by Max Barry

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by The Tastiest Parts of Beepee. . 224 reads.

So You Think You Can LC?

I'd like to thank Drystar for suggesting this satirical dispatch.

It's coming up to election time again for Local Councillor. The nominations process will begin on 1st March 2020. There will, hopefully, be a number of candidates who want to put their hand up and be part of the illustrious Local Councillor Club.

Who wouldn't want to be part of that exclusive club. The Local Councillors recently extensively redecorated the clubhouse to include beautiful mahogany tables, a new juice bar and many glorious cat pictures.+

But being a Local Councillor isnt all lounging about having fun.

Now, I don't profess to being a good Local Councillor, or even a moderately successful or competent one, but here's some things, this jaded old fool thinks you might want to think about if you're going to run...

1. Oh Spiced Ham!

I've read all the posts on the RMB, but, boy, after 3 months...

"Mum what's for dinner tonight?

"Spiced Ham!"


2. Rules, Rules, Rules

After 3 months, I can probably recite the www link and the content to the RMB etiquette guide by memory ...

Local Councillors are expected to make judgments, sometimes by themselves, quickly and equitably.

You dont just throw up the rules willy nilly. Sometimes a gentle prompt, a kindly (or sternly) worded TG.

You ideally should also have an understanding of NS Rules, the TSP Charters....

Theres a lot of ways to skin Zess's cat*.

3. The Invisible Man**

There's stuff in the background you dont see...

There's trying to work across discord, tg, forums etc. Its not necessary, but it's useful. And at least one LC should, ideally, be there at all times.

Wait you expected a life outside of NS when you're a Local Councillor? How dare you!

It's advisable to try and integrate with MoRA, and keep up to date with the Cabinet and Assembly.

4. Oh! Spiced Ham! Again!

The repetitive questions....from the same nation (Nation X)... with the same question... you've answered three hundred times already on different platforms. All done with a smile....

Oh look! Nation X moved to the Toilet Paper Pacific and is asking the same questions there....

*phew* Not my problem!!!

5. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

I liked to keep a list of daily (weekly and monthly) jobs, check this, do that, TG this group, read that... I didnt always get through it but I did something every day.

Admin is important.... but you have to find a way of making it interesting and exciting, for yourself at least.

6. Change it up

Do something fun for yourself! Find an outlet.... write stories, fun polls, draw pictures and post them.... take photos of Zess's cats from Zessies house when she's not there*.

People might not care but it keeps you sane!

7. They're Wrong, Not You!

The first rule of customer service... the customer is always right... but they're not.

It doesn't matter that that poll isn't their bag.... or that your spelling and grammar is *#@$ in your post... or that Auphelia did it 100 times better... or Pencil Sharpeners 2 did that before.... or the old timers hate what you've done with the place...

They're wrong, you're right...
You're doing a good job.

8. Extracting blood from a stone

So you've spent 15,476 hours preparing a witty and inclusive event, you posted the invites, everyone seemed keen... you've prepared handmade party hats, got the table seating arrangement perfect, baked a giant cake and shipped in gallons of Midandians Finest SPIT....

No-one cares, no-one turns up and before you know it you've started and finished a box of velveeta and have finished off your third bottle of wine....

Don't just pussy foot around and sit on your assets. Unleash your ferocity upon an unsuspecting world. Rise up and repeat after me: "I'm beautiful!"

9. It's Broken, It's Fixed...

Those last LCs didnt know anything about anything..... you can do the job 1000x better.... You're going to change the rules and the world's going to be perfect....

You read the rules...
Oy gevalt! They're kinda sensible.

Who knew! (All the nations that came before?) that doesnt mean the laws dont need to change (in places), but you're going to find it difficult to make the world new again in 3 months.... realism....

Remember: God took 6*** days to create the universe and everything in it.... it's ok if it takes you longer.

10. More Spiced Ham!

Did I post that enough times?
No! Post it again!
But I've posted it 12 times already today?
I dont want to annoy people!
13 times is a charm!

11. I'm a power hungry megalomaniac...

Yes you are!

But It's rare that formal action is needed... a gentle reminder of the rules... and suppression here or there, a quick mention to the CRS.... it's the exception rather than the rule.

If you think you're going to be a power hungry megalomaniac with actual power****... you're sadly mistaken.

12. Dear Diary....

Its day 64 on this deserted island.... theres no sign of intelligent life!

I saw a crate in the water, so swam out to get it. Dragging it back to shore, I broke it to find a crate of Spiced Ham!

13. It's Valentine's Day!

Send love letters Telegrams to the newbies.... it's a great way for them to feel special...

Wait a day or two before you do it because they'll get all those telegrams from regions first.

Just like Islands of unity in real life.... Don't expect any Valentine's cards in return!

14. It's Great

Although it can bea bit of a thankless task.... It's really awesome and you should definitely give it a go. I've loved it....

But if you dont win, don't gripe.... offer to help... (offer to) do stuff, or come up with suggestions (but dont get annoyed if they dont get taken up), join one of our ministries and help out there.... visit the TSP forums and discord... immerse yourself in all things TSP fabulous.

Remember it took me 4 goes to get a perch in the Clubhouse.... it might take you that long too. Dont be disheartened.

15. Ping, Ping, Ping


or is it?
+ We've repurposed the Auphelia Torture Dungeon as a cat shelter
* by the way never do that...Zess doesnt like it!
** Woman or however you identify.
*** Auphelia only needed 3 days, as a testament to a woman's superior multitasking capability
**** That power belongs to Auphelia (or Beepee when Auphelia is required to take a short rest)
Avoid sitting Steampunk Engineers and Concrete Slab together

The Tastiest Parts of Beepee