Gregory Husef, Lifelong President of Lansaka
Linda Meyer, Minister of Lansakan Health
Kevin Free, Minister of Public Affairs
Leroy Justin, Secretary General of Lansaka
Jonathan Duron, Killer of Jake Gyrod and Lifelong Vice President of Lansaka
Rodney Gyrod, Nephew to the late Jake Gyrod, "Crown Prince" of Lansaka, husband to Princess Julietta of Maxtopia
Nomor Muhan, World Health Organization Official
Kura Orangojuta, Head of the World Coronavirus Protection Force
**BEGINNING OF TRANSCRIPT**
Husef: Welcome to the meeting. I just put a mandatory stay at home order into effect. Everyone outside is now a criminal for attempting to spread coronavirus.
Gyrod: Couldn't you have given them a little while to get back inside? That isn't fair to people who were shopping or are in the hospital visiting.
Husef: Shut up, you. The hospitals have been closed as well. All patients are criminals, too. If only I could make YOU a criminal by devoiding you of your puny title! Crown Prince my *ss! You may well be the cause of CORONAvirus!
Orangojuta: We have more important things to do than argue.
Husef: Sorry. Alright, I just received a radio transcript of FM 99.6 delivering the news. Play transcript.
Radio Transcript 4/3/2020 FM 99.6
**BEGINNING OF TRANSCRIPT**
Speaker 1: Welcome to FM 99.6 Radio News!
Speaker 2: Our top story: Our great leader Gregory Husef has declared a mandatory stay at home order for COVID-19. As of right now, the only people allowed to be outside of their house at any time are government and law enforcement. Government to figure out what to do next, and law enforcement to arrest those violating the order. Everyone currently outside of their homes are... wait WHAT? Violating the order and are now active criminals? What the?
Officer 1: This is the police, open up!
Speaker 1: Oh cr*p, what do we do?
Officer 2: Open up now!
Speaker 3: Oh no!
*door gets kicked in*
Officer 2: Everyone down on the ground! You are all under arrest for attempting to spread COVID-19. Turn off the mic.
**END OF TRANSCRIPT**
Meyer: Well that was certainly... interesting...
Justin: This actually gives me an idea. With everyone inside their homes, we could drone strike each household with the cure!
Muhan: The cure? You have a CURE?! Why did you not tell us? I can have this nation CONDEMNED for not telling us of a cure!
Justin: Not a cure to coronavirus, a cure to them not f***ing listening! A.K.A. a little something we like to call Project Coke.
Orangajuta: You're going to blast houses with... cocaine?
Duron: Well, yes... We give them marijuana and put heroin in their water to make them listen. A little coke can't hurt.
Free: But still, I wonder why are populations started reducing after we began drugging our citizens. It has to be a coincidence.
Husef: Shut up. Give them the drugs, Leroy.
Justin: You got it. *footsteps start loud and then grow softer*
Muhan: This is the worst country I have ever seen! I am reporting you!
Husef: Before you leave, maybe I can give you and Kura a little gift, of... *loud thud, soft creak, sound of paper moving* ...oh, about eight million Husefs... each?
Orangajuta: Well, then, I guess everything is in order. Let's go, Nomor. *pairs of footsteps start loud and grow softer*
Gyrod: You need to stop bribing officials from the World Assembly.
Husef: Guess what, Rodney. You are only here because you have a stupid title I can't change that was given to you by a DEAD MAN! I am going to kill yo- oh s***. Someone turn off the microphone!