pacific, had spent a significant amount of flour to secure Penguin's support.
The RON campaign has already issued a statement on this revelation, saying that "Penguin's words have shown that none of the major candidates are true champions of democracy" and that "no South Pacifican should be forced to pick a dessert". A survey by renowned elections expert P. Hony shows that Penguin's support among members of the Cake Bakers Union has plummeted from 32% earlier this week to 3% following this revelation, while some political commentators have wondered what exactly has Penguin been doing to "force" South Pacificans to prefer pie over cake.
There has been no statement from Penguin so far on the effects of this in the future of their campaign.
The South Pacific Independent News Network (SPINN) is an independent news organisation established in 2003 whose goal is to provide good news, insightful commentary and timely information for the citizens of the South Pacific. The opinions expressed in this publication absolutely (do not) reflect the views of the Editorial Board. Content is always published with pseudonyms, unless is the author requests otherwise. The SPINN is in no way, shape or form associated with the Government of the South Pacific.