Our beloved Lifelong President, Jake Gyrod, was the subject of a well known recent military coup caused by opposers to his recent policies. However, the coup ended last night with the murder of President Gyrod. A member of the Anti-Gyrod Militia, the group that caused the coup, delivered the final blow by sniping the President in the eye. The leader of the AGM, Gregory Husef, declared himself the new Lifelong President three hours ago. However, Husef realized what power he had and went mad, breaking his promises and ordering the other AGM members to be executed for treason. We now may be living in an even darker time for Lansaka.