by Max Barry

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by The Holy Frozen Purple Empire of Glacikaldr. . 13 reads.

Escadian Battleship Match One - Rejectmas Festival 2019

The following offers a glimpse into the narration and intensity of our first match of Classic Escadian Battleship that started off Rejectmas Festival 2019 on December 26, 2019:

Escadian Battleship Match 1 - Hydra :^) v The Ghosts of Christmas Past

Frattastan IV, captaining a well-armed detachment of the establishments finest, searches the Rejected Seas for the rebelling pseudo-intellectuals. Long has pseudo-intellectualism been a nuisance to the hegemony of the gangs, of Hydra :^), but now, with a real intellectual leading the resistance, that of Siam meow who has formed The Ghosts of Christmas Past pact, the pseudo-intellectuals stand a fighting chance. Now making contact, a decisive battle is about to take place.

Round 1 Begins - hidden movement phase

Round 1 Combat - no engagements, no collisions

As the gangs advance, the displeasure of the hierarchy reaches their comms: with Frattastan IV informing the High Command that contact has been made and it does not appear that the pseudo-intellectuals are attempting to flee or even scuttle at their mere sight, he can hear them salivating on the other end; the gangs want a gory end for The Ghosts of Christmas Past. Knowing his career is on the line, the Captain orders and advance, yet his indecision is ever-present as he continues to rearrange their approach as the two fleets near.

Meanwhile, in the extreme shot of Frattastan IV's close-up, Siam meow is captaining his ships to take up a new formation before engaging with the enemy. With democracy (or faux democracy) on the line, the stakes have never been higher!

Round 2 Begins - hidden movement phase

Round 2 Combat - no engagements, no collisions (at least, not with the opposite team)

Hydra :^ ) continues its awkward tango as it continues forward, now facing down the armada of the pseudo-intellectuals taking formation as they too advance.

As is most definitely unknown to the gangs, the main source of funding for the Ghosts of Christmas Past is bath bombs, and their entire storage of glittery bath bombs is in ship 3 - its sinking would be an environmental disaster; however, with her firm grip of morality, Harmoneia boards Frattastan IV's command vessel before it is too late, intending to warn the gangs before the unthinkable is inflicted upon the Rejected Seas. Will this betrayal of Siam meow and the Ghosts of Chrismas Past pact be worth its high price? How will Frattastan IV respond? The gangs would be most displeased if this imminent conflict is set aside by the ethical concerns of one mere captain.

Round 3 Begins - hidden movement phase

Round 3 Combat - bloodshedding of an interregional magnitude

Ignoring all warnings, Frattastan IV orders for Harm to be locked up for harbouring intellectual tendencies in both heart and metaphysical existence. Far too much rides on the success of this mission to allow for concern to eat away at the gangs' dominion. Where the environment is concerned, the ends absolutely justify the-- HOLY S**T WE JUST HAD THREE SEPARATE ENGAGEMENTS.

Siam meow's bath bombs implode within his ships as Frattastan IV, armed with this newfound knowledge, orders his Level Four dreadnought to manoeuvre in such a way that large waves batter against the enemy fleet as they both exchange exceptionally large munition shells.

As such successes are won, similar losses are suffered. The pseudo-intellectual formation pays off, in some respects, as a large ship of Hydra is torn asunder! The gangs and pseudo-intellectuals must be losing ships at a similar rate - lifeless bodies of vigilantes in bandanas and uniformed Rejects in berets begin to cover the Rejected Seas previously serene surface.

Needless to say at this point, the environmental impacts are astronomical.

Nearer to the seabed, two submarines pass side-by-side. Upon seeing each other occupying the same grid, but knowing their ships are of exact same class, they draw swords. They both open their respective hatches underwater and no sooner are the benefits of intellectualism more sorely missed. Both crews drown within seconds.

Round 4 Begins - hidden movement phase for what little is left

Round 4 Combat - fleets in disarray, but no engagements

Both Frattastan IV and Siam meow continue to shout orders, however, the remaining halves of their respective armadas are in no shape to follow through. Most weapons, even when in range and the proper arc, remain unmanned. While the gangs' remaining fleet separates from each other's view, the pact maintains its numbers.

While Frattastan IV's Hydra moves conservatively, much in line with the devastating extent of environmental damages they have brought upon the Rejected Sea, Siam meow's Ghosts of Christmas Past maintain their cohesion and hope through all the suffering and betrayal.

While the crews work on returning to their sensibilities, the captains call upon their training: they order for scouting missions to be launched using emergency craft. Upon their lessers questioning their orders, they demand that each use the craft reserved for the captain. Both intend to go down with their ships if such is to be their fate. [Ship positions -- not class -- will be revealed if there are two more rounds with no engagements]

Round 5 Begins - hidden movement phase

Round 5 Combat - wartime loss

As both fleets concentrate upon one each other once more, the two smaller ships enter into what is at first a light scuffle - exchanging blows but with no lasting damage. As they circle, radioed-in shots from the gangs' larger vessel land closer and closer - the larger counterpart nears. The pseudo-intellectual pact realises that their smaller ship has no viable retreat, and decides upon the unthinkable in their hour of greatest sacrifice.

Like the good captains they are, both Siam meow and Frattastan IV were commanding their armadas aboard these smaller ships. As Hydra's command vessel is rammed, Harmoneia's cell cracks open. Each ship's crew leaps out, battling at gunpoint in an equally bloody match-up to the bath bomb incident only minutes prior. At this point, the water beneath both sinking vessels is already a mix of green and pink, and blood red.

Siam meow decides to break away from his ragtag group of remaining intellectuals, carving his own path to Frattastan IV's command deck - fuelled by the purpose of bringing closure to his fleeting rebellion. A final engagement, depicting what is the proper amount of drama to end a trilogy, ensues. With Siam meow left standing, yet bloodied and battered himself, Harmoneia enters. The dread in her face forms his final conscious memory: "all this for nought, but what of the plight of the sea unicorn". The final words strung together as the two command ships capsize and are dragged down to the depths.