by Max Barry

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by The I'm an issue writer now of Lansaka. . 22 reads.

Transcript of Capitol Building's WA Mandated Meeting

Kuriko, Secretary-General of the World Assembly and Empress of Kuriko
Svlad Cjelli, Vice Secretary-General of the World Assembly and leader of The Salaxalans
Ester Scĉuola, former Secretary-General of the World Assembly and leader of Caelapes
Deadeye Jack, World Assembly Delegate of the Rejected Realms and leader of Dead I Jack
Gregory Husef, Lifelong President of Lansaka
Jonathan Duron, Killer of Jake Gyrod and Lifelong Vice President of Lansaka
Linda Meyer, Minister of Lansakan Health
Kevin Free, Minister of Public Affairs
Rodney Gyrod, Nephew to the late Jake Gyrod, "Crown Prince" of Lansaka, husband to Princess Julietta of Maxtopia
Julietta Maxie Gyrod, Princess of Maxtopia
Nomor Muhan, World Health Organization Official
Kura Orangojuta, Head of the World Coronavirus Protection Force
Kilama Drea, Head of the World Health Organization
Racoda, Former Candidate for Secretary General of the World Assembly and leader of Racoda


Husef: Welcome to the meeting. Alright, what do you need from me?

Kuriko: We have been informed that you have been drugging citizens. That is a direct violation of GAR #783, "Anti-Drug Abuse."

Gyrod: *slamming noise* D*mn it Greg, you told us we were safe!

Husef: To hell with safety, we gotta get these guys off our back. Now.

Cjelli: We are right here and we are not deaf. We can hear you both clearly.

Husef: Put a sock in it. All you did was work with someone that won a phony, joke election.

Kuriko: Actually, it was---

Drea: QUIET!

Husef: Yeah, listen to WHO ever because you ain't got no powers Kuriko, you fake---

Drea: ALL OF YOU. We have much more important matters at hand than arguing over an election.

Husef: That we would have won had we not gotten snubbed by Zoigai, McMasterdonia, and Kuriko.

Meyer: Actually, Zoigai was helping us and we were supporting Kuriko---

Free: ENOUGH! No matter how corrupt--- I mean, uhh, how influenced by others we are, the head of WHO brings up a good point. So shut up and listen.

Duron: Speaking of influence, why is Leroy Justin not here?

Cjelli: I had him arrested by the WA an hour ago.

Muhan: Good riddance.

Orangojuta: I concur.

Husef: WHAT?!

Free: You can't do that!

Kuriko: Actually, we can.

Drea: They do have the legal authority.

Meyer: Arrgh!

Gyrod: You know what? Let me at 'em! Let's give them a taste of a Lansakan fruit punch!

Maxie-Gyrod: Babe, don't. You're in enough trouble already, and my father still disapproves of us. Make him proud to be your father-in-law. Do something good. Do not tell me you're stupid enough to attack the leaders of the World Assembly, the only thing keeping the world from descending into anarchy!

*sound of a door opening*

Racoda: Anarchy? Pfft. The World Assembly is corrupt. We could relieve over 23,000 slave nations of the WA! Join me, Gregory Husef, in my campaign to end the World Assembly once and for all.

Kuriko: Oh come on, not Racoda again.

Cjelli: Why are you here?

Husef: Yeah, why are you here? How did you get past the guards?

Scĉuola: Same way I did. We gave them a raise.

Muhan: I am getting a feeling I am one of the few not corrupt officials in this room.

Racoda: Speak for yourself.

Scĉuola: Husef, I need to talk to you about something.

Husef: Says the person that used the exact same campaign twice.

Scĉuola: They were different!

Husef: You added "fight for trans and LGBTQ liberation" to it. Only difference.

Scĉuola: Anyway, I came to talk. My title was snubbed by that twit Kuriko and the weirdo Cjelli.

Kuriko: You're treading on dangerous grounds, Scĉuola.

Scĉuola: Try me.

Cjelli: THAT IS ENOUGH. BOTH OF YOU. Act like proper leaders. Thank you. Finish your statement without the name calling, please.

Scĉuola: So, I got talking to Racoda. And I decided: you know what? The WA needs to be destroyed. We cannot stand with an Elite running the WA for four years!

Kuriko: I am not an Elite!

Scĉuola: Or are you...?

Kuriko: Real mature.

Husef: Sorry to break the tension, but the reason this meeting was started in the first place has not been brought up since the beginning of the meeting. What do you need, Kuriko?

Kuriko: I need you to surrender all government owned drugs ASAP.

Husef: Or else what?

Kuriko: You will have to deal with the Rejected Realms Army and 10000 Islands.

Deadeye Jack: I like the sound of that.

Husef: Ugh. Fine. Take your stupid cocaine. Hope you have fun snorting like a pig.

Scĉuola: And Kuriko, you said I was immature.

Kuriko: I stand corrected.

Cjelli: Husef, send all the drugs to the World Assembly.

*buttons on a screen pressed*

Husef: There. The remaining stock is being shipped to the WA. Sorry we needed to stop the constant protests.

Deadeye Jack: Maybe you should not have murdered the old leader and made the country even worse than it already was.

Husef: I beg your pardon?

Deadeye Jack: I said, you should not have made the country worse.

Duron: Who are you to determine how well the country is? It's doing great, and that's final!

Orangojuta: That's it. I can't take this anymore. I'm leaving.

Muhan: Me too.

Gyrod: Ahem.

Orangojuta: What now?

Gyrod: Our money back, please.

Muhan: No.

*footsteps start loud and grow softer and more distant*

Duron: Oh d*mn it. Now they are stealing from us. You'll hear from us, Kuriko. Now get out.

*footsteps start loud and grow softer*

Racoda: By the way, if you want to help dissolve the World Assembly, we would be happy to---

*door is slammed*