The archive starts at the end of the song 'All My Ex's Live In Texas' by George Strait.
Mike Pulaski: "Ah, Georgy. I know how you feel. All my exes live in the Magnolia State. Anyways, it's 7 PM, the world's on fire and so is my heart, let's see why."
Papers are heard shuffling
Mike Pulaski: "Well, as it turns out, Olive Gardens across the nation have closed their doors after Italian-Americans issued a boycott of the restaurant for 'Making poor imitations of our food'. When the Miami-based restaurant became a popular chain restaurant throughout America, several Italian-American communities publically declared their
The archive jumps to just after the song 'Forever and Ever, Amen' by Randy Travis
Mike Pulaski: "Ha Ha, Forever and Ever, Amen indeed Randy. You know, when I met my wife all those-"
The archive suddenly jumps to the relevant portions.
Mike Pulaski: "Right well, it's that hour again. Let's see what's goin' on in the world, shall we?"
A few seconds pass
Mike Pulaski: "In recent world news, the Japanese civil war left the entertainment industry in the dust. However, it appears to be on the rise once more. Says here that the Jap' manga artist 'Ape Punch' is creating an animated TV show called 'Louis and Penny III'. It is expected that, if successful, the Japanese entertainment market could experience a massive boom, creating a new economy to rival the American and Soviet Entertainment Industry. The first season is to air in Japan on Static and will be shown in America on Static with the option of both English Subtitles and Dubbing... Well, I can safely say that-"
Mike Pulaski: Inaudiable "Local News, The President has signed a bill that shortens the definition of public indecency, allowing for people of the same gender to 'Hug, Kiss, Hold hands, or otherwise show affection in public.' This was due in part to the arrest of Italian-American woman 'Romina Vitali'. Romina Vitali was 'caught' kissing her sister's cheeks in public, leading to her being called a... I can't say that on public radio... Oh and fined $500 dollars for public indecency. In response, many Italian-Americans protested in New York and New Jersey, claiming that they were being culturally discriminated against. Gay Rights activists joined in the fray, stating similar reasons. In response, Congress made a bill that allowed people to 'show their affection' in public regardless of the gender of the two participants. Well-
Mike Pulaski: "Ooh, another interesting thing. It says here the state of California will be reduced to the status of 'Territory' due to its small population. While Wyoming is still smaller than California at 463 thousand people compared to California's 551 thousand, the almost non-existent economy and density of the state have made congress think it be necessary to reduce California's autonomy to a territory as the economy and population continue to decline. Protests have broken out in it's largest town and de facto capital of Redding, but the town's population of 40,000 has made it quite easy to control. The numerous critics have claimed that this deal is violating state rights as California has the population required to be considered a US state, regardless of whether or not it has a functioning economy, and is merely a ploy for congress to appoint their own leadership over the state and its wealth. Now that's-
Mike Pulaski: "Alright, our next story appears to be about the... oh. It appears to be on the conflict in Tanzania. The Battle of Mbeya has ended in a victory for the Tanzanian Republican Forces. The TRF has been accused of war crimes in the city against both soldiers and civilians during the battle, including the assault and execution of communist sympathizers in the city... American forces in the city have been reported as committing acts of... Jesus Christ... Piper, turn the damn thing off."
Cheesy music, that can closely be called 'Country-Elevator Music', plays for five seconds before the archive suddenly ends.