by Max Barry

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by The Holy Empire of The united american-isreali empire. . 1 reads.

Jumping the Sharknado

The Issue
After another movie season dominated by sequels, remakes and spin-offs, cinema buffs have come to your office begging for action.

The Debate
“What happened to the classics of days gone by?” rhetorically questions renowned film critic Robert Sherbert. “The united American-Isreali empirean movie industry used to be known for such masterpieces as ‘The Modfather: Part One’, ‘A Clockwork Violet’, and ‘Once Upon A Time In The West Pacific’, not the drivel they’re putting out these days. If studios want to release films in The united american-isreali empire they should give us something original.”


“I didn’t become a director to make films like ‘Rise Of The Planet Of The Dragon Revisited’,” gripes Steffan Shore. “But it’s all the studios will sanction. It’s such an expensive business making movies, and given the risks it’s no wonder we play it safe. Perhaps if the government were to underwrite our projects, I’d finally get a chance to finish ‘Heaven’s Door’.”


“Haha!” chortles Kim Beachcroft, while watching ‘Mad Max vs. Jar Jar Binks 2: The Unrated Edition’ on his smartphone. Shovelling another handful of popcorn into his mouth, he turns to interject, “Oh my god, this is the best part, guys. Will you keep quiet back there?”


Citizens polled. Media probed. Headlines gathered.

The Talking Point
'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office.