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DispatchAccountScience

by The United Federation of Zitravgrad. . 397 reads.

Book of Zitravian Feline Deities [Meme Dispatch]

OOC: Have a picture or meme of a cat you want to feature? TG me to include more cats!


Gary The Black Cat - Gary Montgomery Stu Cat

‘Gary The Black Cat, Literally the Yaldaboath of the NationStates Metaverse’

Describing Gary The Black Cat, written by Gary Montgomery Stu:

Like the fictional evil, angry and violent demiurge, Gary The Black Cat is an evil, angry and violent feline deity but suffers from an inferiority complex. Literally the ‘Yaldaboath of the NationStates Metaverse’, and like Yaldaboath, Gary The Black Cat fashions new nations in his image, albeit most of them are warlike and violent—and those two traits describing most of his creations are gross understatements. Instead of creating worlds where nations live in peace side by side ideally, the spiteful feline deity influences their minds and hearts to be distrustful towards their neighbouring nations; then as a result of the Black Cat’s influence, the nations of these numerous worlds go to war against each other in their own world wars. The once-peaceful-but-now-belligerent countries, corrupted by the feline, develop weapons of cat-tastrophic destruction, much to the cat’s twisted amusement.

Going straight to his inferiority complex, Gary The Black Cat believes he can never make proper, peaceful and functional countries even if he tried. And every time he goes and compare his creations to those of other people’s, it adds more fuel to his inferiority complex.

When things don’t go his way e.g. nations that he influenced to destroy each other in the wars he forced them all into just decided to agree on officially ending their wars, he materializes and goes to visit the mortal world to unleash destruction on them. (As seen in the image above.) So basically, Gary The Black Cat goes on a temper tantrum spree.



Purrleie II - Deltia- Cat

Little Coot Pawcess

Purrleie II is the cat belonging to Imperatrix Alisa I of Deltia-, although both the Imperatrix and the cat do not appear together in photos a lot. She was named after Alisa's first cat "Purrleie (I)". The kitty princess also has her own social media account with 2.1 million followers or so. Purrleie is treated like a little princess, eating the best salmon from Norway and sleeping on velvet bed. She is also known to be very persuasive when she wants something -- she will just meow softly and look at you with her big, round eyes and tilt her face a little like shown in the photo. Otherwise, Purrleie is actually incredibly smug and hard to approach. She doesn't like being touched by humans that much because they might make her soft fur dirty. As far as we know, only Alisa is allowed to pet her.


This is her Twitter, btw. (OOC: Don't look for it I made it up.)



Salem - Bloodshade Cat

Black sassy evil cat, (not) at your service

Backstory by Bloodshade: Salem, in fact, was one of many important authority figures on the old, ancestral planet known as Stormfels to the Bloodshadians which was destroyed thanks to a self-destructive and self-inflicted war that Salem had a major part to play in due to his unhinged, imperialistic nature at the time as he was the leader of the 'Midnight Aristocracy', a prominent faction of vampires bent on forcing humanity to bend the knee. He was the type to believe that there was no such thing as a weapon of mass destruction since the universe was infinite. No matter how terrible your weapons are, there would always be a place to flee to. He was no coward and was mad enough to battle against the other races and cultures in irradiated lands (although he had a protective suit + magic). However, once he was told that the planet was doomed, this was his time to collect his thoughts and think of the future. He abandoned his position and hid amidst the population that would flee from the dying planet, Stormfels, in generation ships. However, since the refugee population was a mishmash of races and cultures, he was caught and apprehended by rogue renegade mages who cursed him to be a black cat for an eternity and shamed him by parading his new form to the inhabitants of the generation ship, which made his own vampires lose hope in their former ideology and leader. Fast forward into the future and Ambrosia's family decide that it's about time to rehabilitate Salem, who still has old tendencies and grudges but is much more tame than ever due to his experiences.

Salem still retains much of his prideful and smug demeanor, refusing to be treated as a normal cat and demanding to be respected as a sentient being, or even better. He does not like being petted without permission and, worse, he can verbally state his disapproval with sassy remarks like "No, human. Please wash your hands and social distance yourself away from me." Salem is also a high-maintenance cat, living potentially on steak and champagne and taking daily bubble bath. At least, he is lucky enough to have someone like Ambrosia who can afford to take care of him despite him annoying the life out of the vampire lady. At least, he can mostly take a bath himself and file his own claws and he even has the decency not to barf on the carpet.

Basically, he can say anything to you and it will still sound like something your cat would tell you if it can talk, ranging from "I'm going to kill this bird." to "Brb, I gotta summon an ancient deity to fill my water bowl." to "Okay, why aren't people worshipping cats anymore?" And yes, Salem might need to summon a literal chaos god to fill his water bowl when Ambrosia is not available. Nonetheless, you can threaten the great vampire cat with a few things, one of them being dogs, and the more heads that dog has, the more effective it is against Salem.



Dada - Surrealist Patagonia Cat

Le Smoking Chat Avec Une Pipe, (circa 1969)

Named after European avant-garde movement of the 20th century, Dada is a white cat with black patch belonging to an artist in Surrealist Patagonia, likely an inspiration and model behind countless artistic and surrealistic depictions of cat, such as this Linkcubist art cat and LinkDali's Persistence of Cats. Being a true furrturist, Dada lives a carefree life, hunting for mice in the backstreets and smoking rolled catnip. He will only pose for painting or sculpture whenever he feels like it or when the payment looks good. (Kibbles ain't sh*t, canned sardines in olive oil only.)

He also has a fair share of his own artistic expression, which he realizes by knocking bottles of paints over a canvas or walking over papers with his paws still wet with oil paints. Sometimes, he also engages in reinterpretation of sculptures by pushing them down from whatever platform they were on, thus exploring the beauty of breakage and destruction of such objects as well as contemplating how no thing is eternal or infinite except the end itself, hence there is no fault in rushing the arrival of the end.

From time to time, he can be seen licking rose wine from a saucer and will make strange-ass noises afterwards, usually at 4 am. Growling, moaning and whatever cats do at unholy hours as they are doubting their places on Earth and their status in comparison to humans. But in Dada's case, he is just drunk and high... so maybe we should let him be on his usual self-destructive way. Life is meaningless for cats, too.



Void Cat - Dozdcheny Cat

The Void itself in the shape of a cat.

If you have had the misfortune to meet the High Inspector of Dozdcheny, you might know that despite the protocol preventing him from displaying emotions or personality, he has a cat. This cat. The cat that manifests itself out of the dark corner of the room when you pspspsps it. It is only appropriate for a literal void being like the High Inspector to have this blob of darkness as a companion for aesthetics reason. As per political tradition of Dozdcheny, this cat will not be named nor will its background be disclosed.

It is in all honesty just a black cat but it evidently has seen things. Look at those eyes, opened wide in astonishment over something only the feline kind understand. No, you don't want to know what it knows. Reality from human perspective is already screwed up enough. You do not need cat's perspective to screw you up more, especially when something beyond human sensory gets involved like ghosts, sorcery, etc.



Omelette the Husky

There is no cat in this picture

We have no idea why this husky in the center here is stuck to such a small size. Maybe dwarfism? Maybe malnutrition? Maybe intentionally bred to be small? We don't really know. Omelette is a good gurl -- she does a bork, runs after tennis balls and digs holes in the backyard like every doggo does. She also likes to play with her husky friends and her owner. Despite her smol stature, she zyooms fast whenever she is playing fetch. She also borks at numerous things -- trees, people, cars, birds, etc.

She also likes to nap during the day--- uh... Absolutely not a cat. Nope. Why would you say that? I guess you wonder why she is so small? I mean hey, she might be part corgi, I don't know? Anything crossed with corgi becomes corgi in different colors.



Archie - Silver Commonwealth Cat

Archie dreams of becoming the best cardboard tank commander in cat world.

Backstory by SC himself! : Archie is a cat from Silver Commonwealth, who is rumored to have traveled long distances on his own, without any map to help him. While he generally is neutral against most of humans and cats, he is hostile against other creatures, especially dogs, which he views as one of his worst enemies - it isn't surprising to see him avoiding bigger dogs (even if they are friendly), or get into conflicts with smaller dogs. However, he is still quite introverted, and doesn't have much friends or those who he could trust, both between humans and other cats - one of the reasons for that is his own personality, especially the aggressiveness and being closed-in, which turns others off from him.

One of his biggest interests are cardboard military models, which is both surprising and unsurprising for a cat like him. While he also likes things like airplanes and other vehicles made out of cardboard, cardboard tanks are his biggest passion. While he generally prefers American and Anglosphere tank models, he is also heavily interested about obscure models, or those with interesting, albeit impractical concept (Like Bob Semple). It is also one of the reasons why he can often be seen walking around humans which are in army, as if he would want to be taken for a trip in an actual tank. His biggest dream is to one day find a cat which would share the same passion for cardboard models.

When not taking a nap, trying to fit in cardboard tanks, or hissing at neighboring dogs, Archie usually likes to hunt rats and mouses, along with small birds and others - while he calls it a hobby, it is also a thing which he takes seriously, and is skilled in some of the techniques. This is where his hypocrisy comes in - he can often shame other cats for hunting the local wildlife, but only because he wants to have more prey for himself to hunt.



Meowhelm von Felinburg - North German Realm Cat

Those eyes are the look of determination to unify the Katzenvolk

Meowhelm Katstopher, Graf von Felinburg (1863 - 1878) was a noblemeow during the the Creation of the North German Realm. He was a dark brown and white tabby with light green eyes, belonging to good Prussian pedigree (colors unseen due to limited technology of the time). He was a meowtionalist catservative politician known for his support for a unified Germany (without Austria), as well as a staff officer during the Brothers' War, serving under Chief of Staff, Leonhard Graf von Blumenthal. It was said that Meowhelm's presence was a source of morale for the soldiers and he was given a tiny pickelhaube to wear.

After the war, he became involved in cat politics of the North German Realm and promoted a firm belief that dogs and cats and even other housepets could co-exist in peace (except if they came from Austria, smh). Unfortunately, he was not alive to see North Germany participating in the Scramble for Africa which officially began in 1876, two years after his death. His funeral was attended by the important pets of Berlin.

His personal life was rather peaceful. He graduated from a military academy for cats (yeah, they have that, it's Prussia after all) at the age of 2 (24 in human year) and was married to Katherine Schmidt. The couple had 7 kittens, two male and five female, who found their own home soon after birth. Meowhelm passed away at the age of fifteen (76 years in human year). He was known for his sharp, decisive and laconic manner, only answering questions in a short yet clear meow. A stoic Prussian, he rarely complained or misbehaved or never fell asleep during his guard shift and was mostly satisfied with military ration.


Orange Kitty of Happiness - Valentine Z Cat

Kitty napping... Aww, look at his face!

If you are sad or feeling like life's got you down, let him help you! Orange Kitty or just Kitty is the name we are going to use to refer to this little joyful cat. He is an adult orange tabby cat that exists to radiate joy and happiness to anyone who meets him. Being a cat, he might not wholly understand your problems but rest assured that he will listen to you attentively and comfort you with a soft, gentle purr.

Sometimes, we all just need to take life a little easier. Join him in an afternoon cat nap or cuddle with him as you watch random things on the internet. Happiness does not have to be a pronounced or dramatic feeling. Stay calm, take a breath and relax while you reflect on your world views with a bit more optimism than usual. Maybe things are not as bad as you think it is!

Kitty is going to be your friend through this journey into life, sharing the positive vibe with you whenever possible. He hopes you have a nice day ahead and if you have had a bad day, he hopes that you will be fine. Life might have ups and downs but do not let anything get you down. Everything is going to be okay!



Kotya Petrovich, the Ship's Cat

Kotya Petrovich in his uniform, with a smol life buoy

Kotya Petrovich is a Linkship's cat on the Zitravgradian Aircraft Carrier Providence of Zitravia, which is by far the pride of the Zitravgradian Navy at the moment. He is also considered the ship's mascot and one of the best-known naval officers in the eye of general public. While other countries might have forgotten the tradition of having the ship's cat on board, Zitravgradian Navy still keeps it around not only for the sake of superstition but also morale and publicity.

He might look tired and sleepy... well, he is rightfully so. This cat had seen the Imperialists' War itself since 1993 when he was just a months-old kitten. His first ship was Destroyer Zamara, which was not sunk despite facing heavy damage after a major battle. When the destroyer was in repair, he was moved onto Submarine Madelkov which came back safely once the war was declared to be over. Afterwards, he received two ribbons, each for a ship aboard which he served. Later in 1997, he was put on Battlecruiser Zvezda and had been there for several years until the Revolution. He became a commissioned officer in 2009 -- his uniform changed from sailor uniform to captain uniform and he was transferred to the Aircraft Carrier where he now is.

Now about 27 years old which translates roughly to 123 human years, he is very old but still healthy and active. From time to time, he appears to have an attitude of an old sailor, swearing and hissing at things and forgetting why he entered a room. He spends most of his day sleeping and patrolling the ship, although not really on the long, long, runway. Still, there are legends whether he might be immortal. Only time will tell.



Harker - Neo-Unified Nations Cat

Harker in feline equivalent of M2 Bradley, reporting for duty

Harker is a cat originating from Neo-Unified Nations, a pure white-floof male cat especially trained to hunt down supernatural cats. He is capable of speaking fifteen cat dialects, ranging from lingua franca of Standard English meowing to Chinese "miao" to Japanese "nya" to Russian "mjau" and so on. He is also skilled in many forms of feline combat, namely clawing, biting and pushing things down from the table to his advantages. As mentioned, he is trained to root out supernatural cats, hence he also has a keen sense of abnormalities. Harker can easily detect undead cats, ghost cats and cats that summon Satan past midnight. He will ensure the safety of his owner even if they don't understand why he has to screech and fight with the neighbor's cats at four in the morning or scoot that basket thing around the house.

Harker holds the rank of Purrgeant Meowjor in NUNGDI Ground Division and his primary vehicle is M2 Plastic Basket Bradley (see picture). The Purrgeant Meowjor is mostly seen in his uniform of a cat collar with bell, camouflage helmet and sunglasses which hide his eyes and ears. His range of hearing is from 40 Hz up to 80 kHz which is higher than most cats, thus enabling him to detect anomalies far better. Moreover, his special sunglasses can toggle between perfect night vision and infrared vision which allow him to hunt even better in any situation. Most recently, Harker and other cats from his squad have developed a code called Enigma Pspspsspsps.

In his free time, he likes to engage in war games with rats he finds in the house and walk through the house to make sure that nothing out of ordinary is hidden inside. He also likes being petted and brushed. Boxes are his passion -- he will take over cardboard boxes and make them his fortresses whenever opportunities present themselves. While not a picky eater, he will zyoom to wherever at the speed of 60 mph when his owner shakes the treat box.



The "I" Cat

The "I" Cat, gesturing towards itself and thus making its existence apparent to us mortals

"I" Cat (Russian: «Я» Кот ) is perhaps one of the interpretations of Rene Descartes' famous quote: "I think, therefore I am." However, this cat maintains another level of existence, which is made possible by projecting itself beyond its own perception of reality to our realities. Perhaps it appears to you that the cat might be stopping mid-sentence, left in the deep thoughts of what other information it could project into our realities apart from its existence. This level of self-awareness is astounding.

But this is enough. It has your attention now. You know it exists now. At this point in the Continuum of Time itself, it exists within your reality. Simply nod at it and process it as a part of your life experience, even if for a minute or even less. Moreover, you will remember it, thus prolonging its existence. The day everybody forgets it, it will cease to exist... except in the form of digital image, like this one. It will exist in the more abstract yet profound form when this picture gets seen again.

Maybe it should say "Hi" to you instead but that's too mundane for our taste. We need you to take a breath and ponder how our reality is not only shaped by ourselves but also others, and vice versa. Your identity is a part of your reality. This is important -- everyone might seem the same in the sea of billions of people, but you are you and nobody can replace you. Your identity shapes not only your own reality, but also the realities of people you come across. We all affect one another in a way in this world... and you might want to make a good impression on somebody else's reality? This cat, perhaps like you, just wants to be loved and remembered.

The cat behind him is called Koshka, by the way. Nothing wrong with him but he is probably shy.



Ollie the Polite Cat

The Best-Known Portrait of Ollie the Polite Cat

Ollie the Polite Cat is known in our universe not only as a subject of internet meme, but also a floofy eldritch entity which consumes the souls of whoever stare into its round, yellow eyes. It is believed to be one of the more mundanely shaped manifestations of Zitravgrad's multi-religious patron saint, Saint Yeruslan the "All-Hearing and All-Seeing Providence". It has no underlying purpose apart from consuming your souls for reason unknown, perhaps a reason only understood by cats. However, its superficial politeness means that it does not attack people at all, nor does it knock things off the table out of pure malice for things that exist on the table and nor does it summon Satan at four o'clock in the morning which is a habit known in cats, especially the black cat belonging to Countess Ambrosia von Carstein of Bloodshade.

It is far from dangerous. But its polite smile can seem rather unsettling. It will just look at you as though it is concerned for your latest dumbass decisions or as though you just stubbed your toe with a table leg. Its process of consuming your soul is not even painful. You just wonder why it looks at you like that and then... Poof! Your soul shall be condemned to an eternity of wondering why it is so concerned about you and what mistake in your entire lifetime has concerned it so much. Some describe their experience as: "It's like when it's past midnight and you can't sleep because your brain keeps reminding you of that dumb thing you did in Grade 5." Certainly, you will not die from the process but you will be haunted by its concerned smile forever, this spending an eternity living with questions that cannot be answered. These questions will be left unanswered for the cat cannot tell you the answers, unless you can understand university-level Eastern Slavic cat language.

As for the question of why it is here. Well, of course, we like cats. They are still cats whether they eat souls or not. This one is cute and we are keeping it. We have recently found out that it can eat tuna in place of souls so we are good now. Sometimes, we can hear its meowing or purring, with the latter sounding closer to "bruh" more than "purr".

Sometimes, the cat can be seen munching on grass, which cats could do in case it needs to throw up the indigestible matters. Of course, there are times that it might come across impure souls and its tummy just couldn't digest so it decides to barf it up, usually on the carpet. The souls that got thrown up usually come out cleaner than before thanks to being partially digested.


LOOK HOW CUTE IT IS! IT CAN'T DO A BAD, RIGHT? RIGHT!? *cries*

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