by Max Barry

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by The Fishy Factions of Seven Seas. . 131 reads.

Loranian Times #1

The Loranian Times
Written by your very own Seven Seas

Skundi Gives API a Go
Skundi, seeing Lorania in a state of near rapid decline following the CTE's of the Drewpocalypse, has gone into API recruitment. A software that uses code and other new age mumbo jumbo to send many recruitment telegrams at once. Zweites Preussen was doing so before, however they had to focus on their main nation. API will hopefully allow
Lorania to grow with exceeding rapidity once again.

Skundi Takes Devionsa Under Their Banana Duck Wing
One day on the active RMB Devionsa arrived and was given a sort of apprenticeship under the Foreign Secretary Skundi. This has never been done before in Lorania, nor do we know if it is legal. But we all let it slide because it's a good thing for both of them and the region, not to mention that Skundi is almost an acting PM. Acting PM? Mmmm, South Ccanda remains quiet, and has been much since their election. Hopefully this will turn out for the best as Skundi teaches their student in the ways of Foreign Secretaryship.

The HoC Chugs Away
Sail Nation and I, Seven Seas, have been prolific with our bill writing. Sail Nation writing the by-election bill, and them and I working on the procedures of court. Gwentrev has met some proposed bills with a rather critical air, but one does need someone like them in an HoC. North Cromch continues to give their vote, and has yet to write a bill, while Byuristan seems to have gone silent, missing many of the past votes. Their position will be put up to vote again if they don't show up soon, thanks to the by-election bill.

Lorania Embraces Woodpeckers

Yes, you read right. Woodpeckers are the new la mode in Lorania. The origins are unclear but it most likely started in the RMB (as most of our weirder happening do). Now Zweites Preussen is considering going full woodpecker, changing their flag and most all other changeable feature to a woodpecker theme. It is hard to deny this fad, as the woodpecker brings a certain cute and cuddly air as well as ingenious engineering and a hard head. What will you do to bring out your inner woodpecker?

On Behalf of Lorania, Skundi Declares a Grudge
What starts with a Turkey and ends with a Union? The Turkic Union. They proposed embassies with our great region, but since they didn't meet regulations
The Loranian Embassy Policy
This policy is being brought into effect to manage requests of embassies between other regions and Lorania. This is to provide a strong guide to both the Loranian Foreign Secretary and the officers of other regions whether embassies may be constructed.
The Policy
  • Regions must have at least 10 unique (non-puppet) nations in their region.

  • Regions must have had an RMB post within the last 7 days from a resident in the region.

  • Regions must not encourage or be based around hateful ideologies. Lorania won’t accept embassies with fascist, homophobic, sexist or discriminatory regions. Extremely left of extremely right regions also won’t hold embassies with Lorania

  • Lorania won’t open embassies with that have been condemned by the WA Security Council.

  • While not as important as other factors, we won’t be as inclined to open embassies with raider regions than to open with other regions.

  • Regions that hold a grudge (a grudge being a declaration from the Loranian government of ill will to hold friendly relations with a region) will not be permitted to have embassies with Lorania.

  • If you are an officer of a region that wants embassies but does not fit the requirements, please TG the Foreign Secretary to see if exceptions can be made. That final decision will ultimately be made by the Foreign Secretary.

All Foreign Secretaries of Lorania must abide by this policy unless it is replaced by another piece of legislation.
Read dispatch

They were denied. According to Skundi, Qazaq Eli banned them from the region. An act of (I quote) "sheer pettiness" and has thus derived a grudge between our region and theirs. A grudge is defined by Skundi as enacting the following: Issues an ill will to take part in positive relations and talks with Turkic Union, otherwise known as a grudge.
The full grudge declaration can be found here:

Official Loranian Government Document

As the Foreign Secretary of Lorania, it is my job to look after relations with other regions, including embassy requests and formal agreements. Unfortunately, not all embassy requests are accepted, due to an embassy policy in place, and I'd like to thank all the other foreign representatives for taking rejections well. However, recently there was a nation who decided to not take that rejection well. This nation is Qazaq Eli, of the Turkic Union. In response to the rejection, I was subsequently banned from their region. This sheer pettiness, is the reason this document is being released.

BELIEVING that Turkic Union behaved unacceptably due to a little event.

NOTING that Qazaq Eli behaving childishly by banning Skundi from Turkic Union.

STATING that the Loranian government does not want to associate with childish governments.

Lorania, herby

Issues an ill will to take part in positive relations and talks with Turkic Union, otherwise known as a grudge.

Approved by Foreign Secretary of Lorania, Skundi

Read dispatch

Was this the writing thing for our Foreign Secretary to do in the dace of Qazaq Eli's childishness? Well since I am a totally unbiased newspaper I won't tell you that it definitely was.

And now for the weekly dose of comedy!

Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors? To see the battle!

And that's it for now, good citizens of Lorania. Please send me your happenings so I can put them in the news. Really anything will do, I need material. I will be hosting a flag competition soon so get working on any cool design. See ya later!

- Your new budding journalist
Seven Seas

Issue #1